Meaningless management drivel
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What you have all failed to internalise is that there has been a paradigm shift. As a result you are all now behind the curve when it comes to the multi-lateral interoperability needed to realise the supra-organisational mission statement”.
(For the luddites this translates as “Things have changed. You can’t understand us when we…um… talk crap. “)
(For the luddites this translates as “Things have changed. You can’t understand us when we…um… talk crap. “)
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Wensleydale,
In a fit of stupidity, I elected to do the Prince 2 course in preparation for civvy street. It was an enema with a fire hose - a week of constant drivel! Much to my surprise I passed the exam and am now a qualified practioner (with a certificate and everthing). Having listened to the various other military people on the course and their ambitions, I despaired and got a real job teaching what I knew. The only useful phrase I heard at a certain Lincolnshire College was "It is not what A says, but what B understands A to have said" How true in today's climate of burying the real meaning under a smoke screen in case anyone works out that teflon political appointees don't know what they're talking about.
Alison
In a fit of stupidity, I elected to do the Prince 2 course in preparation for civvy street. It was an enema with a fire hose - a week of constant drivel! Much to my surprise I passed the exam and am now a qualified practioner (with a certificate and everthing). Having listened to the various other military people on the course and their ambitions, I despaired and got a real job teaching what I knew. The only useful phrase I heard at a certain Lincolnshire College was "It is not what A says, but what B understands A to have said" How true in today's climate of burying the real meaning under a smoke screen in case anyone works out that teflon political appointees don't know what they're talking about.
Alison
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35 years ago at SORF RAF Manby we had a "Sqn Cdr" who had been on an Exchange Tour with the USAF. He used to hold Sqn meetings and exhort us to "keep our ducks in a row" and "keep it tight in the air and slack in the Crewroom" etc.
We would then have a Sqn meeting in the Bar to try to work out what he meant. We rarely succeeded - but it was worth the try!!
We would then have a Sqn meeting in the Bar to try to work out what he meant. We rarely succeeded - but it was worth the try!!
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That example in Srl One is so "off message"! Not once does it include the words "deliver" or "delivery". The worrying thing is, when you see it day in and day out from all quarters, it starts to look normal.
Although in the Maritime Environment, can I join the CaRAFE please?
Although in the Maritime Environment, can I join the CaRAFE please?
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On arrival at a post-leaned unit the Gp Capt came out with a whole load a babble at my arrival interview and told me it was my job to translate such crap into terms that the erks would understand. When I asked him to translate it into terms that I could 
understand the interview came to a rather abrupt end!
Oh! The joy of being a WO
understand the interview came to a rather abrupt end!Oh! The joy of being a WO
It seems that most of the management speak comes from the thrusting SO2s and SO1s who are trying to impress their superiors and contemporaries whilst at the same time trying to bamboozle their subordinates.
The big question is, how many of these people actually understand what they are saying? More importantly do the the words they are using actually fit the context of what they are saying and the meaning they are trying to convey? I am willing to bet that the answer is not many and no.
My biggest bug-bears are the use of the words paradigm, synergy and holistic. Do the people that freely spout these terms actually know what they mean or do they just like to come across as sounding clever? Because quite frankly, at SO3 level, I and probably many others sit there and when we hear these words being used, generally switch off and think 'stop being a pretentious knob, just say what you mean'.
The big question is, how many of these people actually understand what they are saying? More importantly do the the words they are using actually fit the context of what they are saying and the meaning they are trying to convey? I am willing to bet that the answer is not many and no.
My biggest bug-bears are the use of the words paradigm, synergy and holistic. Do the people that freely spout these terms actually know what they mean or do they just like to come across as sounding clever? Because quite frankly, at SO3 level, I and probably many others sit there and when we hear these words being used, generally switch off and think 'stop being a pretentious knob, just say what you mean'.
Last edited by Melchett01; 11th Jun 2008 at 10:16.
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My biggest bug-bears is the use of the words paradigm, synergy and holistic.
Synergy and holistic whilst over-complicating nice simple English at least had some meaning...well occasionally...well I think I remember them being used correctly once
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From the SMH today....
"Delivery of the first two Wedgetail aircraft and the flight test schedule were delayed because "integration tasks were more complex than we had scoped, but now we have our arms around it,'' Pete Neal, operations manager for Boeing's Early Warning and Control business, told reporters last week in Seattle."
"Delivery of the first two Wedgetail aircraft and the flight test schedule were delayed because "integration tasks were more complex than we had scoped, but now we have our arms around it,'' Pete Neal, operations manager for Boeing's Early Warning and Control business, told reporters last week in Seattle."
Paradigm actually has no place in military terminology and is almost a contradiction of doctrine.
Paradigm, in its original and correct context, is an accepted way of thinking or doing things in a scientific discipline; in an episemological sense, it relates to a school of philosophy dealing with the scope and nature of knowledge ie what is knowledge, how do people develop it, use it etc.
However, the military seems to have adopted the use of paradigm in the sense as defined in the OED - an exemplar or model. Unfortunately, any attempt by any one other than senior officers and doctrine wallahs at Swindon Tech to change the prevailing paradigm is generally met with resistance ie paradigm paralysis. In that sense, the refusal to take on board new ways of doing things without first experiencing them (a posteriori knowledge) rather than developing new ways of doing things through encouraging independent thought (a priori knowledge) at all levels could well be seen as dogmatic. And surely it was hammered home at Sleaford Tech that dogmatic behaviour was not what was required in today's military.
So there you have it. We have lots of paradigms, but unless officially sanctioned by the high paid help, paradigm shifts do not happen, and therefore we, as an institution, must be guilty of being dogmatic. In short, I think that proves that management speak is actually a load of bollocks and has no place in a fighting force that needs to be flexible.
Paradigm, in its original and correct context, is an accepted way of thinking or doing things in a scientific discipline; in an episemological sense, it relates to a school of philosophy dealing with the scope and nature of knowledge ie what is knowledge, how do people develop it, use it etc.
However, the military seems to have adopted the use of paradigm in the sense as defined in the OED - an exemplar or model. Unfortunately, any attempt by any one other than senior officers and doctrine wallahs at Swindon Tech to change the prevailing paradigm is generally met with resistance ie paradigm paralysis. In that sense, the refusal to take on board new ways of doing things without first experiencing them (a posteriori knowledge) rather than developing new ways of doing things through encouraging independent thought (a priori knowledge) at all levels could well be seen as dogmatic. And surely it was hammered home at Sleaford Tech that dogmatic behaviour was not what was required in today's military.
So there you have it. We have lots of paradigms, but unless officially sanctioned by the high paid help, paradigm shifts do not happen, and therefore we, as an institution, must be guilty of being dogmatic. In short, I think that proves that management speak is actually a load of bollocks and has no place in a fighting force that needs to be flexible.
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I thought that paradigm was an overcomplicated phone card system that allowed us to ring home from the sand pit a few years ago - if you could find a suitable phone that worked.
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Paradigm actually has no place in military terminology and is almost a contradiction of doctrine.
Paradigm, in its original and correct context, is an accepted way of thinking or doing things in a scientific discipline; in an episemological sense, it relates to a school of philosophy dealing with the scope and nature of knowledge ie what is knowledge, how do people develop it, use it etc.
However, the military seems to have adopted the use of paradigm in the sense as defined in the OED - an exemplar or model. Unfortunately, any attempt by any one other than senior officers and doctrine wallahs at Swindon Tech to change the prevailing paradigm is generally met with resistance ie paradigm paralysis. In that sense, the refusal to take on board new ways of doing things without first experiencing them (a posteriori knowledge) rather than developing new ways of doing things through encouraging independent thought (a priori knowledge) at all levels could well be seen as dogmatic. And surely it was hammered home at Sleaford Tech that dogmatic behaviour was not what was required in today's military.
So there you have it. We have lots of paradigms, but unless officially sanctioned by the high paid help, paradigm shifts do not happen, and therefore we, as an institution, must be guilty of being dogmatic. In short, I think that proves that management speak is actually a load of bollocks and has no place in a fighting force that needs to be flexible.
Paradigm, in its original and correct context, is an accepted way of thinking or doing things in a scientific discipline; in an episemological sense, it relates to a school of philosophy dealing with the scope and nature of knowledge ie what is knowledge, how do people develop it, use it etc.
However, the military seems to have adopted the use of paradigm in the sense as defined in the OED - an exemplar or model. Unfortunately, any attempt by any one other than senior officers and doctrine wallahs at Swindon Tech to change the prevailing paradigm is generally met with resistance ie paradigm paralysis. In that sense, the refusal to take on board new ways of doing things without first experiencing them (a posteriori knowledge) rather than developing new ways of doing things through encouraging independent thought (a priori knowledge) at all levels could well be seen as dogmatic. And surely it was hammered home at Sleaford Tech that dogmatic behaviour was not what was required in today's military.
So there you have it. We have lots of paradigms, but unless officially sanctioned by the high paid help, paradigm shifts do not happen, and therefore we, as an institution, must be guilty of being dogmatic. In short, I think that proves that management speak is actually a load of bollocks and has no place in a fighting force that needs to be flexible.
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I also suggest that referring to management speakers as 'stovepipers' would help with their eradication.
Bloke 1: "What's the boss like?"
Bloke 2: "He's a stovepiper"
Bloke 1: "a ha"
Bloke 1: "What's the boss like?"
Bloke 2: "He's a stovepiper"
Bloke 1: "a ha"
Isn't a 'stovepiper' merely an inverted dung-funneller?
Then there's 'Sixsigma'. Don't even try to understand that - if you cannot get off to sleep reading the AP&FS Newsletter or one of those non-absorbent Air Power propaganda magazines, try Googling Six Sigma....
Never have I read such utter horse**** which basically says that if you want something to work well, it must have been worked on by a high quality team.
How long before the meaningless management drivellers start adding six sigma crap to their wanqueword lexicons?
Mind you, I doubt whether 't Bungling Baron would have much time for six sigma:
.
"Straight to 't executive suite?", he would likely opine, "Ah'll be booggerred first, 'afore that happens oop here at 't werrks!"
'Opine', that was a staff offiicers favoured wanqueword a few years ago - just before inter alia and 'blue water thinking'...
Then there's 'Sixsigma'. Don't even try to understand that - if you cannot get off to sleep reading the AP&FS Newsletter or one of those non-absorbent Air Power propaganda magazines, try Googling Six Sigma....
Never have I read such utter horse**** which basically says that if you want something to work well, it must have been worked on by a high quality team.
How long before the meaningless management drivellers start adding six sigma crap to their wanqueword lexicons?
Mind you, I doubt whether 't Bungling Baron would have much time for six sigma:
One of the key innovations of Six Sigma is the professionalizing of quality management functions. Prior to Six Sigma, quality management in practice was largely relegated to the production floor and to statisticians in a separate quality department. Six Sigma borrows martial arts ranking terminology to define a hierarchy (and career path) that cuts across all business functions and a promotion path straight into the executive suite
"Straight to 't executive suite?", he would likely opine, "Ah'll be booggerred first, 'afore that happens oop here at 't werrks!"
'Opine', that was a staff offiicers favoured wanqueword a few years ago - just before inter alia and 'blue water thinking'...
Six Sigma would appear to have confused many who tried to integrate it into the Quality Management System, as it only works by bringing efficiency/savings into a production environment therefore increasing quality of product.
As it is complicated drivel they simplified it and gave it a nice easy to learn name and it became 'Lean' and most quality people stay well away from it all if they get half a chance.
As it is complicated drivel they simplified it and gave it a nice easy to learn name and it became 'Lean' and most quality people stay well away from it all if they get half a chance.
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