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Alarm and confusion was caused in Warrington yesterday when 2 warplanes flew over the town. Horses bolted and old ladies fainted as all other sound was drowned out by the noise of these monsters.
There are reports, although unconfirmed, of chimney pots being knocked off of a number of houses in the Corporation Road area.
A local resident Mrs Mabel Higginbottom of Gasworks Lane, thought it was an attack by Sadam Husein. However, a near neighbour, Mr Will E Heckaslike, a retired whippet breeder and pigeon fancier, stated that she wouldn't know a Flogger from a Fulcrum if it flew through her window.
A Mr M Gem, a former military man, said that he thought that they were a couple of Tornados in the Liverpool circuit.
Two tornados in welded wing with gear down, straight over my garden. Makes a nice change from 737s. Not something we see often up here. Bit of an awayday?
The Ministry of Defence has been inundated with compensation claims from Warrington residents, following an unprecedented overflight of the Town by two RAF fast jets. The claims reveal that, far from being a rather dull, uninspiring place, Warrington is, in fact, a cultural gem. A Warrington councillor, Norman Crump, has already dubbed the Town "The St.Petersburg of south Cheshire".
Residents of Corporation Street claim their chimney pots, which were "smashed by the RAF jets", were handcrafted by 18th century pottery king, Josiah Wedgwood. "They might look like ordinary chimney pots, but they are rare antiques and the MoD must be made to pay", said Corporation Street spokesperson, Robert Ratspit (73). But BBC Antiques Roadshow ceramics expert, Henry Sandon, has warned residents not to get their hopes up for bumper compensation claims. "They're a bunch of opportunistic, lying f*****s", said the avuncular Roadshow favourite.
Other Warrington residents are also claiming the jets damaged their valuable antiques and paintings. "Them jets shook the walls and my Monet fell straight into the fire. There weren't nothing I could do to save it. It's a tragedy", said Edith Busslethwaite, who only realised the fate of her painting after she had come round from a jet-induced coma. Doctors have described her condition as "avaricious".
It is not only art treasures that have been affected by the RAF jets. Local metal trader, Tom Cant (62), claims his horse, which bolted into the River Mersey near Chester Road, was a valuable Arabian thoroughbred. "It were a gift from that Aga Range bloke. I used to do odd jobs for him when he came up to Chester Races", said Mr Cant. Mr Cant's cousin, Will E Heckaslike, is also claiming compensation for the loss of a prize pigeon, which he says was eaten by his Whippet, Corset's Lad, when the dog was panicked by the RAF jets. "Not many people know it, but that pigeon was from the Sultan of Brunei's loft and made the ten tousand mile flight from Warrington's twin town of Bandar Seri Begawan", said Mr Heckaslike.
An MoD spokesman refused to comment on the claims, saying, "It is MoD policy never to comment, on anything."
An irate lady phoned the CO at RAF B******* to complain bitterly about the low flying jets, the terrible noise, her dropped stitches and her nervous cat. After listening to a stream of invective, the CO politely inquired whether or not she had noticed the country markings on the jets.
"Oh yes," retorts the angry lady, "they all had RAF roundals on them."
"Not red stars then" asked the CO.
"No, definitely roundals." she replied haughtily.
A brief pause, then the CO said quietly "Nice, isn't it."
About 10 years ago, a Leeming F3 did do 700kts+ down Amble high street chasing an F111.
B*gg*r all claims on the day, but dozens the next day after the farmers heard in the pub. Height was below 250ft, exact height uncertain but one witness did say "I'm not sure, but both pilots were wearing white helmets".
Best claim was the retired railway man who phoned to complain that his retirement whisky decanter had fallen off the dresser and broken. He was assured the decanter would be replaced. 'B*gg*r the decanter", he said, "what about my whisky!!"
The naval lieutenant on an F3 tour did something similar when he did M1.3+ over Arbroath. He was delivering a jet to Leuchars to pick up another for Gulf War mods and wanted to see how fast he could get it. Got up to M1.9 when he was told to go Liner, crossed the coast coming back through M1.5 at FL400.
Fire engines raced from one end of the town to the other looking for the explosion. Phoned Buchan, but they were shut. Never thought to phone Boulmer. So they put it down to thunder. he never did get caught.
(err, confession, I was controlling both. (caught the F111 though. )
In the late 1960's I was a kid near RAF Wattisham. There was great local amusement when a Lightning flew at medium level just to the south of Hadleigh. The Bomb Disposal people chose exactly the right moment to detonate two recently disovered land mines in an old railway cutting.
Lightning flies overhead . . . Boom Boom and, you guessed it, the phone lines to the Staion were buzzing.
Allegedlly the pilot got a rollocking.
But, with the mists of time, perhaps it is just now legend.
ORAC, that reminds me, a few weeks back feeding my 8 month old in the kitchen, at a place not a million miles from Amble high street, an F3 comes past very very low, very very fast. New kiddie who saw it coming and then heard it, eyes as big as the plate she was eating from, other daughter and Mrs jumpseater,in the back of the house, didnt see it but most certainly heard it, nearly cr@pped themselves from the noise! .
Can anyone tell me is Coquet Island used a visual marker for entry and exit overland in that neck of the woods?