Military AircrewA forum for the professionals who fly the non-civilian hardware, and the backroom boys and girls without whom nothing would leave the ground. Army, Navy and Airforces of the World, all equally welcome here.
Slightly off-topic but did you ever see the end of course pictures at the ATC school, Shawbury?? Front side of one had photos, cartoons etc, on wall for years, Royal visit inc. Back side had a starkers female body print, detail down to the very last rivet, surrounded by many "meat & two veg" round the outside!!!!!
Mossely nude? A truly awful thought! Might affect hydraulic pressure?!
Then again Steve S (Nav) was getting undressed in the barn and Shy Torque says:
"I dont know what you have on Steve, but it needs ironing"!!!! lsh
The massive girl on Grovesnor Ops, Sharon who was bloody good fun but had a mouth like a sewer. She calls me when I walked in and said 'Hey Sir that fuggan daddys young subaltern wee Pilot has just been in asking for you saying where is Flt Lt Sofarover (name badge read Roger Sofarover, rest of the crew with similar name badges etc), we have a hearty laugh. I go up to the TV room and the AAC major is sat there, I tell him about what the young subaltern has just asked and laugh a little, and the Major looks at me seriously and says in the style of Cholmendly Warner, "I imagine he was being polite, how do you pronounce it exactly". Silence, interuppted by giggles from the Crewmen.
We used to have a duplicate control for sky when we watched it with AJ. I kept it in my navbag. Would sit with it down the side of the chair and keep flicking channels when he had found one he wanted to watch. Watching him go through the roof was funnier than any comedy show on TV.
Dunganoon had a large female ops person called Sharon (?) that we called "FATWAD", FATWoman At Dunganon. But she was so totally inefficient that we cannot possibly be talking about the same person?!
"If in doubt say Roger-Out" was her motto!
Now, a real star was the lovely Lynne, on our 72 Ops desk, remember her swear box?
Fat Sharon was at Omagh in PuF(NI) days. I dont think that she ever attended the 'Ranks of the services' lessons in recruit training. However she could do her job as Buzzard very well, and that is all that seemed to matter.
Heli-Lilly as a USL from EGAA direct to hook. 'Big mistake' crew discuss options: 1) Return to EGAA and attach strop whilst looking like a dick. ..or 2) continue to Dunganon at no more then 40kts. It was a pleasant day for sightseeing
Nobby & 'Roger' having a fight in the cockpit because Roger was quoting the line from the conduct after capture video: Argh Sheila; I think I will F*** her myself. Nobbies GF was Sheila and he had never seen the vid, so had no idea.
Watching the end of a video at BBK and the middle a few days later and the beginning whenever.
Steak & Kidney pie inflights, from TSW.
'JTMS is the Son of Satan' as a PC screensaver when he has no idea how to change it. Activating auto spell check ammendments when PC left online.
Watching a Haflinger USL fall to bits en-route. Nobby (again) departs normal locstat to look down the hole whereupon he gets vertigo! Misses out on watching the 5 steel poles hidden in the canvas role up (& now undone) making like javelins earthbound. A military reg plate survived 40+ miles spinning around the sole remaining rivet.
Post Ballygawley bomb, & lots of family transits. Gap between very early start and final sortie spent in 72 Crewroom. The Petshop Boys seemed to be breaking through on the HF, I'm sure thats were it came from ! T_M starts to bait Nobby (again) and whilst reading several day(s)-old papers over a brew starts to state random comments along the lines of:
"I dont know, the Petshop Boys" a few mins later
"Next thing he'll do is buy a VW Golf GTI" -"-
"A red one" -"-
"And then he'll park it outside a hairdressers shop" -"-
"and change his name by deedpoll" all of which (over about an hour) got no response at all, and by now the 72 guys are arriving for morning brief, and OC 72 is walking down the corridor
"TO NIGEL!" Nobby arises from his seat, picks T_M up by the ankles, and starts to literally kick his head in. OC 72 puts his head in, and removes it quickly without seeing a thing.
Telling Lance I had just seen a babe PSNI chick on camp only to hear that she was his wife
A P3 navigator, new to NI, was forever confused when asked to dial it up (on a totally spurious frequency, of course, as it didn't actually exist). Oh, how frustrating for him as he could never get the needle to lock on. We used many varied excuses (Oh, sorry, I forgot, it's NOTAMed u/s today, Tom. We're probably flying just a bit too low to get it this time, Tom. It's a bit of a dead area, here, Tom. Never mind. Try again on the way back, Tom).
Obviously, when one of the two winged master race dialled it up, it always worked immediately and the needle swung straight to it as we passed by, no matter what.
By setting the box to "test", of course.
I left the province wondering if he ever realised it was a total setup, for his personal benefit.
Talking of spoofs, what about the impossible to find co-pilot, "Albert Thirlkettle"?
The Rock Officer who was supposedly the most highly trained bloke at Aldergrove, demonstrating single handed cocking of a 9mm and shooting himself in the foot!
D*** Th***son (crewman) going to collect free range eggs at one of the Golf towers, returning with a tray full (planted by the troops) and the mortar alarm going off forcing him to take cover and dive on them.
Another crewman, name escapes me, being sent out to get the Sunday paper from the market square at XMG (got a far as the gate before being told to stop being so F***ing stupid).
Sgts Mess Street parties! awesome!
When we first started fitting GPMG back on the Wessex in the 80's and Paddy W***h scoffed at us being useless and laid down the challenge that if we could hit his hat, he would buy us a crate of beer. H***y W*****e (dad of Ricky) and myself went to recover the targets andsure enough we had not hit the hat. A pencil makes a great 7.62 lookalike hole!
Riding P**l B******hams monkey bike up and down the officers mess after a dining in night and leaving a long black burn mark in the new carpet.
Reminds me of the time we were discussing GPMG training and how Laurie H used to put his hat on the range "lasted 13 courses and nobody has ever hit it"!
(Boy, I tried, oh how I tried with PW's when I came through the OCU, but no joy!)
"We sorted that"
"Oh we just came to the hover 50m away and gave it max, caught fire too"!!! lsh
Location: Liverpool based Geordie, so calm down, calm down kidda!!
Filling a Puma cabin with Xmas trees and heading for EGAA only to be tasked en-route to pick up a 12+12....... Not one but TWO crewmen falling out of doors because the handle was removed for GPMG fit, Landing in a field near Warrenpoint, sent crewman out to Ice Cream Van in car park. '3 99s please!' said he. F**K Off!! said the vendor, Waddo versus the radome Newtownhamilton, 'Steve, will you stop slamming the door!!' It was a mortar, and the tail was on fire A scottish pilot, now in a very senior position, a bullseye on the one metre range, Firing Dickies mess cannon (Gerald) at point blank range towards the staish. Ordered jayteeto to go home immediately (at my own leaving do!!). His wife was at my house with the other girls and when I told the story she said 'sorry, he is such a tosser sometimes'
Playing cricket with Nobby at 1am with a tennis racket and the contents of the Officers Mess fruitbowl in the porta cabins at the back.
Andy Cooper playing guitar in the mess most nights, and we all singing till almost hoarse.
Playing pissy fishermen with steve S and always losing and his drinks were gin and warm water
Chris To**e calling Aldergrove approach telling them he would be in the hover for 30 mins at 11000ft and OC230 hearing the call. We had hypoxia lectures for the next week and it gave rise to the song 'Ground Control to Major To*ne"
Watching Dobbo after his 'shooting down' being interviewed on the news wearing his helmet with dark visor down
The boys playing ride of the valkerie' over the net when we had a 12 ship going in to get Slab and all his mates.
Croquet on the garden outside the mess on a summers day with a bucket of Pimms.
Wanting a time machine to go back and do it all again please!
Last edited by Roger Sofarover; 18th Dec 2009 at 19:46.
The letter from the Forestry Commission, enclosing a photo of a crewman with the fire-axe chopping down a christmas tree, saying " ask next time and you can have one for free"!
Brian G collecting his salvage money from the Antrim Princess, in cash, and waving it (the cash) round the crewroom!
Mike B (recent Commandant RAFC Cranwell!!) telling a joke but burning his toast. Told joke again, burnt second lot of toast. Ordered Sgt crewman to make toast while he told the joke (worth hearing). Command potential "9".