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RAF informs the MOD it's taking a year’s sabbatical.
A reliable source within the junior Service has stated that the RAF has had enough and has informed the MOD that it is pulling out of the arrangement for a year to think things over. Spokespersons for the other 2 Services refused to comment on this somewhat unusual decision by the RAF.
Key RAF commanders were not available to make a statement but one junior officer Typhoon pilot did step forward and said “I couldn’t give a toss; I’m off to join Tesco’s Home Delivery Programme."
RAF commanders have battened down the hatches and are now, allegedly, logged-in to PPRuNe to find out where it has all gone wrong.
PPruners were, this morning, quick to take up the challenge and offered the commanders the following advice:
Last edited by Ancient Aviator : 13th August 2008 at 08:40.
Meanwhile elsewhere in the news, the emerging GlennT scrap metal dealer has reached the FTSA top 100. Stock market insiders believe that GT made his fortune from a vast load of high value scrap aluminium acquired from an un-named government agency. Rumour has it that GT is poised for a hostile take-over with Loader Ltd (a paper mulching consortium) being looked upon as the favoured bidder although Stirrup Pumps have indicated that they still have an interest.
In a leaked memo found on a memory stick down the back of a crackhouse sofa, the MOD were quoted as saying "R.A who? Is that those two funny fella's with stick on hair who wander around the place. I thought they were copy-room boys."
We can all nip off to the Olympics. The Birds Nest Stadium is big enough to take the whole RAF twice over, and still have space for all the Royal Marines as well, and I understand the Chinese are busing people in as the tickets haven't sold well.
Location: Quite near 'An aerodrome somewhere in England'
Posts: 14,274
OT slightly, but that orgy of people running, jumping, splashing about and throwing things being held in China right now doesn't seem to be making much of an impression on the genpub....
"Olympics? Really? Like I give a $hit?"
All people will remember is that the Chinese used a stand in to sing the opening song, because the actual singer didn't meet their racial purity requirements. And they also cheated with digitally enhanced fireworks.
So is the profligate squandering of tax payer's dosh on a similar altar to jockstrapping excess in London in 4 years time really justifiable?
I think not.
Instead it should have been spent on something urgently needed - such as the equipment our Armed Forces desperately need in order to cope with NuLabor's wars.
Instead it should have been spent on something urgently needed - such as the equipment our Armed Forces desperately need in order to cope with NuLabor's wars.
Zanu-NuLabour won't be in power in 2012, so it'll all be Dave C's fault, surely?
OT, but did anyone see that Broon now has to fight another by-election in Jockistan, in his adjoining constituency?
Due to a lack of crew rest and spending more than two months at a time on tour, the RAF has decided to give up.
The Support Helicopter Force, commanded by HQ LAND, tasked pretty much solely by the army, has taken the jump and decided to join the AAC. Most of the Flt Lt's are happy with being Sgt pilots. The one's with better manners have had an intensive course of taking off polyester and losing their white socks. Pretty soon they too will be wearing pips as opposed to bars.
The FJ force has been offered to a variety of third world nations. Botswana showed a real interest in the F3, until they looked at the service ceiling and giggled. The Royal Navy has taken over the rest of the Harrier force and will bring JSF into service. The MOD managed to flog the rest of the cold-war dinosaurs known as Typhoon to the Saudis; a deal rumoured to have been agreed in a club known as Spearmint Rhino with Kitty providing Prince Abdullah with the pen.
The Tac-AT fleet wandered around homeless for a few days until the Army let them keep their home at Lyneham. They remain busy and dedicated. The larger Loadmasters were sold to the Navy for use as mooring buoys. The non-Tac AT fleet, also known as the world worst airline, were sold to Omni-Air. This new airline managed to book in passengers in under four hours (shock-horror). New statistics show that 85% of flights now arrive on time, as opposed to 0.0005% before the deal.
The rest of the RAF was sold off pretty quickly. The RAF Regt went across to become real soldiers. The stores and MT personnel decided to wear green. The RAF Police were pelted with eggs as they left their bases. Some applied to join the Met Police; most were refused, but they now do sterling work as security guards for Toys R Us.
Records will show that in the 1,000 year history of Britain's Armed Forces there was an amusing experiment kown as the Royal Air Force. It lasted for 90 or so years before giving up....
In further news the Royal Navy was understood to be very pleased with the high quality of the stewards that it recently gained after the disbandment of the Royal Air Force.
A RN spokesperson, Lt Cmdr Badminton-Squash, was quoted as saying "with this influx of high quality silver service staff from the Royal Air Force our ability to hold rapid reaction cocktail parties in ports somewhere sunny and safe will continue to be envied by other Navies around the world".
Elsewhere the British Army Air Corps were believed to be reaping the benefits that have come about with the transfer to the AAC of so many RAF pilots.
An unnamed source within the REME was quoted as saying "for so many years now our aircraft have been piloted by Officer Cadets or old fellows who smell of wee but the arrival of professional aviators from the RAF has been a revolution, with new abilities such as 'battlefield troop movement' being added to our core skills of delivering fast food and taxiing Generals about." He added, "I'm also quite looking forward to the techies we are gaining from the RAF showing us how to keep more than one Apache serviceable at a time, a task we've struggled with for many years".
Last edited by The Helpful Stacker : 14th August 2008 at 12:30.
The funding saved has already been allocated and spent in providing a high level minsterial team to examine the eco-centric carbon footprint of the diversity policy to allow the unemployable more money to sit around watching Jeremy Kyle and spawning more chavkids.....
The floating of Torpycorp on the stock market failed miserably when traders realised only a fool would entrust the "managers" with anything more valuable than a bag of toffees. Shares fell to a new record low before the bank of england stepped in, The chancellor, seeing there were no votes in this ones declined to waste several billion of the taxpayers money in Torpycorp.
Leaked plans to assasinate fat gordy were published in the tabloids, a straw poll showed resounding public support.
Swiss Des opened his new used fighter plane showroom with lots of nice dolly birds to attract the customers. Alas, there were no fat waafs allowed.
Location: Quite near 'An aerodrome somewhere in England'
Posts: 14,274
Swiss Des had little fortune with his venture.
The Andrew had no interest in the dolly birds; Wooper of the Wedgiment couldn't work out how to open the door - and the grunts spent the whole time rolling about in the mud outside fighting eachother.
Old I know, but seemed to fit the gist of the thread (and some may not have seen it..!)
This report (slightly amended) was originally written in April 1988 by William DeBuvitz, a physics professor at Middlesex County College in Edison, New Jersey (USA) and appeared in the January 1989 issue of The Physics Teacher. The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by investigators at a major UK defence research agency. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 chief neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called schitons. Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in less than a second. Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately two years, at which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which chief neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization. Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations, and universities. It can usually be found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained buildings. When catalyzed with money, Administratium becomes Governmentium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Administratium since it has half as many schitons but twice as many morons. Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled by the haphazard introduction of an untested and limited application known as Junket Packed Antidote to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising and are, indeed, disheartening.
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