Just When You Thought This Government Couldn't Do Any Worse...
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Just When You Thought This Government Couldn't Do Any Worse...
Found this on a Government website:
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known as “EuroEnglish”.
In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly this will make sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of the “k”. This should klear up konfusion and komputer keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome “ph” will be replased with the “f”. This will make words like “fotograf” 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will encourage the removal of double letters, which will have always ben a deterent to akurate spelling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent “e”s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away. By the 4th year peopl wil be reseptiv to such steps as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”. During ze fifz year ze uneseary “o” can be droped from vords kontaining “ou” and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After ze fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensbl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trublis or difikulties and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known as “EuroEnglish”.
In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly this will make sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of the “k”. This should klear up konfusion and komputer keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome “ph” will be replased with the “f”. This will make words like “fotograf” 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will encourage the removal of double letters, which will have always ben a deterent to akurate spelling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent “e”s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away. By the 4th year peopl wil be reseptiv to such steps as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”. During ze fifz year ze uneseary “o” can be droped from vords kontaining “ou” and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After ze fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensbl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trublis or difikulties and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU
