Raf 2015
Given the ominous warnings of yet more defence cuts and the use of the worst civvy management practices in the RAF, I have been asked to repost my 'RAF in 2015' predictions, originally posted on a newsgroup in September 2000... so far only one prediction has been off in that Tucanos still fly... though it looks like the SHAR stuff won't come true now either... enjoy.
39 Squadron still have Canberras, with BAE having finally remanufactured
a few as booger-all else could replace them.
RAF Coltishall will have been closed down and reopened by a popular
revolt, now home to the Norfolk Air Force operating Jags stolen en-masse
by disaffected pilots defecting to the gallant forces of Norfolk.
Typhoon will be due to enter service 'soon', having now appeared at
airshows a total of 7 times.
Tornado F.3s will have been cannibalised to keep them airborne, and the
complete 2015 force will consist of three of them, one being the 56 Sqn
display bird, which will never fly but just sits on the ground looking
pretty.
All Tornado GR.4s will have been sold to museums after problems with
getting them to carry bombs resulted in a quiet giving-up on the entire
job ala Harrier gun pod, and any bombing missions will be carried out by
the newly privatised BombTheBastards Plc., a descendant of 617 Sqn,
operating a single Vulcan B.2 from RAF Bruntingthorpe.
The Sentry and TriStar will have both been retired while VC-10s will
have kept on trucking, including the new E.7 variant, fitted with a
Shackleton radar under the nose.
After the infamous rudder pedal fiasco of 2000, the Tucano will have
been scrapped enmasse by the end of 2001 and replaced by having trainees
run around the classroom with arms outstretched going
'ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz'.
All RAF Harriers will be out of service after a tiff between 899 NAS and
3 and 4 Squadrons resulted in the accidental release of a supposedly
retired nuclear weapon over RAF Cottesmore when all of 899's birds
happened to be 20 miles away. The navy will have continued to operate
the SHAR, now the AEWSR.4 variant, with Shackleton radar under the nose,
lengthened nose gear leg, bigger wings, more pylons, three guns
(initially introduced purely to annoy RAF Harrier pilots) and
engine-silencing technology borrowed from Arnold's True Lies Harrier.
A second attempt to integrate the RAF and RN fixed wing forces resulted
in the creation of a new inland sea, aka Wittering Water, after a
strange repeat of the supposedly retired nuke incident. SHARs operate
from time to time off a newly constructed aircraft carrier (HMS
Landlocked) based on Wittering Water.
The Virgin PLC Arrows continue to operate Hawks, though they only have
two left these days, having lost the rest of them to birdstrikes.
The Mustn't Upset Our European Masters Memorial Flight have been
scrapped in deference to the views of our European Master-race. Masters.
Partners.
And finally, as the CAA was privatised, bankrupted and turned into a
brothel in 2011, four privately owned Lightnings operated by
ShootTheBastards PLC. defend the nation (well, 12 square miles of it),
but not at weekends, when they appear at airshows instead.
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