An airplane was going down and everybody knew they would crash in the ocean below.....
A rich lady takes off all of her clothes and puts on every diamond she has on her body! The passengers all look at her and say "What are you doing?"
She says "When we are in the ocean my diamonds will sparkle and I will be the first one they find!"
Another woman takes off all her clothes and covers herself with $100 dollar bills! The passengers all look at her, and she says, "When we are in the ocean the $100 dollar bills will be floating all around me and they will find me first!!!!!"
Then a black lady tears off all her clothes and just gets butt-naked. All the passengers look at her and ask, "What are you doing?"
The black lady says... "GIRL, you know they always look for the black box first!"
Clowns, Are you following me? Thats the second post in a couple of hours. I did read the Jet Blast warning but I also read the bit that said "Civilisation doesnt end here". And I think Jet blast is tamer than it used to be. We will have to wait and see.
A Lufthansa bus is heading towards a ditching in the sea. The pax are told to brace. The highly experienced German pilot brings the craft in at a perfect angle dropping at the last moment onto a glass like sea. At which point the cabin crew start the evacuation process.
"Ladies and gentlemen in first class, please make your way to the emergency exits and life rafts at ze front of ze plane."
"Those passengers in business, please move to the exits closest to you and board ze life rafts."
"Those people in economy. Zank you for flying Lufthansa."
"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.
"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.
"If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.
"If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.
"That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message."
Some time ago I actually heard this PA announcement on a BA flight coming into LHR. The pilot comes on "Good morning ladies and gentlemen,..., for those on the right of the aircraft you can see the magnificant Windsor Castle. For those of you on the left of the aircraft, that's Croydon."
Come on, own up who was it here said that?
A joke: While cruising at nearly forty thousand feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window.
"Good Lord!" he screamed, "one of the engines just blew up!"
Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side.
The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanor seemed to assuage most of the passengers, who sat back down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants. Each crew member attached the package to his back.
"Say," spoke up an alert passenger, "aren't those parachutes?"
The pilot said they were.
The passenger went on, "But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?"
"There isn't," replied the pilot as a third engine exploded. "We're going to get help."
Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says: "Pierre, kiss me!"
Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.
What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie.
"I am Pierre le fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine!" She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."
Pierre tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her chest. "Pierre! What are you doing?" asks the bewildered Marie. "I am Pierre le fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!" They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!"
Our hero rips off her panties, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He strikes a match and lights it on fire.
Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, "PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"
Our hero stands up, grins defiantly, and says, "I am Pierre le fighter pilot! And when I go down, I go down in flames!"
Where have I been? Picked the wrong time for a vacation in Portugal's Algarve region. Too damn hot and smokey this year. Then got into an Email fight with the local BA station manager about customer service and Public Relations.
The snotty little twit told me it was my problem that BA in Riga had not informed me that it would cost GBP 36 for a round trip bus transfer from LHW where the Riga flight comes in to LGW from where the FAO flight leaves. "And, you were getting a discount," he added.
I told him I could fly Easyjet or Ryanair cheaper to Faro than the bus transfer cost. He told me to do it. I told him to take BA and put it where the sun don't shine. I guess its back to SAS or Finnair.
Other than that, been pretty busy at work with a surprising increase for wheel and axle sets for airport jetways.