A beautiful innocent young lady wants to meet Santa Claus so she puts on a robe and stays up late on Christmas Eve. Santa arrives, climbs down the chimney, and begins filling the socks. He is about to leave when the girl, who happens to be a gorgeous redhead, says in a sexy voice, “Oh Santa, please stay. Keep the chill away. “ Santa replies, “HO HO HO, Gotta go, gotta go, Gotta get the presents to the children, you know.” The girl drops the robe to reveal a sexy bra and panties and says in an even sexier voice, “Oh Santa, don’t run a mile; just stay for a while...” Santa begins to sweat but replies, “HO HO HO, Gotta go, Gotta go. Gotta get the presents to the children, you know.” The girl takes off her bra and says, “Oh Santa... Please... Stay.” Santa wipes his brow but replies, “HO HO HO, Gotta go, Gotta go, gotta get the presents to the children, you know.” She loses the panties and says, “Oh Santa... Please... Stay....” Santa, with sweat pouring off his brow, says, “HEY HEY HEY, Gotta stay, Gotta stay, Can’t get up the chimney with my pecker this way!!!”
Three ministers - a Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Southern Baptist had been engaged by a cruise company to provide church services for the passengers over the festive season, and they took their wives with them.
A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship, and they all drowned. The next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter.
As fate would have it, the first in line was the Presbyterian and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly and said, "I can't let you in. You were moral and upright, but you loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."
St. Peter waved sadly, and poof! Down the chute to the 'Other Place' they went.
Then came the Methodist. "Sorry, can't let you in either," said Saint Peter. "You abstained from liquor and dancing and cards, but you loved food too much. You loved food so much, you even married a woman named Candy!" Sadly, St. Peter waved again, and whang! Down the chute went the Methodists.
The Southern Baptist turned to his wife and whispered nervously, "It ain't looking good, Fanny."
Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something Christmassy. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a Christmas card, so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of panties. Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks "How do these represent Christmas?" He answered, "They're Carol's."
Santa Claus,like all operators, gets regular visits from the FAA (well, Santa is American, after all ) and just before Christmas, the examiner arrives to check out Santa's approval.
The elves have washed and groomed the reindeer, the sled's fresh off 'C' check, weight and balance charts up to date, and Rudolph's nose is outshining all the other beacons out there.
Time for the checkride......Santa gets on board after a thorough preflight, and is filling out the Tech Log when the FAA guy gets on board, carrying a shotgun.
"Ho!" exclaims our chubby friend "what's this then?"
"Well" says the man from the agency with a wink " I would normally keep it quiet, but as you're an old friend......"
".......You're going to lose an engine on takeoff!"
A joke for Christmas
