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Old 5th May 2016, 00:52   #81 (permalink)
 
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John Hill


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Old 12th May 2016, 23:11   #82 (permalink)
 
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An Honourable Mention - but still a near miss ...

If they had to perform an amputation he may have qualified:

A MAN was left red-faced when firefighters had to be called to hospital to remove a tool from his penis.

The man became stuck after his penis swelled up in the ring spanner on Monday and was he unable to remove it.

Tweed firefighters say it not uncommon for them to be called to such jobs where people leave it too late to ask for help..."

No Cookies | Gold Coast Bulletin

Maybe his nuts were just a little too tight
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Old 13th May 2016, 01:34   #83 (permalink)
 
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That happens a lot when they mistakenly use metric tools on a man's job
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Old 13th May 2016, 02:03   #84 (permalink)
 
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Nominating myself for a Third Class Award. ( I didn't die, yet )

Spraying an outside, wooden, staircase with mould inhibitor prior to re-painting, wearing rubber soled Crocs ( all I ever wear ) slipped on the wet wood, ended up at the bottom with a cracked ankle, now with cast and crutches.

I Love Crocs, but have noticed their less than perfect stability provision on wet surfaces before - should have known better.
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Old 13th May 2016, 02:45   #85 (permalink)
 
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Nominating myself for a Third Class Award. ( I didn't die, yet )
at your age you get a pass anyhow, so go back and try again from the top of the stairs
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Old 13th May 2016, 17:37   #86 (permalink)
 
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Well, she tried...
Kitchener woman follows GPS right into Tobermory, Ont., harbour - Kitchener-Waterloo - CBC News
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Old 13th May 2016, 19:02   #87 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by ExSp33db1rd View Post
Nominating myself for a Third Class Award. ( I didn't die, yet )

Spraying an outside, wooden, staircase with mould inhibitor prior to re-painting, wearing rubber soled Crocs ( all I ever wear ) slipped on the wet wood, ended up at the bottom with a cracked ankle, now with cast and crutches.

I Love Crocs, but have noticed their less than perfect stability provision on wet surfaces before - should have known better.
Wearing nothing but crocs is bound to have serious consequences
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Old 14th May 2016, 03:39   #88 (permalink)
 
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Wearing nothing but crocs is bound to have serious consequences
Touché !! I'd better go back to reading the homophonic thread !
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Old 14th May 2016, 05:53   #89 (permalink)
 
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ExSp33db1rd,

Bear in mind that in Greece there are people riding a scooter on flip-flops and sans helmet so there is some way to go for the award (sincerely speaking please don't try any more).
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Old 14th May 2016, 12:09   #90 (permalink)
 
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Strictly speaking, not Darwin award winners but surely just a matter of time:




1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.


2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one o f its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients w ere very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amo unt of cash he got from the drawer...$15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a det ailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]





10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
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Old 15th May 2016, 09:08   #91 (permalink)
 
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Bear in mind that in Greece there are people riding a scooter on flip-flops and sans helmet
Funny that, from my observation, riders of Harley-Davidsons dress up in heavy leather, with chains and other "protective" devices, and yet riders of scooters just seem to turn their cap the wrong way around and drive off in "office "gear.

I doubt that even the Harley gear would prevent death if one collided with an obstacle at 100 mph, but falling off a scooter at 50 mph, totally unprotected, wouldn't be pleasant either, but most seem to take the risk.
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Old 17th May 2016, 10:16   #92 (permalink)
 
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Grinding tree stumps...........at 4.30 in the morning?

Teenager dies after falling into tree stump grinder
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Old 17th May 2016, 14:59   #93 (permalink)
 
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Quote Bear in mind that in Greece there are people riding a scooter on flip-flops and sans helmet





This the Police in Thailand, and they wonder why.........
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Old 24th May 2016, 14:45   #94 (permalink)
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Man killed by bus after jumping out of taxi on M8 - BBC News
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Old 24th May 2016, 16:14   #95 (permalink)
 
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This may count towards the tally...

Mount Everest Climb Ends in Death for Vegan Woman
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Old 25th May 2016, 05:49   #96 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by Super VC-10 View Post
Lyle Rushbury.......a name with prescience?
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Old 25th May 2016, 11:42   #97 (permalink)
 
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This is a novel way of removing yourself from the gene pool without topping yourself.
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Old 25th May 2016, 14:05   #98 (permalink)
 
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Man's best friend!
Cleator Moor man killed in dog attack at home - BBC News
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Old 28th May 2016, 21:07   #99 (permalink)
 
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Trying hard

I live in Northumberland where Holy Island is cut off by the tide twice per day, that's why it called an island. On a regular basis people drive onto the causeway and get stuck because they are not driving boats. The best in the last few years has been a one week old Mercedes estate whose owner was furious that his insurer would not pay appealing through the local papers for others who had been so badly treated to help with his claim.
Half way over the causeway there is a garden shed on six foot stilts, I wonder why they are so high. Alongside the causeway there is a pilgrims way marked by poles and another shed on tall stilts, the coincidence seems strange. Perhaps the water gets that deep?
Anyway when you come to Northumbria check the tide time published at the start of the causeway and in the local papers and at the lifeboat station and at the Grace Darling museum and on line and and and. Another trick is to stop at the start of the causeway and look for water but that is missed by about three drivers per year.
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Old 30th May 2016, 08:34   #100 (permalink)
 
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"If you go swimming at 10 o'clock at night, you're going to get consumed"


Crocodile takes Australian woman during night swim - BBC News
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