Location: Back in the land of the singing aardvarks looking for the escape hatch.....
Age: 42
Posts: 1,207
Use lard for the fry up, far better than poncey veggie oil! You will either throw up, or be settled in no time, then take 2 Kapake, just to keep the room spinning.
The last option is the quickest solution, but seems a tad extreme.
When I awake with a hangover, I get up have a wash, brush my teeth as my mouth always tastes like a sumo wrestler’s jockstrap, drink a litre of orange juice, take two to four aspirins depending on intensity of headache, open all the bedroom windows for plenty of fresh air and return to bed.
I usually feel a lot better when I wake up. Then when my stomach can face it, I stuff myself with carbohydrates which seems to soak up some of the excess alcohol and slummock about the rest of the day feeling sorry for myself.
The trick is to always have one when you wake up. Your brain is then fooled into thinking that this is normality. Also, if you wake up without a hangover, that is the bst you will feel all day. With a hangover, you can look forward to a small improvement.
A large glass of Coke (I said glass not line), followed by a fryup. I have read somewhere that there is something (v. vague I know) in bacon fat which gives your immune system a kick start (or something). Anyway, it will settle your stomach contents. They will either stay where they are or will head for the floor by one of the two available exits.
Drink the juice and eat a banana as nanas are very rich in potassium which will help replace the salts etc lost through dehydration.
Drink lots of water
A combination of the above will take so long to prepare that your hangover will probably have gone by the time you have tracked down all the ingredients
Checkboard and I have a term for a killer hangover. We borrowed it from Microsoft.
"Blue Screen of Death" day. ie the fatal error message that Windoze throws up (ahaha) when the system crashes. Abbreviated to BSOD. Got no cures other than water water water and a panadol + sleep. I have been using a herbal "remedy" from Boots called Nux Vom 6c. Take 2 before a session and a couple throughout the session. You'll still get a hangover but you can function. (ie alleviates the BSOD)
Reddo's grogmonster top tip of the day. Do not ride on the tube either drunk or hungover. Same effect.
Begin the operation with two Alka Selzer in small ammount of water which you drink.
Thence: Take large ice tea tumbler into which you crack a raw egg, 2 if your feeling hungry.
Squeeze half a lime,
Shot of tabasco
Teaspoon of Lea & Perrins Worcester sauce
1 Small bottle of Ferna Branca (if you have)
Balsamic Vineger, dash of.(optional)
Top off with can of Cambells condensed Consomme.
Stirr vigorously. then without hesitating drink all in one continuous pull, trying not to smell mixture.
Head for bathroom. Better still drink in bathroom. If the mixture stays down it will settle stomach. If it comes up it will settle the stomach. (After vomiting a good hearty breakfast is recomended, two fried eggs, bacon, beans, sausage, tomato, musrooms.) If you lost the Alka Selzer as well you might even have a couple more of those.
The above gives you plenty to keep your mind occupied and will generaly see you OK until lunchtime when a mild shandy can be attempted just to start you gently back into the swing of things.
Of course if an earlier start is required( for the swing of things as opposed to the, I will never, ever do this again start.) a shot, or two, of Vodka can be added to your bathroom mixture.
Chap tells friend he has discovered what causes hangover headaches. Friend asks what.
" I discovered that I am allergic to shoe leather!" mate says. " Everytime I wake up with my shoes on, my head hurts like hell!!"
Just a tip from a satisfied customer: You could try the biochemist's standard cure - fructose plus plenty of water. Fructose kick starts the metabolism of fusel alcohols and all of the intermediate products of alcohol metabolism that actually cause the hangover, and water fixes the dehydration.
If you can't nick fructose from your biochem. stores, then you can find it in freshly squeezed fruit juices (not the ones made from concentrates) or in diabetic chocolate, although you'd have to eat one hell of a lot to really get the mega amount you need. The best source of fructose I have come across is Sainsbury's high juice squash. If you can stomach a couple of pints of those, as concentrated as you can manage to put up with, it really does wonders for a hangover.
Hangover: the state of illness arising on awaking after excessive alcohol consumption. Characterised by headache/migraine, nausea, vomiting, impaired concentration, halitosis, diarrhoea, depression, irritability, poor general performance.
Cause
Excessive pre-existing consumption of alcoholic beverages. (Note: hangoverlike symptoms may arise in cases of previous drug consumption.) Aggravated by insufficient eating prior to consumption, cocktail consumption, consumption of spirits and weird drinks generally, dehydration.)
Diagnosis
Appearance of symptoms stated above, in patients having drunk heavily on the previous night. Patient will present in an irritated, mildly disorientated state, often with bloodshot eyes, red face, and usually complaining (vigorously) of pain and sickness. BEWARE: hangover cases can display challenging behaviour, especially in response to criticism. The case history generally suffices to diagnose. The patient generally has limited recall of the previous evening, but is aware of having drunk heavily.
Treatment
The patient should drink large quantities of water at once to combat the dehydration inherent in their condition and to accelerate the detoxification of their system.
Now they should brush their teeth with fluoride toothpaste, in order that they no longer taste of dead snakes. This is for psychological reasons important. Following this they are advised to consume Schweppes Tonic Water if available. This helps for reasons requiring research. If not available, they should commence consumption of excess pure orange juice.
Around this point a w*nk works wonders in the majority of cases.
We are now ready to move to the kitchen and prepare strong black coffee as a stimulant. During preparation the patient must continue to selfmedicate with pure orange juice in order to gain fructose, sugars, and vitamins. A fry-up is now indicated, its contents are a matter for personal judgment. I prefer scrambled eggs, bacon and sausages with a large addition of Worcestershire Sauce. This drug is indicated in practically all previously published work on the subject, (see Paterbrat, 2002) and the question is one of palatable and nutritious means of its administration.
After completion the patient should take a shower. They are usually now ready to rejoin civilised society, always providing, of course, that they were part of civilised society prior to their illness. A 24-hour running in period is normally required to achieve full operational effectiveness.
Comments
If the patient does not show signs of recovery at completion, they should be returned to bed and drugged, for preference with ibuprofen. They should remain there until in a condition to respond to treatment. At any time during the treatment, vomiting may occur, especially in cases of suspected doner kebab consumption. Patients who vomit during treatment generally display a rapid recovery post-vomiting. For ethical reasons, however, practitioners should not attempt to provoke vomiting. Careful nursing care is required to minimise the impact of a hangover case's vomiting, farting, s***ing, sweating and moaning on their environment. For this reason, they should generally be treated with other sufferers on the principle of therapeutic community, as these are more likely to be sympathetic.
After reading all your tips all I can say is thank God I dont get hangovers!!!!
Guess I'm just one of "those lucky people", or maybe my mum was right when she said I had hollow legs
If I tried all the "cures" I think I would be seriously ill in bed all day! But then again I could think of a worse way to spend a day, as long as I wasnt on my own
Hangovers
