OFSO

Did you hear of that William Fitzdean
Who invented a f*cking machine
Concave or convex
It would fit either sex
And was perfectly simple to clean....

Ah well, back to my Limerick Thread

Tableview

Somehow, I think given the choice of these devices or my own hand in case of absence of the real thing, I'd choose the latter.

parabellum

And there was me thinking a jam jar full of warm worms was the preferred alternative to the real thing!

bugg smasher

What's an 'oppo', and why did his knob fall off?

Takan Inchovit

Thanks Para', off to the local worm farm now.

Slasher

Sacrilegious heathens the lot of ya!

OFSO

Mine

I've known a few girls like that. Trouble is I couldn't find a right end, either.

airship

I sincerely hope that this was not "a cheap and vulgar" plastic sleeve but a "realistic vagina" or similar, produced from the highest and safest quality silicone material by (preferably) a Japanese sex-toy manufacturer who are the absolute Masters in this field (or so I'm told).

I do have some misgivings about transporting such objects across International frontiers however. On arrival at Nice airport many years ago, the French customs decided to give my hand-luggage an inspection. And out came a pair of French silk knickers (thankfully still in its' original packaging - bought at Heathrow a few hours earlier). Those waiting in line behind obviously saw everything. For some strange reason, I remember truly feeling quite embarassed at the time. I'm not sure how I (or anyone else) might feel today if French (or another countrys') security or customs officials at the airport reached in and brought out in full view of everyone, a ...

Maybe your wife just wants to seriously embarass you...?!

Gordy

Be careful not to put it in your hand luggage---last thing you need is this woman's embarrassment....

Slasher

Too right Gordy - VERY embarrassing! No woman should be
ever seen traveling with a hairbrush of any less quality than
a Mason Pearson!

merlinxx

As our Ivor Bigun put in his hit song "O Mrs Palm and your five lovely daughters"

Hobo

Tableview You'd choose a cup of coffee? I don't think that would quite have the tactile qualities of some of the other suggestions.

Lon More

Much less embarassing for a lady.



ex GFs weapon of choice when travelling alone

Vercingetorix

Can one wrap one of these around one's martini glass so that one's martini is shaken, not stirred!

TomU

2 problems with this Slasher expose'

Admitting that your ground lock pin will fit within the core of a bog roll will do your reputation no good.

I don't think I shall ever sit on a hotel sofa again

Slasher

TomU if you hunt round you'll find there are generic bog rolls
and aluminium tinfoil dispensers out there with cores as wide
as yer leg. You obviously haven't had reason nor subsequent
motivation to go out and search any down. This means your
quality of life in Thailand must be much betterer than mine!

Anyway bog rolls are only when you're on the road - a juicy
big watermelon warmed up in the sun with a hole punched in
it is my first choice at home when the missus is down on the
peninsula for an extended time visiting her rellies.

WRT hotel sofas - just be careful sitting yourself on sweaty
leather cushions with those labiatic-looking edges!

pigboat

Plus which Slash, if you get caught you can always use the "What, it's after midnight already?" excuse.

Hydromet

New there's a euphemism I just have to find a chance to use!