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Old 19th Feb 2012, 12:28   #61 (permalink)
 
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There's a story about the coal shipments from one of the south Wales docks sometime in about the 1940s. A Lascar seaman would, every evening as dusk fell, come off the ship and have a 'relief' besides the railway trucks. Of course there was a lot of noise with shunting and so on, so he never heard the long shovel used for fire cleaning being being quietly thrust under the wagon. On finishing and standing up, he was amazed and very worried that the results had disappeared.......

Railway firemen had a strange sense of humour.........
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Old 19th Feb 2012, 13:37   #62 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
wtf is it with the toilet flushes this side of the pond?

Please to remember the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), a very sinister arm of the Federal Guvmint mandates the standards for such things...lightbulbs, clothes washers, and all manner of things now.

Final Specifications For Toilets | WaterSense | US EPA

It takes a certain amount of water powered "force" to wheak away Jobby. As we do not have the old style Crapper devices with the ceiling high cistern to take advantage of Gravity (the EPA's brain trust does not reach such heights)...we have to rely upon other techniques.

As usual....only the Guvmint can truly screw up something as simple as taking a "Dump".

The vast improvement in Laundry appliances due to the wonderful EPA....is your clothes never get really washed....too little water.....and despite the dryer running for two days...never really gets dry.

Now instead of having 100 Watt Incandescent Light bulbs you can see to read with...and could be chunked into the Trash Bin when burnt out....now we have very expensive Mercury filled lamps that create a Bio-Hazard if broken....not that a light bulb ever gets broken in a home....right?

This keeps up and there shall be a second American Revolution!
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Old 19th Feb 2012, 13:45   #63 (permalink)
 
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Katamario wrote:-
Quote:
The "shelf" toilets so beloved by the Dutch are an abomination. Sitting close to you, and fully exposed to the air, does nothing to assist with odours. Why on earth do these people feel the desire to have a close examination of what they have produced before consigning it to the sewers?
Back in the 1970s the toilets in Ripon Barracks in Bielefeld Germany were of similar design. One morning a colleague of mine went off to use the loo, 45 mins later he came back into the Office fuming and picked up the phone and called the local office responsible for "works and bricks" within the Garrison. He complained that whoever had just serviced the toilet had set the flush at too a strong a setting. Unfortunately the lass that had answered the phone could not understand what he was complaining about. So Bernie said "In that case I will use plain language. When one operates the flush lever, the resultant flush is so strong it lifts the s*** off the shelf and throws it all up the back of the toilet door". Unfortunately Bernie had been standing between the toilet and the door and as result he had had to go back to the mess to clean up and get changed.
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Old 19th Feb 2012, 16:03   #64 (permalink)
 
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Shelf Toilets

Quote:
The "shelf" toilets so beloved by the Dutch are an abomination. Sitting close to you, and fully exposed to the air, does nothing to assist with odours. Why on earth do these people feel the desire to have a close examination of what they have produced before consigning it to the sewers?
They do serve a purpose for artistic expression. How many of you have yelled out

"come quik and see this before I flush it"

It provides a means for collecting rare and highly prised specimens such as

The longest continuous recorded specimen

The highest gross weight specimen in one seating

especially prized are colour oddities like

"albino" and rarest of all "robin egg blue"
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Old 19th Feb 2012, 17:41   #65 (permalink)

 
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Quote:
How many of you have yelled out

"come quik and see this before I flush it"
A freshly used and overflowing large sized condom comes to mind....
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Old 19th Feb 2012, 22:13   #66 (permalink)

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Radeng,

Quote:
so he never heard the long shovel used for fire cleaning being being quietly thrust under the wagon. On finishing and standing up, he was amazed and very worried that the results had disappeared.......
During the Cold War, when deployed on field exercise in RAF Germany it was often necessary to dig a personal latrine hole in the woods and bury the results. The trick as described above had been played a few times on one particular exercise. The digger of one latrine hole (not I), being worldly wise to this jolly jape, realised his "results" were not anywhere to be seen in the hole and called out into the woods "Very funny, but you won't catch me with that old trick!"

On his return to the ops wagon, folk complained that the place stank. He eventually realised that he had in fact accidentally crapped in the back of his flying coverall and was now walking around with his "results" inside it, wedged firmly between his shoulder blades.

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Old 20th Feb 2012, 04:45   #67 (permalink)
 
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Done that a time or two. While stumbling round the bush with rifle and pack, one has had occasion to offload processed rat packs. Find quiet bit of veld, check for wildlife, drop overall, crouch and strain. Paperwork and engineering done and shrug back into overall only to experience warm feeling on back of neck or between shoulder blades as errant poo takes up residence. Got into the habit of dropping the lot to my ankles after divesting of pretty much everything I carried, lean on rifle to get the angle right and use the other hand to gather overall up forward of my feet where I could keep an eye on it to avoid squatters taking up residence.

Had one poor bugger who broke his coccyx on a night jump and had no control of his bottom for the week it took us to walk out. We made sure he was a long way downwind on his own, as it just dribbled out while he walked. He smelled terrible. Not life threatening so no medevac chopper was despatched.
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Old 20th Feb 2012, 09:32   #68 (permalink)
 
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A lady friend of mine on taking a quiet and isolated dump in Alaska found upon glancing round that her offerings had disappeared: a few seconds later she spied a Husky licking it's lips, having evidently gobbled up the tasty snack it had found.

This is of course utterly disgusting but she tells me it's not unusual and it is one way to make friends with a sledge dog.
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Old 20th Feb 2012, 11:10   #69 (permalink)
 
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I'm afraid I'm just going through the motions with this thread.
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Old 20th Feb 2012, 16:41   #70 (permalink)

 
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This is of course utterly disgusting but she tells me it's not unusual and it is one way to make friends with a sledge dog.
So could one conclude that the best defence if confronted by
a wild hungry pack of sledge dogs is to simply shit yourself?

Probably explains the origin of why we evolved that reaction
in our basic fear instincts.
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Old 20th Feb 2012, 16:52   #71 (permalink)
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Four pages of unadulterated crap.
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Old 20th Feb 2012, 16:56   #72 (permalink)
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So a sled dog snarling at you is not necessarily a dangerous thing, he merely wants to scare the shit out of you?
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Old 20th Feb 2012, 18:42   #73 (permalink)
 
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Bush Camp in Alaska....very overbearing Camp Boss....who held to a rigid schedule....immediately after Morning Chow he hit the Ersatz Loo rigged with a peeled pine pole to rest one's weight upon while doing one's One Squat. After a particularly obnoxious start to the day before Breakfast....upon a camp wide conspiracy (less the Camp Boss) some one who shall go un-named took a Limb Saw to the pole and rendered it into a most fragile state which resulted in some very satisfactory results during the Camp Boss's applying his weight to the pole.

As the camp had been in situ for a couple of weeks...with 8-10 folks using the pit....and only some powdered Lime being applied to the ever-growing pyramid....well one can only imagine the results.

Properly dipped he was!

We figured if he was going to be a proper Shit....he should dress the part!
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Old 20th Feb 2012, 18:57   #74 (permalink)
 
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And another distant memory: during the late 1960's for a couple of weeks I was clerk-of-works at Copt Oak repeater station in Leicestershire, where until the building was completed the toilet was an upended oil drum with the end cut off. Anybody with any intelligence "went behind a convenient tree" but I well remember a contractor while using the drum lost his balance and the rearmost portions of him fell in. Sadly it was already quite full.....
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Old 20th Feb 2012, 18:58   #75 (permalink)

 
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Four pages of unadulterated crap.

Well here's some highly adulterated stuff to break the monotony...

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Old 20th Feb 2012, 23:08   #76 (permalink)

 
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This was advice given on a camping show for when you're bush walking and travelling light. Not the clip from the show but the message is the same.

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Old 21st Feb 2012, 12:28   #77 (permalink)
 
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A few folks I know would need a much bigger finger if they were to have a tool to match the scope of the task!
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Old 21st Feb 2012, 17:04   #78 (permalink)

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Shy
Quote:
The trick as described above had been played a few times on one particular exercise.
... ah the jolly japes on RAFG SH exercises on the poor souls carrying out the "single-man shovel patrol".

IIRC, the perpetrators of such thefts were known as "turd burglars".
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Old 21st Feb 2012, 18:41   #79 (permalink)
 
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Whilst on the subject.......

As the mountanside on which we live is made of Very Hard Granite and the Spanish seek an easy way out of such matters, individual sewers were orginally run from each house down the surface of the ground, which actually means in a shallow trench on the surface dirt over the granite: obviously as time passes the concrete pipes become invisible, buried under leaves and twigs. However where the gradient increases, a small brick tower a couple of feet round and four or five foot high was constructed, the upper pipe enters on the higher side at the back and the lower pipe exits on the opposite side at the bottom. Each one of these small "towers" has a trapdoor or cemented-in-place cover which may be removed, for when The Inevitable happens. The Inevitable is plants growing their roots through cracks here and there into the sewer pipe which blocks it up.

Five years ago the house above ours (other side of the road) experienced such a blockage. The guys turned up with a cutter to remove the roots and then used a compressor to blast the accumulated excrement down the pipe. Nothing happened. Guy with hammer came down to our road (the next road down) and broke the seal on the top of the tower opposite our house, seemed reluctant to look down inside. Foreman calls from rear of house above, "go on, look in it, anything flowing yet ?"

Bloke looks in, can't see anything, says so. "I'll send the boy down" calls out the foreman, "We're turning up the pressure". Witless youth arrives, places face over hole. Sound of compressor revs increases. Other workers stand well back awaiting the spectacle. "Is it coming through yet ?" shouts foreman. Nothing.

"Oh you b--- idiots, you wouldn't know sh*t if it fell on you, I'm coming down".

Foreman leaves compressor running and clambers down mountainside, "now where's that b---- manhole" and with a hand on each side of the openening he sticks his head well over the chamber and peers inside.

And precisely at that moment the blockage cleared itself.

His spluttering and cursing was almost drowned out by the sound of his workers falling about in hysterics.


***************************************

By the way, the concrete pipe which was blocked was about 10" in cross section and a hundred or so feet long, and sloped downwards into the small tower at around 35º. No telling how far up the blockage was, but it sure contained one heck of a lot.

Last edited by OFSO; 21st Feb 2012 at 19:13.
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Old 21st Feb 2012, 19:26   #80 (permalink)
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Thank goodness I am tall but I know that if I were short I'd be able to tell discern the colour of everyman's underpants under the bottom of those American toilet cubicles. I have been informed by a friend of mine that the cubicles are designed so that sex acts in the mens' room are obvious to others using the same facilites. I am further informed that womens' toilets are the same, presumably to enable easy detection of sex between members of the other sex.
When I went to school in the USA the ablution room consisted of three showers, three wash basins and two toilets. All were completely open plan.
It must be hard work practising to be a homosexual in the land of the free, the home of the brave.
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