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Old 16th May 2017, 21:25   #10181 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ancient Mariner View Post
A sailor in a tent? What kind of navy ships do you guys have? Inflatable ones?
Per
The one I saw recently in Portsmouth was wearing a tent, he/she/it looked like it could sink a squad of Marines all on their own.
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Old 16th May 2017, 23:30   #10182 (permalink)
 
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Old 17th May 2017, 07:11   #10183 (permalink)
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
 
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Ricardian, your previous post on Leeds may be amusing but the link is anything but
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Old 17th May 2017, 07:48   #10184 (permalink)
 
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A city centre in the UK not surrounded by security cameras? And they are looking for witnesses? You're avin' a larf.
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Old 17th May 2017, 20:40   #10185 (permalink)
 
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Old 17th May 2017, 23:36   #10186 (permalink)
 
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Old 18th May 2017, 14:01   #10187 (permalink)
 
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Man, has she got a story, to tell the other hens!
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Old 18th May 2017, 14:10   #10188 (permalink)
 
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A new take on pencil sharpeners
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Old 18th May 2017, 14:52   #10189 (permalink)
 
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Old 18th May 2017, 15:16   #10190 (permalink)
 
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Should be renamed "Haram Pig"............
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Old 18th May 2017, 17:38   #10191 (permalink)
 
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When my dad found out I had a imaginary girlfriend he said "You can do better than that."
I said "Thank you."
He said "I was talking to the girl."
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Old 19th May 2017, 13:03   #10192 (permalink)
 
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The flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple onboard, so she reports it to the Captain immediately.
“Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty, hot and sexy, female passenger onboard, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat old slob who looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and dangerous!”
The captain responds, “Patricia, I’ve told you this before. This is Air Force One...”
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Old 19th May 2017, 14:44   #10193 (permalink)
Paid...Persona Grata
 
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I thought it was going to be "Haven't you seen Rupert and Jerry before?"
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Old 19th May 2017, 21:43   #10194 (permalink)
 
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Old 19th May 2017, 21:48   #10195 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UniFoxOs View Post
I thought it was going to be "Haven't you seen Rupert and Jerry before?"
Any one who thinks Jerry fits into the "very pretty, hot and sexy, female passenger onboard" I have only one thing to say...........

"Should have gone to Specsavers"
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Old 20th May 2017, 02:23   #10196 (permalink)
 
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If eyesight is that bad, how does one find Specsavers in the first place?

Last edited by llondel; 20th May 2017 at 04:03. Reason: Typo
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Old 20th May 2017, 04:05   #10197 (permalink)
 
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Piercing scream: the noise emitted by a (usually female) parent on seeing the new piece of jewellery in the teenage offspring's tongue, lip or eyebrow.
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Old 20th May 2017, 12:57   #10198 (permalink)
 
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Old 20th May 2017, 19:47   #10199 (permalink)
 
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Or other unnaturally delicate body part, applies to both male & female offspring.
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Old 20th May 2017, 20:23   #10200 (permalink)
 
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The cosmetics companies have stopped doing their LD50 testing on rats, and are now using accountants. There are two reasons for this:
1. Accountants will do things no self-respecting rat would ever do.
2. You can get to like a rat.
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