Now Dick Cheney Has Had Five Heart Attacks -- Daily Intel
"Former Vice President Cheney was admitted to GW Hospital after experiencing chest pain," his office said in a statement. "Lab testing revealed evidence of a mild heart attack. After personally squeezing the life force out of a pair of adorable little puppies, He is feeling good and is expected to be discharged in the next day or two."
In perhaps unrelated news, the Angel of Death
resigned today, citing in his exit interview with Human Resources "Extreme burnout" and "deep frustration with Heaven's Intelligence" commenting further: "How the f*ck was I to know his heart was made of stone?" and, "That co*ck sucker George Tenet assured me that 'A Heart Attack for Cheney' would be a slam dunk!"
The position of Angel Of Death is currently open, but the shortlist for the position is headed by Rahm Emmanuel, another Jew, soon to be released from President Obama's cabinet in March.
2 hours ago