I was raised by a very independent mother, so I've always worked and lived as such. In my 2 live-in relationships and 1 marriage, I maintained separate accounts and paid 1/2 for all living expenses, including mortgage/rent. That way I felt that I was entitled to spend the rest of my money as I pleased and vice versa. Although I will say that BIG cost items were always mutually discussed.
This came in handy for me, because I paid my bills on time. (My last ex did not.) I was able to maintain a good credit rating--even while married.
So...from my perspective, maybe the house hold bills should be paid more equitably so she doesn't pi$$ away her money into a black hole??
Perhaps you both can sit down and come to a decision about household budget.
Once certain amount is set for expenses (mortgage/insurance/food/transportation and of course CC charges) and put away,she can do whatever she likes with what is left in her account.
Monetary disagreements between young married couples is a sure way of heading into major trouble, best if you two can come up with a good/fair solution fast.
or if that's not an option set up a joint account and pay X amout each per month to cover ALL bills (bogroll, mortgage/rent..etc). What's left after she's contributed her fair share is up to her to squander. Just make sure all your outgoings are covered before she gets a chance to raid the coffers.
Then again a new woman is perhaps an easier option.
My brother's first wife was a domestic science teacher (remember them?). She was adept at making clothes for the children (and herself), and she would 'price' the garments at high-street prices to show how much she was saving them, however, she would then spend the amount that she had 'saved' on luxuries, claiming that her needlework had paid for these items by saving them money . . .
Location: Propping up the bar in the Land of Bishop Bonner
Age: 44
Posts: 4,871
Paying for friends' drinks and meals sounds like she may have some inner insecurities and feels she needs to buy their friendship, similarly, large donations to beggers may be borne out of guilt.
There might be some much deeper issues involved than just being inept with money.
You're getting ripped, man, and deep down you know it. You have limited options here. Basically, ride it as far as it goes, which will be until you don't think it's worth it anymore. Then, cut your losses and run (you won't actually be cutting them, merely not accruing them any longer, but it will make you feel better to think you are).
One day you'll look back on this and larf, but that day won't be soon.
Or, you could sit down and work out a fair, responsible, and sustainable joint budget....but then again, how come that isn't already happening, unless you're getting ripped?
Whirlygig beat me to it, she appears to by buying affection and attention, why would this be? Is it a hangover from childhood or could it be that she thinks you are neglecting her? (not materially, of course).
I agree with those who suggest a communal pot into which you each put a fair proportion of your pay. We used to have a system whereby her salary paid for all our food and I paid all the other bills, including the mortgage, given our different salaries that was a fair split.
You have two issues to deal with. A friendly sit down and work out a fair distribution of your joint income and you need to know why she gives most of her money away in drinks, meals, presents etc.
Abusing the Sky is lucky in her arrangement but in this day and age I would say that arrangement is not typical.
Then, cut your losses and run (you won't actually be cutting them, merely not accruing them any longer, but it will make you feel better to think you are).
Not around here you won't. If kids are involved especially, you'll be accruing them to her only it will be in the form of alimony, plus you'll be accruing losses to finance your lawyer's Porsche.
For men around here a divorce settlement is usually the equivalent of a vow of poverty.
If that's the case you might as well join a Trappist monastery in Belgium and at least get to enjoy great beer for free, plus there'll be no women to tempt you into making the same mistake again.
I am very lucky with Mr. ATS being in charge of everything i.e. he pays all the bills, the massive every 2 weeks food shopping and so on. I tried to convince him to let me contribute but no luck (which made me feel a bit "useless" shall i say). He always says "I earn enough so don't you worry about expenses, what you earn is yours and do whatever you want with the money you earn" He even suggested i stop working as we don't need me to work
I'm straight, but after reading that I'M considering marrying the guy
On a more serious note there's 2 circumstances, either she is aware or she isn't. If she isn't, it's upon you to sort it by discussing. If she is but carries on, then you have a problem, the resolution on which appears to have been suugested by Flying Serpent & co.
If she doesn't want one for herself, that's fine, but within your own budget set aside a lump sum of a certain amount.
Give it to her as you want, when she asks for you to pay for things or as a lump sum each month. When it runs out it runs out and sorry we can't afford that until next paycheque, the budget is the bad guy from this point.
As long as you highlight the actual amounts and she accepts what you're doing before hand, there can't be an arguement.
There's nothing like having $30 left for a week to focus the mind on the necessities.
Ahh yes welcome to my world Garf mate I know how you feel.
I must be going soft in my old age though, because in fairness I don't mind as I am the 'bread winner' so to speak, in chateau _Tabs.
Have you heard this one? " God I have noooooooo money" then KAPOWWW shes in a new dress?
Oh well.....nightmare, but I get to unzippppp her dress at night (not off my body ....for clarification)
I am working on a new process though and i will let you know if it works out....
Make her work Mon to Fri.... her salary paid direct to my account, chain her to the bed , legs akimbo Sat-Sun....no need for small talk or dresses....send her back to work Mon a.m.
If not my friend it gonna boil down to that old line......"Whats mine is hers, whats her is hers"
If that dosen't work....dump her for a cheaper, younger, more flexible model ...that was a joke
Jimmy Macintosh - you have it in one, a properly planned budget solves this issue totally.
I had almost identical problem, this was with Mrs HD no 2, the younger and very attractive newer model that I had traded No 1 (older ,more reliable with money but.... never mind) in on several years ago. Same complaint about running out of money due to impulsive and unneccessary items.
We sat down and went through the itemized list of all known and imagined routine expenses, allocated the appropriate amount from our salaries into a special account for the purpose (our ONLY joint acct), and bingo, bills easy to pay, both have pocket money, she has learned to ration hers as there IS NO EXTRA. some times now but very rarely do I have to help out a little, and she has been able to cut down her work to 3 days a week, and still has enough money! domestic bliss...
It does not have to be thus, as in previously stated financial case, she is a fair and equal partner in a long term venture, treat her as a business partner in this matter and you will be rewarded in so many other ways. For her to be a participant in the budget cost allocations makes her a very equal stake holder and provides a high order of understanding into the houshold financials.
It took me years of gentle cajoling for her to realize the benefits and embrace domestic budgeting. I now stick my big lump of dosh into the houshold account and SHE does ALL the bill paying and has taken to looking after the funds with a zeal like that of an ex-smoker extolling a smoke free environment. ..... IT WERKS MATE
And I agree with Whirls about self image/esteem/guilt etc issues that may be just below the surface and will be to your, and her benefit to resolve as individuals and a couple. Mrs HD 2 ( and possibly the near perfect self) had/some issues similar to that that took us a little while to identify and sort out , but the spending thing is a mere manifestation of some of these type of issues.
Put some effort into this or dump her and make all the same mistakes again with a different , but the same, girlie.
I'm feeling compelled to be all sensible all of a sudden...
Firstly, the two of you should have sat down when you first moved in together/relationship getting serious and had a serious talk about money.
That's not an option, so we'll have to think of something else.
Firstly, I'd recommend 3 bank accounts: Yours, hers and an account for both for shared expenses such as mortgage, bills etc.
Work out between you how much each of you should pay into the shared account. I'm all for 50/50, but if she earns £20k and you earn £90k, it's different. It's up to you to come to an arrangement.
Set up standing orders/direct debit from your own accounts to the shared account (on pay day) to make sure the money is payed in. You can then have direct debit from the shared account to the mortgage/electric/gas/phone/tv/household essentials etc.
It's a very common thing for couples not to talk in depth about finance, for some reason. It is, however one of the most common reasons for a break up. So if you love this lady and want to remain in a relationship with her, talking is essential.
If she's a decent lady, she'll get with the programme. It is important to not seem to put the blame on her though. May I suggest that you tell her that if you have a proper system for expenses etc, it will leave you more of an overview over your disposable income and you may be able to afford more holidays/weekends away etc. This is always a great incentive for ladies.
Finally, you'll have to get tough. When you set up the "budget" (I don't like that word), and you have the whole thing figured out between you, and if she still runs out of money at week 2/3 each month, leave her be. I know it's hard and you'll probably seem to be in the dog house for a while, but she'll learn eventually. If she asks you for money to get to work, get her to buy a monthly travel card. If she drives, advise her to sell her car and buy a smaller one (save on petrol).
Keep an eye on the moneysaver web site (.com) for ideas towards saving money as well.
Look mate, what you've married is made of fifty-Trillion quasi-intelligent cells...all flying in formation. A bloke is made of snails and puppy dog tails and some other solid and well proven stuff that I can't remember.
Stands to reason they're goin' to be a bit scatterbrain and flighty. Yer just gonna have to put up with it.
...that was a joke 
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