Michael Chertoff's gut - Director, Homeland Security (US)
According to transcripts of Sec Chertoff's remarks to the Chicago Tribune:
Quote:
Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff's ''gut feeling'' about an increased terrorist risk this summer did not send law enforcement officials scrambling for increased security, although authorities said Wednesday his remark emphasized the need for vigilance.
Chertoff made the comment Tuesday to the editorial board of the Chicago Tribune, telling the newspaper he based his assessment on earlier patterns of terrorists in Europe and intelligence he would not disclose.
''Summertime seems to be appealing to them,'' Chertoff said. ''We worry that they are rebuilding their activities.''.......
Meanwhile, the White House is quoted as saying:
Quote:
The White House supported Chertoff for stressing the importance of being vigilant. ''I'm glad we've got a Homeland Security secretary that worries about it all the time,'' White House spokesman Tony Snow said Wednesday.
According to the AP wire services:
Quote:
Al-Qaida has rebuilt, U.S. intel warns
WASHINGTON (AP) -- A new threat assessment from U.S. counterterrorism analysts says that al-Qaida has used its safe haven along the Afghan-Pakistan border to restore its operating capabilities to a level unseen since the months before Sept. 11, 2001.
A counterterrorism official familiar with a five-page summary of the document - titled "Al-Qaida better positioned to strike the West" - called it a stark appraisal. The analysis will be part of a broader meeting at the White House on Thursday about an upcoming National Intelligence Estimate. The official and others spoke to The Associated Press on condition they not be identified because the report remains classified.
The findings suggests that the network that launched the most devastating terror attack on U.S. soil has been able to regroup despite nearly six years of bombings, war and other tactics aimed at dismantling it.................
These are the 'headlines' over at Fox News:
Quote:
Former First Lady Lady Bird Johnson, Wife of LBJ and Champion of Conservation, Dies at 94 Flynt Claims Credit for Senator's 'Madam' Woes UPDATE '08: Politics, Direct From the Sources Venezuelan Opposition TV Station Signs on to Cable Bin Laden's Son Marries British Divorcee NCAA to Oklahoma Football: Forfeit All 2005 Wins Frozen Baby Mammoth Discovered in Siberia Man With Tuberculosis Breaks Window, Flees Hospital
'Hot4Hillary' Video Latest Campaign '08 Send-Up EXCLUSIVE: U.N. Agency Shuts Down Its Financial System After FOX News Asks About Outside Users South Dakota Carries Out First Execution in 60 Years Sept. 11 Firefighter Families Condemn Giuliani in Ad Victim Robber Involved in Pizza Bomb Plot Reporter in Bikini Video at Missing Mom Home 'Devastated' Woman Almost Dies After Getting Bikini Wax Train Accident in Greece Injures at Least 45
CNN is not much better with.....
Quote:
Lady Bird Johnson dies at 94 S.D. has first execution in 60 years Israeli soldier killed in Gaza operation Lebanon starts final bid to oust militants 4 min Murder called motive in pizza bomb plot Iraqi civilians join raid on al Qaeda base CNNMoney: Nintendo issues Wii warning Bogus firm faked nuke license, report says Pipeline attack closes Hershey's and Honda WGCL: Feds declare Wilson tape child porn Butler service, 5-course meals -- on Amtrak? SI: Sexy photos kick off Beckhams' invasion Ticker: Flynt motivated to expose hypocrisy Fat rant exposes a few myths
And now this:
Quote:
WASHINGTON - Michael Chertoff, a janitor at the Department of Homeland Security, said today that he has a "gas feeling" of a heightened threat of an attack by Al Qaeda against the US.
Chertoff said he had pickled vegetables during dinner a few nights ago, and thought they may have been another tainted Chinese product.
"I got a bloated feeling in my gut after eating, so I drank some Pepto and Kaopectate, but it didn't help," Chertoff said, after farting up a cloud in Chicago.
Mr. Chertoff went to his physician the following day and received a colonoscopy and a high-colonic enema. The colonoscopy was unremarkable, but the enema showed that Mr. Chertoff has a swollen brain stem. He then assumed that the "gas feeling" was nothing more than a sign that the US is in danger of another attack.
When asked why he depends on his "gas" rather than the trillions of taxpayer dollars spent on US security, and the dozens of new agencies created to protect the nation after 9/11, he had no comment.
Later, Chertoff blamed US citizens for being "complacent," and he also said that new and ambiguous security measures must be taken to protect the government from the people.
He has raised the Terrorist Threat Level to 'RETARD'.
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