Astrodome

Bob goes into the public toilets and sees this guy standing next to the urinal.

The guy has no arms.

As Bob's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor bugger is going to take a leak.

Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out.

Being a kind soul, Bob says, "Errr, OK, I'll help you."

The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?"

Bob says, "OK."

Then the man says, "Can you pull it out for me?"

Bob replies, "Uh, yeah, OK."

Bob pulls it out and it has all kinds of mould and red bumps, with hair clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful.

Then the guy asks Bob to point it for him, and Bob points for him.

Bob then shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up.

The guy tells Bob, "Thanks, fella, I really appreciate it."

Bob says, "No problem, but what the hell's wrong with your prick?"

The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, "Buggered if I know, but I ain't touching it".

rubik101

Yuck. That didn't even raise a crease never mind a smile.

scran

Female Rancher

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good looking woman, and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied, she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. However, one o'clock came and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. He returned around two-thirty and found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace. She quietly called him over to her.

"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed.

"Now take off my boots."

He did so, slowly.
"Now take off my socks."

He did.
"Now take off my skirt."

He did.
"Now take off my bra."

Again with trembling hands he did as he was told.

Now," she said, "take off my panties."

He slowly pulled them down and off.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes to town again, I'll fire you on the spot."