Konkordski

fishtits:

I'm still wiping away tears after your joke - funniest thing I've read in ages.

Lon More

The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500 man elite fighting unit called The U.S. REDNECK SPECIAL FORCES (USRSF).

These North Carolina, Kentucky, West Virginia, Mississippi, Missouri, Arkansas, Alabama, Georgia, Texas and Tennessee boys will be dropped into Iraq and have been given the following facts about Terrorists:

1. The season opened today.

2. There is no limit.

3. They taste just like chicken.

4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.

5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

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An American businessman goes to Japan on a
business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so
he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's
any place around where he can get American food.
The concierge tells him he's in luck, there's
a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver.
The concierge gives the businessman the phone
number, and he goes back to his room and orders
a pizza.

Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows
up to the door with the pizza.

The businessman takes the pizza, and starts
sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery
man, "What the heck did you put on this pizza?"

The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We
put on the pizza what you ordered: pepper only."

Noah Zark.

The Circus rolls into town, and a jobseeker (J.S.) is sent there by the employment agency to do some casual work.
He presents himself to the Boss Man (B.M.), who says that J.S. is to become the Lion Tamer for the circus's stay in town.
J.S. says "no chance, I'm off" and make a dash for the door.
B.M catches him and says "Hold on a minute, let me explain. We can't afford to employ a Tamer full time, so we set someone on casually as and when we need to. Come on, I'll show you" , and he takes J.S. down to the Big Top.
Inside, the ring was enclosed by a high metal fence, and contained therein were the lions. Some were asleep, and the others were pacing round and round the inside of the circular fence, snarling, and having a swipe at things with their massive paws.
"As I was saying," said B.M. "We've had these since they were cubs. We give you a chair and a whip, and you prance about in there, holding the back of the chair, jabbing the legs at the lions, and cracking the whip as though you are fending them off."
He went on " They know the routine. It's all they've ever done. They know that when they've performed, that's it for the day. They get fed, go to sleep. Couldn't be simpler"
J.S. was very much not impressed. "What if they knock the whip out of my hand?" He queried.
B.M. " Just keep jabbing the chair at them, and slowly move backwards towards the gate."
J.S. "But what if they keep coming, and knock the chair out of my hand too?
B.M. "Then just bend forward, down to their level, look them straight in the eyes, and keep going backwards until you get to the gate."
J.S. " But what if they try to pounce on me?"
B.M. "Reach behind yourself, scoop up a handful of $hit, and throw it at them."
J.S. "But what if there isn't any $hit?"
B.M. " Oh, there will be !"