Eighteen months ago I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2 which I'd used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.
To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is also incompatible with several other applications, such as Lads Night Out 3.1, Football 2 and Playboy 6. Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better.
A shareware beta-programme, Party Girl 2.1, which I tried, had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected. .each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.
Sensing a way out, I then upgraded to Fiancé 1.0 only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded (at great cost) to Wife 1.0, which I reluctantly agreed to because, whilst Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSex Plus and Cleanhouse 2000. Shortly after this upgrade however I then discovered that Wife 1.0 can be very unstable and costly to run. For example, any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted.. .They then resurfaced months later when I had forgot about them.
Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary Explorer and E-mail porn filter, and can, without warning, launch Photostrop and Whingezip! These latter products have no help files and I have to try and guess what the problem is myself. Additional costly problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring Shoe Shop Browser for new attachments and also Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child. .processes that also drains my resources. It also conflicted with some of the new games I wanted to try, stating that they are an illegal operation.
When Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT programme it often crashes or runs the system dry. Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-in-Law, which can't be turned off. Recently I've attempted to try Mistress 2000, but there could be problems. A friend has alerted me to the. .fact that if Wife 1.0 detects the presence of Mistress 2000 it tends to delete all my MS Money files before un-installing itself.
Comprehending IT - Take One . .--------------------------- . .Two IT guys were walking across the park when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" . .The second IT guy replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want.". .The second IT guy nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted.". . . .Comprehending IT - Take Two . .--------------------------- . .An architect, an artist and an IT guy were discussing whether it was better to have a wife or a mistress. . .The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. . .The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. . .The IT guy said, "I like both." . .The artist said "BOTH?" . .The IT guy replied "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office and get some work done."
Comprehending IT - Take Three . .----------------------------- . .To the optimist, the glass is half full. . .To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. . .To the IT guy, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Comprehending IT - Take Four . .---------------------------- . .An IT guy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The IT guy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. . .The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a week and do ANYTHING you want." Again the IT guy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" . .The IT guy said, "Look I work in IT. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."
. .Comprehending IT - Take Five . .---------------------------- . .A programmer, hardware engineer, network engineer and a department manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes failed. The car careered out of control, bouncing off guard rails until it miraculously ground to a scraping halt along the mountainside. The occupants of the car were unhurt, but they had a problem. They were stuck halfway down the mountain in a car with no brakes.
"I know" said the manager. "Let's form a team, have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and through a process of Continuous Improvement, find a solution to our Critical Problems and we'll be on our way."
"No," said the hardware engineer. "I've got my Swiss army knife with me. I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we'll be on our way."
"Hang on," said the network engineer. "I'll grab my sniffer and put it right on the brake lines so I can look directly at the fluid flow. I can trace the symptom faster and we'll be out of here in no time."
"Wait," said the programmer. "Before we do anything, shouldn't we push the car back to the top of the mountain and see if it happens again?"