MakeItHappenCaptain

This might make for a laugh,
Stupid things you have seen or heard through airport security,
(Amusing preferred but sure there will be some tale of pointlessly wasting aircrew's time.)
To kick the ball off...
1)
(Older female German tourist)
"Excuze me, but vy do I have to take off ze shoos?"
(Security)
"It's okay there's just a small piece of metal in the heel so we run it through the x-ray"
(Tourist)
"But I am not ze terrorist!!!"
2)
(Busy (looking) businessman)
"I don't have time for this crap! I have to catch a plane!"
(Security guard laughing)
"Yeah, you and how many other people here?"
3)
(Security)
"Mate, you've got two boxes of shotgun shells in this bag."
(Pax)
"Oh shit! That's my fishing bag!"
(Security)
"And what exactly were you fishing for?"
Uncle Chop Chop knows what to do!
http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=toqQL-tejek

VH-ABC

Nazi blonde on a gate at Tulla who is known for being a bit of a pain, whilst taking details of my ASIC, got my first name mixed up with my last name. When I pointed it out, she said... "Sorry, havent got my glasses on tonight!"

Makes me feel safe with her on the job.
Next time might give her a library card instead.

Icarus53

Sydney a few weeks ago - woman in front of me has been in a protracted argument as to why she cannot take her umbrella through to the gate.

Having repeated explained to the guard the irrelevant fact that she is not getting on a plane, but that she has to assist her elderly mother to the gate (and presumably she will absolutely require the assistance of an umbrella to achieve this), she finally agrees to leaving the umbrella at the screening point and picking it up on the way back out.

She then attempt to walk through the metal detector with her hand bag. After the detector beeps, another slightly shorter argument over the fact that he bag must be put through the x-ray, just like every other boag that has gone through while she has been waiting.

X-ray reveals a medium sized carving knife in her bag. This woman must be either the dumbest terrorist ever to enter an airport, or the 58th dumbest normal passenger to enter an airport.

I'd tell you about the other 57 dumbest passengers, but that seems like material for another thread.

Islander Jock

Pilot flying somewhere in Sydney basin (possibly YSSY) during APEC and is checked by security Nazi for his ASIC. Proceeds to show said nazi his expired ASIC and is given the all clearl

DOTARS nazi conducting security audit at a regional airport spots a Capt from a Braz doing a walk around. Capt doesn't have his ASIC. DOTARS nazi speaks to Capt and is informed that the card has been lost and reported to CASA. Capt is allowed to continue with his business. Moral of the story.... you do not need an ASIC to fly from a security controlled airport - even if DOTARS spring you.

Bullethead

Sitting at the gate in CHC a while ago and the purser enters the flight deck with a handful of metal tent pegs and asks,

"Do you reckon these should be on board?"

WTF?

I had a think about it and it occurred to me that these pegs might be part of a tent kit, you know the sort with the snap together metal poles etc, so I asked the obvious and it was.

I didn't have time to go and roast the security idiot who let this lot through so we got it all put in the hold and departed.

A tent kit with metal poles and pegs is obviously no on the prohibited list. Unbelievable.

Regards,
BH.