It's been a long week, so here's a frivolous question for a Friday...
Flew DME - LHR yesterday, and as we approached Heathrow, the (Antipodean) captain announced over the PA "Ten minutes to landing, possums", to the amusement of those in the cabin
Just set me thinking if there other examples of flightdeck PA announcements that have amused/embarassed the cabin crew?
well, Michael O'Leary flew on a ryanair flight from kir to dub and said to the pax, "free tea and coffee for everyone, but if you want champagne, you can all **** off"!!!!!!!! charming.
Ahh ... that Irish sense of humour that I've heard so much about
I used to be a passenger from LHR to DME and back quite a lot and remember a few unusual announcements. One of the CSD's introduced herself as "Rainbow" (hippy parents???). The English passengers around me were staring at each other and shrugging their shoulders.
Some of the Russian passengers always got up, turned on their phones and started opening the lockers while the plane was taxi-ing which lead to some polite but firm announcements ... and some arguments.
When I flew with them there was one member of crew per flight and duties included strapping luggage down in the rear of the cabin - pasengers had to bring their own luggage on board. There was also no PA so the safety demonstration was shouted in Russian!
The girl working on my flight came over and explained where the exit was in English just before take off.
Many many years ago when Qantas flew the 707 LHR/JFK (that's giving away my age!) we were all somewhat amused by the Capt's farewell announcement , which went something like
"They tell me Kennedy Airport is down there somewhere. If I can find it in all this smog, we'll be landing in 10 minutes. Thank you for flying Qantas."
I used to work for a rather orange airline. Once I was part of a crew which consisted of a very immature FA and FO. Throughout the last sector they were paying "bogies" over the PA in a Dick and Dom style. The loudest "bogies" was the most concerning, from the FO on the landing roll.. I left soon after.
The funniest are usually those that wrily ironise the whole flying experience. My easyJet captain a few weeks spoke about it being "time to do battle" with ATC in his announcement which I thought summed things up nicely.
Someone once told me that when flying Qantas, the pilot deliberately created a simulated "bump", telling the passengers that this is what happens when aircraft cross the equator!
This was some time ago (in the late '70s, when Qantas issued certificates onboard to mark crossing the equator).
I was lucky enough to be a pax on one of Chris Orlebar's BA flights for a ski holiday in the early 90's.
Great bloke! He was pointing out all the landmarks below us and giving his opinions on the architecture of the various buildings we were flying over.
As we were disembarking he was standing at the entrance wishing everyone a good day, shaking hands, etc.
I noticed that he was doing a lecture in my town a while back all about his time as a Concorde pilot. Sadly I was working a night shift and couldn't make it, but I'll definitely be there if he does another one.
American Airlines at LAX.'Good afternoon, Lords and Ladies, Ladies and Gents, Boys and Girls, Movers and Shakers and miscellaneous people, me and this airplane are going to Heathrow, England, and if you aint goin' there, you're on the wrong one.'
St Petersburg in January. The plane is still at the gate but is rocking in the wind and snow flurries are tearing across the tarmac. Laconic Finnair pilot (with heavy accent).
(Click)
'Ladies and gentlemen, the weather in Saint Petersburg tonight is terrible and the weather in Helsinki is worse. Please do your seat belts up very tight. Thank-you.'
(Click)
Heathrow, BA to Rome. As the engines are started an Italian lady runs down the aisle of the plane, and starts hammering on the cockpit door, shouting at the top of her voice (in Italian) that she wants to get off. Cabin crew gather round but their Italian is not really up to the challenge. Italian passengers join in to 'translate'. Pandemonium. After a few minutes the door opens and the man with four rings on his arm takes a look. The door closes again. Then the P.A.:
'Ladies and gentlemen, there will now follow a short delay while we try to establish why this lady does not wish to fly with 'the worlds favourite airline'.
Cathay to Taiwan just after a storm has gone through. Start the approach, and the 777 is being tossed around like confetti. People are getting scared, and I'm thinking lunch is going to end up in a bag. Incredibly laid back Antipodean pilot:
'Well guys, this isn't really working is it? Think we'll try something else.'
All three took all the tension out of the situation. And one from the ground: Kristiansund in south Norway. A glass fronted terminal where you can watch the planes come and go:
'xxxx announces that due to an incident on the incoming flight there will be a delay to the flight to Stavanger.'
The plane taxis in, and bored passengers watch as an ambulance pulls up. The crew disappear inside with a stretcher and come back carrying what is very obviously a corpse. Next announcement:
'Would any standby passengers for Stavanger please come to the desk at the departure gate?'
After an overnight JFK-LHR flight the FO came on the PA, introduced himself, wished us all a good morning, gave time to landing, local time, LHR weather etc. Came back on PA 10 mins later, introduced himself again, and gave us an updated arrival time due to ATC delay.
Smooth descent, smooth approach and then a VERY bumpy landing. Followed a few seconds later by ...
"Ladies and Gentlement, this is your Captain speaking. The FO has asked me to point out that I did the landing."
(short pause)
"This is your Captain speaking again. The FO has asked me to point out that I did BOTH of those landings."
One Brussels South flight to Dublin a couple of years back I was SLF. The Captain didn't even bother talking on the PA to anyone during the entire flight. Not even '10 minutes to landing'.
I complained getting off. The flight attendant was embarrased.
First was arriving back to LHR from the US where the Captain very sincerely announced that "..the cabin crew would like me to tell everybody on board that you may have all boarded as passengers but you will all disembark as friends...." - I had to reach for my sick bag.
Second one was very funny, the CSD on a BA flight, where one of the movies you could watch starred Kurt Russel, mentioned Kurt Russel in every single announcement he made. Very amusing.
I fly the red eye from Aberdeen to Heathrow first Monday of every month. Stand out announcement for me was some years ago. After some preliminaries it went something like, "Ladies and Gentlemen, as Paul Simon once said, there may be fifty ways to leave your lover, but there are only five ways to leave this aircraft. If we could have your attention for just a few more minutes the cabin crew will tell you where they are, as well as talk you through some important safety announcements!" It got a laugh from even some of the most hardened business travellers on that flight. Feel free to use.
Not flight deck, but aimed at them. After a very hard touchdown at DFW, Cabin Crew came on with "Do take care when opening the overhead lockers, because the contents will surely have shifted after a landing like that."
Nice to hear some memories of this wonderful man - don't know what he was like to fly with up front but as SLF he was just brilliant! My most memorable flight ever on the red-eye from ABZ-LGW (I think..)
Don't let's lose these 'characters' in our 'elf and safety/corporate bs world..
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