'Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.'
I assume for landings at night it is also to hide the looks of horror on the faces of the CC
Your posting distills a hard core of classic airline lore. It deserves to be engraved in stone which, as in the case of Ancient Greece and Rome, will constitute most of what the archeologists and ancient historians of the next few millennia will have to work with in order to build their careers on speculating about what the schlitz we were all up to before we bottomed out like a bunch of Thracians or Etruscans.
Many years ago, YUL - LGA, smooth flight and landing, and then the (male) purser gets on and says "well the captain is a fantastic pilot but a lousy driver so keep your seatbelts fastened until we reach the gate." in both english and french. definitely got some giggles...
Reading these brings a smile to my face. Here are a coup[le of mine...
Arriving DFW on Delta, FA announces preparation for landing in the Dallas AREA...I asked her if we could try the airport.
Alaska Airlines arrival at John Wayne...FA, imitating Andy Rooney..."why is it that when you're at 35,000 feet, traveling at 500 MPH it's OK to move about the cabin but when you're on the ground, traveling at 30 mph, you must remain seated with your seatbelt fastened?"
Approaching Seattle on a United LHR/SEA flight, FA announces that Captain has found what he believes to be the Seattle airport so in preparation for our landing...!
Pan Am flight out of JFK at push back, Captain asks pax to not lean out in the aisle and block his view while he is backing away from the gate.
Putt
on an emirates flight the captain was introducing the crew by name and where they were from and in the middle of the names he said alice from wonderland. very funny!
Embarassing one for me...
About a year ago I was landing in Glasgow and planted the aircraft onto the tarmac.....and I mean hard! Taxied onto stand, Captain says nothing...seat belt sign comes off, Captain takes the mic..."Ladies and Gentlemen, from the flight deck, your Captain speaking, thank you for flying with us today, we hope to see you on board again very soon........( pause ) and after THAT landing my first officer ( SAYS MY NAME) will be waiting for you at the bottom of the steps to sign autographs!" To which I heard through the cockpit doors much clapping and laughing! Lucky for me the seat has a quick release drop down handle and I stayed well below the glare shield and did my paperwork quietly until all the pax were safely in the terminal!
Not a flight deck announcement but a memorable moment...
On what is normally a 15 minute flight from YVR to YYJ.....All passengers aboard but after 10 minutes, still no engines running . Flight Attendant standing at the top of the stairs looking out.... and passengers getting restless.
And then the FA says, "Two gentlemen are about to board and then we'll be departing. Please clap and give them your most enthusiastic welcome."
Greeted by applause, cheers and whistles as they came up the stairs, were a very harried looking (and surprised) Captain and First Officer. As the Captain was entering the flight desk, he turned back with a grin and said, to the passengers, "I should have known something was up, I've never seen her smile before." (referring to the FA)
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