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Old 11th Jul 2006, 09:03   #61 (permalink)

FX Guru
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Greenwich
Age: 57
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Quote:
On the other hand, I once had about half a cupful of water drip onto me from the vent during take-off on an African flight...
I once had the misfortune to fly on a Tower Air jumbo to BKK from LGW which had a vent that positively didn't like me. At least half a cup of water each time we rotated (the plane was so old it couldn't make to BKK in one go, we had to re-fuel in Bahrain).

The first time I got soaked I whinged to one of the CC who said, 'Don't worry, it isn't petrol (sic).'

Still, at 299 quid return I didn't moan that much!
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Old 14th Jul 2006, 02:06   #62 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Ruritania
Posts: 95
In the back of a BA flight recently I was sitting opposite a smart, clever-looking young man like Bamber Gascoigne. As passengers were loading, he suddenly became very agitated and started rummaging furiously through his wallet and suit pockets. "Oh, that bl00dy woman, what's she done with it, where is it, OMG, it's not here!" he was saying, over and over. The CC standing by asked him what was the matter. "The return part of my ticket! How am I ever going to be able to fly back now? That stupid woman at the desk didn't give it me back!"

"But this is a ticketless airline, Sir," replied the CC. "You turn up at the desk on time and hand your passport up." Eventually she managed to convince him that he'd only lost the internet printout and he calmed down.

But then it started again, muttering "That stupid woman, what did she do with it ..." and I thought it was really getting out of order, but the CC just ignored it. I think the other pax that were closing in by then calmed him down, or at any rate I was no longer party to his imagined persecutions from the mischievous stilettoed damsels of the check-in counter.
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Old 24th Jul 2006, 23:36   #63 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Leeds UK
Posts: 17
Some more belters from pax



Me: Madam would you like a sandiwch.. the choice is Cheese or Ham..?
Pax: ooo, al take a beef..

Me: Would you like any tea or coffee madam?
Pax: oo, yes
Me: (Give me a clue then)

Me: Would you like a drink madam, the choice is Tea, Coffee, Orange Juce, Water, Beer or Wines
Pax: Coke Please
Me: Sorry madam its just the choice i gave you
Pax: ooo, apple juice please
Me: sorry madam its just Orange juice
Pax: ooo, do you have ginger ale
Me: OMG!!!!!!!! SCREAMING!!!!!

And how about some of the other things those lovable pax get up to...

Ever seen them staring at the washroom door.... i think they expect it to open on its own if they state at it long enough.

How about commenting on the size of the luggage bins... "my how these overhead lockers are getting smaller"... "actually madam, its just that passengers have decided to bring hold luugage into the cabin these days".

40 Minute flight to amsterdam; "do you have a pillow and a blanket and where are the tv screens?"

25 Minute flight from amsterdam to brussels; mid drinks service; "excuse me, will you be coming round again with a choice of tea and coffee?"....
"how about no"

..... the list is endless....
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Old 26th Jul 2006, 02:04   #64 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: london
Posts: 10
i had a man come up to me, earlier on we almost had to think about using 2 extension seat belts he was so large,(only joking) he said;

you know your seats are too small.

really!

or could it be your too fat,

i bit my tongue
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Old 26th Jul 2006, 08:53   #65 (permalink)
Gizajob
 
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I know him - he always sits next to me (if there's no woman + screaming snotty kid on the flight)...
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Old 26th Jul 2006, 09:11   #66 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: LONDON
Posts: 94
Passenger sat by the overwing emergency exit

PAX can i sit next to the emergency exit
CC yes no problem
PAX is it drafty by the door
CC no madam but if it starts to make a hissing noise please let me know
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Old 26th Jul 2006, 09:28   #67 (permalink)
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Liverpool
Age: 58
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pax arrives at 0808hrs for a flight departing 0810hrs when told he had missed the flight he replied "its only 8 mins past the plane doesnt leave till 10 past", check in girl asks didnt you read the ticket where it says check in closes 30 mins before departure?,"thats only for long flights im only going to isle of man"
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Old 27th Jul 2006, 09:28   #68 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Spain
Posts: 3
the 17% er's.
As many of us know.. only 17% of Americans have passports, it amazes my work mates and me alike as to how they even get to the airport in the first place. This is a classic example from an LAX flight.

(larger framed american lady.. staring at loo door.. occasionaly 'poking it)
pax.. hostess how do i open this door, ive tried pulling it and everything???

crew... you push it madam.. just like the door on your trailer, when you want to get out.

(crew was repremanded... needless to say not the right answer but funny) Shame it wasnt a flight to Charlotte.. the remark would have gone right over her head...
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Old 27th Jul 2006, 22:02   #69 (permalink)
The Aquatone Article
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: London
Posts: 167
Not really the right place for this, but mention of our friends in the USA reminds me of the Congresswoman who, after collecting her luggage off the carousel, got one of her staffers to write to the airline to complain that they shouldn't have labelled it "FAT" just because she is overweight.

(She was flying into Fresno Air Terminal in California, but the way).
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Old 28th Jul 2006, 08:40   #70 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Sydney
Posts: 78
Tasmanian Dollars

American pax on domestic flight SYD-Hobart (Tasmania) "Can I use Australian money in Tasmania or do I need to change currency"?
My reply "Oh no, they accept Aussie dollars happily as the rate is so good"!
Or " I arrived at the airport 3 hrs early and got a seat like this"!
Me "Well all the seats are the same shape and size but if you'd prefer a different colour I can move you"!
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Old 2nd Aug 2006, 11:45   #71 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: England
Posts: 5
On a lunchtime flight at about 14:00

Pax: Excuse me, do you have a breakfast meal?

Me: Sorry sir, we'll be serving lunch shortly

Pax: So you have no breakfast meal?

Me: I'm sorry sir, but we only have lunch onboard since it is lunchtime

Pax: But in my time zone it's breakfast

Me: Sorry sir, but your time zone has changed, it's now lunchtime!



Pax on a flight to Nice with easyJet, boards and has bumble bee glasses, fur coat and jewellery up to her neck and rings of gold in every finger with a Gucci handbag. She looks up and down at the Purser and says;

"I don't think your uniform is very professional!"

Crew member says;

"Well it's my professionalism madam that stops me commenting on what you're wearing!"

Last edited by angeloflight; 2nd Aug 2006 at 12:31.
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Old 2nd Aug 2006, 14:03   #72 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: LGW
Age: 41
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Quote:
Originally Posted by angeloflight
Pax on a flight to Nice with easyJet, boards and has bumble bee glasses, fur coat and jewellery up to her neck and rings of gold in every finger with a Gucci handbag. She looks up and down at the Purser and says;

"I don't think your uniform is very professional!"

Crew member says;

"Well it's my professionalism madam that stops me commenting on what you're wearing!"
ROFL!

My one yesterday was:

PAX: Have you any chocolate bars?

MEL Yes, I have Kit Kat, Mars or Twix

PAX: I'll have a Snickers please

I wanted to grab the twix and beat her senseless with it whilst screaming "I have no feckin Snickers, if I had Snickers I would have said"

And for those on this forum who might be pax, if you had been on my AGP flight yesterday and seen what the pax were like, you too would have felt the same way!
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Old 2nd Aug 2006, 20:17   #73 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: king-size bed, goose feather duvet, deepest Sussex
Age: 56
Posts: 284
Please forgive me for the slight drift ........a lot of these comments sound like the customers we get where I work, so it is not only on board aircraft when people leave their brains behind!!

Typical conversation:

Customer: I've got an appointment with someone in the service department.
Me: What's the name please?
Customer: Well I think his name is Nick.
Me: I meant what is your name!!
............................................................ ............
Caller: Are you BMW?
Me: No we're Mercedes-Benz.
Caller: Well I need to speak to BMW. Can you give me their number??
Me: Er, sorry, no. I'm afraid I don't have it. (Thinks to oneself: do they think we are directory enquiries?)
............................................................ ..............
Customer: I've got a Mercedes car.
Me: (Thinks to oneself: well what a surprise, we don't get many of those in here!! )
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Old 2nd Aug 2006, 21:40   #74 (permalink)
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: LGW
Posts: 122
Currently working out my notice in a tech dept for a computer company before moving to EZY.

The classics:

I want to pay my gas bill.

My washing machine's broken and Rita said thay have computer chips in them so I should call you.

I want to reserve a room for tomorrow night. Oh this isn't the Hilton? Who is it? Oh. What's the number for the Hilton.

I has one guy who wanted to buy some potatoes. And he was serious. :s
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Old 2nd Aug 2006, 23:28   #75 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: South Staffordshire, UK
Age: 33
Posts: 79
Many moons ago, my family and I were flying out of Manchester on a 757. My mum, who is the world's most nervous passenger, was becoming concerned about the amount of condensation dripping on her.

Passing CC noticed my frighened old dear and said, "Don't worry madam - that's just the life rafts drying out!"

I PMSL - Priceless
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Old 3rd Aug 2006, 11:14   #76 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Somewhere very sunny !
Age: 43
Posts: 230
I fly Helis over the north sea. My fav comes from one of my old work mates who while flying in the Danish sector had the best inflight pax. The crew had just left a drilling rig 118 miles of the Danish coast, the rig had given the Capt and co-jo 2 plastic tubs with food and coffee. Ten mins into the flight an oily tapped the crew on the shoulder and said he needed a Cr%p asap. The crew advised our upset pax that they had just left the rig and why had he not done the deed earlier ! "Please sit down, we will be landing in 50 mins." Several mins later our brave crew had eaten some of the sandwiches when our upset pax tapped the crew on the shoulder again "I really really need a Cr*p and its coming out like it or not, what can I crap in !! " The crew looked at each other then looked at one of the plastic boxes that had not been opened. They opended the box only to find pudding..................................................... .........two choclate eclairs !! The two of them nearly died laughing.
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Old 3rd Aug 2006, 13:46   #77 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Tottenham Court Road, London
Age: 31
Posts: 11
Talking

Quote:
Originally Posted by stevef
Careful about gullspitting to pax, eh - I complained to a stew recently about the extremely feeble flow from the overhead air vents and was told that they're always like that. I didn't mention that I've been an aircraft engineer for the last twenty-seven years and know otherwise.
On the other hand, I once had about half a cupful of water drip onto me from the vent during take-off on an African flight...
Anyway, you do a good job under sometimes trying circumstances, girls (and boys)!
:^)
Steve...... Can i ask what you wanted the crew memebr to do? Being an Aircraft Engineer for 27 years should you not have known that the crew member could do just as much as you could at that time? Just a thought. Alex
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Old 3rd Aug 2006, 17:27   #78 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Station 42
Age: 59
Posts: 776
Hello, Alex. You're quite right; she couldn't have done anything. But, having been informed, I would have expected her to write it up in the Cabin Tech Log and/or mentioned it to the cockpit crew after landing. Then, someone like me would have fixed the snag! And, she obviously knew that the vents should operate better than they were and shouldn't have said that it was normal. It wasn't only my vent; several pax in other rows were fiddling with theirs.
Steve.
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Old 3rd Aug 2006, 17:35   #79 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: London
Posts: 32
A few yrs ago, out of DEN to LHR with good old Birdseed, the CSD suggested to me that they needed some assistance in cattle. A enormously obese couple (I am talking fatter than lard itself) with a 16 year old kid of Jupitean size (and all of them of obvious nationality) in the aisles, were causing absolute havoc on the "this seat isn't big enough... I got no room.... I got f***ing SFU next to my name....I should be in first... this is a s***hole limey airline" line of talk....both he and his wife was obnoxious to everyone around

The guy was rude beyond comprehension to all around and as he demand his upgrade...

After trying to be charm itself (a hopeless effort), I got rather exasperated and just said "Look, first is for those with a greed for money, not a greed for eating" and went back to the FD, leaving the CSD to upgrade the poor bloke sitting next to them on his own at the end....hehehehe!
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Old 3rd Aug 2006, 20:54   #80 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: somewere
Posts: 55
biggles, i loved that one I wish i could say what i thought sometimes. like the pax who kicked off the other day because we were delayed and had no sandwiches to SELL. They had been given food vouchers in the terminal but it was just a disaster we had no crap overpriced sandwiches to sell to them. It as my fault that she was going to a business meeting on an empty belly and was reporting me because of it, i nicely asked why she never spent her voucher on food in the terminal as she had 3 hours to kill but it was all my fault. Proberly had a G&T with it old bag.
we also had another pax kick off about having no crap sandwiches after a delay (i work for a LCC were you pay nearly 5 for a sandwhich),we explained that they had been on all day and we would not eat them so not wanting to sell them. she made a scene about how she worked for the HEALTH & SAFTY and needed food and in the end we thought we would pull the guilt trip. After her little show we went up to her and gave her my crew meal and explained that i would go without because she was so upset about it. The old bag eat every bit and when i took it away she never even said thanks. How can you win if we sold her the sandwiches she would end up with food posioning, but she is happy to let another person go without food how selfish? Health & safty my arse
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