I do believe that Manchester attracts some stunningly smart@ss pax.
Down on B pier in T1 one hot and sticky afternoon and some guy comes up to me and at the top of his voice says to me "is there anything you want to tell me?"
Me: (very puzzled) No Sir. Pax: Are you sure? (Very loud, at this point has the attention of a good majority of the pier.) Me: I'm very sure. (More puzzled) Pax: Only it seems to me that there is no aircraft for us to FLY ON! (V.V.loud and looking down his nose whilst checking that everyone is lookng at him.) Me: So that big blue and white thing behind you is an apparition then?
Lots of sniggering and guffaws from assembled crowd, him bright red in face and slunk away.
The moral of the story? Nobody likes a smartalec, espcially one who can't get his facts straight.
some of the earlier posts have had me in stitches..... did anyone read the stuff in the tabloids about 'complaints' from passengers?? the best one was.... ( a flight to the carribean!)
" why has it took us 11 hours, when it only took the americans 3 hours ??"
(the hours may be slightly wrong but eh close enough!!) the rest i can't remember but i bet someone can???
Today on boarding in TLS a man with 3 heavy bags (one for himself, one for his wife and one for his kid) made a bad comment to me when I pointed out to him that NO, he could not store them in an empty trolley stowage in the galley, just opposite my crew seat.....I understand the new baggage policy can confuse people a little, but...
Paris Air Show. Fellow Crew member and I get access to the show during a non-public day thanks to the power of our airline passes.
ColleagueX, a N2 (senior in charge of Yclass) for a very well known charter UK airline, proposes to go and have a peek at the (at that time) brand new B777-300ER. I have a special love for the 777 and, having worked on a previous model, I was explaining to him some of the features of the new aircraft, how great it is, differences with the 767 etc etc.
Now that was the day Emirates announced that they were going to buy many of those and other airlines were contemplating and about to make a declaration, so the area around it was full of professionals, airline bosses, airline photographers, journalists, anoraky know-it-all nerds and, of course, Boeing people. All of a sudden he looks very serious and starts screaming...
<<You're righ! You're right! This plane is fabulous and will be so comfortable and safe...look!! It doesn't only have two wings, it has four!!!>>
That was such an embarassing moment, but boy it was funny!!
I don't get it..... what was the funny bit??? Yep, loads of great features on the newer 777s, though. They put a lot of thought into the fold-down tables in the galleys, hotter ovens, brighter lights, faster coffee machines, etc...
The funny/sad bit is that for the first time in 7 years of flying he had realised that aeroplanes have a horizontal stabilizer+elevators!!! He thought that the 777 was extra special because had "4 wings instead of the 2 like the 757/767" So after that I decided it was useless to explain that the two big wings of the 757 are in fact only one anyway....wingtip to wingtip....too complicated
Anyway, the reaction of the people around us was what you'd expect, lots of giggling.... But now it is not funny anymore
Many many years ago in my mis-spent youth, I was CC for a charter co out of MAN. Late one night as we were taxiing out for dep (to somewhere in Spain) and I'm walking down the cabin checking seat belts, a womann tugged at my jacket and asked,
" 'Ere is there sommat wrong with this 'ere window'
Perplexed, I took a good long look at said window and replied that I couldn't see anything wrong with and asked why the passenger thought there was. She replied,
"Well, me daughter's been trying for ages, and she can't get it open"
Indian chap pulled a fish-hook from his mouth and claimed we had nearly killed him. He said he would forgive us if we upgraded him to 1st class. I told him that he should take us to court...and I offered to get him some forms to fill in. I said he could make millions. He was very very excited. I then explained that if he was lying, he would find himsilf in a Chinese (HK) prison for many years. Less excited, he insisted we'd tried to kill him. I asked him one more time if he was sure...."because since 2000 we'd been catching all our fish with nets & as the Communist party had banned fish hooks by law he should dispose of his one before landing."
Moral: Dont try and bullsh1t a bullsh1tter!
Last edited by Silberfuchs; 7th Jul 2006 at 21:27.
Im reading a map book or Sydney in the cockpit (Looking for a friends street)
New'ish cabin crew comes in and asks what Im doing......so I start in to a tale of the glorious art of international navigation. Great circle routes on mercator projections, oblate sepheroids & moon phases; finally explaining "that only gets us within 50 or so miles of Sydney. Once we get to the border of New South Wales, we find ourself on the Sydney street map and that way we know whether to turn left or right to the airport."
"I always wondered how you did that" she said. "It must be a lot harder at night?"
I still wonder if she tells others how its done? So cruel.
Quite true!!! I work for a charter airline also and I did a flight to PFO not long ago. Finished the meal service
PAX: Scuse me, I ordered a meal forme and my family we haven't got it yet.. CC: Have you got your tickets with you so I can just check please? PAX. They're in my suitcase. CC: So how did you check in then??? PAX: Well I was given mytickets at the airport and then I put them back in my suitcase CC: I can't really give you a meal without seeing your tickets madam PAX: Well can you go downstairs and get me suitcase and I'll show ya??
Chomp a blood capsule, available from most joke shops, allow the goo to run down yout chin whilst feigning sleep just after dinner on a long haul. Allow harassed companion to field thought provoking questions from CC, who sometimes, at least, do not see the thought provoking humour in such an action
Careful about gullspitting to pax, eh - I complained to a stew recently about the extremely feeble flow from the overhead air vents and was told that they're always like that. I didn't mention that I've been an aircraft engineer for the last twenty-seven years and know otherwise.
On the other hand, I once had about half a cupful of water drip onto me from the vent during take-off on an African flight...
Anyway, you do a good job under sometimes trying circumstances, girls (and boys)!
the other hand, I once had about half a cupful of water drip onto me from the vent during take-off on an African flight...
On the A320/321s of an airline I worked for previously we used to have a proper "hail" shower from the vents above the main doors and pax used to ask us if that was because it was snowing outside.... Yeah...snow that magically enters the cabin at FL360 above the Alps...and with a sunny sky....Very dangerous!!! Heard that many, many times....