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Old 28th Jun 2006, 15:21   #21 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: I'll go and ask the Captain
Posts: 643
Once on a flight back from some meditteranean island just after the seat belt signs had come on and long before the gear went down I was stopped by a passenger who in all seriousness asked me "have we landed yet?"

6
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Old 29th Jun 2006, 18:18   #22 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: not quite sure
Posts: 5
Wouldn't call this particular pax thick, but his comment was quite funny. On a flight from LHR-LBA an American pax asked "are we going to Leeds or Bradford first"
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Old 29th Jun 2006, 21:51   #23 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: UK
Posts: 96
while going to brief my exit pax...

me: excuse me sir, sorry to bother you but as you're sat on the emergency exit..
SLF: *looks totally blank* huh what
me: as you're sat on the emergency exit
SLF: what do you mean?
me: *says it s-l-o-w-l-y* see that door you're sat next to, its an emergency exit.. see the big EXIT sign?
SLF: mmmm, right...
I'd be here all night if I continued the rest of the conversation

From my days of being on the ground:
PAX: Can we be somewhere near the front?
me: yes, is row 3 ok for you?
PAX: Is that near the front?
me: no the seat rows are numbered 1, 2, 4 all the way through to 40 then row 3 is there
PAX: oh right, so nothing near the front then?

again when they think we make PA's for fun, and how the instructions to them apply to everyone but THEM

I think I need to work somewhere else preferably with animals.. I might get more sense from them
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Old 29th Jun 2006, 22:19   #24 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: BNE
Posts: 326
ME: Would you like a tea or coffee sir?
PAX: WHAT?
ME: Would you like a tea or coffee sir?
PAX: No I dont drink alcohol!
ME: Sorry sir, we are offering you TEA, or COFFEE, would you like some?
PAX: Yes. .... (puts his cup on my tray, and stares blankly at my colleague and I).
ME: So sir, which is it - tea or coffee?
PAX: WHAT?
ME: Would you like tea or coffee to drink sir?
PAX: I told you - yes!
ME: Sir, I need to know, do you want the TEA, 'OR' the coffee.
PAX: Tea, black, no sugar! (I pour it - he takes the cup)

2 rows later

PAX: Can I have some milk and sugar please?
(We return, my colleague pours the milk from the silver jug - and instructs the passengers to 'say when').
PAX: I didnt want milk for the tea, I want a coffee with milk!

_____________

Another passenger on another flight...

I pour her her requested cup of tea.

PAX: What do you call this - thats disgusting, take it back.
ME: Is there a problem?
PAX: Its too strong.
ME: Im sorry mam, I will make you a fresh cup a bit weaker in a minute.

I return with weaker tea

PAX: Oh, no no no, its still far too strong.

I return with even weaker tea - so much so that its barely tea.

PAX: No, take it back!

I return with a cup of hot water and a tea bag (separate) so she can do it how she likes. I apologise.

PAX: Thats not how you make tea!!! What do you expect me to do with this.
ME: Its a tea-bag - you dunk it in the hot water.
PAX: Dont you have fresh tea and a tea pot?
ME: Im sorry mam, no we dont.
PAX: Just get me a VB (harsh, cheap and nasty victorian beer).

Return with VB:

PAX: Its too cold, do you have any that arent so cold.
ME: No sorry mam.
PAX: Well I dont want to pay for it!
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Old 30th Jun 2006, 04:23   #25 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Sydney
Posts: 76
On a domestic flight from Sydney I had this exchange with a newly arrived U.S. visitor to Australia a few years back.

Me: Madam, would you like a cup of coffee?

Passenger: Do you have any tea with yee?

Me: I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you mean by yee.....

Passenger: Oh..... no I'm sorry, do you have any tea with thou?

Me: Are you trying to speak olde english?

Passenger: Isn't that how you speak here in Australia?

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Old 30th Jun 2006, 11:13   #26 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: gatwick
Posts: 77
Were about an hour out of SFB and travelling up the eastern seaboard. At the time, one of last years hurricanes had passed over Orlando and was by now somewhere up by the Carolina's.

PAX AT WINDOW: Excuse me, what are those big flashes in the clouds over there. Is it another aircraft?

I look out of window.

ME: Um, that's lightning sir.

These two were told to be me by a friend at easyJet.

Boarding. Pax enters door. "Oh, seats."

Or:

PAX: Excuse me. The coloured tint on these windows is lovely. Why do you have it?

HOSTIE: That's a sunset, ma'am.
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Old 30th Jun 2006, 13:11   #27 (permalink)

Lady Lexxington
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The Manor House
Age: 34
Posts: 1,133
I've posted this before but it still makes me chuckle.

I was boarding a flight to Chicago and an elderly American couple handed me there boarding cards, as I gave them the stubs back I said feel free to help yourselves to water from the rack. (We give bottles out as you board). The old man turned to his wife and said "WHAT DID SHE SAY?"
Her: "WE'RE FLYING OVER IRAQ DEAR!"

Laugh? The whole gate area collapsed.

Bless.
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Old 1st Jul 2006, 01:48   #28 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In Frozen Chunks (Cloud Cuckoo Land)
Age: 7
Posts: 1,490
Cant bag out pax to much......how about crew too

This little exchange on a very delayed 737 only 2 weeks ago:

Pilots called out from standby, only First officer there, Capt hasnt arrived, all cabin crew and CSM already onboard from previous sector:



Customer Service Supervisor (CSM) to F/O: The company wants us to leave now.

F/O: Capts not here, we cant go yet

CSM: NO, but the company really wants us to go NOW

F/O: Really, we cant go without the Captain.

CSM: NO, the company just told me, they want us to leave right now.

F/O: Scratching head, Look, I think your missing something here.....
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Old 1st Jul 2006, 10:07   #29 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: England
Posts: 1,299
Quote:
Originally Posted by sinala1
Threads such as these are meant purely as therapy for those of us who deal with the less erm 'familiar with flying'
Some of us "familiars" find them quite theraputic as well.
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Old 1st Jul 2006, 10:42   #30 (permalink)
Banned... Persona Non Grata
 
Join Date: Jul 1999
Location: Europe
Posts: 352
Taking fun
as simply fun
and earnestness
in earnest
shows how thoroughly
thou none
of the two
discernest.
Clarence Oveur is offline   Reply
Old 1st Jul 2006, 12:35   #31 (permalink)
Just call me Rotty
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Rotty's Bar and Grill (@RJAF)
Age: 48
Posts: 42
Red face So sorry...

Just got back from a few days away... read my earlier post and realized how much it (and I) didn't belong here. I apologize for sticking my big nose where it doesn't belong. Was also reminded on the flights down to Naha ( ) and back of some of the cr ola you fine folks have to put up with, day in and day out.
Sorry I posted like a pompous a$$!
Hat, coat, door...
rotated is offline   Reply
Old 1st Jul 2006, 13:28   #32 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Stuck in the middle...
Posts: 1,631
Possibly an urban myth, but here goes...

L/H preparing to depart from a certain republic in the Southern Hemisphere where they play rugby.

Economy class, gentleman of colour quietly seated awaiting departure when elderly woman not of colour approaches her seat next to said gentleman.

Elderly woman then approaches CC, staing firmly that she can't possibly be expected to sit next to said gentleman for such a long flight. CC replies "Of course, ma'am, I'll see what I can do"; goes forward.

CC returns a few minutes later and says to the old girl, "Ma'am, we've found a solution to your situation", turns to the gent and says, "Sir, if you'd like to follow me, we have a spare seat in first class for you".
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Old 1st Jul 2006, 23:03   #33 (permalink)
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: all over the shop
Posts: 987
Rotated my post regarding this being a 'therapy' thread was not directed at you. Everyone is welcome here - provided they don't make an a$$ of themselves, which your post did not.
sinala1 is online now   Reply
Old 3rd Jul 2006, 03:56   #34 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Up above the streets and houses...
Age: 34
Posts: 11
Pax: Excuse me, do you have any insecticide spray?
CC(me): Can I ask what for madam?
Pax: There are lots of tiny flies flying around in front of me.
CC(slightly confused): I don't see any flies madam, I think what you can see is dust. Anybody, no? Dust.
Pax: Oh, I guess it could be.

I don't think she quite got the Little Britain reference, but some pax really do leave their brains on the ground.
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Old 3rd Jul 2006, 06:01   #35 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: East of Runway 21
Posts: 1,164
Quote:
Me: Are you trying to speak olde english?

Passenger: Isn't that how you speak here in Australia?
PMSL!!!!

I was passing some last-minute wx info to a crew while boarding, I turned to go and a pax (little old lady) says to me:

"Excuse me, aren't we going to wait for the weather to be fixed?"

(Me with a blank stare, until I realise she'd heard me say 'broken cloud'!! )

I think quite a few of us get that one from time to time!!!
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Old 3rd Jul 2006, 23:48   #36 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: UK
Posts: 96
WHY do they always wait until after you've taken off to tell you that they've left something at the gate aswell?

what do you want me to say? "oh yes ok sir, no problem, we'll just turn back?"
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Old 4th Jul 2006, 12:21   #37 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: England
Posts: 6
I had an interesting experience years ago flying to the UK from a Middle Eastern state on their national airline. My hand baggage was taken off me on boarding by a member of the cabin crew for being allegedly too large (although it looked fine to me and had travelled in countless aircraft cabins before.) I didn't argue and the CC said he would put it in a storage area in the cabin so I could have access to it on the journey. After take off, with the plane less than half full, I decided to try to retrieve my bag. My conversation with the CC went like this:

Me: Could I have access to my bag please?
CC: I had it put in the hold, sir
Me: But I wanted to get something out of and it's not locked, so I didn't want it to go through baggage handling
CC: What would you like me to do about it, sir? Ask the captain to land so you can get you bag?
Me: Yes, please
CC: That is a ridiculous suggestion, sir
Me: But it was YOUR suggestion

At that point the CC walked off and made no attempt to be polite to me for the rest of the journey. I didn't use that airline again.
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Old 4th Jul 2006, 14:36   #38 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: ..I wish I knew!
Posts: 131
FA: "Would you like tea or coffee"
Pax: Yes please

(......could go in circles with this one all day, why is it so hard just to say tea or coffee??? LoL)
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Old 4th Jul 2006, 16:09   #39 (permalink)
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: round the corner
Posts: 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by GTTIB
Pax: Excuse me, do you have any insecticide spray?
CC(me): Can I ask what for madam?
Pax: There are lots of tiny flies flying around in front of me.
CC(slightly confused): I don't see any flies madam, I think what you can see is dust. Anybody, no? Dust.
Pax: Oh, I guess it could be.

I don't think she quite got the Little Britain reference, but some pax really do leave their brains on the ground.
Could have been a medical problem??? Floaters..... especially if pax was experincing this for the first time-> Retinal Detatchment

or as you said, could have just been dust
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Old 4th Jul 2006, 21:11   #40 (permalink)
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: sale
Posts: 67
cabin crew must have the patience of saints!!!!! i don't know how you do it!
i used to work on the ramp at MAN (T2).. when the plane was loaded the push back team would then go and get the pushchairs etc. the best game then was 'count the new trainers' sounds daft but certainly passes the time well....
BUT... the funniest thing i ever heard was from groundstaff who were beginning to board a delayed aircraft. we arrived upstairs and obviously attracted attention, there was then one or two people moving gingerly to said groundstaff to see when aircraft was leaving (don't know if they thought we were flight deck or not, but reading some of the posts maybe!)
the couple of people ended up as a large group (again, people must of thought that it was top secret and the aircraft would go without them!)
the girl was in the process of typing something into the computer on the gate which really got the mood flowing.... THEN............
one surly looking bloke, who had obviously watched EVERY episode of airline/airport thought he would be clever and ask the 'in the know' question...
" will this delay affect our airspace?"... now i believe he meant to ask " will this delay affect our slot time?"...but no he persisted with the now VERY busy girl and asked the same question again....
" WILL THIS AFFECT OUR AIRSPACE? " now at this point the rest of the passengers looked like they were ready with their own 'dumb a$$' questions until the girl looked up, spun round to the terminal windows ( very large glass ones ) and replied back in a very manner of fact way.....
" NO! THERE IS PLENTY OF IT OUT THERE TO GO AROUND!!!!"
within seconds everyone sat back down and there was peace and quiet until the plane boarded and off they went on their hols........
PRICELESS!! YOU ALL HAVE MY GREATEST RESPECT......
regards
J6T
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