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Thick passenger comments

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Thick passenger comments

Old 5th Jan 2007, 18:21
  #221 (permalink)  
 
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No worries, mate; I'm a miserable old git! Virtual grog enclosed.

Steve.
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Old 5th Jan 2007, 19:38
  #222 (permalink)  
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Wink

Thanks for the remarks, I shall be more careful of what I say next Wednesday on VS! Many of the pax comments reminds me of the observation by the head porter at an upmarket London hotel.

About 25 years ago, I was working in a junior role and often chatted to the guy who had been there for many, many years. He despaired of the way guests (= pax) seemed incapable of doing anything for themselves. "It's like, when they walk in the front door, as if their arms drop off and they can no longer even carry a newspaper." Sound familiar...?
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Old 6th Jan 2007, 00:45
  #223 (permalink)  
 
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Years ago I was boarding a Ryanair flight in the days when their aircraft carried a name which consisted of 'The Spirit of' followed by the name of an Irish city.
A gentleman appeared from the gate and enquired "where is this aircraft going?" On receiving the reply "it's going to Dublin' sir" he replied (totally seriously) "are you sure now, 'cos it says Tipperearty on the side"
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Old 6th Jan 2007, 09:22
  #224 (permalink)  
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Jet 2 Plane Naming. I thought it meant...

Ground Bound,

Does that mean that those aircraft lined up at LBA with "Jet 2 XXXXX" on their noses mean they are flying to "XXXXX" then?

Is it like old buses, and there is a little brass handle which the pilot nips out and turns, and the name on the nose says "Jet 2 Amsterdam" then he turns it more and it says "Jet 2 Belfast" and so on?

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Old 6th Jan 2007, 09:59
  #225 (permalink)  
 
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Reassuring the nervous ones

Originally Posted by EchoMike
"Mr. Happiness" about died - turned white as a sheet, the two stews broke out laughing - and we were treated ROYALLY for the entire flight - and somehow they were always just too busy to get Mr. Happiness so much as a glass of water. He was first off the airplane, too.

This is a true story . . . and I do have a pilot's license, but not for the big iron.
I had something a little bit like this (but regarding a nervous passenger, not a snotty one) a while ago flying from Norwich into Manchester on a little twin-prop thingy (Eastern Airlines, I think it was). It was as windy as a windy thing; the further north you went, the windier it got, and they'd cancelled everything to more northerly destinations - so Manchester must have been just within the limits for the aircraft (in fact the captain's briefing included a phrase along the lines of "we'll have a go, but we might have to divert if the conditions aren't up to it when we get there").

I'd chosen the aisle seat, and as we came down the final approach the guy by the window to the right of me was having kittens - white knuckles, terrified expression, the whole nine yards. 'Course, it didn't help that we were banked to the right - it always looks like you're banked over harder than you really are, and he was convinced we were going to land on the wingtip, not the wheels. So I gave him a ten-second explanation of how you do approaches in crosswinds, reassured him that this was perfectly normal, and told him not to worry if the right wheels touched a little before the left ones. Sure enough, they did - and he was amazed to find out that this was a perfectly normal way to do it. "I wouldn't have worried if I'd known", he said - his fretting was simply down to the perception that aeroplanes should fly straight and level unless they're going around corners in the sky.

Same with a friend of mine. He used to be terrified of flying, until we went on holiday together. All I did was tell him at each stage stuff like: "You'll hear a clunk in a moment; that's the wheels being retracted" or "You'll hear a whirring motor in a minute as he winds the flaps down; that's so he can slow down for the approach, and don't worry if it looks like the wing is coming apart, it's meant to look like that". Pops and clunks worry nervous flyers, and a little bit of reassurance works wonders. Since then I've taken him up in our club's PA-28 and he loved every moment.

David C
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Old 6th Jan 2007, 10:04
  #226 (permalink)  
 
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Smoking in the loo

Originally Posted by FLYING_HOSTIE
Really? what the ashtrays are a no go item? How come? Just incase you do get a secret smoker and they dont put it in the bin?
I can't help thinking of the announcement on a Virgin Atlantic flight (LHR/LGW, can't remember which, but going to Miami). "Smoking is NOT permitted anywhere on this flight, not even in the toilets. Should you decide to smoke in the toilet, please enjoy the shower of extinguisher foam with our compliments".

This level of humour was maintained pretty much throughout the flight by the cabin crew - it made the trans-Atlantic tedium very bearable indeed!

David C
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Old 6th Jan 2007, 10:15
  #227 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by Bushfiva
My flight into Boston was technically too late to make the onward connection to Europe. But I was a very frequent flyer indeed, and I mentioned my baggage didn't need to make the connection if that would help.
A couple of years ago, a travel agent booked me a three-leg flight that had a VERY tight connection at Amsterdam. So we arrived at Amsterdam from Detroit with about 20 minutes to get to the far end of the terminal for the short hop home to Norwich. "We've got a problem", the transfer desk person told me. "You should get to the flight OK, but your baggage won't". "So what do we do?", I asked. "Oh, well if you board the flight, we'll send your luggage on the next one. Then we'll get someone to drop it off at your house. Won't be for about three hours or so though, I'm afraid".

"So you're telling me that if we get on the flight, we can get off at Norwich, stroll without stopping through baggage claim and Customs, hop in the first cab on the rank, go home, have a cup of tea, pick the dogs up from the kennels, have a shower, open a bottle of something nice and plonk ourselves in front of the telly, and then at some point this evening a nice man in a van will drop off our cases?".

"Errr ... well, if you put it like that, sir, it doesn't sound like you're too upset!".

Wish I could get it like that every time!

David C
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Old 6th Jan 2007, 12:43
  #228 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by Ground Bound
Years ago I was boarding a Ryanair flight in the days when their aircraft carried a name which consisted of 'The Spirit of' followed by the name of an Irish city.
A gentleman appeared from the gate and enquired "where is this aircraft going?" On receiving the reply "it's going to Dublin' sir" he replied (totally seriously) "are you sure now, 'cos it says Tipperearty on the side"

Don't you just love the Irish? As transfer reps we have to meet and greet pax in the baggage hall at Malaga, ask their name and destination, mark them off on the manifest and direct them to the correct coach. Meeting one Dublin flight the routine went something like:

Rep: Where are you staying?

Pax: Spain.

Rep: (Thinking the next question might be easier for him) And what is your name?

Pax: To be sure but you'll have to ask de woif dat one. She deals with all dat.
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Old 6th Jan 2007, 13:43
  #229 (permalink)  

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Not cabin crew, I know, but:

I was flying a BO105 helicopter, and landed on public land to let the pax conduct some business. I stayed with the aircrat, and a couple of men of a certain age came passing by, and stopped for a chat. One of them asked me what the tail rotor was for, so I described the system to him as best I could. I should mention that this particular tail rotor is two bladed, and is basically a plank four of five feet in length.

I would never claim to be the best teacher in the world, but I thought I'd given a fair and simple enough description of the tail rotor. I was just a bit flummoxed when the second man then said, "It seems to me that the wheel at the back is fixed on sideways. How does it manage to push you along?"
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Old 6th Jan 2007, 17:02
  #230 (permalink)  
 
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Overheard in the First Class compartment

PAX: Excuse me, do you have any nuts?
CC: There is a whole cabin of them behind you Sir!
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Old 6th Jan 2007, 20:45
  #231 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by Farmer 1
I'd given a fair and simple enough description of the tail rotor [...] the second man then said, "It seems to me that the wheel at the back is fixed on sideways. How does it manage to push you along?"
Quite a good observation and an excellent question, IMO
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Old 9th Jan 2007, 21:13
  #232 (permalink)  
 
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Same with a friend of mine. He used to be terrified of flying, until we went on holiday together. All I did was tell him at each stage stuff like: "You'll hear a clunk in a moment; that's the wheels being retracted" or "You'll hear a whirring motor in a minute as he winds the flaps down; that's so he can slow down for the approach, and don't worry if it looks like the wing is coming apart, it's meant to look like that". Pops and clunks worry nervous flyers, and a little bit of reassurance works wonders. Since then I've taken him up in our club's PA-28 and he loved every moment.

TRY TELLING THAT TO RAINBOE LOL
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Old 9th Jan 2007, 21:18
  #233 (permalink)  
 
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THESE STORIES HAVE HAD ME PEEING MY PANTS

On a flight back from Mauritius once it was BA, most of the CC were men. We had a blast, they were so funny and cutting they had the passengers in our row and rows around us crying laughing, and for me cuz im a terrible nervous passenger i have to say it made me feel so at ease and almost not quite but almost relaxed !!
I actually wrote to the boss of BA to congratulate him on a fantastic service given by the CC, didnt get a bloody free upgrade next time though !! LOL I hope the Crew got a "well done" from one of the big guns though, they deserved it.
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Old 10th Jan 2007, 10:05
  #234 (permalink)  
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Angel

The latest stupid thing for Pax seems to be the increased security. It goes something like this:

CSA: Have you anything in your hand luggage??

Pax: No I don't think so

CSA: OK thats fine, and you only have one item of hand luggage each??

Pax: Yes (Holding up ruck sack (tagged with an old luggage label !!)handbag and carrier bag)

CSA: Thats 3 items, security only allow one.

Pax: Is water classed as liquid??

CSA:

Pax: Ok thank you (then walks off complete with 3 bags and a large bottle of water)

Dont we just love them
 
Old 16th Jan 2007, 04:41
  #235 (permalink)  

Shining Example, apparently...
 
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Another quick post from an SLF; this took place a couple of years ago on a LoCo flight into LPL. We boarded the plane and I headed aft (to exit using the back stairs on arrival). Three scallies beat me to the back row, loud but not obnoxious and having tried unsuccessfully to chat up the CC at the back, they were now squabbling over who got the window, who got the aisle seat, etc.

Eventually, one of the scallies says "I don't mind, I'll take the aisle seat, I'm well 'ard me" and sits down. A minute later, the stewardess appears from the rear galley, taps him on the shoulder and grinningly says, "well mate, we'll see how 'well ard' you are when I dislocate your shoulder with the drinks trolley after takeoff!"

Quick as a flash, he replies "Just do me a favour luv, just make sure you hit me really hard - I love pain, me".

Took me a few minutes to stop laughing. And on arrival at Speke, deplaning was delayed while another guy, a few rows forward, passed around his bottle of Southern Comfort so anyone interested could have a quick sip before heading home. Excellent craic.
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Old 20th Jan 2007, 09:08
  #236 (permalink)  
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Just love those adorable Scousers and their Shining Wit!
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Old 21st Jan 2007, 00:40
  #237 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by dscartwright
his fretting was simply down to the perception that aeroplanes should fly straight and level unless they're going around corners in the sky.
Reminds me of a British news report that got shown on the news here the other night. It was about the gales going through the UK and they showed an Antonov or similar taking off in a crosswind, whilst the reporter said something along the lines of 'rapidly blown off course'. Once again, misinformation by sources such as the media are a prime cause of stupid remarks from the SLF!
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Old 21st Jan 2007, 07:33
  #238 (permalink)  
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Yes it was a B.Ae. 146 (or whatever they are called nowadays) crabbing into a string crosswind (and exaggerated by the telephoto lens). Even the BBC described it as 'literally flying sideways'

If even the BBC displays such ignorance (either of aeronautics or of the use of the word 'literally', what hope is there for the rest of us?

Perhaps there is scope for a 'Thick Media Comments' thread..
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Old 23rd Jan 2007, 11:04
  #239 (permalink)  
 
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As a passenger I find most CC very helpful, many of my most memorable flights have been had when the CC actually have a sense of humour and don't parade around like robots with a glued on grin (for Lufthansa read frown).

Also since reading these forums I am now aware of the salary scales for CC I have nothing for admiration for you all doing a stressful job like that under duress and some of you STILL maintain a genuine air of fun.

Some of my observations...

recent flight to Colombo.

CC. "would you like an egg or potato meal sir" ?

Me. "Potato please". (meal handed over).

CC. (to the young lady next to me) "Would you like an egg or potato meal madam" ?

YL. "Egg please". (meal handed over).

On opening the meals it became obvious to me that we had been given each others meals, and as the potato didn't look that good I happily tucked into the egg.

YL to Me."Does this look like egg to you, it looks strange".

Me. "Its just cooked differently".

YL "but it doesn't even look like egg".

Me. "Its probably because its an ethnic meal".

YL "Hows yours".

Me. "Mines fine".

She ate the meal without another word.

On another occasion whilst on a bad weather landing from Manchester to Glasgow after the pilot had a go around before finally finding the tarmac the pilot came on the intercom.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I must apologise for the landing but as a pilot of over 26 years experience I must say that is the worst weather I have ever seen and the worst landing I have ever had to make. If its any consolation to you may I point out that I have to make the return trip in about an hours time".

Pax next to me. "Its more of a consolation to know I'm getting off alive right now".

On a flight departing from Manchester with BA. On passing a 60 year old Lufthansa classic aircraft waiting to taxii out behind us.

Pilot. "Ladies and Gentlemen if you look to your left you can see Lufthansa's recent addition to their carrier fleet, as as we are in England now he has been instructed to get behind me so I can blow dry the dust off him with my jet wash".

On arriving at Chennai and standing at the exit of aircraft with an open door on the airbridge next to us.

Canadian Tourist. "Isnt that amazing".

Me. "What".

CT. "That you can feel the heat from the engines blasting through that open door, its burning my face".

Me. "The engines are off, that's how hot it is here.

CT. eyes wide open in amazement and fear.


Minus points was the CC on Indian airlines who when asked for a Whiskey responded with the comment "Gimme 2 dorrers"...A please would have been nice.

And PLEASE can all CC make sure the seats are in an upright position during take off and landing AND meals. It seems it has become commonplace for CC to not bother checking any more. Just a request, not a complaint.

Keep up the good work and I love to fly with you all, especially the Easy Jet Girl I chatted up all the way from Amsterdam, she was a real peach.

Keep laughing, humour is great in the workplace and it would be a miserable place to be without it. I for one would NEVER complain if any CC made a humorous remark, in fact it would go down as a memorable flight for sure.
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Old 23rd Jan 2007, 14:22
  #240 (permalink)  
 
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If only all our passengers were like you Would make the job a lot less stressful!
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