Thick passenger comments
Paxing All Over The World
Thanks for the remarks, I shall be more careful of what I say next Wednesday on VS! Many of the pax comments reminds me of the observation by the head porter at an upmarket London hotel.
About 25 years ago, I was working in a junior role and often chatted to the guy who had been there for many, many years. He despaired of the way guests (= pax) seemed incapable of doing anything for themselves. "It's like, when they walk in the front door, as if their arms drop off and they can no longer even carry a newspaper." Sound familiar...?
About 25 years ago, I was working in a junior role and often chatted to the guy who had been there for many, many years. He despaired of the way guests (= pax) seemed incapable of doing anything for themselves. "It's like, when they walk in the front door, as if their arms drop off and they can no longer even carry a newspaper." Sound familiar...?
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Years ago I was boarding a Ryanair flight in the days when their aircraft carried a name which consisted of 'The Spirit of' followed by the name of an Irish city.
A gentleman appeared from the gate and enquired "where is this aircraft going?" On receiving the reply "it's going to Dublin' sir" he replied (totally seriously) "are you sure now, 'cos it says Tipperearty on the side"
A gentleman appeared from the gate and enquired "where is this aircraft going?" On receiving the reply "it's going to Dublin' sir" he replied (totally seriously) "are you sure now, 'cos it says Tipperearty on the side"
Oh Shazbat!
Join Date: Feb 2004
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Jet 2 Plane Naming. I thought it meant...
Ground Bound,
Does that mean that those aircraft lined up at LBA with "Jet 2 XXXXX" on their noses mean they are flying to "XXXXX" then?
Is it like old buses, and there is a little brass handle which the pilot nips out and turns, and the name on the nose says "Jet 2 Amsterdam" then he turns it more and it says "Jet 2 Belfast" and so on?
Does that mean that those aircraft lined up at LBA with "Jet 2 XXXXX" on their noses mean they are flying to "XXXXX" then?
Is it like old buses, and there is a little brass handle which the pilot nips out and turns, and the name on the nose says "Jet 2 Amsterdam" then he turns it more and it says "Jet 2 Belfast" and so on?
Join Date: Feb 2004
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Reassuring the nervous ones
"Mr. Happiness" about died - turned white as a sheet, the two stews broke out laughing - and we were treated ROYALLY for the entire flight - and somehow they were always just too busy to get Mr. Happiness so much as a glass of water. He was first off the airplane, too.
This is a true story . . . and I do have a pilot's license, but not for the big iron.
This is a true story . . . and I do have a pilot's license, but not for the big iron.
I'd chosen the aisle seat, and as we came down the final approach the guy by the window to the right of me was having kittens - white knuckles, terrified expression, the whole nine yards. 'Course, it didn't help that we were banked to the right - it always looks like you're banked over harder than you really are, and he was convinced we were going to land on the wingtip, not the wheels. So I gave him a ten-second explanation of how you do approaches in crosswinds, reassured him that this was perfectly normal, and told him not to worry if the right wheels touched a little before the left ones. Sure enough, they did - and he was amazed to find out that this was a perfectly normal way to do it. "I wouldn't have worried if I'd known", he said - his fretting was simply down to the perception that aeroplanes should fly straight and level unless they're going around corners in the sky.
Same with a friend of mine. He used to be terrified of flying, until we went on holiday together. All I did was tell him at each stage stuff like: "You'll hear a clunk in a moment; that's the wheels being retracted" or "You'll hear a whirring motor in a minute as he winds the flaps down; that's so he can slow down for the approach, and don't worry if it looks like the wing is coming apart, it's meant to look like that". Pops and clunks worry nervous flyers, and a little bit of reassurance works wonders. Since then I've taken him up in our club's PA-28 and he loved every moment.
David C
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Smoking in the loo
This level of humour was maintained pretty much throughout the flight by the cabin crew - it made the trans-Atlantic tedium very bearable indeed!
David C
Join Date: Feb 2004
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"So you're telling me that if we get on the flight, we can get off at Norwich, stroll without stopping through baggage claim and Customs, hop in the first cab on the rank, go home, have a cup of tea, pick the dogs up from the kennels, have a shower, open a bottle of something nice and plonk ourselves in front of the telly, and then at some point this evening a nice man in a van will drop off our cases?".
"Errr ... well, if you put it like that, sir, it doesn't sound like you're too upset!".
Wish I could get it like that every time!
David C
Years ago I was boarding a Ryanair flight in the days when their aircraft carried a name which consisted of 'The Spirit of' followed by the name of an Irish city.
A gentleman appeared from the gate and enquired "where is this aircraft going?" On receiving the reply "it's going to Dublin' sir" he replied (totally seriously) "are you sure now, 'cos it says Tipperearty on the side"
A gentleman appeared from the gate and enquired "where is this aircraft going?" On receiving the reply "it's going to Dublin' sir" he replied (totally seriously) "are you sure now, 'cos it says Tipperearty on the side"
Don't you just love the Irish? As transfer reps we have to meet and greet pax in the baggage hall at Malaga, ask their name and destination, mark them off on the manifest and direct them to the correct coach. Meeting one Dublin flight the routine went something like:
Rep: Where are you staying?
Pax: Spain.
Rep: (Thinking the next question might be easier for him) And what is your name?
Pax: To be sure but you'll have to ask de woif dat one. She deals with all dat.
Combine Operations
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Not cabin crew, I know, but:
I was flying a BO105 helicopter, and landed on public land to let the pax conduct some business. I stayed with the aircrat, and a couple of men of a certain age came passing by, and stopped for a chat. One of them asked me what the tail rotor was for, so I described the system to him as best I could. I should mention that this particular tail rotor is two bladed, and is basically a plank four of five feet in length.
I would never claim to be the best teacher in the world, but I thought I'd given a fair and simple enough description of the tail rotor. I was just a bit flummoxed when the second man then said, "It seems to me that the wheel at the back is fixed on sideways. How does it manage to push you along?"
I was flying a BO105 helicopter, and landed on public land to let the pax conduct some business. I stayed with the aircrat, and a couple of men of a certain age came passing by, and stopped for a chat. One of them asked me what the tail rotor was for, so I described the system to him as best I could. I should mention that this particular tail rotor is two bladed, and is basically a plank four of five feet in length.
I would never claim to be the best teacher in the world, but I thought I'd given a fair and simple enough description of the tail rotor. I was just a bit flummoxed when the second man then said, "It seems to me that the wheel at the back is fixed on sideways. How does it manage to push you along?"
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Same with a friend of mine. He used to be terrified of flying, until we went on holiday together. All I did was tell him at each stage stuff like: "You'll hear a clunk in a moment; that's the wheels being retracted" or "You'll hear a whirring motor in a minute as he winds the flaps down; that's so he can slow down for the approach, and don't worry if it looks like the wing is coming apart, it's meant to look like that". Pops and clunks worry nervous flyers, and a little bit of reassurance works wonders. Since then I've taken him up in our club's PA-28 and he loved every moment.
TRY TELLING THAT TO RAINBOE LOL
TRY TELLING THAT TO RAINBOE LOL
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THESE STORIES HAVE HAD ME PEEING MY PANTS
On a flight back from Mauritius once it was BA, most of the CC were men. We had a blast, they were so funny and cutting they had the passengers in our row and rows around us crying laughing, and for me cuz im a terrible nervous passenger i have to say it made me feel so at ease and almost not quite but almost relaxed !!
I actually wrote to the boss of BA to congratulate him on a fantastic service given by the CC, didnt get a bloody free upgrade next time though !! LOL I hope the Crew got a "well done" from one of the big guns though, they deserved it.
On a flight back from Mauritius once it was BA, most of the CC were men. We had a blast, they were so funny and cutting they had the passengers in our row and rows around us crying laughing, and for me cuz im a terrible nervous passenger i have to say it made me feel so at ease and almost not quite but almost relaxed !!
I actually wrote to the boss of BA to congratulate him on a fantastic service given by the CC, didnt get a bloody free upgrade next time though !! LOL I hope the Crew got a "well done" from one of the big guns though, they deserved it.
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The latest stupid thing for Pax seems to be the increased security. It goes something like this:
CSA: Have you anything in your hand luggage??
Pax: No I don't think so
CSA: OK thats fine, and you only have one item of hand luggage each??
Pax: Yes (Holding up ruck sack (tagged with an old luggage label !!)handbag and carrier bag)
CSA: Thats 3 items, security only allow one.
Pax: Is water classed as liquid??
CSA:
Pax: Ok thank you (then walks off complete with 3 bags and a large bottle of water)
Dont we just love them
CSA: Have you anything in your hand luggage??
Pax: No I don't think so
CSA: OK thats fine, and you only have one item of hand luggage each??
Pax: Yes (Holding up ruck sack (tagged with an old luggage label !!)handbag and carrier bag)
CSA: Thats 3 items, security only allow one.
Pax: Is water classed as liquid??
CSA:
Pax: Ok thank you (then walks off complete with 3 bags and a large bottle of water)
Dont we just love them
Shining Example, apparently...
Join Date: Jul 2001
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Another quick post from an SLF; this took place a couple of years ago on a LoCo flight into LPL. We boarded the plane and I headed aft (to exit using the back stairs on arrival). Three scallies beat me to the back row, loud but not obnoxious and having tried unsuccessfully to chat up the CC at the back, they were now squabbling over who got the window, who got the aisle seat, etc.
Eventually, one of the scallies says "I don't mind, I'll take the aisle seat, I'm well 'ard me" and sits down. A minute later, the stewardess appears from the rear galley, taps him on the shoulder and grinningly says, "well mate, we'll see how 'well ard' you are when I dislocate your shoulder with the drinks trolley after takeoff!"
Quick as a flash, he replies "Just do me a favour luv, just make sure you hit me really hard - I love pain, me".
Took me a few minutes to stop laughing. And on arrival at Speke, deplaning was delayed while another guy, a few rows forward, passed around his bottle of Southern Comfort so anyone interested could have a quick sip before heading home. Excellent craic.
Eventually, one of the scallies says "I don't mind, I'll take the aisle seat, I'm well 'ard me" and sits down. A minute later, the stewardess appears from the rear galley, taps him on the shoulder and grinningly says, "well mate, we'll see how 'well ard' you are when I dislocate your shoulder with the drinks trolley after takeoff!"
Quick as a flash, he replies "Just do me a favour luv, just make sure you hit me really hard - I love pain, me".
Took me a few minutes to stop laughing. And on arrival at Speke, deplaning was delayed while another guy, a few rows forward, passed around his bottle of Southern Comfort so anyone interested could have a quick sip before heading home. Excellent craic.
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Reminds me of a British news report that got shown on the news here the other night. It was about the gales going through the UK and they showed an Antonov or similar taking off in a crosswind, whilst the reporter said something along the lines of 'rapidly blown off course'. Once again, misinformation by sources such as the media are a prime cause of stupid remarks from the SLF!
Thread Starter
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Yes it was a B.Ae. 146 (or whatever they are called nowadays) crabbing into a string crosswind (and exaggerated by the telephoto lens). Even the BBC described it as 'literally flying sideways'
If even the BBC displays such ignorance (either of aeronautics or of the use of the word 'literally', what hope is there for the rest of us?
Perhaps there is scope for a 'Thick Media Comments' thread..
If even the BBC displays such ignorance (either of aeronautics or of the use of the word 'literally', what hope is there for the rest of us?
Perhaps there is scope for a 'Thick Media Comments' thread..
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As a passenger I find most CC very helpful, many of my most memorable flights have been had when the CC actually have a sense of humour and don't parade around like robots with a glued on grin (for Lufthansa read frown).
Also since reading these forums I am now aware of the salary scales for CC I have nothing for admiration for you all doing a stressful job like that under duress and some of you STILL maintain a genuine air of fun.
Some of my observations...
recent flight to Colombo.
CC. "would you like an egg or potato meal sir" ?
Me. "Potato please". (meal handed over).
CC. (to the young lady next to me) "Would you like an egg or potato meal madam" ?
YL. "Egg please". (meal handed over).
On opening the meals it became obvious to me that we had been given each others meals, and as the potato didn't look that good I happily tucked into the egg.
YL to Me."Does this look like egg to you, it looks strange".
Me. "Its just cooked differently".
YL "but it doesn't even look like egg".
Me. "Its probably because its an ethnic meal".
YL "Hows yours".
Me. "Mines fine".
She ate the meal without another word.
On another occasion whilst on a bad weather landing from Manchester to Glasgow after the pilot had a go around before finally finding the tarmac the pilot came on the intercom.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I must apologise for the landing but as a pilot of over 26 years experience I must say that is the worst weather I have ever seen and the worst landing I have ever had to make. If its any consolation to you may I point out that I have to make the return trip in about an hours time".
Pax next to me. "Its more of a consolation to know I'm getting off alive right now".
On a flight departing from Manchester with BA. On passing a 60 year old Lufthansa classic aircraft waiting to taxii out behind us.
Pilot. "Ladies and Gentlemen if you look to your left you can see Lufthansa's recent addition to their carrier fleet, as as we are in England now he has been instructed to get behind me so I can blow dry the dust off him with my jet wash".
On arriving at Chennai and standing at the exit of aircraft with an open door on the airbridge next to us.
Canadian Tourist. "Isnt that amazing".
Me. "What".
CT. "That you can feel the heat from the engines blasting through that open door, its burning my face".
Me. "The engines are off, that's how hot it is here.
CT. eyes wide open in amazement and fear.
Minus points was the CC on Indian airlines who when asked for a Whiskey responded with the comment "Gimme 2 dorrers"...A please would have been nice.
And PLEASE can all CC make sure the seats are in an upright position during take off and landing AND meals. It seems it has become commonplace for CC to not bother checking any more. Just a request, not a complaint.
Keep up the good work and I love to fly with you all, especially the Easy Jet Girl I chatted up all the way from Amsterdam, she was a real peach.
Keep laughing, humour is great in the workplace and it would be a miserable place to be without it. I for one would NEVER complain if any CC made a humorous remark, in fact it would go down as a memorable flight for sure.
Also since reading these forums I am now aware of the salary scales for CC I have nothing for admiration for you all doing a stressful job like that under duress and some of you STILL maintain a genuine air of fun.
Some of my observations...
recent flight to Colombo.
CC. "would you like an egg or potato meal sir" ?
Me. "Potato please". (meal handed over).
CC. (to the young lady next to me) "Would you like an egg or potato meal madam" ?
YL. "Egg please". (meal handed over).
On opening the meals it became obvious to me that we had been given each others meals, and as the potato didn't look that good I happily tucked into the egg.
YL to Me."Does this look like egg to you, it looks strange".
Me. "Its just cooked differently".
YL "but it doesn't even look like egg".
Me. "Its probably because its an ethnic meal".
YL "Hows yours".
Me. "Mines fine".
She ate the meal without another word.
On another occasion whilst on a bad weather landing from Manchester to Glasgow after the pilot had a go around before finally finding the tarmac the pilot came on the intercom.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I must apologise for the landing but as a pilot of over 26 years experience I must say that is the worst weather I have ever seen and the worst landing I have ever had to make. If its any consolation to you may I point out that I have to make the return trip in about an hours time".
Pax next to me. "Its more of a consolation to know I'm getting off alive right now".
On a flight departing from Manchester with BA. On passing a 60 year old Lufthansa classic aircraft waiting to taxii out behind us.
Pilot. "Ladies and Gentlemen if you look to your left you can see Lufthansa's recent addition to their carrier fleet, as as we are in England now he has been instructed to get behind me so I can blow dry the dust off him with my jet wash".
On arriving at Chennai and standing at the exit of aircraft with an open door on the airbridge next to us.
Canadian Tourist. "Isnt that amazing".
Me. "What".
CT. "That you can feel the heat from the engines blasting through that open door, its burning my face".
Me. "The engines are off, that's how hot it is here.
CT. eyes wide open in amazement and fear.
Minus points was the CC on Indian airlines who when asked for a Whiskey responded with the comment "Gimme 2 dorrers"...A please would have been nice.
And PLEASE can all CC make sure the seats are in an upright position during take off and landing AND meals. It seems it has become commonplace for CC to not bother checking any more. Just a request, not a complaint.
Keep up the good work and I love to fly with you all, especially the Easy Jet Girl I chatted up all the way from Amsterdam, she was a real peach.
Keep laughing, humour is great in the workplace and it would be a miserable place to be without it. I for one would NEVER complain if any CC made a humorous remark, in fact it would go down as a memorable flight for sure.