ATC IssuesA place where pilots may enter the 'lions den' that is Air Traffic Control in complete safety and find out the answers to all those obscure topics which you always wanted to know the answer to but were afraid to ask.
Heard a number of years ago in YVR terminal airspace
ATC: AirChina flight XXX. Cleared for the the Treel 2 arrival ( The usual arrival from the orient )
XXX: Roger cleared for Treel 2 arrival , then inexplicably reads the entire contents of the STAR over the air. This takes more than 3 minutes. When he finishes there is stunned silence on the Freq , then;
Canadian XXX I'll take the same with cheese please !!!
Rather dotty student lost on dual navigation exercise with instructor. Instructor knew position but was waiting to see how said student dealt with the problem. They were north of Cranfield in the UK. They were ex Luton which is well south of Cranfield. Student called Luton Approach, they quickly identified her position and suggested she call Cranfield on xxx.xx. Conversation that followed:
Student: Hello Cranfield. ATC: Hello Long pause ATC: Go on give us a clue.
Another that springs to mind was a PPL at Luton in the circuit having forgotten to call 'downwind'. He remembered when late downwind and said to the tower:
PPL: 'G-xxx was downwind L/H 26, please note the use of the past tense.
And finally overheard in the south of England some years ago a student on a solo navigation exercise and lost. Quite correctly called for assistance:
ATC: Are you India Mike or Victor Mike? Long pause. Student: Negative, I am a student pilot.
Posted long time ago on the Military forum (hence I can claim no credit whatsoever )
>The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were a short-tempered lot. They not only expected you to know your parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing.
Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active."
Ground: "Guten morgan, taxi to your gate."
The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground, I'm looking up the gate location now."
Ground (with typical German impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop."<