ATC Humour (Merged)
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: dallas
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real story my first cross country flight KADS to KABQ wife onboard old sundowner no idea how to land in crosswind, of course big crosswind lined up upwind to try to gain some ground ended up 200 feet to the left in the dirt, much dust finally got it stopped. ATC responded: now, what are your intentions buddy?
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: on the way to sea
Posts: 273
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Air France to TWR: Sir, we it ze bird!
TWR: What did you eat?
AF: We it ze bird.
TWR: sorry, what did you eat?
AF, slowly: W.E. I.T. Z.E. B.I.R.D.
TWR: aaah, you hit the bird!
AF: Affirm, we it ze bird.
TWR: What did you eat?
AF: We it ze bird.
TWR: sorry, what did you eat?
AF, slowly: W.E. I.T. Z.E. B.I.R.D.
TWR: aaah, you hit the bird!
AF: Affirm, we it ze bird.
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: on the way to sea
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lonely night in the tower somewhere in Central Europe....inbound was Gulfstream with delegation of US Senate. The pilot was....judge for yourself.
Gulfstream: Howdy, N8XXXXX on the beam, boots down, all green!
Me: call the ball!
Gulfstream: Howdy, N8XXXXX on the beam, boots down, all green!
Me: call the ball!
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Stockholm
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ATC: FLT123 minimum rate of descent -3000 FT/MIN, reduce speed 250 knots, descend FL70
FLT123: minimum rate of descent -3000 FT/MIN, reduce speed 250 knots, from FL140 Down to FL70, FLT123
FLT123: minimum rate of descent -3000 FT/MIN, reduce speed 250 knots, from FL140 Down to FL70, FLT123
Join Date: May 2005
Location: 50'11N 004' 16W
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Seen on arrse website.
Skyvan is given clearance to land, aircraft behind informed number two after Skyvan.
"Roger visual the shed"
"Actually - we're a conservatory".
Skyvan is given clearance to land, aircraft behind informed number two after Skyvan.
"Roger visual the shed"
"Actually - we're a conservatory".
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: The Ethereal Land of Vintage Aviation
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Funny, because that wasn't the intent, way back when....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TgSNSTbzdA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TgSNSTbzdA
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Huntingdon
Posts: 71
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Dusseldorf ATC
Heard years ago. A BA flight is departing Dusseldorf
ATC: Speedbrid XX change to XXX.XX and squak XXXX.
Speedbird: Sorry No can do, our transponder is U/S.
ATC (In very thick stage German accent): Don not vorry Speedbird, ve have vays of making you squak
ATC: Speedbrid XX change to XXX.XX and squak XXXX.
Speedbird: Sorry No can do, our transponder is U/S.
ATC (In very thick stage German accent): Don not vorry Speedbird, ve have vays of making you squak
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Right of the Middle
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Heard a couple of months ago, we’re talking to London, Speedbird inbound from the west checks in. Few moments later, controller comes on...
Controller: ‘Speedbird XX, we understand it’s your last flight after a long career with the Company, all the very best from us all at NATS.’
BA retiree: ‘London, thank you very much, yes 44 years. Appreciate all your service’
Third voice: ‘Paul, is that you? All the best. Company will be a worse place without you’
Controller: ‘Speedbird XX, that may as be, but the delay is still 15 minutes I’m afraid sir! Reduce to holding speed, direct Bovingdon to hold.’
Fourth voice: ‘Awesome, I’m one place higher on the seniority list!’
Controller: ‘Speedbird XX, we understand it’s your last flight after a long career with the Company, all the very best from us all at NATS.’
BA retiree: ‘London, thank you very much, yes 44 years. Appreciate all your service’
Third voice: ‘Paul, is that you? All the best. Company will be a worse place without you’
Controller: ‘Speedbird XX, that may as be, but the delay is still 15 minutes I’m afraid sir! Reduce to holding speed, direct Bovingdon to hold.’
Fourth voice: ‘Awesome, I’m one place higher on the seniority list!’
Many thanks
Gentle merged people, I entered this unknown area of PPRuNe for reasons which I seem to have forgotten, my attention having been caught by this thread which I have enjoyed hugely - my eyes have wept tears of mirth! I have treated it like a fine malt and restricted myself to four pages only so, as Arnie said, I'll be back.
My sincere thanks to all contributors. (It's better than JB!)
My sincere thanks to all contributors. (It's better than JB!)
A friend told me about a friend of his, many years ago...
Student pilot at Buchanan Field in Concord, California, practicing touch and goes:
Student: "Uh, tower, I just got hit in the head by a golf ball..."
Tower: "Are you declaring an emergency?"
Student: "Uh, no. I just want to land."
Student pilot at Buchanan Field in Concord, California, practicing touch and goes:
Student: "Uh, tower, I just got hit in the head by a golf ball..."
Tower: "Are you declaring an emergency?"
Student: "Uh, no. I just want to land."
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Berkshire, UK
Age: 79
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Before the days of ATIS we had to read the weather to everyone. Around 7am my colleague read the weather to a Clipper who responded: " Sounds like a real nice day" My colleague: "Yes, but it was dark last night"!
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Melbourne
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FRom Secondary Aerodrome
Pilot of cherokee vacates runway after no radio landing.
"Scratch, scratch,scratch..." heard on radio.
SMC to Cherokee: "ABC when did you first notice that your radio had failed?"
"Scratch, scratch,scratch..."
--------------------------------
Same SMC.
ABC doing engine run on non duty runway: "Tower, ABC, my propeller just came off."
SMC : "ABC, roger, hold position."
-------------------------------
"Scratch, scratch,scratch..." heard on radio.
SMC to Cherokee: "ABC when did you first notice that your radio had failed?"
"Scratch, scratch,scratch..."
--------------------------------
Same SMC.
ABC doing engine run on non duty runway: "Tower, ABC, my propeller just came off."
SMC : "ABC, roger, hold position."
-------------------------------
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: New York
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JFK
Tower “Eastern 702 cleared for takeoff”
Eastern 702 “Switching to Departure. BTW after liftoff we saw some kind of dead animal at far end of runway.”
Tower “Continental 635 cleared for takeoff. Did you copy report from Eastern 702?”
Continental 635 “Roger and copied Eastern. We’ve already notified our caterers.”
Eastern 702 “Switching to Departure. BTW after liftoff we saw some kind of dead animal at far end of runway.”
Tower “Continental 635 cleared for takeoff. Did you copy report from Eastern 702?”
Continental 635 “Roger and copied Eastern. We’ve already notified our caterers.”
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Midlands
Posts: 128
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Shamrock inbound to Heathrow. ATC issues an EAT best marked on a calendar and sticks him into the hold at Honiley. Then, broadast to the world, well sector, comes the PA.
EIN "Blah, blah, blah and we'll be landing in 20 minutes, thank you for flying Aer Lingus"
ATC " You just lied to your passengers"
EIN "Ah yes, we'll tell them a bit later!"
EIN "Blah, blah, blah and we'll be landing in 20 minutes, thank you for flying Aer Lingus"
ATC " You just lied to your passengers"
EIN "Ah yes, we'll tell them a bit later!"
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Earthville
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Heard the other day:
AirFrance: London I have a request
ATC: Pass your message
AirFrance: Is that Speedbird company still on strike?
ATC: Well there's three currently on frequency so I guess not!
Surely AirFrance know what airline Speedbird is?!
AirFrance: London I have a request
ATC: Pass your message
AirFrance: Is that Speedbird company still on strike?
ATC: Well there's three currently on frequency so I guess not!
Surely AirFrance know what airline Speedbird is?!
)))))))))))))
