ATC Humour (Merged)
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: South of England
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General naughtiness... (controller is female by the way, and anonymous voice is male!)
Easter Sunday:
Pilot: "Tower, any good news on my slot?"
ATC: "Negative, still 20 minutes for start. Sorry."
Pilot: "This is boring."
ATC: "Affirm. I could be at home eating an Easter Egg right now."
.
.
.
Long silence.
.
.
.
Anonymous voice: "You could suck my eggs anytime".
Easter Sunday:
Pilot: "Tower, any good news on my slot?"
ATC: "Negative, still 20 minutes for start. Sorry."
Pilot: "This is boring."
ATC: "Affirm. I could be at home eating an Easter Egg right now."
.
.
.
Long silence.
.
.
.
Anonymous voice: "You could suck my eggs anytime".
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Italy
Age: 37
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A couple of months ago after my first solo x-country flight in Italy I did use English phraseology for practice, which is not really appreciated by ATCOs as I increase their workload.
After landing TWR came over with the following:
"I-IABS on ground at xx..ehm are you a military pilot?"
"Ehm.. on ground at xx ... and negative just a student!!"
I had a good laugh and did smile for some time. (had only 17 flight hours at the time)
After landing TWR came over with the following:
"I-IABS on ground at xx..ehm are you a military pilot?"
"Ehm.. on ground at xx ... and negative just a student!!"
I had a good laugh and did smile for some time. (had only 17 flight hours at the time)
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: LIME&LIPO
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A couple of months ago after my first solo x-country flight in Italy I did use English phraseology for practice, which is not really appreciated by ATCOs as I increase their workload.
After landing TWR came over with the following:
"I-IABS on ground at xx..ehm are you a military pilot?"
"Ehm.. on ground at xx ... and negative just a student!!"
I had a good laugh and did smile for some time. (had only 17 flight hours at the time)
After landing TWR came over with the following:
"I-IABS on ground at xx..ehm are you a military pilot?"
"Ehm.. on ground at xx ... and negative just a student!!"
I had a good laugh and did smile for some time. (had only 17 flight hours at the time)
...what's the funny part of it?
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Italy
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Sorry to ask, but...
...what's the funny part of it?
...what's the funny part of it?
Probably it's more funny when I fly VFR in Italy using English RT and the guys at the other side of the mike get annoyed and switch to italian
I was just sharing my personal experience
You don't like it? you skip it.
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Canada
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Not as funny as some other ones, but at least it's original
As a student pilot, I had my share of radio blunders. Here is one.
I'm returning to my home base on the last leg of my first solo cross-country. Due to stronger winds than predicted, later start than anticipated, and lower a/c performance than published, the flight has taken longer than I thought it would. I realize that I might end up cutting it a little too fine with respect to the search and rescue time, so I decide to call up a flight information centre, give them a position report and a new ETA.
Me: London Radio, this is C-XXXX, position report.
London Radio: C-XXXX, go ahead.
Me: London Radio, C-XXXX is on a VFR flight plan, en route to so-and-so airport, at such-and-such altitude, over such-and-such town, yada-yada-yada (where yada-yada-yada is the rest of the relevant details)
London Radio: Roger.
So far so good, and I should have just stopped there, of course, but because this is the first time I strayed any distance from my controlled homebase, that exchange just didn't feel right. Before this flight, talking to someone on the ground equalled talking to the ATC, and the voice on the other end always gave me instructions at the end! Plus, that last "Roger" didn't sound like an end to a conversation; the intonation seemed to be implying that there was more for me to say... and I already said everything I thought I was supposed to. So, knowing full well that I'm doing something kinda dumb, I keyed the mike and meekly asked:
Me: Um, London radio... is there anything you would like me to do?
If I were London radio people, I probably would have said something along the lines of "draw me a bath". But they seemed perplexed, not amused, by my silly question, and just mumbled something along the lines of "Um, no, C-XXXX, it's all good, have a good flight".
I'm returning to my home base on the last leg of my first solo cross-country. Due to stronger winds than predicted, later start than anticipated, and lower a/c performance than published, the flight has taken longer than I thought it would. I realize that I might end up cutting it a little too fine with respect to the search and rescue time, so I decide to call up a flight information centre, give them a position report and a new ETA.
Me: London Radio, this is C-XXXX, position report.
London Radio: C-XXXX, go ahead.
Me: London Radio, C-XXXX is on a VFR flight plan, en route to so-and-so airport, at such-and-such altitude, over such-and-such town, yada-yada-yada (where yada-yada-yada is the rest of the relevant details)
London Radio: Roger.
So far so good, and I should have just stopped there, of course, but because this is the first time I strayed any distance from my controlled homebase, that exchange just didn't feel right. Before this flight, talking to someone on the ground equalled talking to the ATC, and the voice on the other end always gave me instructions at the end! Plus, that last "Roger" didn't sound like an end to a conversation; the intonation seemed to be implying that there was more for me to say... and I already said everything I thought I was supposed to. So, knowing full well that I'm doing something kinda dumb, I keyed the mike and meekly asked:
Me: Um, London radio... is there anything you would like me to do?
If I were London radio people, I probably would have said something along the lines of "draw me a bath". But they seemed perplexed, not amused, by my silly question, and just mumbled something along the lines of "Um, no, C-XXXX, it's all good, have a good flight".
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Berlin
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Happened in the Seventies:
Lufthansa XXX contacts Zürich Radar.
Pilot: Zurich Radar, LH XXX, good morning, FL290, estimating Trasadingen at 45.
Controller: Good morning LH XXX, proceed via Amber 9, maintain FL 290 and report Trasadingen.
Pilot: Roger LH XXX, maintaining 290 and call you Trasadingen.
Controller: Negative, call me Leo and report Trasadingen.
Not my story (taken from eddh.de), but one of the best I read so far.
Lufthansa XXX contacts Zürich Radar.
Pilot: Zurich Radar, LH XXX, good morning, FL290, estimating Trasadingen at 45.
Controller: Good morning LH XXX, proceed via Amber 9, maintain FL 290 and report Trasadingen.
Pilot: Roger LH XXX, maintaining 290 and call you Trasadingen.
Controller: Negative, call me Leo and report Trasadingen.
Not my story (taken from eddh.de), but one of the best I read so far.
Join Date: Dec 2006
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Ask-21 Heavy
My favourite from eddh.de:
At a glider site's take-off position. Take-off supervisor to winch driver.
Supervisor: "ASK-21 heavy at the northern rope. Start pulling."
Driver: "ASK-21 heavy...???"
Supervisor: "Yeah. My missis is on board."
Reported by Klaus Nuss
(translated by hvogt)
At a glider site's take-off position. Take-off supervisor to winch driver.
Supervisor: "ASK-21 heavy at the northern rope. Start pulling."
Driver: "ASK-21 heavy...???"
Supervisor: "Yeah. My missis is on board."
Reported by Klaus Nuss
(translated by hvogt)
More humorous than intentional humour although the BA captains' comments are shall we say tinged with a hint of sarcasm. Both times I am listening to ATC as family on board and want to be sure they get away ok.
It’s late at night about 2330 in Bermuda in the 1980s. Kindley Field (BDA was a US Naval Air Station doubling as a civil airport had US Military controllers handling the civil fights. The 5 times a week BA Tri-Star is the last (only) night departure and has just pushed back.
'BA 2233 ready for taxi ' says a very British voice
No answer
Again BA 2233 etc etc .....repeats 4 times in fact
Fifth time a very exasperated BA 'Captain Speaking' voice calls the tower frequency to complain that he is the only aircraft on the field and why isn't he being answered.
Tower explains – ‘Oh we did not answer as we have flashed you a green signal light’. You can sense the stunned reaction on the flight deck and several seconds elapse before before, ‘Well , I am afraid we Brits have moved on a bit since signal lights and I would like a proper taxi clearance please!!!'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On the other hand people can talk a little too much (though there was not much to do on the nightshift in Bermuda Tower)
BA Tri Star 'Bermuda Tower BA2233 for Airways clearance please'
(excuse me if I have the reporting points wrong)
Tower 'BA2233 is cleared to London Heathrow Airport climbing ahead to 2000ft then enroute via FLANN, TARGA 35N 50W ( then all the Oceanic reports are listed) Lands End ,Sampton, Midhur..... at which point BA interrupts with ‘ errr Yes I think we can just about manage to find our own way from there thank you'
PB
It’s late at night about 2330 in Bermuda in the 1980s. Kindley Field (BDA was a US Naval Air Station doubling as a civil airport had US Military controllers handling the civil fights. The 5 times a week BA Tri-Star is the last (only) night departure and has just pushed back.
'BA 2233 ready for taxi ' says a very British voice
No answer
Again BA 2233 etc etc .....repeats 4 times in fact
Fifth time a very exasperated BA 'Captain Speaking' voice calls the tower frequency to complain that he is the only aircraft on the field and why isn't he being answered.
Tower explains – ‘Oh we did not answer as we have flashed you a green signal light’. You can sense the stunned reaction on the flight deck and several seconds elapse before before, ‘Well , I am afraid we Brits have moved on a bit since signal lights and I would like a proper taxi clearance please!!!'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On the other hand people can talk a little too much (though there was not much to do on the nightshift in Bermuda Tower)
BA Tri Star 'Bermuda Tower BA2233 for Airways clearance please'
(excuse me if I have the reporting points wrong)
Tower 'BA2233 is cleared to London Heathrow Airport climbing ahead to 2000ft then enroute via FLANN, TARGA 35N 50W ( then all the Oceanic reports are listed) Lands End ,Sampton, Midhur..... at which point BA interrupts with ‘ errr Yes I think we can just about manage to find our own way from there thank you'
PB
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: georgia
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from personal experienece just few meeks ago.
TWR: set squawk 6747
PILOt: roger squawk 6748
TWR: If u'll manage to set squawk 6748, just leave it
looooooong silence
Hopefully I was ATCO
TWR: set squawk 6747
PILOt: roger squawk 6748
TWR: If u'll manage to set squawk 6748, just leave it
looooooong silence
Hopefully I was ATCO
Join Date: May 2002
Location: australia
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Asked outbound United today for his estimate for the FIR boundary (approximately 500nm to the boundary). Pilot needs to check and comes back with 'United XXX ahh ....one second (while he looks it up)
Qantas wit dives in " Jeez thats quick"
Qantas wit dives in " Jeez thats quick"
Join Date: Sep 2008
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An American tramp freighter departing Rome some years ago:
ATC: Freightdog 123, president.
A/C: Um say again? <franticly reviewing NOTAMs during climb>
ATC: Freightdog 123, president.
A/C: Say again please?
ATC: On your transponder, press ident.
ATC: Freightdog 123, president.
A/C: Um say again? <franticly reviewing NOTAMs during climb>
ATC: Freightdog 123, president.
A/C: Say again please?
ATC: On your transponder, press ident.
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Belgium
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In a complex airspace as the Belgian east sectors, things sometimes get even more complicated by the fact that Flemish and French speaking controllers are working together...
Situation:
Three French speaking controllers (trainee, instructor and planning) at the sector, trainee is holding the mike. Flight ANE8283 comes up on the radar, and since we don't see those very often, he asks the planning controller if he knows the callsign. Planning controller, helpful as he is, sais: 'oh, that's "EZEL"' (since ANE is French for donkey, and donkey in Flemish is EZEL).
On first contact, the trainee replies with: 'EZEL 8283, radar contact!'
It only took him a few extra seconds to realize his mistake...
Situation:
Three French speaking controllers (trainee, instructor and planning) at the sector, trainee is holding the mike. Flight ANE8283 comes up on the radar, and since we don't see those very often, he asks the planning controller if he knows the callsign. Planning controller, helpful as he is, sais: 'oh, that's "EZEL"' (since ANE is French for donkey, and donkey in Flemish is EZEL).
On first contact, the trainee replies with: 'EZEL 8283, radar contact!'
It only took him a few extra seconds to realize his mistake...
Join Date: Jan 2007
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One from my own personal experience.
EZY a/c departs early morning. Routine runway insection finds the departing a/c hit a bird on departure. I relay message to pilot through neighbouring sector, he seems fine. Later on in day whilst on Ground the same a/c came in taxiing back to stand. Pilot informs me he was pilot of bird stike flight from earlier in the day and asked me:
Pilot: 'Ground, EZYxxx, hi, we were the ones who struck the bird on departure this morning, dont suppose you know what type of bird it was do you? For form-filling'
Me (having found out a few hours earlier it was a very strange sounding bird that i'd never heard of): 'Ezyxxx, affirm, it was called a "xxxxxx' (cant remember name anymore)
Pilot: 'oooh sounds rare..'
Me: 'Even rarer now!!'
I thought was funny...thats all that matters
EZY a/c departs early morning. Routine runway insection finds the departing a/c hit a bird on departure. I relay message to pilot through neighbouring sector, he seems fine. Later on in day whilst on Ground the same a/c came in taxiing back to stand. Pilot informs me he was pilot of bird stike flight from earlier in the day and asked me:
Pilot: 'Ground, EZYxxx, hi, we were the ones who struck the bird on departure this morning, dont suppose you know what type of bird it was do you? For form-filling'
Me (having found out a few hours earlier it was a very strange sounding bird that i'd never heard of): 'Ezyxxx, affirm, it was called a "xxxxxx' (cant remember name anymore)
Pilot: 'oooh sounds rare..'
Me: 'Even rarer now!!'
I thought was funny...thats all that matters
Join Date: Jun 2002
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It's cruel I know, but one should never pass up the opportunity to welcome an FNG (... new guy) by taking advantage of their lack of experience.
Twr calls approach at Jhb International (it's name has changed several times, but at least this one had a location in it) and says some guy wants to join VFR, what would I like them to squawk.
I naturally answer 2909.
"ZSABC, squawk 2909"
"But M'am it's too high"
"Ok, squawk 2908"
She didn't find it as amusing as me, I suppose it's also 'cos I bring it up after a few libations, which is after morning shifts, most evenings and weekends.
Also, British Global freighters fly in from time to time, their designator being BGB. Again the Tower FNG asks what their callsign is, and I reply, "It's BUGBEAR". I'm sure you can guess the rest.
Twr calls approach at Jhb International (it's name has changed several times, but at least this one had a location in it) and says some guy wants to join VFR, what would I like them to squawk.
I naturally answer 2909.
"ZSABC, squawk 2909"
"But M'am it's too high"
"Ok, squawk 2908"
She didn't find it as amusing as me, I suppose it's also 'cos I bring it up after a few libations, which is after morning shifts, most evenings and weekends.
Also, British Global freighters fly in from time to time, their designator being BGB. Again the Tower FNG asks what their callsign is, and I reply, "It's BUGBEAR". I'm sure you can guess the rest.
Join Date: Nov 2007
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Heard on Amsterdam delivery. Delta pilot attempting to readback clearance:
Delta XX: "That's a BERGI....er....um......can't read my writing"
ATC: "That's ok, as long as you can fly the plane, that's what's important! Call ground for pushback [etc, etc]"
Delta XX: "That's a BERGI....er....um......can't read my writing"
ATC: "That's ok, as long as you can fly the plane, that's what's important! Call ground for pushback [etc, etc]"
I love the Dutch approach to ATC; heard an inbound aircraft one day ask if there was any speed restriction to which the controller replied, "No Sir, you can go as fast as you dare!"
Join Date: Sep 2007
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About Amsterdam ATC
... check this out! 
dutch controllers are well funny!
YouTube - Funny ATC - Air Traffic Controller at Amsterdam Schiphol
dutch controllers are well funny!
YouTube - Funny ATC - Air Traffic Controller at Amsterdam Schiphol
Join Date: Aug 2003
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heard this recently when talking to Scottish....
ATC - "Ryanair123 cleared direct XXXX"
RYR - "Cleared...erm did you mean to say XXX?"
ATC - "Yes sir, well done your great and im just rubbish!! Your cleared direct XXX!"
ATC - "Ryanair123 cleared direct XXXX"
RYR - "Cleared...erm did you mean to say XXX?"
ATC - "Yes sir, well done your great and im just rubbish!! Your cleared direct XXX!"
