View Full Version : Film and tv one-liners
9th Oct 2002, 09:42
Does anyone have any favourite one-liners from well-known films or tv programs?
Here are a couple to start the ball rolling:
From Top Gun:
"You screw up just this much, and you'll be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog-sh!t out of Hong Kong."
From Con Air:
The hero writes the name of the police detective on a dead body, then throws the body out of the aircraft. The detective is told:
"There's a body fallen out of the sky, and it's got your name written all over it!"
And from The Simpsons (various episodes)
"Not a guarantee"
9th Oct 2002, 09:52
Maybe after 10 pm 9th Oct. , but keep it quiet ! ;)
9th Oct 2002, 10:16
Although I will, sadly, be busy between 9pm and 10pm, and I forgot to set my video recorder, it's my understanding that the most interesting bits of the program will be visual scenes, and not one liners. Therefore, not relevant to this thread.
Maybe we could start another thread where you can link to pictures of your favourite tv/film scenes? Or maybe not! :D
Grim Reaper 14
9th Oct 2002, 10:40
Anything from a Fu-Fu Manchu film ;)
Michael Caine in Italian Job (i think)
you're only supposed to blow the b***** doors off
Any Peter Sellers line with "minkey" or "bumb" in it.
Red Dwarf - Crighton to Lister "are you sure you want to go to red alert sir, i will have to change the lightbulb"
Also Red Dwarf - "smoke me a kipper i'll be back for breakfast"
I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice ciante - ssssssss
9th Oct 2002, 10:50
Listen to some of the sound clips from Full Metal Jacket , here,
that sargeant came out with some of the best lines ever.
9th Oct 2002, 10:51
Apologies for diverging from your original question . Your expert use of diplomacy in steering me back onto the subject is appreciated . :)
Your suggestion re video links has potential , but may generate a screen with lots of magenta lettering all over it , produced by someone in a "Flap" , followed by a blank screen . :eek:
Best not !
Any of the Blackadder one liners is sure to get me chuckling !
One of my favourites is :
"Youre as slow as an asthmatic ant with heavy shopping " :D
9th Oct 2002, 11:20
Dumb and Dumber has so many funny one liners that it would be impossible to pick just one.
:D :D :D
9th Oct 2002, 11:43
"the answer is ... the shroud of Turin"
"ahhh,....what did we put......Lisa Stansfield"
Jim to Denise who'se waters have just broken
"Are you sure it wasn't just a bloody big p1ss"
9th Oct 2002, 11:48
Paulc, how could I possibly have forgotten that line from Italian Job - an all-time classic!
And as for Red Dwarf, there are so many I don't know where to start.
"Oh come on Lister, it's as plain as a Bulgarian pin-up"
Or "Hey, this stuff's beautiful. Anyone got a popadom the size of Lake Michigan?"
Or, when Lister asked Holly about the lipstick mark on his face: "What face?"
And I have to admit the light bulb one is one of my favourites.
Rimmer: "I'd like to remind you abaout Space Directive 12345" (or whatever number it is"
Kryten: "Space Directive 12345? Sir, I hardly see how a Rabbi and chicken are going to help us right now!"
I could go on, but then I'd reveal myself as a huge Red Dwarf fan, and we wouldn't want that...
9th Oct 2002, 12:30
RedDwarf, Cat talking to Crighton in Starbug 1:
Cat - "So let's just drop the defensive shield."
Crighton - " A superlative suggestion sir with just two minor drawbacks, 1, we don't have any defensive shields and two we don't have any defnsive shields. Technically i know they're both the same, but i thought it was that important so i'd mention it twice!"
Life of Brian
"Don't call me big nose!"
Life of Brian
Jewish citizen to Roman guard: "Roman git".
Roman guard to Jewish citizen: "Jewish turd".
(Just one of many hundreds of examples from that film)
Capt Blackadder to nurse: "I only smoke after I make love. Back home I'm a twenty-a-day man"
Sir Walter Raliegh: "The rain is so hard it can slice a man in two"
Edmund: "Some kind of hat is in order than"
Edmund in bed with a woman of ill repute: "Baldrick, meet Molly, an inexpensive prostitute, Molly, meet Baldrick, a pointless peasant"
Edmund to physician: "I'm having trouble with my manservent"
Physician to Edmund: "Well, pop your manservent on the table and lets have a look at it"
German U-boat captain: "Vot iz your name"
Capt Manwaring: "Don't tell him Pike"
Not the Nine o'clock News
Mel Smith: "When I first caught Gerald he was completely wild"
Rowan Atkinson, dressed as Gerald the gorilla: "Wild? I was absolutely livid"
9th Oct 2002, 13:17
From the film Dick Tracy.
Madonna (playing Breathless Mahoney, with the hots for Tracy) as she walks in on Warren Beatty (Playing Tracy) unexpectedly, as he was expecting his girlfriend back with some ice cream:
"What flavour did you get?"
"I got peach and you better eat it quick as it's gettin' all runny"
Hagbard the Amateur
9th Oct 2002, 13:42
From "Withnail & I"
Richard E. Grant with a hangover:
"I feel like a pig sh@<hidden> in my head!!!"
9th Oct 2002, 14:24
Reminds me of Peter Sellers in "There's a Girl In My Soup" - after a night of heavy drinking.....
"My eyes feel like p*ss holes in the snow"
(Actually - thinking about it - it was said "TO" Sellers by....by....who played the lead in all those "Confessions of......" series??)
"How's your head Elvira?"
Elvira: "Well, I haven't had any complaints yet" :eek:
9th Oct 2002, 14:47
An old one I know:
From Just Good Friends, when Vince unexpectedly met Penny and her new rather prudish boyfriend in a restaurant; The boyfriend was in the middle of ordering some sort of nut cutlet or something
Penny: Ah Vince, this is Robert. (Short pause while order was told to waiter)
Vince: (Looking confused)
Penny: Robert is a vegan Vince. (another pause) You do know what a vegan is don't you Vince? (cue smug look from Robert)
Vince: Of course I do! I never missed an episode of Star Trek.....
Still makes me chuckle even today.
Select Zone Five
9th Oct 2002, 16:53
Another from Blackadder I'm afraid...
Blackadder: I can see why the suffragette movement are wanting the vote.
Flasheart: Hey, hey! Any girl who wants to chain herself to my railings and suffer a jet movement gets my vote!
And I can't remember most of the dialogue but the scene in 'Running Man' when Arnie uses someone's back to rest on whilst signing a document. He signs the piece of paper and then jabs the pen through it into the guys back...he says 'Be sure to send me a copy' :D
Don't start me on Blackadder quotations we'll be here all night.....just one of my favourites then......:
General Melchett "And in France last year the upper echelons suffered from horrendous uprisings from the bottom!"
Blackadder "Yes Sir but surely that was traced to a shipment of garlic eclairs" :D
the funky munky
9th Oct 2002, 22:08
Some of the funniest one liners ever
Baldrick: I have a cunning plan my lord.
Blackadder: Baldrick, you wouldn't know a cunning plan if it painted itself purple jumped on a harpsicord and sang cunning plans are here again!
Blackadder: Thank god I wore my corset for my sides have surely split.
Lord Flashheart: Treat your plane like your woman get in her 5 times a day and take her to heaven and back, woof, woof.
And last Blackadder one liner (excuse me if it is not quite correct)
Blackadder: I have a plan so cunning it is more cunning than a fox with a degree in cunningness from the University of cunning!
10th Oct 2002, 01:01
From Blazing Saddles
Lili von Sthupp: "Is it twue what they say about you black men, err..ahhh.. (sound of zipper) It's twue! It's twue!"
Sheriff Bart: "Err..excuse me lady, you're sucking my arm.":eek: :cool:
Grim Reaper 14
10th Oct 2002, 10:45
A bit out of place, but a good quote nonetheless.
The West Indian fast bowler of a few years ago, Joel Garner (who is 6ft 8) was at a posh reception of some sort. A very gentile woman walked up to him and was asking him questions about his stature, commenting that he was extremely tall, but still in perfect proportion. The question was then raised as to whether 'everything' about him was in proportion. There was a pause, and Joel replied, "Madam, if everything about me was in proportion, I'd have to be 8ft 6....":eek:
10th Oct 2002, 12:37
"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others."
-- Groucho Marx
10th Oct 2002, 12:39
Edmund Blackadder (II) –on the thorny subject of inviting Lord & Lady Whiteadder for dinner:
“They do, however, have one redeeming feature – their wallets. As capacious as an elephant’s scrotum, and just as difficult to get your hands on.”
10th Oct 2002, 14:14
From Chicken Run:
"I don't want to be a pie.............I don't like gravy!"
Sad, aren't I!:D
Grim Reaper 14
10th Oct 2002, 15:24
BIAA - I'd love to hear you trying to say, "Principles" at the moment......
Sorry...... :D ;)
10th Oct 2002, 16:20
Thutt up, or I'll thcream and thcream and thcream until I'm thick!
Oh dear - I think I already did that :mad:
Actually the temporary gnashers seem to work OK except for very long words which sometimes get stuck in them - no idea why.
10th Oct 2002, 16:55
Nick Cotton in 'Eastenders', talking to his son Ashley who had just knackered the brakes on Mark Fowlers' motorbike:
"Well done son: a chip off the old block. Come on: I'll buy you some crisps!"
You might expect a joint or a rock of crack, but no, Albert Squares' hard man buys his son a packet crisps!!!
And Ray in 'Love, Honour and Obey' when trying to have an argument with his actress girlfriend, but is interrupted by the rather camp director:
"Shut up! You're fat and I'll throw you in the river!":)
11th Oct 2002, 04:15
Zulu. Thousands of warriors approaching, banging rythmically on their shields. The Comany Sergeant Major snarls at one trembling young soldier in the front row...
"Do that button up lad! Where the hell do you think you are?"
Through difficulties to the cinema
11th Oct 2002, 04:15
From an episode of 'Cracker':
Arresting officer (Ricky Thomlinson) to murder suspect:
"You stand as much chance of getting off this as I do of sh@<hidden> Mother Theresa."
After Fawlty's new chef tried to seduce Manuel:
"I should have never hired a frenchman!"
"He's Greek, Mr. Fawlty!"
"That's worse- they invented it...."
11th Oct 2002, 13:28
Huck, I think your signature line is worthy of a mention :)
11th Oct 2002, 14:53
"Go ahead, make my day!" - Sudden Impact
"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here, this is the War Room!" - Dr. Strangelove
"Bond, ...........James Bond"
"I'll be back" - Terminator
"Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me. Aren't you?" - The Graduate
"Good. For a moment there, I thought we were in trouble." - Butch Cassidy.....
" I love the smell of napalm in the morning" - Apocalypse Now
Sorry, got carried away!
11th Oct 2002, 18:22
Star Trek IV "The journey home", is playing in the background as I type this.
20th century lady oceanographer: "I suppose you're going to tell me you're from outer space?!!!"
Kirk: "No, I'm from Iowa. I only work in outer space"
Cracked me up. Kids can't see what's so funny.
11th Oct 2002, 19:21
Nurse: Well he pooh-poohed the Captain sir and said he'd never find the spy.
Melchett: Is this true Blackadder? Did Captain Darling pooh-pooh you?
Blackadder: Well maybe just a little....
Melchett: Well damn it all what more evidence do you need! The pooh-poohing alone is a court-martial offence!
Blackadder: I can assure you sir that the pooh-poohing was purely circumstantial.
Melchett: Well I hope so, Blackadder, becuase it's one thing the Army has tought me: never ignore a pooh-pooh. I knew a Major who got pooh-poohed: made the mistake of ignoring the pooh-pooh. He pooh-poohed it. Fatal error. Becuase it turned out that the soldier who pooh-poohed him had pooh-poohed a lot of other officers, who'd pooh-poohed their pooh-poohs. In the end we had to disband the regiment! Morale totally destroyed! By pooh-pooh!
Edmund: And then the final, irrefutable proof. Remember, you mentioned a clever boyfriend...
Edmund: I then leapt on the opportunity to test you. I asked if he'd been to one of the great universities: Oxford, Cambridge, or Hull...
Edmund: You failed to spot that only two of those are great universities.
Nurse: You swine!
Melchett: That's right -- Oxford's a complete dump!
You want it when?
12th Oct 2002, 00:46
Welll, Italian Jobs been done, as have some of the best of Blackadder. Hot Shots has one or two lines that are memorable but I guess I'd go for
"Failure is not an option" Appolo 13.
from Spinal Tap
"but this one goes upto 11" :D
12th Oct 2002, 09:24
Eddie hitler " Zulu's, thousands of them. Don't shoot till you see the white's of their eyes lads."
Eddie "Do you know, they could have won that if they kept their eyes closed."
Select Zone Five
12th Oct 2002, 10:06
I just watched 'Cliffhanger' with Sylvester Stallone and this one made me laugh...
Qualen (psycho): I must admit, you're a real piece of work.
Gabe (hero): Yeah....and I must admit, you're a real piece of sh*t.
and this one...
Tucker: If your looking for Qualen, try about 4,000 feet south of here. He'll be the one wearing the helicopter.
12th Oct 2002, 11:06
Also Apocalypse Now: "Forget Charlie. Charlie don't surf."
Or from Buffy: "He's turned into a sixteen-year-old boy. Of course you'll have to kill him."
And, at the risk of getting chewed out for exceeding one line, Harry Lime in The Third Man:
"In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias, they had war, terror and murder, yet they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love. They had five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock."
12th Oct 2002, 11:31
From that cultural classic Carry on Cleo, (I think)
Julius Caesar on being attacked.
"Infamy… Infamy …... they've all got it informe".
Well anyway I liked it
12th Oct 2002, 14:05
I can't believe you have omitted the greatest piece of aviation Humour AIRPLANE.......
Doctor " Can you fly this plane and land it? "
Ted Striker " Surely you can't be serious...?!? "
Doctor " I am serious and don't call me Shirley."
Doctor " Captain How soon till we land "
Capt " I can't tell "
Doc " you can tell me im a doctor "
Doc " Can't you take a guess? "
Capt " well not for another 2 hours. "
Doc " You can't take a guess for another 2 hours? "
Ps Flying for fun what do you fly at waltham:D :D :D
He died in a bizarre gardening accident.........
12th Oct 2002, 23:50
Wayne (Mike Myers) in Wayne's World, trying to impress his Chinese girlfriend: "I'll have the Cream of Sum Yung Gui"...
[This is Jet Blast, no?]
13th Oct 2002, 12:58
dusk till dawn
"What were they psychos or something"
"psychos did they look like psychos? psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them i dont give a f**k how crazy they are"
Full metal jacket:
When the Huey Gunner is asked: 'How can you shoot women and children?'
'Easy You just don't lead em so much!'
In "Airplane," they're all wrapped up, trying to land, and the doctor pokes his head in the cockpit and says, "I just want you to know, we're all counting on you back here...."
Sitting on the panel, I sometimes blurt out that line at the commencement of a tricky approach or crosswind landing (sterile cockpit be damned). About 20% of the front seaters recognize it and laugh.
13th Oct 2002, 21:49
"You're bleeding!", response from big guy chewing 'bacco "I aint got time to bleed"
also from same film different soldier "I said to my girlfriend the other night 'I'd like a little pussy' she said 'me too, mine is as big as a house' "
and from same guy, same film: "I said to my girlfriend, 'Gee thats a big pussy - Gee thats a big pussy', she said 'why did you say that twice?', 'I didn't it was the echo....' "
14th Oct 2002, 00:59
From Air America. Tell me do you guys party like this all the time.
Reply: What party, this is just nighttime!
Full Metal jacket. Guy blazing away with machine gun from chopper. "Anyone that runs is VC. Anyone that don't run is well disciplined VC'
Maxwell Smart. The old gun in the banana trick. Thats the second time I've fallen for that this month.
14th Oct 2002, 11:57
From Men of Honour:
'A Navy diver is NOT a fighting man; he is a salveage expert! If it's lost underwater, he finds it. If it's sunk, he brings it up. If it's in his way, he moves it!'
Charlton Heston's most famous quote - ?
'Soylent Green IS people!'
Evil Dead 3...
'Baby, you got real ugly, fast'
14th Oct 2002, 18:54
Lordflash ( my Hero )
Goggles on Chocks Away Last one backs a homo.....Hurrah!
15th Oct 2002, 07:37
Flash, what about the other Airplane gags...
I think my favourite is the courtroom one with the Psychiatrist and the Prosecutor - -
"Dr Smith, what's your impression of Ted Striker?"
"I'm sorry, I don't do impressions - my qualification is in psychiatry..."
Then there's the classic L.A. Confidential's inimicable Captain Smith...
"I admire your refusal to testify against your fellow officers. I admire you as an officer - particularly your adherence to violence, as a necessary adjunct of the law. And I am most impressed with your punishment of women beaters...do you hate them, Wendell?"
"Reciprosity, Mr Hutchens, is the key to every relationship.."
15th Oct 2002, 08:20
Lloyd Bridges ( Controller )
Other Chap ....... " Chief its Your Wife "
Bridges..... " I want the kids in bed by nine the yard watered the dog fed and the gate locked and get a note to the milkman NO MORE CHEESE!"
I Need to get out more..............:D :o
15th Oct 2002, 09:09
From "Body Heat"
Kathleen Turner to William Hurt . . . .
"You're not too bright are you, . . . . . .I LIKE that in a man!"
15th Oct 2002, 15:47
" Dumped the kite on the prom you had better send a driver......... General Melchets one should do she hangs around with the big knobs so she'll be used to a fella like me.
15th Oct 2002, 23:35
One of my favourites is from a Clint Eastwood movie set in years gone by. Clint rides into town and discovers some poor guy getting dragged of his horse drawn wagon & set upon by a bunch of thugs. Clint rides up and single handedly beats the crap out of three of the 4 thugs. Then he notices the 4th thug about to put a match to the old guys wagon and in one smooth movement belts him over the head with a largish block of wood. As thug number four falls to the ground unconscious Clint very coolly says"Shouldn't play with matches". Absolutely pricless one liner.
Another Clint Eastwood classic from, I think, Pale Rider. He's having trouble with some thugs and having despatched one, is standing on the stoop of the local bar drinking a beer, when another gang member sneaks up behind him brandishing a knife.
Clint, of course, spots the guy and without turning round pulls out his gun and says "You know, your going to look awfully silly with that knife sticking out of your a$$"
16th Oct 2002, 11:23
One of the Griswell movies. They take off on holiday in the car and are pulled over some time latter by a sherrif with a southern drawl who is holding the end of a frayed dog lead in his hand (they have taken off with the dog tied to the car) The sherrif says, "He would have kept up with you for a few miles". Actually pee'd my pant the first time I heard that.
Clint Eastwood in The Eiger Sanction (1975)
"Give me some slack."
16th Oct 2002, 12:52
From Butch Cassidy;
Paul Newman (scratching his head and genuinely baffled);
"If he'd just give me the money he's paying for me to stop robbing 'im, I'd stop robbing 'im!"
17th Oct 2002, 01:05
Ok, so this was a real quote before it was in a movie; A Bridge Too Far : General Horrocks addresses his troops before setting out for Arnhem:
"You can tell your grandchildren about this- and thoroughly bored they'll be!"
17th Oct 2002, 17:42
Michael Caine in Water
"They're French, I can smell the bloody Garlic".
Billy Connolly in Water
"There goes our breakfast"
Both creased me up.
17th Oct 2002, 18:03
This is not only a line from a film but a true story of how it was delivered...
John Wayne was awarded a part in The Greatest Story Ever Told, a Hollywood epic about the origins of Christianity. Charlton Heston played Moses and it had a cast full of stars.
JW was to play the centurion who was converted to Christianity after seeing Christ dying on the cross. Time comes for rehearsals for his big line:
"Truly this was the Son of God" (try saying it with a slow JW type drawl)
"Cut!! John, do you think you could say it with a bit more awe?? Action!!"
"Aw truly this was the Son of God"
And they kept it in!!
18th Oct 2002, 08:48
"It's like Greenland in here!" (Withnail & I)
"We are VSF" (Very Severely F***ked) (Air America?)
Grim Reaper 14
18th Oct 2002, 15:23
"Oh man! I shot Marvin in the face!" - Vincent Vega / John Travolta: Pulp Fiction
19th Oct 2002, 03:01
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid....
As the railway car holding the safe with the money comes raining down in splinters....and paper money floats down like leaves falling..........following one very...very ...very....large explosion....
Sundance cuts sideways to Butch....and says" Reckon you used enough dynamite Butch?"
or....as Butch is reading the hold up instructions in Spanish during the bank robbery.....with Sundance holding a gun on them.....all the patrons standing there with their hands over their heads.....Sundance waiting as Butch reads phrase by phrase....finally gets exasperated and says....."They got their hands up , Butch!"
Slim Pickens says to the black rail gang laborer....."take this shovel and put it to good use!" immediately before being hit over the head with it!
19th Oct 2002, 08:11
Don't know if this was ever on TV:
Bob Hope gets of a jet at the old HK airport Kai Tak (no aerobridge) and smells the stink coming out of the infamous Kai Tak nullah (drainage canal nearby)
Bob Hope (screwing up his nose) : "What's that smell?"
Flunky : "It's sh*t sir!"
Bob: "I know it's sh*t but what the hell have they done to it??!"
Captain Blackadder..." There was only one flaw in the plan."
Baldrick.. "What was that?"
Captain Blackadder.."It was Boll**Ks"
20th Oct 2002, 09:17
Irritated Morgan Freeman in Lean On Me
"I don't have to do NOTHIN' except stay black and die."
20th Oct 2002, 21:39
Amish old man to Harrison Ford trying to milk a cow for the first time: "Your have never had your hands on a teat before"
Harrison Ford "Not one this big!"
21st Oct 2002, 02:11
Arnold Schwartzenegger in the movie Total Recall. He finally gets to Mars and runs into his brunette girlfriend.
She grabs him in the groin and asks him "what have you been feeding him".
Arnies reply "Blondes".
21st Oct 2002, 13:39
Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to Die.
21st Oct 2002, 15:45
Two from a Victoria Wood TV play called Pat and Margaret.
"Oh no, you couldn't get abortions round here then, we didn't 'ave muesli till last year."
And Thora Hird discussing her sons learning difficulties.
"They didn't have dyslexia in them days, you sat at the back, with raffia."
21st Oct 2002, 17:30
Star Trek - The Next Generation - ALL Good Things
..... and the Sky's The Limit
21st Oct 2002, 23:15
Ted " perhaps jack is agorphobic.? "
Dougal " Jack ! ?!. Scared of fighting?? "
Too much time on me hands
21st Oct 2002, 23:32
BASIL FAWLTY: Ah yes, I remember happy....
MACKAY: So, Fletcher, you think you are working class?
FLETCHER: I did until I went to Glasgow. Now I reckon I'm middle class.
22nd Oct 2002, 02:31
Almost forgot this one from Sandford and Son.
(Sandford and Son had an all black cast, starring Redd Foxx)
Sandford "Hey dummy, what's the name a that movie starring Arnold Schwartzenblack..?"
Lamont "Pop, his name is Arnold Schwartzenegger."
Sandford "Not on this show, it ain't.":D
22nd Oct 2002, 10:57
Life Of Brian
Mother: Your father was a Roman!
Brian: You mean you were raped?
Mother: Well.....at first!
Wade Garrett: I get enough sleep when I'm dead!
Sandra Bullock to Stallone: Lets go blow this guy!
Stallone: AWAY.....LETS GO BLOW THIS GUY AWAY!!!!!!!!!!
22nd Oct 2002, 12:14
Two from The Blues Brothers:
"No ma'am, We're musicians"
"The use of unnecessary violence in the apprehension of The Blues Brothers has been approved."
from "Waiting for Guffman"
"you're all b*stard people, you're making me do something that I don't want to do! I'm going to go home and bite my pillow!"
22nd Oct 2002, 19:11
Can't remember where it's from, but this cracked me up.
Never teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig!
23rd Oct 2002, 14:02
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.
From "Eat The Rich" when the main character of Alex says...
"and yes David, we were heroes... just for one day" :D
29th Oct 2002, 11:33
From Star Trek 2
Spock (dying) to Captain Kirk
"the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one"
Scotty - everytime in a crisis "she canna take much more of this captain"
29th Oct 2002, 12:31
As Good as it gets:
Jack Nicholson "Carol the waitress - simon the fag"
Jack Nicholson "Where did they teach you to talk like that? Some Panama city sailor wanna hump hump bar or is it getaway day and your last chance at his whiskey - sell crazy someplace else we're all stocked up here"
Dumb and dumber:
It gets worse, Lloyd. My parakeet
Petey – he's… he's dead.
Oh man, I'm sorry, Harry. What
His head fell off.
His head fell off?
Yeah, he was pretty old.
3rd Nov 2002, 12:13
Smokey and the bandit the other night.
Junior and Smokey in Hot pursuit.
Daddy can i help?
Ya wanna help Junior...... Jump ou the window!:D :D :D
4th Nov 2002, 22:35
Here's a great Full Metal Jacket link:
Full Metal Jacket (http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jacket.html)
Monty Python Life of Brian:
Well, how did you become king, then?
The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held Excalibur aloft from the bosom of the water to signify by Divine Providence ... that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur ...
That is why I am your king!
Is Frank in? He'd be able to deal with this one.
Look, strange women lying on their backs in ponds handing out
swords ... that's no basis for a system of government. Supreme
executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
4th Nov 2002, 23:41
Can't remember the lines but Inspector Grim in "The Thin Blue Line" came out with some real crackers. Anyone able to supply the words to the "namby-pamby hoity-toity" speech?
4th Nov 2002, 23:47
Star Trek, First contact
Troy : 'Time, we can't talk about time, we have'nt got the time'
Or words to that effect, left me laughing at the 'time':D :D :D
Select Zone Five
5th Nov 2002, 07:32
Is Inspector Grim the bald guy? I remember him once explaining that a mistake by his staff would leave him responsible...
"Your cock-up.....my arse!" :D
Or when talking into his radio..."Tango, tango...two Cokes and a Sprite" :p
5th Nov 2002, 11:13
Elaine - Do you want to come to the ballet?
Jerry - No. (pause) I've seen people on tiptoes before.
Kind of sums up this art form for me...
5th Nov 2002, 12:40
MAGNUM FORCE (from Dirty Harry series)
F/O to acting capt(Inspector Callahan)
F/O: Excuse capt,this might sound like a stupid question,but can you fly?
Dirty Harry: Nope,never had a lesson
Select Zone Five
7th Nov 2002, 19:16
John Goodman's character in "Always"
"My engine's on fire! Can you believe that?! And I was in such a good mood!" :cool:
Julia Roberts' character in "Notting Hill"
"Happiness isn't happiness without a violin playing goat" :rolleyes:
Yeah, I know...I have LOTS of DVD's :D
"If we don't stick up for the kooks, who will?"
Dean McCoppin in The Iron Giant
10th Nov 2002, 15:28
Grafton to Ops O (David Schwimmer) in Flight of the Intruder:
"I'm not B qualified, i've never even sat in the thing."
From Grosse Point Blanke:
"Don't tease me Marcella you know what i do for a living."
10th Nov 2002, 16:29
From flight of the intruder, after a long bomb run with every SAM in north korea and most of the tracer rounds shot at the plane, they go to drop the bombs and nothing happens :
"They didn't drop"
"You gotta be shittin' me"
:D Just the tone of the voice at that moment is hilariously funny :D
And from Always, the part where Dreyfuss is sitting in the forest getting his hair cut :
"...and then my plane blew up! *laughs* Hey, how did I get out of that one?"
And from later in the film, where the new guy is following the "follow me" truck that's a runaway :
"I think we're being a little gullible here, don't you?"
11th Nov 2002, 09:32
From Aussie Vietnam movie (A few angry shots?)
Sergeant to Bryan Brown, in incredibly tense moment as both lurk in long grass outside a shack probably chock full of Vietcong;
"Like to take a look?"
Brown, with withering look,
"You filthy pervert"
Nearly wet myself for some reason
11th Nov 2002, 12:57
Not from a film or tv but real life.
A few years ago a friend of mine was travelling through Nagasaki with his Japanese interpreter enroute to visit Mitsubishi :
"Not many old buildings around here are there?"
As he realised just what he said, he tried in vain to find the ejector seat handle.............
11th Nov 2002, 18:01
Whilst the Brits are loosing the Battle for Arnhem Bridge, a young German walks out onto the Bridge with a big white flag.
German (waving white flag): "My General says, there's no point in continuing with this fighting. He is willing to discuss a surrender."
Colonel Johnny Crisp (Anthony Hopkins): "We haven't the proper facilities to take you all prisoner. Sorry."
Johnny Crisp: "We'd like to, but we can't accept your surrender."
Johnny Crisp: "Was there anything else?"
13th Nov 2002, 08:48
From Heartbreak Ridge with Clint Eastwood.......
"I'm gonna rip your head off and **** down your neck"
Also from Blackadder.........
"I've got a plan thats so cunning you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel"
13th Nov 2002, 09:36
Again Flight of the Intruder, Commander Camperelli to Jake Grafton shortly after the death of Morg.
"You die son and i'll **** on your grave."
and later in the tail hook bar, Grafton to some F4 driver
Grafton - "Are you a fighter pilot?"
F4 bloke - "Don't as a man if he's a fighter pilot, if he is he'll tell
you, if not don't embaress him"
Grafton - "Hey a**hole, fighter pukes make movies, bomber pilot
13th Nov 2002, 13:09
An Arnold zwarzenegger movie:
At a certain moment he says to a guy:" You are funny, I'll kill you last". A while later he is holding that guy over a cliff.
guy:" but, but...you promised you would kill me last..."
Arni:" I lied..." and he drops the guy.
10th Jul 2003, 21:12
Watched Leon again yesterday evening.
Leon who has been badly injured, gets to the ground floor of the apartment block, by pretending to be one of the SWAT squad.
He collapses to the floor, and Stansfield approaches him. Leon holds out a blood-stained hand and says something like - "Matilda asked me to give you this". His hand opens to reveal a grenade safety pin. Stansfield opens Leon's coat to reveal a chest pouch with at least 6 grenades.
He just has time to say "Shit", and then there is an almighty explosion!
CarryOnLuggage: How can you mention "The Blues Brothers" and not include:-
Elwood: It's a hundred and six miles to Chicago. We've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.
Jake: Hit it!
Best car chase ever! Possibly the most expensive to film!
Twin Peaks was a mass of quotes...
Pete: "Don't drink that coffee! There was a fish in the percolator!"
Cooper: "Who's the lady with the log?"
Truman: "We call her the Log Lady"
The Owls are not what they seem.
Truman: That's Glastonbury grove.
Cooper: Glastonbury! The ancient burial site of King Arthur!
Pete: King Arthur's buried in England. Last I heard.
(It's sadly ironic that Jack Nance who played Pete Martell in Twin Peaks died after a brawl in a donut shop.)