con-pilot
16th Jul 2002, 21:06
At last an exercise diet program that I can follow religiously.
Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it…don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp the logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.
Q; Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientist divides everything in the world in to three categories: animal, mineral and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain – Good.
Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: You’re not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: What’s the secret to healthier eating?
A: Thicker gravy.
Q: Will sit-ups help me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy! Cocoa beans… another vegetable. It’s the best feel good food around.
I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Have a cookie (biscuit for my British friends)…flour is a grain!
For only $19.95 I will send you a copy the above diet exercise program.
Yes for ONLY $19.95 you can soon be feeling better about yourself.
Send ONLY $19.95 in a self address envelope to:
R.I.P. Meoff Industries
1234 Conartist Street
Bay Watch, New Jersey
78999098-3345
You receive your copy in 10 to 30 years, delivered by a United States Government employee.
(Not legal in Alabama, Alaska, Arizona and the other forty seven states, Great Britain, Europe, Russia and the rest of the free
world.)
:D :D :D
Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it…don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp the logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.
Q; Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientist divides everything in the world in to three categories: animal, mineral and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain – Good.
Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: You’re not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: What’s the secret to healthier eating?
A: Thicker gravy.
Q: Will sit-ups help me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy! Cocoa beans… another vegetable. It’s the best feel good food around.
I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Have a cookie (biscuit for my British friends)…flour is a grain!
For only $19.95 I will send you a copy the above diet exercise program.
Yes for ONLY $19.95 you can soon be feeling better about yourself.
Send ONLY $19.95 in a self address envelope to:
R.I.P. Meoff Industries
1234 Conartist Street
Bay Watch, New Jersey
78999098-3345
You receive your copy in 10 to 30 years, delivered by a United States Government employee.
(Not legal in Alabama, Alaska, Arizona and the other forty seven states, Great Britain, Europe, Russia and the rest of the free
world.)
:D :D :D
