Boy, they certainly spoil Officers today

[NutLoose]

Just look


Main Radio Article Player (http://bcove.me/o1mj2c3y)

[Whenurhappy]

Thats' s a rather cheap & nasty wine to include; how about something from South Australia or Marlborough?

[Sun Who]

Utter Genius.

[uffington sb]

But wouldn't his batman take it out of the box and prepare it for him?

[Danny42C]

Beats the old "K" Ration into a cocked hat ! (but where's the toilet paper ?)

[crackling jet]

That is the Marine Corporal !!

[Wensleydale]

Surely, the candelabra should be silver with at least two candles in case one of them blows out leaving the officer unable to light his cigar.

[ORAC]

Obvious spoof, cheap sausages for breakfast? Much too common and bland.

The proper pack contains devilled kidneys and kedgeree.

[Old-Duffer]

When the scales of field equipment for airborne forces were being considered - circa 1942 - one item was how many sheets of loo paper. This seemed to baffle the officers who formed the necessary (ney vital) sub committee, so history has it that they decided to ask the orderly who was looking after the staff.

He is reputed to have answered - quick as a flash - 'four, Sir'.

'On what do you base that' he was asked.

'One up, one down, one across and one for polish' was the response.

Old Duffer

PS The days when sheets of loo paper were over printed with Government property, loo paper was known as; the Army Blank Form.

[Hydromet]

RSM addresses parade, holding up roll of toilet paper. "You may use.." (tears off slowly & deliberately) "two sheets of paper. You will not do this!" (tears off about 2m of paper, places between legs and see-saws it back and forth.)

[BEagle]

After 48 hours on 'compo' rations, any actual opportunity to require the use of 'Paper, toilet, bum for the wiping with' would be pretty unlikely....:uhoh:

[Madbob]

Hydromet


I can remember being taught that it was, three sheets....."one polish and two shine" - that was in the days when the paper also had Government Property printed on every sheet.


Happy days.


MB

[A2QFI]

And was shiny and "medicated with Izal Germicide" ISTR

[jindabyne]

And a little stiff - the paper that is/was

[Cornish Jack]

that was in the days when the paper also had Government Property printed on every sheet ... and had a little blank square outline in the corner of each sheet. This was to allow officers to tick, to indicate that it had been used!:E

[NutLoose]

I was taught one folded it in four and tore off the corner, one then pushed owns finger through the hole in the centre when unfolded and used it to help scoop the poop, post poop scooping, one slid it up ones finger cleaning that, then taking the torn of corner used that to clean ones nail...


It was and still remains the only Government white paper ever worth a sh*te.

[Rosevidney1]

Luxury! At my school we had toilet paper called Bronco which was as kind to young rear ends as greaseproof paper! The headmaster used to boast about it at every opportunity. I think the old misanthrope probably had shares in the company.

[smujsmith]

Beagle has it absolutely correct. I well remember as a Halton apprentice doing the "week in Wales" on compo and only managing two visits to the ablutions. The Babies heads from the compo packs were gratefully consumed, I ended up with a surfeit of "bog paper". Would that make toilet paper in the compo pack a "contradiction of terms" ?

Smudge :ok:

[barnstormer1968]

Knowing that the 'officers ration pack' lecture has been doing the rounds for at least 30 years I do wonder just how old the routine is.

[Robert Cooper]

Should always carry a small jar of curry powder. Only way to make that stuff palatable! :)

Bob C

[FantomZorbin]

'Government Property' bog paper was fantastic for moulding filler on car renovations! When applied shiny side to the filler it left a superb flat and shiny surface on removal! :ok:

[Union Jack]

Does one therefore assume that you were working on crappy cars?:D

Jack

[Alan Mills]

Why was Government Property Toilet paper used on the Star Trek USS Enterprise?

[FantomZorbin]

Union Jack

How could you possibly know that!? :ok::D

[Pontius Navigator]

That paper was waterproof too. Like magazine paper reusable.

[Danny42C]

Alan Mills,

To encourage voluntary constipation ! (first man who uses the Elsan has to empty it).

Also known as Army Blank Form, which was the original "Bumff" (Bum Fodder): this later was extended to cover all official paper work.

Tended to fold into sharp creases, could inflict painful scrapes on Piles.

Widely also used was the old (2d) Radio Times, which was slightly more flexible than newspaper.

In the Raj, a plantain leaf made an acceptable substitute. The locals often carried round a little brass pot of water to help matters. They performed al fresco, usually beside railway lines. :*

The Roman legionary had a small sponge on the end of a stick, which he dunked in water. Suppose the Centurions had a better class of sponge (and olive oil to finish off ?).

A fascinating subject.

Anything else you'd like to know ?

Danny42C.

EDIT: Just remembered, the trade name of the stuff was IZAL

[Flight_Idle]

I'm getting slow in my old age & only realised the video was a spoof, halfway through.


I joined up in early 1970 & was terrified of having the training staff find soft bog roll in my locker (I imagined it to be a chargeable offence) assuming the 'Government property' paper being there to toughen us up & make men of us.


It didn't work very well with me, the rebound being that I often like to go out & strut my stuff in my favourite Cheongsam. Horses for courses & all that.

[BEagle]

Alan Mills asked: Why was Government Property Toilet paper used on the Star Trek USS Enterprise?

The answer to this well-known schoolboy query is simple - to defeat Klingons!

[MPN11]

My boarding school in Jamaica did not provide bog-roll ... it was part of your tuck-box kit each term. Referred to as "toosh-pops', it was either "Sandrex" or "Softrex", and it was always a joy to see a Prefect rushing around trying to beg a sheet or three from the junior boys after his supply had expired. *

* memories of an episode of "Porridge" there.

[NutLoose]

You should have sold it to him, you could have cleaned up :O

[Tom Joad]

I trust that was wild salmon and not farmed:p

Tom

[smujsmith]

Beagle, #28

Thanks for that, you just put the question to something I've known the answer to for years , if you see what I mean!!

Smudge:ok: