World's Shortest Books!

[harry the cod]

Whilst perhaps more suited for Jet Blast, a few books I recently read got me thinking. What would make the World's shortest? Perhaps 'The Australian Book of Foreplay', maybe 'The Lawyers code of Ethics'. 'The Book of French Military Victories' would definitely be a shortlist along with 'The Pilots' Guide to Fashion', maybe even include 'Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific'. And what collection would be complete without 'The Very Best of German Humour'! So, here are a few more nearer to home for all those saying hello to tomorrow;

'Efficiency in Technology' by our wonderful IT department.
'Meydan Made Easy' Accommodation department.
'Empathy with Crew' Service Delivery
'The truth in Numbers' Accounts & Finance
'Hygiene appointments Whenever' Medical
'How to drive Like a Professional' Transport
'No More Waiting!' HR Centre
'Tasty Grub' Emirates Flight Catering
'Say No to Sponsorship' Corporate Communications
'Free and Easy Parking' Procurement and logistics.

I'm sure there're many more out there...............

Harry

[lospilotos]

Harry, you rock!

[The Outlaw]

All good reads.

Have you tried:

"Yuvil Vin Frenz Und Influez Peepel...NOW" by a poetic East German author named S.P. Hilterschize.

Also a good read between breaths is:

"British Dentistry" Volumes 1-4 (1930 edition) by Karius Molar

"Modern British Management Techniques". Not sure who the author is as its a very difficult book to find. There is some who believe that is has never been written...conspiracists!

[Exascot]

The Greek Highway Code

[Nikita81]

Hahahah! Beats best layover thread!

[Schnowzer]

Don't know about the shortest but what about the longest:

1. The bumper compendium of SOP changes, in 327 volumes.
2. The abridged list of cancelled and reissued FCIs
3. The random collection of emails and hidden policies published by stealth - an E-book
4. Techniques and Tips (more for your benefit than mine) that must be followed to pass a PPC

[Capetonian]

The Nigerian Book of Business Ethics
The Islamic Guide to Tolerance of other Religious Beliefs
A Guide to Swiss Comedians
The French Book of Humility
A Roma Guide to Personal Hygiene
The Greek Guide to Accountancy

[Schnowzer]

The Greek Guide to Accountancy

It's sister volume is noted in the Guinness Book of records as the longest, most widely read Greek book. "The Greek Guide to Tax Loopholes"!

[fliion]

My fave shorty:

"The Chemical Content of Swingers Oasis Fogging" by Dr Pes T. Syde

; >

f.

[harry the cod]

A few more generic books to look out for!

Carpet Laying - by Walter Wall
Challenging Uncertainty - by R U Shaw
Dealing with Alcoholism - by Carrie M Holme
Simple Tattoos - by Marcus Alover
How to make an igloo - by S K Mow
Reading problems - by Liz Dexia
Keeping caged birds - by Ken Airey
Costume jewellery - by Fay Kerings
Big Book of Welsh Jokes - by Dai Laffen
The Typical Scot - by Titus Canbee

Harry ;)

[AdamFrisch]

Famous Jewish Athletes.

[Don Corleone]

Fatigue Management for Dummies

[delorean79]

EK A330 Fleet: Layover guide and tips

[CaptainChipotle]

"How to write your OWN FCI's and make your job sound important"

Soon to be followed by the worldwide hit:

"Punish EVERYONE; the Fear Factor, Volume I"

[Nikita81]

"Punish EVERYONE; the Fear Factor, Volume I"

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha! made my evening! love pilot's sense of humour!

[glofish]

Caught Redha 'nded

[atila_101]

The Chinese book of love

[sluggums]

"The book of staff motivation" by EK Management.
"How to dump on airline staff" by Who Flung Dung. Actually, that one is a huge tome, come to think of it...

[motley flight crue]

1 good reason to join EK!

[Silky]

"Great English Joke Book"

[Pilot_Recruit]

Turn signals and what they're good for - UAE edition

[GNL]

EK contract... with amendments.

[safari005]

A Pilots's guide to fashion and navigation bags- TCAS

[halas]

The very best of British dental hygiene and orthodontics. By most EK VP's

halas

[TSHEKUDU]

A Short History of Profit Share... Written by: U. R. Broke

[ironbutt57]

Book of Italian war heroes

French Military Defence Tactics

[olster]

The Emirates guide to relaxed and practical training...

[172_driver]

Great English food

[Trader]

Your Employees are Lemons: How to Squeeze them till the Last Drop

Employee Relations: Lessons from the Huns and other Warmongers and how they Apply to Modern Management

The Commodore 64 and Building Satisfying Rosters

[Nick 1]

- The missionary position. Mother Teresa in theory and practice.
- Game you can play with your pu@@y.
- Everything i know about women i learned from my tractor.
- How to rise your IQ by eating gifted children.
- Make your own sex toys.
- The pocket book of boners.
- How to avoid huge ships.
- Still stripping after 25 years.
- Reusing old graves.
- Why cats paint.
- The beginner 's guide to sex in the after life.
- Fancy coffin to make yourself.
- Castraction : the advantages and the disadvantages.
- Pooh gets stuck.
- Does God ever speak through cats ?
- Eating people is wrong.
- How to succeed in business without a penis.

Nick 1

[ironbutt57]

hey Trader..I can buid a better roster with a Commodore 64 than some can with Aims:yuk:

[chicken wings]

Nick 1, you're seriously disturbed. Can we be friends?

[170to5]

"Safety First! The Emirates Pilot's Guide to Writing Valuable ASR's"

(Magnetised cutlery?!)

[jack schidt]

Author TCAS

Pilots User Guide to PEDs in the Cockpit.

[GA Button]

How To Ignore Your Sinking Ship

[OMAAbound]

A quick way to a bad back by 777 Pilot

[Am NOT Sure]

Saving 10%of your salary - Dubai edition

[Am NOT Sure]

Refrain from shaking your head - Bollywood fiction

[mikedreamer787]

Famous Singaporean sports legends.
The Selfless Deeds of LKW.
Vietnam Road Rules.
Really Good Ideas Airbus Copied from Boeing.
Turn signals - what they're used for in Malaysia.
Stop Lights and their uses in the KSA.
Multiculturalism works well in Western Countries (French Ed.)
How Islamic Missionaries continue the Works of Mother Theresa.
The Truth About Global Warming.
Why High Taxes Are Good For You (EU Ed.)
The Democratic Principles of North Korea.

[aussie10]

Here is another....Argentinians list of Legitimate Claims on the Falklands.....By J.Clarkson

[ironbutt57]

the Official Book of Australian Aircraft Manufacturers

[Capn Rex Havoc]

"How to win friends- USA edition"

"Countries we haven't invaded" George Bush

"Geography - outside mainland USA"

[Silky]

Manager fleets admirers:=

[fliion]

"The Insiders Guide to American Citizenship" by Murdoch & Kidman

"How to Marry into a great nationality" by Nicole Kidman (Vol 1 & 2)

:0

f.

[falconeasydriver]

"More for your benefit than mine" The Australian Astronaut training guide

"Famous world leaders I can remember" George W Bush

"Basic wheelchair maintenance" Dr Stephen Hawkins

"The complete guide to political ethics" Robert Mugabe

"Bunkers, an Austrian story" Joesph Fritzel and A Hitler

[145qrh]

"Integrity"-- Emirates Management

"Life not work" - Crew Control

'Of course I know the problem" - Sanjay Engineer

"Arab Comedians "- A complete list

"Arabian boys names ( Abdullah - Mohammed ) and both names in-between"

"Love to help" - EK Clinic

"I know the way" - The Drivers

[motley flight crue]

Bunkers, an Austrian story. The funniest by far

[JAARule]

"The Definitive Collection of Accurate, Correct and Professional American Radio-Telephony"

[Trader]

The Complete Guide Series to Driving in Dubai - by Sanjay Gupta:

1. Rules for Accelerating when someone uses their Signals - Cut them Off Quick
2. Just Drive 80 --- 120 zone or 40 It Doesn't Matter
3. Alternating Flow in Reducing Lanes: How to Squeeze in
4. Backing Up - Perfectly Appropriate for Highways or Other Roads when you have Missed your Exit. Illustrated with example.
5. Hazard Lights - Why you Need to Use them when Traffic slows down
6. Lights - How flashing your Lights parts Traffic and Allows You to Arrive 2 Minutes Earlier
7. Sharing the Road?? How to Make Sure You're First Every Time
8. Taxi Driver Special - How Body Odor Can Enhance Your Business

[Skywards747]

Guide to Synagogues in UAE / Saudi etc.

Iranian guide to peaceful uses of nuclear energy

How to deliver grandiose speeches without a teleprompter by Barack Obama

How to fly safely on light aircraft by JFK jr

How to be Faithful in a Marriage by Bill Clinton

Safety tips for skiing by Sunny Bono

Proper English pronunciation by Arnold Schwarzenegger

My democratic journey by Vladimir Putin

Human rights in North Korea

[Capetonian]

Statesmanship : Al-Burak Obama
Sound Economics in Central Africa : Robbing Mug-ape
Economical and eco-friendly Shopping : Graceless Mug-ape
Celibacy, Safe Sex and Contraception in Practice : Jacob Zuma

[a747jb]

"Deodorant" by my crew transport driver


"TCAS" not a book but very short


and for those who like lengthy reading


"How to F... your employees" by Middleeast Managers


"A pilots guide to drinking and flirting" by Horn E. Aviator


"Getting Laid" by Lebon Ese Guy

[SMT Member]

'Standing Together' - by A. Irline-Pilot

[littlejet]

Be creative with champagne cork. By Stew Ar. Dess

[Nikita81]

"Getting Laid" by Lebon Ese Guy

Lebanese guys just give the impression that they are getting laid often. Reality is quite different. They have the inferiority complex disguised as a god complex.

'Standing Together' - by A. Irline-Pilot

:} good one

[sherburn2LA]

PPRUNE guide to polite posting by Mixture

[Alconguin Crusader]

"Good airlines that I have been hired by." By Harry the Cod

"Crap airlines that I have worked for." A very long book by Harry the Cod

[CaptainChipotle]

"How to take it up the @$$ and keep smiling" - a complete guide by HTC

OR

"My investments and friends are awesome, so I don't care how the company treats me"

[White Knight]

101 Exciting Things to do at Desdi - A.T.Cee
The Art of Fog Forecasting - DXB Met Dept
Tasty Crew Meal Recipes - E.K.Cater
On Time Departure Manual - L.A.Tepax

[Eau de Boeing]

Actually the DESDI one could have a thread of its own.....

[Che Xindamail]

"Car trip through the desert" by Phil Rupp

[Nikita81]

"Theory of drunken motorcycle driving and managing bottles of wine" by Terry D. Aly.

[evansb]

"The Colours of Ravens" - an Audubon primer.

"Teetotallers of the former Soviet Union" - complete with a recently declassified fuzzy black-and-white photo.

"Canadians who are not immigrants" - as appraised on Antiques Road Show.

"The Foundation of American Society" - not a book, but a pamphlet issued by the NRA.

"Scandinavian Negroes" - again, not a book but an anthropological study paper.

"Happy people who are Politically Correct" - rare uncensored version.

"The Mahatma Gandhi Diet'"


FYI There are plenty of accomplished Jewish athletes.

FYI There is some really good English food and English restaurants, some are even in England.

FYI British dentistry is better than most other countries of the world including Uganda.

[Townie]

"Aircraft Fly-by-wire Systems Made Easy" By Airbus Industries

[ironbutt57]

The life and times of a post EK A-380

[Eau de Boeing]

or US/Oz layovers on the 777 in 2016........;)