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Bob Viking
10th Feb 2014, 18:09
We've all heard them. The stories that we all love to regale but rarely, if ever, actually know the true origins.

So I thought I'd start this thread as a way for us to tell those tall stories that we all love and see if we can actually get to the truth behind them. That way, in future when we tell the stories, we can say with authority when and where they happened! Here's a couple for starters, that I've heard but am unsure of their origins:

1. Lightning gets airborne during ground run with engineer on board.
2. Transport aircraft returning from the Falklands where the Captain got in trouble for informing the female passengers that they were all ugly again.

BV:O

500N
10th Feb 2014, 18:11
Bob

" 1. Lightning gets airborne during ground run with engineer on board."

Has been written up on PPRuNe with links to the article by the "pilot" himself.


I'd like to hear the story behind No 2 :O

NutLoose
10th Feb 2014, 18:12
His story is here

Oops - accidental lightning pilot - PistonHeads (http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?t=676440)

rolling20
10th Feb 2014, 18:13
The Lightning is true. W/C Taffy Holden, well documented on here and by the man himself on BBC Radio. I believe the interview is on YouTube.

500N
10th Feb 2014, 18:14
Here is the link to story about the Lightning.

Oops - accidental lightning pilot - PistonHeads (http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?t=676440)

vascodegama
10th Feb 2014, 18:15
I think it was only the WAAFs he said were ugly again.

Bob Viking
10th Feb 2014, 18:26
That's number one answered. Still waiting for number two. So to speak!
BV;)

goudie
10th Feb 2014, 18:37
What about the techie who stole a Canberra and crashed it on take off, I believe?

There were several stories doing the rounds in the '50's of pilots becoming unconscious and the aircraft (vampire?) being landed by the passenger.

Wrathmonk
10th Feb 2014, 18:53
The one I always hoped was true was the tale of a Herc load of paras returning to UK from some exercise or other. The troops were not on their best behaviour so on landing at Lyneham the Master Loadie decides on a bit of payback and has his human cargo doubling around outside the aircraft whilst waiting for the pax bus. As is the case this takes forever but finally it arrives and the paras (no doubt not even out of breath!) board the bus. Last on is the Sgt Maj who takes the Loadie to one side and says, words to the effect of, no problems with the 'punishment' but perhaps next time he could fall the colonel out.

sharpend
10th Feb 2014, 19:03
What about the blind Hawk pilot who landed the aeroplane even though the engine had failed. What a tall story that was :)

goudie
10th Feb 2014, 19:05
That one made I laff Wrathmonk:ok:

Ken Scott
10th Feb 2014, 19:21
Herc returning to Lyneham during Granby, makes the call to Ops when inbound & in response to the question, 'Do you have any VIPs aboard?' answers, 'Yes, Sheik Yur Wad!' Ops apparently take it seriously & approaching the parking bay crews spots the reception committee including OC Ops. Nav puts on the Arab costume he purchased down the Souk & exits down the crew steps to take the salute. Points at OC Ops & says, 'On your knees, infidel!' Wg Cdr is just bending his knees when he spots the 'Sheik' is wearing flying boots......

500N
10th Feb 2014, 19:24
Ken Scott

:D:D:D

Thanks, I needed a good laugh this morning :O :ok:

Hangarshuffle
10th Feb 2014, 20:24
A maintainer survived by crouching/coiling back into the footwell of the pilots cockpit of a Sea Vixen just in time as the ejection seat fired. Was this true?


Someone deliberately flew a Sea Harrier under the Sydney Harbour Bridge (I've heard this loads of times and knew and served with the alleged person involved but is it actually true?).


Someone had part of an ejector seat fired through their eyeball and out the back of their head and still survived......


Any of these true, vaguely true or an outright myth?

Tashengurt
10th Feb 2014, 20:35
High ranking officer returning to UK from Cyprus bullies Herc crew into carrying his tax free car over higher priority freight.
En route crew declare engine problems and jettison car into the Med.


Posted from Pprune.org App for Android

The Helpful Stacker
10th Feb 2014, 20:47
High ranking officer returning to UK from Cyprus bullies Herc crew into carrying his tax free car over higher priority freight.
En route crew declare engine problems and jettison car into the Med.

I've heard it was a homeward bound SENGO who pulled rank to ignore the accepted practice of drawing lots for spare Herc space (?) to get the winners car home, but the resulting car swimming in the Med is the same.

A SWO once spotted me walking across the grass outside SHQ and shouted "Airman" etc etc....:zzz:

longer ron
10th Feb 2014, 20:48
originally posted by ColinB (2008)

The Night 57 sqn lost a canberra

J/T John Seville ?



https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=3&cad=rja&ved=0CD8QFjAC&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.pprune.org%2Faviation-history-nostalgia%2F354300-night-57-squadron-lost-canberra.html&ei=4kf5UovhBqiP7Aar9oDADQ&usg=AFQjCNHlXfAWrLteLC6-Rdo9mC_c4xaBZQ&sig2=3KXJPGf1hrqxk68u8tKVPQ&bvm=bv.60983673,d.ZGU



Over the next couple of days Fingers considered his situation not only with the police of two nations but also his current problems with his girlfriend and decided drastic problems merited drastic solutions and he decided he would borrow a Canberra.
His master plan included taking off from Gutersloh, flying to Dishforth in Yorkshire, landing on the North/South runway parallel to the to the A1, taxiing to the boundary fence and jumping over it to hitch a lift to North of Manchester where his family lived. It should be piece of cake really he had a key for Canberras and had studied the Pilot Notes.
In the early morning of 15th October 1957 he went out, taking with him a suitcase and small pack, onto the airfield to the 59 Sqdn line and removed all of the covers and external attachments of Canberra XH204. He set up all of the necessary switches to start up on internals, did not arm the ejection seat and at 6:30 pm when Reveille sounded he threw the master battery switch thereby masking the noise of start up.
When the canopy had de-misted and the engines settled at 2700 revs he released the parking brake and started to move forward. He immediately found difficulty in steering with the engines and toe brakes but was making good progress until approaching Runway 09 when the combination of a slight slope and a curve in the track caused him to swing onto the grass and bogging down. Now panic set in and he thought there would be a hue and cry so he decided to abandon the aircraft and run to the boundary fence which he scaled and a German on a moped gave him a lift to Herzebrock Station.
He did not need to hurry because it was almost 2 hours after start up before the missing Canberra was discovered by the Control Tower and 59 Squadron initially denied they had lost it.
When they entered the Canberra cockpit and discovered the suitcase, the police quickly put two and two together and decided the documents in the case may lead to the identity of the tyro aviator.
These events led to a major investigation with more snowdrops on the ground than at Kew in January
This was the beginning of a bizarre and at times python-esque series of events with a surprising ending.

Wensleydale
10th Feb 2014, 20:49
Victor Tanker operating somewhere in the Far East has a problem with his system and calls the local ATC with the message:


"Request permission to jettison my hose".


"... Tower - Say again over?"


After much toing and froing, a more competent English speaker appears on the tower frequency, but still sounds confused...


".... I understand that you wish to get rid of your socks?"

Halton Brat
10th Feb 2014, 20:52
Sharpend, I recall a Hawk pilot taking a duck through the windscreen at knots lots. I think that he lost an eye, but landed the jet ok, despite being in a hell of a state.

HB

smujsmith
10th Feb 2014, 20:55
Ken,

Sheikh Yahwad


I was one of the two GEs on that aircraft and could name every member of the crew, but won't in this forum. It began as a joke, and the arrival base was Akrotiri. We had been sweeper for a Tornado deployment return home, and had ended up doing a quick (if Albert could do anything quick) trip from Bahrain to Akrotiri to collect a hydraulic rig, to fix the downed swing winged electric jet for its next leg. On arriving at Akrotiri, the movers and VASS were their usual, brilliant support and we were soon heading back to Bahrain. We had acquired a passenger, who it turned out was a movements officer from AKR who had asked if he could get a quick trip out to Bahrain.

Our Nav, a young fellow with only one stripe on his shoulder, who for brevity we will call Simon, had said to the movements man "no problems mate, jump aboard". It was only a four hour flight back to Bahrain, so quick, as advertised. Unfortunately, it took three days for the Tornado Groundcrew to fix their jet. The movements lad from Akrotiri had arrived in Bahrain believing he would be back at Akrotiri that evening. KD shorts, shirts and Bondu boots were his only apparel, added to which his lack of passport was equally a problem. We managed to get him off base, and Simon shared his room with him. As we had two days awaiting the fast jet boys we went shopping. We had all done GW1 pretty well as a crew, no excitement, but that "all for one" attitude was there. We went shopping in the souk on one of the days and all bought "local" attire. No messing, the full kit, headdress, and nightdress, and didn't we all look a sight!

Come the day, we saw the Tonka head north and duly followed. The flight back to Akrotiri was a laugh, and somewhere along the way it was suggested that we have a laugh with movements at Akrotiri. It was suggested that we call Akrotiri movements (HF) and inform them of the arrival on our aircraft of "Shiekh Yahwad" courtesy of the British Embassy Bahrain. To make it more convincing, the, by now, our compliant movements officer from Akrotiri was asked to confirm the call.

Military precision was called for so, on approach we had a plan. All crew had changed into their Arab garb, and the Captain was to play the part of Sheikh Yahwad. The plan was, Loadie led off and shut down the aircraft. Two GEs follow in Arab dress and stand at attention either side of the crew door. The captain then leads the rest of the crew from the Aircraft down the crew steps, and we all have a laugh. Oh, how the mighty fall. On arrival at Akrotiri, around 1530 local time, we found a reception committee consisting of OC admin, Eng and Ops (thankfully no Staish) all lined up in their finest best Khaki, at the end of a rather nice red carpet, aligned with the crew door of Albert. Now, a few things to note, to my knowledge, nobody above the rank of Sergeant ever worked, outside, at Akrotiri after 1300 hours local, and, Having done a 3 year tour there previously, I had never seen so many Wing Commanders lined up at one time.

The brakes went on, and discussion abounded on intercom. Our Captain bottled out (if you read PPRUNE boss I respect your decision) but as a crew we would continue the fun. Simon (the Nav) was now elected "Sheikh Yahwad" so we duly opened the crew door and got on with it. Following the Loady down the crew door, dressed in full gear, myself and fellow GE position ourselves either side of the crew door and proffer the full Roman Centurion, across the chest fist pump. At which all three Wing Co's throw one up and await the arrival. Now, Simon had probably been a bit short changed in the souk, his nightgown was a bit short, and as he led the Co pilot down the crew door his flying boots were spotted by OC Ops I believe. He dropped the salute and said something along the lines of "what the bloody hell ?". Young Simon, bless him, decided in for a penny, waved his right arm and shouted " kneel infidels" in a very poor Arab/Anglo accent. We were actually taken in to RAFP custody for around 30 minutes until the grown ups saw the funny side of it.

Thankfully, as a mere SNCO, I was not involved in the three Wing Commander "debrief". I did enjoy that evenings night at a local Kebab house, and rounding off the night in the 'O's' mess. Next day we headed north for the 8 hour slog to Lyneham, I realised the consequence of our "joke" about an hour out when I asked the Loady about breakfast. "How would you like your water Smudge" says he. Realising that it was Ramadan, the Wing Commanders of Akrotiri had ordered our rations back home were to be just the standard water flasks. I can't ever complain, the whole trip was great fun, a real team effort where all of us got stuck in to doing our bit. Sheikh Yahwad will always be a happy memory for me

Smudge:ok:

PS Ken, we were sweeping a Tornado Det back to UK from Malaysia, post GW1.

charliegolf
10th Feb 2014, 20:55
HB, I believe said pilot actually posted about it on here.

CG

Halton Brat
10th Feb 2014, 21:10
I'm sure that we would all be very interested to hear a first-hand account of said incident, if the gent in question would be willing........

HB

500N
10th Feb 2014, 21:17
HB

Here is a link to bits and pieces of it written by the pilot.

http://www.pprune.org/military-aircrew/461563-fast-jet-bird-strike.html

smujsmith
10th Feb 2014, 21:20
Wrathmonk,

"The one I always hoped was true was the tale of a Herc load of paras returning to UK from some exercise or other. The troops were not on their best behaviour so on landing at Lyneham the Master Loadie decides on a bit of payback and has his human cargo doubling around outside the aircraft whilst waiting for the pax bus. As is the case this takes forever but finally it arrives and the paras (no doubt not even out of breath!) board the bus. Last on is the Sgt Maj who takes the Loadie to one side and says, words to the effect of, no problems with the 'punishment' but perhaps next time he could fall the colonel out."

The Loadmaster involved was the legendary MALM Pete Tyass I believe, who many ex Truckies will confirm was a major bundle of humour. The actual event occurred somewhere like Paya Lebar waiting for the front end drivers to turn up for departure. Everything else is as you describe. The man was a legend.

Smudge :ok:

thing
10th Feb 2014, 21:28
There was one about a techy commiting suicide by pulling the handle in the shed, spreading himself all over the roof. Another option is a techy died when the seat went of in the shed.

An ATCO guy on a jolly in a Hawk pulled the handle for no apparent reason. When picked up and asked why he had banged out he said 'I wanted to see what it was like.'

Theres a ghost in the Lincoln bomber at Cosford.

There's s ghost in just about any WW11 vintage hangar in the RAF.

A Lightning almost took the top off of Lincoln cathedral before landing at Swinderby, lost.

One of the Phantom OCU crews intercepted a UFO.

There were ME109's buried at the end of Gutersloh runway.

Pontius Navigator
10th Feb 2014, 21:35
Herc nav in Nairobi beaten up by drunken paras (are there any other sort).

Later said nav with nose covered in plaster has load of paras for a drop. Deliberately misses DZ and drops them in the ocean.

~~~~~~

Victor 2 Blue Steel on the deadly 20W navex. All crew swap positions with nav in right hand seat -"what's this black and yellow for?" Dun know, pull it and find out.

Canopy jettison does not work as advertised but merely lifts off depressurising aircraft fortunately.

Crew bollocked for piss poor performance. Engineers bollocked for improper maintenance of the canopy.

~~~~~~

A real oldie, pilot and nav swap flying suits in Valetta. 'Pilot' then leaves seat, ties piece of string to control column and hands to army officer pax with instructions to pull if the aircraft descends etc then goes down to toilet in rear.

NutLoose
10th Feb 2014, 23:47
USAF Distaff member in rear seat of Jag at Bruggen cleared the stores in flight.... Pilot down steps, up steps, whack....

Bob Viking
11th Feb 2014, 01:37
I have another one. I heard stories of Lightnings playing 'chicken' by pointing at Beachy Head. How close to the mark is that? Probably way off I suppose.
Oh and what about the Phantom navigators putting china graph marks on the front canopy in flight, or the USN guys dipping their tailhooks in the sea to see who had the highest salt mark? Any truth in any of these?!
BV

Haraka
11th Feb 2014, 04:59
There were ME109's buried at the end of Gutersloh runway.
There was a bit of truth in this. Some wreckage of a 109 used to be semi-buried on the airfield, IIRC just off to one side of the end of the runway. A couple of bits of it found their way up into the Goering Zimmer in the Officers' Mess.
There was also a UXB ( found by the RIC looking at old airfield photography) recovered over by IV Sqn.

ExAscoteer
11th Feb 2014, 06:50
The Loadmaster involved was the legendary MALM Pete Tyass I believe, who many ex Truckies will confirm was a major bundle of humour. The actual event occurred somewhere like Paya Lebar waiting for the front end drivers to turn up for departure. Everything else is as you describe. The man was a legend.

Smudge :ok:

Surely it was Issy Booker?

Wensleydale
11th Feb 2014, 07:20
A USAF E-3B on a training sortie with a senior Army officer pax on board. The Mission Crew use the simulator function of the software to good effect....


"Sir, this is very secret and you must not tell anyone about what you have seen". On a selective intercom call from the back, the pilots perform a small "bunt" and the console set up as simulator controller "Flies Off the Frisby" to practice "Remote over the Border Operations". ("Sir, we normally practise this over Area 51 - hence the reports"....).


The army chap is most impressed and promises complete secrecy. However, next day, the crew are hauled in front of the Sqn Boss. The crew MCC tells the Boss that it is not them who should be in trouble - it was the Army chap who should be jailed for spouting off about his experience in the Officers' Club bar that night!

t43562
11th Feb 2014, 10:52
A story I can't verify - my mother's RAF boyfriend apparently decided to fly down one of the main streets of Salisbury Rhodesia below building height in a Hawker Hunter. Must have been the late 50s but again I don't really know. It was past the union building if I understand correctly. My uncle was on top of this building, where he worked, with a camera supposedly to capture the event but he was so shocked that he missed it. Apparently it caused fairly serious trouble but was smoothed over for the sake of diplomatic relations. I will never know how much truth there is in this story but I think that whatever untruth there is didn't originate from her. Maybe there are some newspaper archives if they haven't been left to rot.

Pontius Navigator
11th Feb 2014, 11:08
I have another one. I heard stories of Lightnings playing 'chicken' by pointing at Beachy Head.

Saw a couple of 15C down there but did the Lightning have the range :}

Flamborough Head OTOH would make more sense.

AtomKraft
11th Feb 2014, 11:13
AirTroopers on a fire awareness course are shown the old 'lit match into a bucket of AVTAG, goes out' thing.

Next day, one of the previous days students is refuelling a Scout.

Says to chum "this stuff don't even burn, I'll show you".

Flips open Skite fuel cap and chucks match in.

Whoomph!

Scratch on Scout.

Final bit of the story, A/Tprs name was P. Brayne.

It can't be true, surely?:)

Flight_Idle
11th Feb 2014, 11:16
There was a story going around in the late 70's at a Vulcan servicing unit, of a tradesman sat in a Vulcan fuel tank, reading a book by torchlight.


Apparently the X ray guys turned up & did their business, oblivious of the tradesman in said tank. The story went that the X ray guys were horrified when looking at the plates, to see the ghostly outline of a skeleton sat in the tank.


I somehow doubt the veracity of the story, but it was popular at the time.

NutLoose
11th Feb 2014, 11:48
I do know of a Civilian BAE 125 that had similar, An inspector had lost his torch and blamed everyone under the sun for stealing it, anyway we used to have to annually NDT the wings for Corrosion and when the Xrays were developed lo and behold his torch, exactly where he had left it!


There was the chair in a Herc fuel tank one... is that true? found when they opened them up the next year.

Haraka
11th Feb 2014, 11:54
Flips open Skite fuel cap and chucks match in.

Whoomph!


Allegedly at Detmold in the mid 70's ,in the version I heard....
Any takes?

FrustratedFormerFlie
11th Feb 2014, 12:10
Many, many moons ago a young University Air Squadron pilot (Cadet Pilot Bloggs) on a solo navex in a Chipmunk became 'temporarily uncertain of his position'. Seeing an inviting field oriented into wind, he executes the perfect precautionary forced landing. Consulting farmer Giles, Bloggs ascertains his position and phones his squadron sheepishly to explain his predicament.

After close scrutiny of the terrain on the charts, UAS Boss and CFI auth themselves in another aircraft, one being to fly Bloggs' aircraft back. Bloggs, meantime, makes maximum space for the inbound by getting Farmer Giles to help him push his aircraft through the gate into the next field.

Boss and CFI arrive overhead and are impressed - nay, amazed - that Bloggs had managed such an exquisite precautionary forced landing. But, hey, if he could, they could :O

A2* instructors leave nothing to chance, of course, so after one approach to overshoot ("Christ, Bloggs didnt half pick a tight field!"), the Boss and CFI land - and run out of field before burying the prop in the hedge.

Bloggs runs over as the Boss extracts himself from the thicket.

"Bloggs, why on earth did you land in this bloody paddock when theres a bloody great big field next door?!"

"I didn't, Sir. I landed in the big field and pushed her through the gate to make more space for you!"

Allegedly.

oncemorealoft
11th Feb 2014, 12:16
My father worked for a Midlands newspaper and was doing a special supplement to mark a major anniversary of the Battle of Britain (probably 40th) which involved working with the RAF Museum contingent at Cosford who supplied many prints of photos. He was told the Lincoln ghost story by the then curator (?) and how the chap had gone out to the hanger in darkness to have the hanger doors opened for him and the lights put on, only to find the hanger empty. Great story for a gullible journalist perhaps -my dad always loved a good yarn. But around the same time one of the Midlands TV Stations had reason to do some filming from within the Lincoln and there is footage of a 'ghostly' figure trying to come up through a hatch into the flight deck area. But when they looked for who had interrupted the shot, no one was to be found! I saw the footage some years ago and it's rather inconclusive and not very ghostly.

The better story he picked up at the same time was the 'high level' ministerial visit of people looking at Cosford's TS2 prototype with a view to resurrecting the project! The story got quashed from on high (so the family legend goes).

Reminds me that I have a box of prints of various WW2 aircraft given by Cosford which we found when he died. Really must send them back!

AtomKraft
11th Feb 2014, 12:28
Haraka

Time/ place about right as I was doing the same course at Munster in 1979 when I heard it.

Wensleydale
11th Feb 2014, 12:33
"A story I can't verify - my mother's RAF boyfriend apparently decided to fly down one of the main streets of Salisbury Rhodesia below building height in a Hawker Hunter. Must have been the late 50s but again I don't really know. It was past the union building if I understand correctly. My uncle was on top of this building, where he worked, with a camera supposedly to capture the event but he was so shocked that he missed it. Apparently it caused fairly serious trouble but was smoothed over for the sake of diplomatic relations. I will never know how much truth there is in this story but I think that whatever untruth there is didn't originate from her. Maybe there are some newspaper archives if they haven't been left to rot."




Read "Fall Out the Roman Catholics and Jews" by Anthony Haig-Thomas (available on a well known book website). He was one of a pair of 8 Sqn Hunters that carried out this beat up. In addition to breaking windows in a girls school during the .95 pass at low level through the city, the pair beat up a steam train - they were so low that the train driver slammed on the brakes and flat spotted the wheels - the RAF received a bill for this damage. It was to prove too expensive to fly witnesses home for a Courts Martial so Haig-Thomas escaped with a reprimand and a loss of 6 months seniority. He returned home to become the ADC to the AOC.


Edited to add: having consulted my copy of the book - the other pilot was John Volkers; it was in 18th July 1960 and their callsign was Snowstorm Black. Indeed, the two pilots were dating two sisters in Salisbury and the flypast was for the girls' brother who was in the Caltex building. Rest assured, the two girls are not named in the narrative!

Haraka
11th Feb 2014, 13:25
Many, many moons ago a young University Air Squadron pilot (Cadet Pilot Bloggs) on a solo navex in a Chipmunk became 'temporarily uncertain of his position'. Seeing an inviting field oriented into wind, he executes the perfect precautionary forced landing. Consulting farmer Giles, Bloggs ascertains his position and phones his squadron sheepishly to explain his predicament.

After close scrutiny of the terrain on the charts, UAS Boss and CFI auth themselves in another aircraft, one being to fly Bloggs' aircraft back. Bloggs, meantime, makes maximum space for the inbound by getting Farmer Giles to help him push his aircraft through the gate into the next field.

Boss and CFI arrive overhead and are impressed - nay, amazed - that Bloggs had managed such an exquisite precautionary forced landing. But, hey, if he could, they could

A2* instructors leave nothing to chance, of course, so after one approach to overshoot ("Christ, Bloggs didnt half pick a tight field!"), the Boss and CFI land - and run out of field before burying the prop in the hedge.

Bloggs runs over as the Boss extracts himself from the thicket.

"Bloggs, why on earth did you land in this bloody paddock when theres a bloody great big field next door?!"

"I didn't, Sir. I landed in the big field and pushed her through the gate to make more space for you!"

Allegedly.

Originally Avro 504's!!!! (:))



and while we're at it:
the bellowed church parade DS
"Take yer hat orf in the House of the Lord- C*nt!"
story was told to me by my father as happening at Halton in the 30's when he was one of Lord Trenchard's little gentlemen......

ORAC
11th Feb 2014, 13:48
Italian G91 lands at Akrotiri in 70s(?) on a Friday for weekend - a standard occurrence - crew enjoy weekend and stock up on duty free. Problem on take-off on Monday and aircraft ends up in bonds off end of runway.

Much telephoning in frantic Italian and next day a transport arrives, picks up crew and duty free and departs. OC Eng waits to hear from Italians about BOI and aircraft recovery.

After a week passes no one has called so Italians are contacted and asked what is happening about G91 tail number XXXX? Puzzled Italians say they investigate and call back saying there must be some mistake, that aircraft was written off charge 2 years ago.

Rumour was that rather than tow it to their fire dump said Italian base had kept it as a hack, fudged fuel burn on normal training flying to provide gas and held weekly lottery as to who got to use it.

Italians thereafter refused to discuss aircraft and it was subsequently taken to dump and broken up for scrap.

-----------------------

Javelin Sqns in Malta used to fly to Cyprus for weekend Rangers. Aircraft was normally fitted with underwing tanks, but if winds were right down the Med (no head wind or a tail wind) they could make it home on internal fuel - just.


Cunning wheeze was each Sqns had a pair of pristine tanks adapted to carry Cyprus brandy to bring back in light of awful stuff in Malta. Aircraft would be filled with brandy in Cyprus and wait for suitable forecast before recovery.

Reputed story is Met man cocked up/ winds changed and crew realised 200nm from home they weren't going to make it. Declared emergency with control malfunction, flew on till fuel was nearly exhausted and then switched to wing tanks. Aircraft engines reputedly ran we'll enough to get them inside SAR range before the crew "lost control" and abandoned the aircraft over deep, deep water......

Union Jack
11th Feb 2014, 14:01
"Take yer hat orf in the House of the Lord ...."

How very appropriate in such a thread, bearing in mind the origin of the word "apocrypha", and quite apart from the fact (sic) that this tale is clearly tri-service. The dark blue version is often quoted as having the "original" event take place at a major service at Rochester Cathedral, with the Chief GI bellowing in similar terms at the very junior sailor who is so overawed by his surroundings that he forgets to take off his cap as he marches into the cathedral.

Jack

Wander00
11th Feb 2014, 14:17
Nearly as good as "Roman Catholics and other non-Christians, FALL OUT!".


(Towers, about 64, Johnny Garbett's predecessor))

NickB
11th Feb 2014, 14:23
Someone had part of an ejector seat fired through their eyeball and out the back of their head and still survived......

I have the feeling this might have been a Fleet Air Arm Hunter at Lossie back in the 60s... can't believe the poor b*gger would survive though???? :confused:

Haraka
11th Feb 2014, 14:26
Thanks U.J.
Urban legends ( and we all can recall dozens) usually state that it always happens close to home :
" I remember the time etc..."
Dead Granny in the boot after the picnic - car stolen: etc. etc"
Some weird stories do have a perplexing possibility of truth however.
Among the (very) many wartime myths was that of the "Gladfish".
This was allegedly a combination of a Gladiator fuselage and Swordfish wings seen in the Med in the early part of the war.
Any serious look at this combination shows it to be a near impossibility in terms of engineering if anything else.
However:
It seems there were a few Gauntlets still around. Now to a simple soul a "Gladiator" with two bay wings would look like the offspring of a mating with a Swordfish...
Now the "Super Stuka" reported over Malta ( with a retractable u/c) also has a possible explanation.
But as I've bored you all to death so far......


(Towers, about 64, Johnny Garbett's predecessor))

Now with JG you are talking about a man who needed no myths...
RIP JG.
We, of a certain clan, owe you so much.

t43562
11th Feb 2014, 15:02
Wensleydale (http://www.pprune.org/members/153579-wensleydale)

I am deeply grateful. My mother has passed on but her sister has not. I am utterly delighted for the details about this half-remembered story. You have definitely made my day and my brothers' too. Actually you've made a lot more than my day - it's not easy to explain but it's a connection with her.

Thank you! :-)

Wander00
11th Feb 2014, 16:22
Haraka - you are not wrong. He was A Sqn Flt Sgt before becoming CWO. A truly great CWO and gentleman.

gr4techie
11th Feb 2014, 16:37
Tornado F3 from the OCU lands at St Mawgan with student in front and instructor in back.
Instructor thinks "we'll slow down any second now... any second now..."
F3 rapidly approaching the end of the runway where there's a sea cliff.
Instructor shouts "brakes? BRAKES!"
Student gets in a fluster.
Instructor podges arrestor button to catch the rhag.
Apparently the recovery team could see where the arestor hook hit the runway. It was rumoured to be only 1 or 2 metres in front of the cable! A second later and the jet would have been toast.
Turns out, when the student landed, he did not deploy the thrust reverse buckets! He ended up accelerating down the runway after landing wondering why the thrust reverse wasn't working? So kept on throttling up.

gr4techie
11th Feb 2014, 16:44
I once heard a tale from a a Vulcan Nav or AEO. His aircraft was on a lone ranger to somewhere east.
He said the flight was long and uneventful, he was feeling tired and could feel his eyes getting heavy. He couldn't resist the onset of fatigue and thought to himself it would be okay if he had a few minutes kip as all the other crew were there.

He work up an hour later to find the Vulcan had drifted off course by such an alarming amount they had to divert low on fuel.

Apparently every one in the crew thought the same thing and all 5 had nodded off.

Wageslave
11th Feb 2014, 17:01
A course of "international" students bashing night solo circuits in JPs.

All very routine, but the guy in the battenburg box by the threshold (who was evidently less dozy than the ATCOs that evening) begins to feel something ain't quite right. Sure enough after a few more minutes he determines that there are too few JPs in the circuit to account for the radio calls, so he calls the Tower. Puzzled, they watch, and listen, and eventually call out the Station Patrol.

Who, on the dark side of the airfield enter an old revetment where they find, much to their amazement, a JP sitting there, lights off, engine running and stude Camel Officer Al-Bebuggad canopy open, fag in hand nonchalantly making circuit calls (in the correct places) while the clock ticked by.

Apparently he was scared of night flying.

Pontius Navigator
11th Feb 2014, 17:21
gr4techie, it was not a planned catnap. The plotter remained awake and only realised the pilots were asleep when we reached Tehran and needed to turn South. The AEO, the crew chief and myself were all asleep and the pilots didn't respond.

Our fit at the time included a Nav's Heading Unit or NHU which was intended for minute changes of heading. The Nav was able to dial in the full heading change of about 120 degrees.

As we changed heading the sun burst into the cockpit and I awoke and checked both pilots who denied they had been asleep :)

We had not called Tehran ATC and they didn't respond; probably asleep too.

26er
11th Feb 2014, 17:27
This happened at Gutersloh a long time ago to a young pilot (now recently deceased) who was showing a young lady ( possibly a "tooley" from Sundern school ) a Hunter in the hanger. Young lady, sitting in the cockpit whilst young pilot stands on ladder and leans into cockpit points to various exciting controls. "And what happens if I pull this knob?" whereupon she does so. Our brave young pilot just manage to lean back a little before the canopy jettison rail struck him a glancing blow knocking him off the ladder.

But this was a long time ago and apart from wounded pride and an extended period of orderly officer nothing more was said. Couldn't happen now !

tcinbg
11th Feb 2014, 17:48
can't believe the poor b*gger would survive though?Would not have thought so would you, but, he did.

I was at Chessington rehab unit recovering from a fractured femur, 66/67ish, he was there then. Didn't look to good, but very switched on guy.

More like 63/64ish.

goudie
11th Feb 2014, 17:53
Told to me by a QFI, I once knew. Sudanese student making a total b0llocks of short finals. Takes his hands and feet off of the controls and exclaims,
''all is in the hands of Allah''. QFI takes control lands a/c whilst muttering ''I don't fcuking think so sunshine!'':=


68 Sqdn Meteor NF11 on air to ground firing. Young liney in the back seat on his first ever flight. A/c commences attack and guns start firing, pilot notices, out of the corner of his eye, the hood release knob winding round. Yells at liney to
keep his hands off! It transpired the liney, when the guns opened fire, thought the a/c was crashing and the wings were about to fall off!:eek:

500N
11th Feb 2014, 17:55
It solely depends on which part of the brain was injured or damaged.

Hence why you sometimes see people with rods, bolts etc through
the head / skull / brain that survive with no affect.

But a mm either way can make a huge difference, both in physical effects (paralysis) and psychological effects - moods, personality, memory etc.

Danny42C
11th Feb 2014, 17:58
ORAC,

Your G91 story: I believe a W/Cdr Chater in Burma ('44) acquired a "personal" Harvard by some variant of this method....D.

Union Jack,

This tale is of great antiquity. It was well known in the RAF over 70 years ago, and was first told to us by our old Drill Corporal (and he'd been put on a charge by Flt.Lt. the Duke of York in about '22) so it went back a bit even then......D.

Cheers, both. Danny.

4Greens
11th Feb 2014, 18:12
Scimitar squadron ashore in Kai Tak in the early 60's. RAF said how about a sonic boom? No probs Scimitars dropped one and it smashed a lot of windows locally. Lots of agro - no problem for the RN as the RAF authorised the flight. RN 10 RAF nil.

Bob Viking
11th Feb 2014, 18:16
What about the one where the student crashed his jet (JP?) and went to sit in the Officers Mess and denied all knowledge? What's the true story behind that?
BV:confused:

DCThumb
11th Feb 2014, 18:21
Regrettably, the car jettisoning story doesn't ring true - the teaching was always not to jettison freight as it would likely take the tail off (but happy to be proved wrong please).

My favourite Pedro Tyas story is the one where on a pax flight he climbs out of the aft escape hatch telling the young squaddie not to let them shut it up. Shortly thereafter the GE (was it you Smuj?) came down and shut the hatch, despite the protestations of said squaddie. Pedro, of course, had walked along the roof and back in via the flight deck hatch. After landing, the process was reversed, followed by frenetic thumping on the aft hatch.........

I hope I've got that at least a bit right!!!

There's so many Herc stories - a good source for stories in general was tales from the Crewroom by Dave Berry!

Pontius Navigator
11th Feb 2014, 18:24
Or the Herc where the captain jumped out :)

Haraka
11th Feb 2014, 18:32
Or the Herc where the captain jumped

OOOH ,Don't open that can of worms again PN PLEASE .....

Haraka
11th Feb 2014, 18:39
Allegedly orginally an M.E. student on a Piston Provost........
(One of many tales)

Vendee
11th Feb 2014, 18:45
I heard a story long ago which involved a two seater Meteor flying from Germany to a Welsh airfield just after the war. There was still rationing in the UK and a side of beef had been acquired and strapped into the rear seat for the flight to Wales. The aircraft flew into a hillside in Wales with the loss of the pilot but the story goes that the recovery team spent ages trying to identify the person in the back. Not sure if this is true or myth.

5 Forward 6 Back
11th Feb 2014, 19:04
A course of "international" students bashing night solo circuits in JPs.

What about the one where the student crashed his jet (JP?) and went to sit in the Officers Mess and denied all knowledge? What's the true story behind that?

I heard a variation on both of those from an extremely experienced instructor at Linton; no idea if it was still apocryphal then or if he'd seen them for real!

The night circuits one was a solo international student who was afraid of getting lost in his mighty JP; so he taxied round to the far side of the airfield, sat quietly, left it on the brakes at full power for 20-30 minutes to use enough fuel, then taxied back and said he'd had a great trip.

The "sat in the ante room" story was similar, but I think it was something like an aborted takeoff or a problem on taxy, rather than a crash. Instead of lose face, he simply left the jet where it was and ran to the mess, changed into slacks and a shirt, and claimed he wasn't due to fly that day...!

goudie
11th Feb 2014, 19:07
What about the one where the student crashed his jet
Supposedly happened at Little Rissington and was doing the rounds at BZN, in the early '70's.

recovery team spent ages trying to identify the person in the back

Akrotri, mid '60's. Car with four people in it driving back to Limassol after a do in the Sgt's mess. About 1/2 mile from the main gate they hit a donkey which rolled onto the bonnet, smashed the w/screen and spilt it's guts all over the passengers. Police, ambulance arrive and find passengers uninjured but literally covered in blood, guts and ****. Two women in following car had to be sedated!

Coincidentally, about 15 years later I was driving up a country lane when a runaway horse came tearing down the road towards me. I braked but it attempted to jump over my car, broke the windscreen and rolled over the top. I had stopped and ducked down but as I heard it hit the windsreen I immediatly thought of that donky and expected to be covered in guts! I wasn't but the poor thing had to be out down.

sharpend
11th Feb 2014, 19:12
Bob Viking...that story of the student who banged out then went to sit in the Officers Mess is true. It was a foreign gentleman at Leeming.

Canadian Break
11th Feb 2014, 19:12
That is a true story and I could put a name to that man!

Flight_Idle
11th Feb 2014, 19:49
First week or two in recruit training...


Huge hairy scary looking Rockape Corporal marches in & addresses the class...


"I was five minutes late reporting for duty this morning, so I have put myself on a charge!"


This is quite true, for certain idiocy sticks in ones mind for a lifetime. The young flight Idle did not believe it for one moment, even at that impressionable age.


Just a week or two later, in Sherwood forest, we go onto this sort of 'Camping & initiative training lark, including the 'Rope slide thingy'


The 'Bar' to hold onto was selected by said Rockape Corporal from a piece of wood. I saw it snap under load & one unfortunate recruit sailed down form a tall tree in seeming slow motion.


Soft leaves & twigs saved him, I saw him bounce, I thought he was dead, not moving at all & they shoved him into a land rover.


A couple of days later, he was back on flight & as good as gold.


A couple of days later, a recruit fainted during a first aid film (I seem to recall it was the rotary saw going into a wrist with blood spurting out)


Rockape Corporal screaming "What the F**k are you all doing sitting there, come & sort this man out.

The technical training seemed to be far more civilised, but I do like the Rocks now, looking back on it.

thing
11th Feb 2014, 19:53
I got on with the Rocks as I was into shooting and stuff but one or two of them were seriously barking.

Ken Scott
11th Feb 2014, 19:56
Smudge: Re Sheikh Yahwad - thank you for the update, at least I was half right!

A Meteor pilot at Middleton St George tried to do a single engine roller, ends up departing the runway perpendicularly, crashes through the Mess car park writing off his car & crashes through the wall of his room. Rather less funnily the chap was killed, in the version I was told he survived the crash, opened the canopy & was struck by falling masonry.

Another Pete Tyas story: whilst carrying a contingent of Pongos he strips down to shreddies & wraps a towel around himself then saunters nonchalantly down the freight bay to the Elsan. Draws the curtain around then wets himself with water from the emergency flask emerging a few minutes later towelling himself down, proceeds back to Flt deck to dress.

Young army officer requests that the Colonel be permitted to use the 'shower' but is bluntly refused as it's the 'aircrew shower'. Argument ensues but Pete is adamant it's for aircrew use only.

Colonel takes up the matter officially on return to the UK & presses for due sanctions for the ALM's obstinacy & failure to permit him to shower. Official complaint reaches a suitably high level before it's rebuffed as the C130 has no such facility.

Flight_Idle
11th Feb 2014, 20:03
Regarding the 'Foreign gentlemen' I had a briefing from the horses mouth, it went like this...


One third are as good as the best RAF pilots, one third are average, one third are totally useless and & sort of do a course with the only hope of getting a desk job when finished.

thing
11th Feb 2014, 20:12
I used to teach foreign techies at Cosford from a variety of sandy regions as well as other places. I think it was just an attendance course for most of them. The best were ones from a large sandy region that used to try and bribe us...:)

Roadster280
11th Feb 2014, 20:16
"Flight!"

No response.

"Flight Sergeant, I am addressing YOU!"

No response.

"Flight, I will be speaking to your CO when I next see him"

"Sir, I am a Colour Sergeant"

"Well if you were in the RAF, you'd be a Flight Sergeant"

"No Sir, if I were in the RAF I'd be an Air Marshal"

Or some such. Some versions have the services swapped around.

OldAgeandTreachery
11th Feb 2014, 20:20
Back in the days of yore at Kinloss, not long after the Nimrod came into service, the station had a policy of flying ground personnel on local sorties. There were lots of takers and understandably some were of the female persuasion. Dress regs were non existent and pax would usually fly in working blue.
Now the toilet in the Nimrod is forward,opposite the front entrance door, with the door opening onto the passageway to the flight deck. If pax needed to use the loo they generally approached from the Tac area,past the beam window seats and the rear face of the toilet wall. Attached to the rear face of the toilet wall was a small aluminium grill, for ventilation, and by happenstance it looked straight into the mirror,above the sink and opposite the pedestal.
Rumour has it that the grill was a popular spot when female pax were caught short. Rumour also has that at some time rules were changed so that WRAFs only flew if there two or more!

Herod
11th Feb 2014, 20:38
The Middleton story was certainly current when I was nightstopping there in the '80s. The airport hotel is the old mess. We were usually a crew of 2 flightdeck (male) and two cabin crew (female). The girls would refuse to sleep alone, but sadly for us, our offer of a pilot each to protect them from the ghost got nowhere (as far as I know). They settled for sharing a room between them. :{

More lookout
11th Feb 2014, 20:41
And the mess at Middleto st George is now a hotel. The unfortunate pilot who crashed into the mess, now haunts the hotel

Darvan
11th Feb 2014, 20:43
237 OCU Hunter T7 flying northwards to the west of the Aberdeen TCA en route Lossie. Handling pilot spots a potential birdstrike looming and so conversation goes something like this:

Pilot: Flock of birds!!
Stude: That's not Fochabers, that's Keith.
Pilot: What.... my name's not Keith, its Dick.
Stude, What... Oh never mind they've gone now.

Pilot, 'Fast Re-joiners please?

ExAscoteer
11th Feb 2014, 20:58
My favourite Pedro Tyas story is the one where on a pax flight he climbs out of the aft escape hatch telling the young squaddie not to let them shut it up.

That wasn't Pedro (he of the drawing skid marks on your shreddies with chinagraph), but T** L**.


There's so many Herc stories - a good source for stories in general was tales from the Crewroom by Dave Berry!

I still have my (signed) copy.

thing
11th Feb 2014, 20:59
I've a feeling this is actually true but then again, it may not be.

Baz Lennon was doing a display work up at Binbrook in an F3 (Lightning that is) and did a spectacular finale by burying the jet in the ground, departing courtesy of MB. We all applauded this stunning piece of showmanship. All that bit is true. Now the maybe not true bit. On being carted off to the med centre-he was OK by the way-he rang up the LTF boss and said 'That one's U/S sir, can I have another one?'

Pontius Navigator
11th Feb 2014, 21:16
Back in the days of yore at Kinloss, . . .Now the toilet in the Nimrod is forward,opposite the front entrance door, with the door opening onto the passageway to the flight deck. If pax needed to use the loo they generally approached from the Tac area,past the beam window seats and the rear face of the toilet wall. Attached to the rear face of the toilet wall was a small aluminium grill, for ventilation, and by happenstance it looked straight into the mirror,above the sink and opposite the pedestal.

All true. However there was one occasion when the port beam kept his eyes studiously averted.

'twas a GSU ride and the AEO trapper went in to the loo. The GSU AEO then found himself locked in the loo but had neglected to take his headset with him and was unable to raise the alarm :}

sycamore
11th Feb 2014, 21:24
KS and Smuj ,actually we were going to put the GEs in black bin bags,as female baggage.....I`ve still got the photos of Sheik Yawad
ps anyone want a large white nightshirt,hat and scarf.....hardly worn...but easier than AR5kit.....

smujsmith
11th Feb 2014, 21:44
Sycamore,

Not sure about the bin bags, but I would love a copy of any photos you may have. SWMBO doesn't believe me to this day that we did it, and no jail time. Go on, I'm the GE/Sheikh Yahwad guard to the right of the flight deck steps. Lets see it.

Smudge :ok:

thing
11th Feb 2014, 21:52
I certainly hope you're going to bung it on here!

NutLoose
11th Feb 2014, 22:07
Excellent read


Mind If I Borrow It?- page 1 | Military Aviation | Air & Space Magazine (http://www.airspacemag.com/military-aviation/mind-if-i-borrow-it-76518363/?c=y&page=1)

ricardian
11th Feb 2014, 22:37
RAF Regiment instructing 16 year old Boy Entrants in 1959 at Cosford. First Aid course in the large hangars with wooden screens seperating different classes/courses. Half way through a first aid course a Regiment corporal bursts through the wooden screen, face made up to look deathly white and hand clasped to his heart. We were supposed to sit there stunned whilst the instructor berated us for inaction. Unfortunately one of the 16 year old Boy Entrants was a qualified St John first aider and took the scenario for real - whipped out his trusty penknife and used it to loosen the said Regiment corporal's battledress blouse, shirt, collar, vest and tie before commencing mouth to mouth resuscitation. Cue cries of outrage from the "casualty" who now has to acquire a new battledress blouse, shirt & vest!

DCThumb
12th Feb 2014, 07:02
You will all be able to correct me on this, but didn't 'sheikh yawahd' also have a certificate of sanity, or something daft like that, after an incident earlier in his career? Where is he now?

MightyGem
12th Feb 2014, 07:20
The AVTUR doesn't burn incident is true. It happened, as said, at Detmold in the early 80s. The match wasn't thrown into the tank, but into a pool of fuel on the pan. As we know it can be difficult to light, but this was on a warm summers day, so up it went. The culprit's name was Brayne. Mine sounds the same, so when I was posted in following my pilot's course, they thought it was him returning.

5 Forward 6 Back
12th Feb 2014, 07:23
Baz Lennon was doing a display work up at Binbrook in an F3 (Lightning that is) and did a spectacular finale by burying the jet in the ground, departing courtesy of MB. We all applauded this stunning piece of showmanship. All that bit is true. Now the maybe not true bit. On being carted off to the med centre-he was OK by the way-he rang up the LTF boss and said 'That one's U/S sir, can I have another one?'

That reminds me of the "cancel 2 late lunches" tale, which is a bit of a sad one, and also one I was told about another Lightning incident. Apparently a double flameout which relit at the latest possible moment, and as the jet appears climbing away the pilot has the presence of mind to transmit "thank you God; I have control."

Haraka
12th Feb 2014, 08:02
Or the comment from an aircraft ( allegedly a Hercules) holding after a Lightning performing at an air display went in:

.
.
.
.
"Well, that's show business"

Haraka
12th Feb 2014, 12:13
The match wasn't thrown into the tank, but into a pool of fuel on the pan. As we know it can be difficult to light, but this was on a warm summers day, so up it went.
That's as I was told it MG.

There was also the stunt of (quickly) putting out a match in a bucket of AVGAS.....

Allegedly the theory is that the petrol suffocates the flame before the air mix is achieved.


No , I haven't seen it done either.....(but I know a man who claims he did:E )

thunderbird7
12th Feb 2014, 13:53
Sounds like flaming drambuie theory... ;)

Wageslave
12th Feb 2014, 14:33
Sharpend, canadian break, don't hold back, if you know definitive versions of those tales please post them!

diginagain
12th Feb 2014, 15:05
AirTroopers on a fire awareness course are shown the old 'lit match into a bucket of AVTAG, goes out' thing.

Next day, one of the previous days students is refuelling a Scout.

Says to chum "this stuff don't even burn, I'll show you".

Flips open Skite fuel cap and chucks match in.

Whoomph!

Scratch on Scout.

Final bit of the story, A/Tprs name was P. Brayne.

It can't be true, surely? Air Trooper Pat Braim was refuelling a Scout on the pan at Detmold, when a small spillage occurred. This was in the summer of 77. A REME tech, Bill Botaci, was passing, and mentioned the fact that, in it's liquid state, AVTUR will not ignite. Unfortunately, the weather conditions were just right for the fuel to vaporise sufficiently to ignite when a source of ignition is introduced, and between them, Bill and Pat destroyed a helicopter.

Pat subsequently returned to his home-town, and joined the Fire Brigade, while Bill went on enjoy a successful career and retired as a WO2 (AQMS).

rolling20
12th Feb 2014, 15:11
This tall tale deserves a mention even if its not linked directly to flying. I remember reading this in the 90's, then believed true, but now a myth apparently. Arizona Highway Patrol came across what they thought was a plane crash into a mountain side. Checks revealed no aircraft reported missing. They then discovered that the wreckage was that of a mangled car. Turns out the deceased driver was an x USAF Sergeant who had fitted rocket boosters to his car. It was estimated that the car had impacted the mountain at 250-300mph. The brakes were supposedly welded together as an attempt to stop said car took place. There was wasn't much left of the poor driver. The story is however a myth!

expatfrance
12th Feb 2014, 15:21
Germany 1973. We hosted a flight of Norwegian F5's for a week exchange. At the end we waved goodbye in the morning and early that afternoon had a call saying one of the aircraft had crashed about 16nm short of its base. The pilot had done the MB let-down and survived without any injuries.

The BoI was going to be easy as it was found he had not fuelled his ferry tank but had used it to transport his duty free spirits.....

NickB
12th Feb 2014, 15:24
Back in the early 90s I was based at Netheravon and was told that a REME WO2 technician (who was on 658 at that time) had previously been a Gazelle or Scout pilot, but used to have a party piece which got him into a bit of trouble… its seems he used to fly with a glove puppet of ‘Sooty’ (of Sooty & Sweep fame) who he used to ‘let fly the aircraft’… On one occasion (I was told it was during GW1), Sooty was having a bit of an ‘off day’ and lost control of the aircraft whilst in the hover… clue one rather bent helicopter and one WO2 stripped of his wings. I think Sooty might have been retired at that point too!

Anyone confirm this?

goudie
12th Feb 2014, 15:39
Akrotiri mid '60's . Javelin overhead ready to join circuit when canopy disintegrates. With debris flying everywhere, pilot says to nav. 'if we have to, can you eject?' Nav only hears key word 'eject' and bangs out. As he floats gently down into Episkopi bay he sees the a/c make a perfect touchdown. He was picked up very quickly by a chopper. BoI recommends the word 'eject' is only to be used as a command.

Stitchbitch
12th Feb 2014, 16:02
Haraka my late uncle was an AEOp in a Victor that was holding whilst a Lightning took off to display before them, it went straight up and then straight down, think something similarly uncharitable was mentioned at the time.

rolling20 Think there's a very similar Darwin award tale of a chap, who wanting more speed from his car, decided to fit JATO packs..:E

Idle Reverse
12th Feb 2014, 16:19
Lots of lovely stories from the civvi world too . . . Full B747 at 35,000 ft mid-atlantic when the cabin crew report a problem with a pax in the centre seating section. Said pax has had a heart attack and despite frantic cabin crew efforts has died. Decision is to despatch big, ugly, hairy, fight engineer from the flight deck to remove the lifeless body and place the deceased in one of the toilet compartments (standard ops for death in flight on full aircraft). Having extricated the stiff from the seat and nonchalantly tossed it over his shoulder he turns to the stunned and shocked audience of frightened passengers and asks . . . . . . “Anyone else had the chicken ? “

sharpend
12th Feb 2014, 16:48
Wageslave, I actually was that pilot! All documented long ago. See The London Gazette dated 9th May 1983

Bladdered
12th Feb 2014, 17:44
Henlow in the late 70s. Sgt drill instructor stands in front of a male cadet and enquires, sir do you have an erection?

No Sgt, the cadet responds.

Well you should sir cos you are standing behind the biggest c**t in the Air Force.

diginagain
12th Feb 2014, 19:14
Sooty did indeed manage to destroy a Gazelle in the preamble to Op Granby.

Roadster280
12th Feb 2014, 20:37
That must have been a very interesting BoI, as must the match/Scout incident!

NutLoose
12th Feb 2014, 20:40
Did they Sweep it up?



I'll get my coat.



I remember one, an airman was working in I believe a Hunter cockpit and heard the seat handle click he managed to wrap himself around the stick before it departed, afterwards they tried to get him in the same position and he wouldn't fit.

MAINJAFAD
12th Feb 2014, 22:19
2. Transport aircraft returning from the Falklands where the Captain got in trouble for informing the female passengers that they were all ugly again..

Bloke who first told me that one claims he was on the Tristar at the time, and seeing that he was on the Type 94 third line team at Locking who were down there on a regular basis, I don't doubt his claim. Most likely was the same joker who did the Blues brothers its dark and we are wearing sunglasses, Hit it, line as he opened the throttles to depart ASI for BZN on my second return trip from down south (which was within a year or so of the 'Falklands queens you're now ugly again' comment).

Wageslave
12th Feb 2014, 23:18
Back in the early 90s I was based at Netheravon and was told that a REME WO2 technician (who was on 658 at that time) had previously been a Gazelle or Scout pilot, but used to have a party piece which got him into a bit of trouble… its seems he used to fly with a glove puppet of ‘Sooty’ (of Sooty & Sweep fame) who he used to ‘let fly the aircraft’… On one occasion (I was told it was during GW1), Sooty was having a bit of an ‘off day’ and lost control of the aircraft whilst in the hover… clue one rather bent helicopter and one WO2 stripped of his wings. I think Sooty might have been retired at that point too!

Anyone confirm this?

Well, if so it sounds like a pretty poor copycat...

Every (RN) Gazelle pilot from ten years before that poor charlatan's tale knows that Sooty was the alter ego of a much loved CO of 705 Sqn who claimed to be (actually I believe he was) too soft hearted to chop his studes. When the dirty deed had to be done - and this is no shred of untruth - the poor hapless stude was led into the CO's office and adressed kindly yet firmly by Sooty who waved his wand and explained in gentle terms, "Shag, you're chopped!"

Bizarre as this seems this is entirely true. Further it was a masterful way to soften the awful blow of being chopped and a fine demonstration of how a humane sense of humour can soften an awful blow.

I know. First hand.

I later had occasion to write to the hand in the puppet and he replied in the most gracious and humorous manner, along with a photo of Sooty which I will treasure to the end of my days.

Uncle Trevor, a finer CO there never was, I've just retired from my subsequent career in airlines. Say thanks to Sooty for me will you? And God bless you both.

tartare
13th Feb 2014, 00:00
Interesting.
A similar story was told to me about a very well known creative director at a certain London advertising agency in the 80s.
Nervous creatives would arrive in the boss' office, to be confronted by beaming boss with Sooty puppet on hand.
"Sorry Sooty, what's that you're saying? Worst piece of sh!t you've ever seen? Totally lacking in originality??!! He should be fired on the spot????!!!! Tsk, tsk, tsk Sooty, you're a hard man...."

MightyGem
13th Feb 2014, 03:56
On this occasion Sooty was LHS commander. They'd done several low passes over a convoy when a low level wing over was attempted. It all went very wrong and the Gazelle promptly did it's party trick of reverting to kit form.

I flew out to the crash site with the CO, and I've never seen a man so angry. The aircraft looked like it had been bulldozed into a heap. How no-one was seriously injured, I've no idea.

Krystal n chips
13th Feb 2014, 05:30
" AirTroopers on a fire awareness course are shown the old 'lit match into a bucket of AVTAG, goes out' thing

As Detmold has been identified as the location, those involved clearly decided on a reprise of "here's one we did earlier".......the earlier version was at Celle just before Easter 75. I say this because I was on 431 M.U at the time and flying at Phoenix ( R.I.P. ) G.C as was one of out surveyors, a certain C/T Tim Oulds ...cometh Easter, enter one "ever so less than impressed" Chief.....possibly because, as he explained to the world, that he would not be flying due to some ( a series of terms not suitable for family viewing followed ) and off he went.

The poor Scout was classed as Cat. 3 and some of our equally unimpressed troops, due to the location involving the Army, were dispatched to nail some new skin and rivets onto the Scout some time later.

Said Chief, when asked by the Boss of the Scout, as to what his opinion was, duly stated that, "As it's Easter, crucifying the ( censored ) involved....sir" would be apt. Seemingly, the Army grown up suffered a sense of humour failure at this suggestion.

gr4techie
13th Feb 2014, 07:26
Akrotiri mid '60's . Javelin overhead ready to join circuit when canopy disintegrates. With debris flying everywhere, pilot says to nav. 'if we have to, can you eject?' Nav only hears key word 'eject' and bangs out. As he floats gently down into Episkopi bay he sees the a/c make a perfect touchdown. He was picked up very quickly by a chopper. BoI recommends the word 'eject' is only to be used as a command.

Was there a recent incident where a GR4 was coming into land, the nav feeling pretty chilled out, with his head down flicking a few switches and thinking about what to buy for tea tonight. Then "BANG!" the next thing the nav sees is being catapulted through the canopy at 16g. I heard the nav wasn't expecting it and was pretty pee'd off by the time he had parachuted back on the ground. The pilot veered off the runway on landing and decided to bang them out.

bosnich71
13th Feb 2014, 07:32
RAAF Base Laverton in the early 80s'. A bunch of civvy contractors working on RAAF Macchis are getting their annual ejection seat lecture from an NCO armourer.
The Sergeant finishes his lecture and then states that there are heaps of stories about ejection seats going off inadvertently etc. He regales us with a story,amongst others, about a civvy who was supposed to have got a drogue pin through his shoulder...... complete with attached cords. Load of b*****s he says, if that had happened the bloke would have been cactus..
The civvies start to snigger. When asked why they are laughing one of the civvies takes off his shirt and shows him the scars where the drogue pin did indeed pass through his body and of course how he had indeed survived.
I last saw Brian a couple of years back and he was still walking about although, like the rest of us who were there, he is getting on a bit.

NickB
13th Feb 2014, 09:03
On this occasion Sooty was LHS commander. They'd done several low passes over a convoy when a low level wing over was attempted. It all went very wrong and the Gazelle promptly did it's party trick of reverting to kit form.

I flew out to the crash site with the CO, and I've never seen a man so angry. The aircraft looked like it had been bulldozed into a heap. How no-one was seriously injured, I've no idea.

So it would seem this apocryphal tale is true then!

The name of the WO2 chap concerned who was standing in for Matthew Corbett I forget, but I know in 1992 he was serving on 658 and drove a white 3 series touring... funny the things you do remember!

I imagine the immediate debrief and subsequent BoI were 'interesting' to say the least...

unmanned_droid
13th Feb 2014, 09:24
Is there any truth in the tales of pilots driving v fast down motorways with NVGs on and no headlights?

ORAC
13th Feb 2014, 10:08
Well I was passed by one once. I was in a Capri.......... he was in a Buccaneer.

diginagain
13th Feb 2014, 10:13
The name of the WO2 chap concerned who was standing in for Matthew Corbett I forget, but I know in 1992 he was serving on 658 and drove a white 3 series touring... funny the things you do remember!
Short, dark hair, formerly a member of a regiment that did 140 paces per minute. Nicknamed 'Ned' due to his surname.

NickB
13th Feb 2014, 10:26
Short, dark hair, formerly a member of a regiment that did 140 paces per minute. Nicknamed 'Ned' due to his surname.


Yes, yes, yes!!! I remember his surname now. :-)

I think this might have been his very mangled cab:

http://www.ukserials.com/images/losses/zb675.jpg

Thank you :ok:

Martin the Martian
13th Feb 2014, 10:51
The variation on the spirits in the fuel tanks story I have heard is a USMC (or Navy) A-4 squadron on detachment to Guantanamo Bay. The centreline tank on one of the Scooters was steam cleaned and then filled to the brim with Cuban rum which, I understand, can be bought for peanuts and was paid for by a whip round amongst the squadron pilots. The cap on the tank was locked in place (sorry, don't know the technical terms).

On the flight back the A-4 carrying the rum had to divert into another airfield to take on more fuel as, of course, it wasn't carrying as much avtur as the rest of them. The pilot signed in, grabbed a coffee and returned to the line just as his trusty steed had completed being refuelled. The bowser driver turned to the pilot and said in a cheerful tone:

"Don't know why the centreline tank was locked, sir, but I managed to squeeze a bit more into it for you."

camlobe
13th Feb 2014, 11:03
Seem to remember reading a story back in the '80's (air clues?) about an F4 tootling along in BFG land.

Nav drops pencil, loosens straps, curses mildly, and ducks down to retrieve pencil...

Pilot hears nav's cussing, becomes alarmed because nav NEVER cusses, looks in mirror, no Nav, pulls yellow n black.

Pencil retrieved, Nav notices loud noise, seens no pilot, and pulls yellow n black.

The conversation on the way down must have been priceless as the Toom carried on perfectly serviceable but a tad lighter.

Camlobe

teeteringhead
13th Feb 2014, 11:05
Is there any truth in the tales of pilots driving v fast down motorways with NVGs on and no headlights? Not that I know of the UK ..........

......... but yes that I definitely know of in an allied country (but RAF aircrew!) in GW 1 days ...................... :E

DCThumb
13th Feb 2014, 11:21
I certainly know of at least 1 individual from a formerly secret airbase in wiltshire, just outside (Royal) wootton basset on the a3102, who rode down 'dauntsey banks' on NVGs....

unmanned_droid
13th Feb 2014, 12:02
Excellent! :) :ok:

I take it that particular practice would be confined to unlit roads?

Dauntsey bank - that's a nice windy road! many cars end up in the ditch coming down the first descending curve when it gets icy.

teeteringhead
13th Feb 2014, 12:22
I take it that particular practice would be confined to unlit roads?

... lots of motorways are unlit ............... :E

Pontius Navigator
13th Feb 2014, 12:36
Is there any truth in the tales of pilots driving v fast down motorways with NVGs on and no headlights?

On the WEC we had a USAF instructor who covered 1st Gen NVG and told how he tried them out in the back roads of Lincolnshire, nice and dark.

His wife was a pax. He switched off the car lights and drove on NVG. Scared her sh1tless.

Not sure if he was shooting a line. If he had been a Harrier pilot I may have believed him. As he was USAF it may well have been true.

AtomKraft
13th Feb 2014, 12:45
Chap I used to fly with told me how his chum asked him to transport his black lab to Akrotiri for him.
Pal planned to put the dog on his lap and fly himself and the dog there in a Hunter.
Too much trouble with dog in the rather neat fitting cockpit, so tried to put him in some sort of compartment that held black boxes to make all the dials work.

No room, so removed boxes leaving minimal instrumentation.
Tried putting the dog in the new, more spacious compartment, but the mutt went mental when the hatch was closed.
No choice but to fly the dog all the way there on his lap, and both of them mainly looked out the window as there wasn't much else to usefully look at.

He told me a few other stories too.....:)

gopher01
16th Feb 2014, 11:08
Credited during my time as a GE to MALM Pete Tyass, a gent and all round good troop.

NutLoose
16th Feb 2014, 11:33
Told to me by an ex Canberra pilot many moons ago, but don't know if true..

He had been on detachment and coming back from overseas found the elevator controls on the Canberra to be very heavy, but as he needed to get back he carried on, after landing he noticed the Nav asking the ground crew to unbutton a large panel or open the bomb doors?
Investigating he had found the Nav had purchased a washing machine or the likes and the helpful guys loading it for him at the other end had lashed the box to the elevator control cables, so he had been humping it back and forth all the way back.

2Planks
16th Feb 2014, 12:47
Told to a young 2P on the UAS. Hercules lands to collect a gang of Ghurkhas in some far away part of the Empire. Seems that they march with their rations (goats) on the 'hoof'. Worried about said critters chewing through important bits of Albert there was much waving of a finger in a negative fashion from the loadie. Shortly followed by a bit of squealing and a lot of blood. Rations now fit to board!

And I can't believe no one has mentioned 'Mr Vice the doors" in 7 pages.

Allegedly at LOO Mr Vice had partaken of a sufficiency of the hard stuff and when it came to the loyal toast the doors to the kitchen were still open with much chattering and clattering of pans. The PMC, keen to maintain the dignity of the loyal toast, banged his gavel and shouted "Mr Vice - The Doors". Mr Vice, recognising his cue but not really processing it through the 3 remaining functioning brain cells, staggered to his feet and pronounced "Ladies and Gentlemen - The Doors"

Wensleydale
16th Feb 2014, 12:48
"Investigating he had found the Nav had purchased a washing machine or the likes and the helpful guys loading it for him at the other end had lashed the box to the elevator control cables, so he had been humping it back and forth all the way back. "


Fortunately, it was not on a spin cycle!


Perhaps had the aircraft been a Vulcan then it could have been carrying the Nuclear Detergent?

OldAgeandTreachery
16th Feb 2014, 13:34
What about 29 Sqn? I remember being regaled at Halton by our tech instructor about the airman (in the 1920's?) who was told to paint the squadron insignia of "Two exxes,one exx"on the tail of one aircraft. He returned to the line office very pleased after painting three exxes. To this day 29 Sqn carries XXX as it's badge. Does anybody know the why this was accepted?

goudie
16th Feb 2014, 13:41
Does anybody know the why this was accepted? This question has been mentioned recently elsewhere I believe
According to Wiki the three XXX refer to the brewer's standard for beer!

From Wiki
It seems probable that the original adoption of "XXX" for the 1930s squadron marking was nothing to do with Roman numerals, but was a reference to the brewers mark for "extra strong" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beer_measurement#XXX_marks), frequently applied to kegs of beer (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beer), and that it is only a coincidence that this resembles the numeral for "29" (XXIX).[7] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No._29_Squadron_RAF#cite_note-7) It should be noted that the use of Roman numerals for numbering RAF units is a relatively modern development – in any case it was certainly not the practice in the RAF in the 1920s. Nor, so far as it is known, has 29 squadron ever been officially referred to as "XXX squadron" – or as "XXIX squadron" for that matter.

Haraka
16th Feb 2014, 13:50
OA&T. That's an old legend and without foundation. The red X's never were Roman Numerals, just a pattern for squadron recognition bands across the wings and along the fuselage .Indeed variations on the fuselage alone range from four X's ( Grebe), three X's (Siskin) down to two X's ( Demon)
The three X's adopted post war were just to fit nicely in to the standard band size either side of the roundel.

(I was first told the story just prior to having a trip in a 29Sqn Lightning two-seater ( Zebedee) at Luqa in 1969)

air pig
16th Feb 2014, 14:34
Tetteringhead:

I heard it happened on the M11, took a combined police team to catch them, rumoured to be from Coningsby.

Wander00
16th Feb 2014, 14:48
There were of course 2 successive Dining Nights at the Towers in the early 60s when the AsCom's staff car (Standard Vanguard?) was hijacked by cadet(s). Second time it was ISTR written off by a future Director of the RAF Regt.


A similar vehicle also made it through the doors into the Rotunda

Haraka
16th Feb 2014, 15:01
..and the numerous items that appeared as the dawn broke over the Towers parade squares, ranging from a Hawker Hunter to a Flight Cadet fast asleep- in his bed with all the associated furniture in place.

Treble one
16th Feb 2014, 15:04
....Had a similar tale relayed to me by a Victor captain, on a trip to Goose Bay. He woke up after dozing off in the middle of the Atlantic, to find that he was the only one awake too....

Haraka
16th Feb 2014, 15:24
Then there was the Vulcan going West across the pond when one of the Navs got knocked unconscious ( allegedly by a falling chart table).
A diversion in to Keflavik was initiated and the Nav bundled off to hospital.
The following morning the Captain was shown the Hospital's medical report on the Nav.
Among the findings one comment stood out.

" Skull X-Rayed - Nil seen"

This one was told to me by the late Rick Heselwood ( 101 Sqn) in the early 70's

NutLoose
16th Feb 2014, 15:42
Talking about brains.

There was an airman on 431 MU who was noted as a "skiver" everytime something was on, exercise etc, he moaned about a headache and trotted off to the Med Section, each time the MO gave him aspirin and sent him back I am lead to believe... Time passes as this young lad was coming out, a job was lined up in Holland and a medical was required so the Company sends him to a private hospital for a scan etc, that is where they found the tumour about the size of a Ping pong ball pressing under his brain.

He was instantly admitted and RAF Bruggen informed, the RAF baulking at the bill sends the MO to see if he can be flown home to NHS / RAF care, walking into his private room, colour TV, fresh flowers etc, the sheepish MO asks how he feels, fine is the reply, obviously feeling some guilt the MO asks again explaining normal NHS ward etc, back to UK, how do you feel? Lousy comes the reply, unfit to travel etc etc. Dutch pop out front skull plate, drain the tumour, allow to shrivel then go in and remove it...

Weeks later he is back at work with now a big U shaped scar and two indents where they drilled to pop out the plate, total recovery and a lot of guilty feeling individuals over it all, he made a total recovery and I believe got the job.

oxenos
16th Feb 2014, 15:47
"There were of course 2 successive Dining Nights at the Towers in the early 60s when the AsCom's staff car (Standard Vanguard?) was hijacked by cadet(s).

I was present one one of these occasions. We carried the car into the Rotunda, with about an inch of clearance each side. Ascom (Al Deere) saw it, did a 3 point turn and let it rip. The carpet shot backwards, piling up against the pillars at the back, then the tyres bit. Big squeal of rubber, and he went out through the doors without touching the sides. He then went down onto the Parade Ground without touching the steps, at which point the car died.
Next morning's Ascom's parade ,tatty old mark 1 Vanguard staggered in through the gates, around the Orange, and A D got out to take the parade. The M.T.O. had dug this heap out , apparently on the basis that it was already struck off charge and it didn't matter what A D did to it.

Treble one
16th Feb 2014, 15:52
Young Meteor pilot about to take a T7 out for an air test gets phone call from a young chap in a ground trade asking if there was any chance of a flight that day. 'Of course' says our young pilot.


After briefing, they take to the air, excited pax in the back. Air test completed our young pilot asks pax if he'd like to do some aerobaticss?


'Oh yes please, sir, that would be fantastic!'


So our pilot starts off with a loop.


'That was great fun sir, what was that called?' .....and so on.


So after every aerobatic manoeuvre, the same question is forthcoming from the rear seat.....


Our pilot is getting a bit bored with his aeros, so decides to end off with a stall turn (may be wrong here) and head to base for tea and medals.


Unfortunately, there's a problem, and our young tyro ends up in an inverted spin (I am told Meteors don't spin too well).


Our tyro battles for control (no bang seats in a T7 of course in case of the worst) and after much wrestling he regains control, mops his fevered brow, and heads for home.....and then from the back seat


'That was great fun sir, what was THAT called'.....Silence on the way back to base.....

MadsDad
16th Feb 2014, 16:02
Is there any truth in the tales of pilots driving v fast down motorways with NVGs on and no headlights?

Don't know about motorways but there was a story doing the rounds a long time (about 30 years or more) ago in the car rally community. What was reported was that lat at night, at weekends, reports were coming in of cars racing round the lanes in the Lake District, annoying the locals. Now this wasn't unusual because the Lakes were regularly used for rallying but in these cases no-one could see any sight of the cars (and, with a few hundred watts of spotlights, rally cars were normally pretty easy to spot).

Anyway according to the tale the police started checking and couldn't find anything so one night a determined effort was put on, with a cordon set up, closing in on the reports of the noise. And eventually they stopped a couple of Porsches, driven by RAF F1 Pilots with no lights (at midnight) but wearing the latest (only just introduced and still top-secret) low-light goggles. Allegedly their boss was not impressed by this behaviour.

Apochrypha I.

BEagle
16th Feb 2014, 16:57
True tale this:

Luftwaffe exchange officer destined for 56(F) is sent to Brwady to do a UK orientation course. After a short brief, they hop into a Hawk and make merry. All seems to go fine, as far as the Luftwaffe mate is concerned, but at the debrief he is told that they'll probably need a couple more trips before he can go off on his own as his landings weren't too great.

"Any questions, Erik?"
"Ja - did you not know I am a navigator?"

:uhoh:

It seems Erik simply thought that poling the Hawk was an unusual, rather novel part of a navigator's orientation course - "An interesting course you Brits give us, nicht wahr?"

Haraka
16th Feb 2014, 17:12
Then Beags there was LOK (Little Orange K...t) exchange instructor at the Towers - ex Ginos and a super guy actually.
Asked at his arrival interview if there was anything in particular that he should know.
" Hmm, no overflying London, Coventry, Bristol......"

Got his own back on the barracking later by mock screaming that he was fed up.

"Indeed I am fed up to HERE!"

Whilst throwing a perfect "Belsen Old Boys'" salute.


Also later, at a certain well known Phantom Base in Lincolnshire.


Station morning brief on Sept 15th. (I won't mention the year). Station Commander launches off on a BoB W*nkfest about the Cowardly Hun , their pathetic leadership and the triumph of the Fighter pilots that saved the country etc.etc. etc.
Our exchange F4 GAF crew had to sit through all this.
On walking out , one said , very loudly , and in English, to his mate :

" Listening to all that ****, it makes you wonder how we lost!"

MATELO
16th Feb 2014, 18:03
Following a few beers one night the conversation came around to mishaps.

Apparently during the run up to the first gulf war, the Jags were flying down a valley in wales with the newly fitted sidewinder missiles. A great target to aim for was a farmers greenhouse which seemed to offer a chance of practice firing for said missiles.

On one such flight, the missile left the pylon and embedded itself into the farmers newly grown tomatoes.

Myth or fact.

Maybe some on here will know.

rolling20
16th Feb 2014, 18:16
This is an old one. 1960s a BEA Viscount landed at Frankfurt and seemed unsure of where to taxi. ATC: BEA iz ziss your furst visit to Frankfurt? BEA Captain: No, I came here in 1943,but I didn't stop! :)

diginagain
16th Feb 2014, 19:25
Gen 1 NVG were put to good use on the quiet backroads between Cambridge and Oakington. Seven in a MGBGT, with one on goggs.

the_boy_syrup
16th Feb 2014, 20:13
I heard the story about a practise missile falling off a jet and hitting a farm house.
I seem to remember it was in Scotland.
If I remember correctly the RAF had put an advert in a local paper explaining they had lost it and could any one who might have it return it to them.

I also seem to remember someone nicking all the practise (wooden?) tanks that the Harriers used to use for practise in Wales

BEagle
16th Feb 2014, 20:19
Haraka, if memory serves, I think that LOK was still there when I did my JP course? His comment to one of his studes "Ja - you vill find right hand circuits more difficult because you haff to look round mein sqvare Tcherman head!"

He was also a keen rougher shooter and a stickler for getting his English terminology correct.... Come a cocktail party at the Commandant's lodge and Mrs. Commandant asked him how he was enjoying the aerodrome shoot.

"It iss good, Ja! Yesterday ve go shooting and bag several large hares....und a few pubics."

Mrs Commandant, being a real lady, didn't bat an eyelid, but LOK realised he'd been had. His fault really, for asking that mischievous ex-Shacklebomber chap B*n B*nb*w "Vot is the correct English word for ein small hare?"

LOK did see the funny side though....eventually! Splendid chap!

Hydromet
16th Feb 2014, 20:21
Purportedly at an army officer training establishment outside Sydney, 1965. CO, RSM and Chaplain all ex-SAS.
RSM's wife has a baby girl. Next morning, the parade ground cannon are painted pink.
RSM, taking parade: "Who painted the cannon pink?"
Voice from back of parade: "It was the work of God."

Believed to be true, but as I wasn't there at the time...

Vendee
16th Feb 2014, 21:15
Re: German exchange officers, we had a German engineering officer at Marham and on being shown into his office for the first time, discovered a beach towel draped over his chair.

His English was very good but he always carried a dictionary around with him. After I'd written a short "bio" on him in the section's equivalent of Private Eye, he came up to me clutching the dictionary and asked "vas is follically-challenged?" Luckily, he did have a very good sense of humour.

Vendee
16th Feb 2014, 21:19
I heard the story about a practise missile falling off a jet and hitting a farm house. I remember the live missile "falling off" a Phantom and hitting a Jaguar over RAFG in the early 80's. Oooops! nobody hurt but rather expensive :rolleyes:

goudie
16th Feb 2014, 21:32
Renowned for having the loudest voice in the British Army, Sgt Major Brittain used to address every new intake of Sandhurst officer cadets thus; ''gentlemen, I will address you as sir and you will address me as sir, the only difference being, that when you address me as sir you will bloody well mean it!''

NutherA2
16th Feb 2014, 21:35
I seem to remember it was in Scotland.

An OCU Javelin from Leuchars dropped a Firestreak (acquisition round fortunately) which embedded itself neatly in an Old Course fairway.

NutLoose
16th Feb 2014, 21:40
Nuther, I remember the tale of that, isn't it still there? The tale I was told was it went in deep and efforts to recover it meant it sank even further, and with the water table as it was it was backfilled and left.

oxenos
16th Feb 2014, 21:44
"follically-challenged"

Friend of mine worked at a multi national headquarters with a folically challenged German officer who wore a toupee. He was known as Herr Piece.

500N
16th Feb 2014, 22:02
Hydromet
I had heard of that story of painting the Cannons pink.
Don't know which unit it would have been.

gzornenplatz
16th Feb 2014, 22:10
Acquisition Firestreak (inadvertently released in lieu of the intended ventral tanks following engine failure) plunged into the twelfth tee but was still recoverable.

Hydromet
17th Feb 2014, 00:36
I had heard of that story of painting the Cannons pink.
Don't know which unit it would have been.
500N
OTU Scheyville (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Officer_Training_Unit,_Scheyville)
As well as training NS, it also trained Army Aviation officer cadets prior to their aviation training.

Willard Whyte
17th Feb 2014, 01:26
"follically-challenged"

Friend of mine worked at a multi national headquarters with a folically challenged German officer who wore a toupee. He was known as Herr Piece.

That made Oi larf.

Which is more than 22,303 posts in the caption competition have managed.

MightyGem
17th Feb 2014, 06:20
Renowned for having the loudest voice in the British Army, Sgt Major Brittain used to address every new intake of Sandhurst officer cadets thus; ''gentlemen, I will address you as sir and you will address me as sir, the only difference being, that when you address me as sir you will bloody well mean it!''
My dad used to say much the same thing when he was an instructor there in the 1950s.

NutherA2
17th Feb 2014, 09:23
Acquisition Firestreak (inadvertently released in lieu of the intended ventral tanks following engine failure)

The pilot, now retired I imagine, eventually became a CAA Flight Examiner.

Wwyvern
17th Feb 2014, 09:52
Oxenos

You were lucky to have such an AsCom.

I know that in the late 50s, at a Junior Mess Dining In Night in the Senior Mess, where junior entry cadets were introduced to Mess Etiquette (?), some QFIs convinced some cadets that the AsCom’s car was an acceptable target.

The car, parked just outside the Mess, was lifted up and set down on bricks, so that the wheels did not touch the ground. When AsCom came to RTB and couldn’t get the car to move, he was not best pleased, perhaps because he heard some muffled giggling, and he set out to walk home across the North Airfield.

Next morning, the culprits were asked to confess, and all were awarded 14 days Restrictions.

I may be confusing that Dining In Night with the one when the Junior Entry had to provide entertainment for the Senior Entry after dinner. That is another story.

Pontius Navigator
17th Feb 2014, 09:52
Didn't a Firestreak fire off at Leuchars? Was that the one on the golf course?

olddog
17th Feb 2014, 09:56
I heard that an inadvertent release resulted in a missile hitting a butchers shop close to a range. When the butcher arrived to return said weapon, the Station Commander apologised and explained that the armourers had unfortunately loaded a meat seeking missile.

Wensleydale
17th Feb 2014, 10:55
"meat seeking missile"


Obviously it had gone "Sausage Side"!http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/src:www.pprune.org/get/images/smilies/shiner.gif

NutLoose
17th Feb 2014, 11:24
I bet it took a real meat pasting..




gzornenplatz (http://www.pprune.org/members/169175-gzornenplatz) Thanks for clearing that up for me.

aergid
17th Feb 2014, 11:34
As a lowly basic, I was informed of a story about a AEM who had cleaned out a Lynx Fuel Tank with a Liferaft conicle rubber bung borrowed from the SE department. :cool:
Said AEM dropped the bung inside the tank and went fetched another to finish de-clogging the rubber fuel tank.
4 yrs later the Lynx ditched with loss of crew.
The said AEM was a civvy by then, but got a knock at the door from the Naval Provost and a couple of Civvy Coppers with the line "AEM_____ is this your signature.....":eek:


Dunno if the story was a scare story to ensure you either did jobs correctly or had a "Cant catch me sig" := to prevent any visits at a later date....

NutLoose
17th Feb 2014, 11:41
Dunno if the story was a scare story to ensure you either did jobs correctly or had a "Cant catch me sig" := to prevent any visits at a later date....

Just before I left I worked with an engine chief that had two signatures, one his Civi one and one his RAF one.
He told me one day that as a joke when he joined up he signed everything RAF with Rastus, and had continued to so for his whole career, he said no one had noticed, and when we checked a few of his sigs, sure enough they all read Rastus!

4mastacker
17th Feb 2014, 12:08
PN wrote:

Didn't a Firestreak fire off at Leuchars? Was that the one on the golf course?

I was there when a Sidewinder went walk-about during a generation exercise and ended up over t'other side of the airfield near the banks of the Eden. Apparently it was something to do with water getting into the electrikery bits. I'm sure there are some folks on here who can give the technical details.

Bengerman
17th Feb 2014, 12:26
A German exchange officer on the Hercules, one Jurgen Reimann, upon watching the confusion and carnage wrought through involving 38 Gp ops in an unservicability scenario was heard to say..:

"I now understand vy you British von ze vor...... you practice chaos in peacetime"

goudie
17th Feb 2014, 13:16
A SNEB missile was accidentally fired from a canberra at Akrotiri in the early'60's. Apparently it flew across the busy airfield missing everything. It was set off by a leckie carrying out insulation checks on the circuit with a 'wee megger'!

NutLoose
17th Feb 2014, 16:58
Wasn't there also a Sneb fired off a Harrier inside a shed hitting the hangar doors?

goudie
17th Feb 2014, 17:43
NutLoose

As I recall, they were very sensitive, to the minutest electric current, and one shouldn't carry out electrical tests on a loaded a/c.

ricardian
17th Feb 2014, 19:36
One of these (http://www.richardsradios.co.uk/safety.html) would probably have solved the problem

Canadian Break
17th Feb 2014, 20:44
At the risk of exposing my nom de plume, at Neat1shed we had a german exchange officer - Herr Dreyer and his wife, known as............spin!

goudie
17th Feb 2014, 21:12
ricardian

One of these (http://www.richardsradios.co.uk/safety.html) would probably have solved the problem

What a coincidence! Colin Ferrier, mentioned in the article, and I worked for the same company after we left the RAF

headbuttsupreme
17th Feb 2014, 21:33
I hope this hasn't already been mentioned...

I used to work with an army tech who was good mates with oz army pilots and he swears by this... A blackhawk was coming in to land from a routine training exercise full of grunts in the back. The pilots decided to have a bit of a laugh and over ics informed them that they were too heavy and low on engine power (grunts not knowing any better).

There is a pump in the cabin to charge the apu accumulator in the event the backup hyd pump fails to get it up to pressure, so the pilots instructed the soldiers to get to work pumping as hard as they could or they'd come in too hot and crash...

As about 12 grunts cycled through pumping the handle and screaming and just generally being all war-ie they flared and touched down and appparently it these lads in the back were jumping around like they'd won the world cup. Pilots thanked them for their efforts and walked away snickering...

Wander00
17th Feb 2014, 22:19
CB - I think I remember him - was he there in Aunty Joan's time, and excused attendance at the BoB Cockers

MPN11
18th Feb 2014, 09:08
Burkhardt, was it not? We were at W Drayton together in 75. Lovely chap (and wife).

Canadian Break
18th Feb 2014, 09:33
The chap I am referring to was at Neatishead when Don Read was CO. He was most definitely not excused BoB Cocktail Party - in fact we used to hold a joint party with Colt OM and always used to make sure that Dieter "hosted" an ex B o B Spitfire pilot who lived locally and was invited!

The chap referred to earlier (by Wander?) was, I believe, my chap's brother!

Wander00
18th Feb 2014, 10:05
Aah the memory fades - I crossed over between Aunty Joan and Don, so must have been there at the same time (84-86) as CB. Don I recall was a very talented water colour painter - and had painted some brilliant copies of Turners - eg Fighting Temeraire - which were displayed in their residence.

teeteringhead
18th Feb 2014, 10:15
As about 12 grunts cycled through pumping the handle and screaming and just generally being all war-ie they flared and touched down and appparently it these lads in the back were jumping around like they'd won the world cup. Pilots thanked them for their efforts and walked away snickering... ... which reminds me of the "bump-started" Wessex in Norn Iron.

Gough Barracks (Red 01 IIRC) Square, Walter Wessex parked facing (slightly) downhill.

On startup, pilot tells waiting PBI that battery is a bit flat, can they assist with push start?

Pongoes get Walter rolling by pushing on (massive!) oleos, pilot hits toe brakes and start button at same time.

Similar reaction to above from troops! :ok:

B Fraser
18th Feb 2014, 10:49
I believe Mr Akbar did the same stunt with a Navy Lynx :E

Keep them coming chaps, each story makes me wish I had joined up instead of doing something pointless for better dosh.

Martin the Martian
18th Feb 2014, 11:34
On the subject of Germans, and similar to the BEA pilot at Berlin, back in the 1960s a German Noratlas flew to St. Mawgan for some reason. The aircraft captain calls that he has the airfield in sight and is droning down the approach. Air traffic can't see the Noratlas out of their window, which is the source of much concern in the tower.

"Are you sure you have the airfield in sight?"

"Ja, ja."

Eventually the penny drops, and ATCO realises that the German pilot has lined up on the disused runway further down the coast at Portreath, and instructs him to turn around and fly a bit further along the cliffs before landing, remarking that it must be the pilot's first time here. Came the reply:

"Nein. But ze last time you vere shooting at me!"

ORAC
18th Feb 2014, 12:44
Ref Herr Dryer at the BoB cocktail party. I believe there was one occasion when the WO mess manager approached him on his arrival and, gravely inspecting the list of the groups to which attendees were assigned, announced, "Good evening sir, losers on the right....."

Pontius Navigator
18th Feb 2014, 13:32
Our GAF XO attended the BoB cocktail party. Someone went to him and apologised for the insensitivity of inviting him. "No problem, without our participation you would have nom excuse for a party."

goudie
18th Feb 2014, 13:48
When we had our new (Polish) Engineering Officer, S/L Warhavtig, introduced to us by our W/O, he introduced him as 'Squadron Leader Avtag'. The name stuck!

ORAC
18th Feb 2014, 14:17
CRC Neatishead had a telephone line on the bridge to the French at Doullens. Rule 1 was not to call them first, rule 2 was never, ever, to attempt to say a word in French as they'd never say a word in English again during the call.

Line rings one day and a barrage of French ensues when answered. After consideration the FAF exchange officer is summoned to find out what they want.

"Allo", he's say's down the line when arrives and the situation is explained. He then sit's there for 1-2 minutes nodding his head gravely, then takes off his headset and gently lays it on the console before turning to the expectant Execs gathered around him.

"It's no good", he says, "they can't speak English and I've forgotten how to speak French"........

Wensleydale
18th Feb 2014, 16:01
The Germans get their own back occasionally......


During a NATO deployment to Norway, a few Brits are teasing the Germans about WW2 ("Battle of Britain" was on the tele). One of the Germans slowly turns round...


" You should not joke about the war - my Father died in a concentration camp".


The mood sobers very quickly.. an embarrassed "Sorry Norbert - what happened?"


"He got p*ssed one night and fell out of the machine gun tower".

LowObservable
18th Feb 2014, 16:12
That is in truly awful taste, Wensleydale, and moreover I was drinking tea when I read it, and you owe me a keyboard.

Canadian Break
18th Feb 2014, 16:28
Twas also a stock reply of Herr dreyer when baited on the subject of WW2.

500N
18th Feb 2014, 16:38
Low

That makes two keyboards he owes !

Canadian Break
18th Feb 2014, 16:45
Wander has already told us what a nice guy Don Read was. My story starts on a Friday evening Dining In Night at Neatishead in the old OM there. It was such a shambles that we were forever trying to blow it up, so such nights were always guaranteed to go with a bang, in more ways than one. This night was no different, or so we thought; we had forgotten to factor into the equation the new PMC who was the USAF Exchange Offficer. I won't name him, save to say his initials were BB, and he was a deeply religious tea-total man. We, on the other hand being 3 Fg Offs were fire proof (weren't we?) and so right from the off, we set about having a good time. Pyros were involved, as well as a good number of "Spiders" calls (if you were there you would know what it was), "The Flag" was sung several times etc etc. Such a good night was it that the entire weekend was a write off. Come Monday morning Fg Off CB, Fg Off GP and one other were summoned over to the R12 se see the PMC - no chairs or cups if tea offered! Instead, 3 service papers required on the pshyiological effects of alcohol on the human body - by Tuesday 1200! Bugger! We must have been a pretty sorry sight as we trooped back to the Happydrome; the Staishs' car pulls up alongside us just outside the Fire Stn, "My Office - now" and off he goes. Our misery knew no bounds, nevertheless, we are inbound to the Staishs' office in Handbrake House. As we file in, there is Don Read, in his chair with a smile from ear to ear - "absolutely excellent night on Friday chaps - that's the sort of thing I like to see from my JOs - why the sad faces"? So, we fessed up about the service Papers whereupon Don stand up, goes to his filing cabinet and takes out a bottle of Scotch and 4 glasses, pours a thimble full into each cup before passing them round and says "don't worry, I'll square it with OC Eng - he just doesn't understand!". Priceless and guaranteed 100% accurate. However, that was not the night Chunder earned his nickname - that's another story altogether.:ok:

Pontius Navigator
18th Feb 2014, 16:50
CRC Neatishead had a telephone line on the bridge to the French at Doullens. Rule 1 was not to call them first, rule 2 was never, ever, to attempt to say a word in French as they'd never say a word in English again during the call.

Once, tooling around and max range from Lossie, say a 100 miles, we suddenly 'ear "Awk, Awk dis is Toul Toul"

Quick as a flash the aware ex-martime front end responds "Tool, Tool this is Hawk, pass your message over" Silence, followed a moment later by "Awk, Awk dis is Toul Toul"

Front end replies again - same response. Back end has a go - same response.

Then I said 'Can I have a go?'

"Toul Toul dis is Awk, loud and clear" "Rogeer Awk dis is Toul, loud and clere auso."

glad rag
18th Feb 2014, 17:23
PN wrote:



I was there when a Sidewinder went walk-about during a generation exercise and ended up over t'other side of the airfield near the banks of the Eden. Apparently it was something to do with water getting into the electrikery bits. I'm sure there are some folks on here who can give the technical details.
100 (101?) way connector on inbd pylon break. Sengo had a collection of burnt out ones on the sqdn, didn't help they were made in a federal prison the prc potting sometimes had swarf mixed in with it between the pins :eek:

goudie
18th Feb 2014, 18:55
We had an old Flt Sgt who loved regaling us young chaps, of his time, 'during the war'.
One story that sticks in my mind is the time when, with other airmen, he was detached to a ship that carried a spotter a/c. As the a/c came alongside, to be hoisted aboard, a rating would leap on to the upper wing and attach the hook. Apparently it was something of a kudos to do this.
Our hero decided that he would beat the matelots at their own game, so one day, as soon as the a/c came alongside he was over the the railing with the hook, landed on the wing and put both feet straight though it! He hadn't realised that the matelotes landed on the centre section which was metal.
After having a 'chat' with the CPO, he worked though the night repairing the wing!

Stevie B
18th Feb 2014, 19:54
Ah... The Bosch!

There was a very pleasant Herr Major Ollie Kuch at a certain Tri-National training establishment in the 90's.

Whenever the Duty Aircrew Officer (DAO) made his way up the stairs to the local control room in ATC, we would always stand and greet him with a "Good morning Sir!"

Herr Kuch's response.. (Accompanied by a pointed finger) was always "Aha!!! You may have vun ze var, but still you have to call me Sir!"

Nice chap!

I was also told the tale of a Hunter landing somewhere with little, or no braking available. Not a major issue on the long runway available, but the aircraft did slowly vacate onto the grass, after which the perfectly healthy pilot proceeded to shut the thing down.

Unfortunately on the arrival of the fire section, an over zealous fireman proceeded to hack his way through the as yet unopened canopy, striking the poor pilot on the bone dome with his axe, causing a nasty concussion.

It didn't end there.... The rest of the firemen then decided to extricate the now unconscious chap from his seat, dragging him through the straps and dislocating his shoulder in the process.

And there's more....

Cue the crash ambulance (always the last to arrive having got lost on the airfield) approaching at warp factor snot. The vehicle leaves the runway onto the wet grass and the driver hits the brakes. As expected, nothing much happens and the ambulance runs straight over the legs of the poor chap who has been laid down gently next to the aircraft, breaking them both.

thing
18th Feb 2014, 20:00
Strapping Arthur Vine into an F4 circa '75 (Arthur flew Mustangs during the war) and watching some shiny new Lufty F4s taxiing in he says '30 years ago I was shooting at those buggers'. It seemed like history to me at the time but it doesn't now when I think it's almost 40 years since Arthur spoke those words.

An amusing aside about Arthur was that at 50 odd years old he was flying and teaching youngsters how to fly a Mach 2 fighter and his son flew Shacks...

Pete Veal sat in a Toom with Middy Hopper in the back on Taceval on the ORP pan at Conners, about dark o clock in the winter in the p****** down sleet, me under the wing on the headset, they waiting for the scramble on the teleflex. Silence for quite a while as we meditate on the ways of the world. Then quietly from Pete 'What. A. Way. To. Earn. A. F******. Crust.'

God they were good days, I feel sorry for the guys in the mob now. I suppose that makes me sound like a boring old fart.



Can anyone remember the (true) tale of the pink Harrier? I can't for the life of me remember it now but it was around the time I was at Gut 78-80 ish on GR3's.

goudie
18th Feb 2014, 20:23
RAF Wahn '56. The Luftwaffe reformed there, and their first and only a/c at the time was a Heron, 001. Every morning the groundcrew would park the a/c outside their hangar, which was next to ours, and lovingly attend to its needs.
Our Meteor NF11s were parked opposite. One morning one of our a/c commenced to taxy out, with the pilot checking the brakes as he did so. Unfortunately the brakes failed and the a/c ended up with it's nose jammed under the Heron's port wing! At the subsequent interview with the Sqdn Comm.
the pilot was congratulated for grounding the entire German Air Force but given a bollocking because' it was 16 years too f****ing late!'

E-Spy
18th Feb 2014, 21:28
One morning one of our a/c commenced to taxy out, with the pilot checking the brakes as he did so. Unfortunately the brakes failed and the a/c ended up with it's nose jammed under the Heron's port wing!

History kind-of repeated itself, as the GAF's first Heron UAV somehow ended up taxying into a Transall after its first flight at MES....

http://theaviationist.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Crash-2-460x258.jpeg

Martin the Martian
19th Feb 2014, 10:42
Re the pink Harrier:

Mirage Aircraft for Flight Simulator (http://www.mirage4fs.com/m_gerard_new.html)

Some great photography as well.

NutLoose
19th Feb 2014, 11:18
And let us not forget... And they still tried to convince the world it was the correct colour shade


Vulcan Photo Call at Bruntingthrope (http://forums.airshows.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=33629)

FAStoat
19th Feb 2014, 12:04
The place:Officers Mess Tengah late 60s.My old mate was being wined and dined having been posted off Hunters to CFS.Ray had his Champers in hand ,when the balloon went up as a BOAC VC10 was announced to be in trouble.They had had a lightning strike which had badly damaged its nose,and taken out most of its avionics!A volunteer was asked for to try to help said VC10.Ray immediately put down his glass on the fireplace,got himself authorised ,launching in his cab, was radared to find said VC10.On finding it he formated with it and guided it down to a safe recovery at Changi.However on his return to Tengah,he had total hydraulics failure and plonked it down successfully,then returned to the bar to finish his Champers.He received NO gong or mention in dispatches,but just a message of thanks from Lord Stokes,the then boss of BOAC.BTW Ray had flown every mark of NF Meteor and several marks of Javelin.I met him again in an Airline,when on training with a very nasty NZ TC,he was being examined on the night part of his 1179." Brucie Baby",the said TC blocked off some of the Instruments for limited panel,and informed Ray that this terrifies all new F27 Pilots,whereupon,Ray turned on his pussers torch(he had been a RNR pilot as well!!),and turned off all the cabin lights,then asked Brucie if he wanted any unusual attitude recoveries??.Bruce remained very quiet for the rest of the flight,which Ray passed,but the NZ Twerp never forgot this and made,or tried to make our lives hell.Suffice to say this TC was removed from Training several times,by our Ex Meteor ace Boss Denis B.True stories,but little known!!!!!!!!!!

thing
19th Feb 2014, 14:17
Re the pink Harrier:

Ta for that.

olympus
19th Feb 2014, 16:12
Suffice to say this TC was removed from Training several times,by our Ex Meteor ace Boss Denis B.True stories,but little known!!!!!!!!!!

Well, I don't know about him being removed from training but the 'NZ Twerp' was certainly back training on the F27 by 1987 and he continued to try to make pilots' lives miserable on the 146 and the F100 before he finally returned whence he came.

CoffmanStarter
19th Feb 2014, 18:34
Amusing all the same :ok:

The exact same dialogue has been circulating on the web for a little while now ... allegedly involving US Aircrew ... but good to see an RAF "version". Unless, of course, someone can validate it being the original true exchange :}

http://i1004.photobucket.com/albums/af162/CoffmanStarter/image_zps47784733.jpg

Bob Viking
19th Feb 2014, 19:19
...Lighthouse versus US warship!
Is there any truth behind that one at all or is it completely fabricated?
BV:cool:

CoffmanStarter
19th Feb 2014, 19:48
Do you mean this one BobV?


Allegedly based on an actual radio conversation between a U.S. Navy
aircraft carrier (U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln) and Canadian authorities
off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. (The radio
conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on
10/10/95 authorized by the Freedom of Information Act.)


Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to
avoid collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15
degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again,
divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND
LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE
ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS
SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES
NORTH--I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH--OR
COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Your Canadian Brother.

racedo
19th Feb 2014, 21:29
Coffman

Think first time that was heard was USS Yorktown CV-5..........................that's the one sunk at Midway.

CoffmanStarter
20th Feb 2014, 07:02
Racedo ... I'm sure you are right old chap ... most of this kind of stuff get's recycled over time :ok:

Gerontocrat
20th Feb 2014, 07:41
The USN v Canadian lighthouse tale is also mentioned in "The Guinness Book of Military Anecdotes", published 1992, and citing the story as being quoted from "Profile" magazine in "The Times", 3 September 1986.

aergid
20th Feb 2014, 10:54
The Canadian Lighthouse scenario:

I have a video I show trainees as an ice breaker...

It depicts an Irish Lighthouse and an arrogant American Warship (actually an old Leander Class in video)...

If anyone wants a copy PM me :ok:....

ORAC
20th Feb 2014, 11:29
F4 on affil with Nimrod does burner pass and twinkle roll before rejoining.

"Bet you can't do that", he says smugly after join.

"Stand-by", says Nimrod, and after about a minute says, "bet you can't do that!".

"What did you do?", asks puzzled F4.

"Shut down two engines and order lunch", replies equally smug Nimrod.....
----------------------------

Pair of F4s doing night intercepts.

"Lead, 2, you in burner?"

"2, Lead, negative".

"In which case you're on fire......."

charliegolf
20th Feb 2014, 11:38
F4 on affil with Nimrod does burner pass and twinkle roll before rejoining.

"Bet you can't do that", he says smugly after join.

"Stand-by", says Nimrod, and after about a minute says, "bet you can't do that!".

"What did you do?", asks puzzled F4.

"Shut down two engines and order lunch", replies equally smug Nimrod.....


Version I heard was, "Shut down two engines, went down the back for a sh1t!"

CG

Pontius Navigator
20th Feb 2014, 15:51
Or Victor refuelling a Herc.

"xx, tell your co-pilot to stop picking his nose."

Bob Viking
21st Feb 2014, 21:16
We got to talking about the one today where some guy in RAFG stole a train. What's the truth behind that one?
BV:O

NutherA2
21st Feb 2014, 21:49
We got to talking about the one today where some guy in RAFG stole a train. What's the truth behind that one?

This one is absolutely true, I know the perpetrator well and we still exchange the occasional email. The event happened in the early 1950s and has, I think, been described on earlier PPRuNe threads.

Bob Viking
21st Feb 2014, 22:00
Pray tell.
BV:E

Ogre
22nd Feb 2014, 01:21
There was one tale the armourers used to tell of the Belgian F104 starfighters, specifically their ejection seats.

The story goes that a Belgian armourer had decided he was sick of life, so he wanted to commit suicide in a spectacular fashion. He decided to climb into the cockpit of an F104 on the line, pull all the seat pins out then pull the yellow and black handle.

seems the first aircraft he tried the seat failed to fire. So he got out, went to teh one next door and tried again. Same result, so he went down the whole line with no success.

His next action was to walk into the line hut and, plonking all the seat pins he'd removed on the desk, raised snags on every aircraft.

As the F104 was fitted with a downward firing seat, there are some holes in the story but it's still a good one

N2erk
22nd Feb 2014, 02:59
I think only the very early F104s had the downward firing seats. Just from stuff I've read- I have no experience on Starfighters.

Wensleydale
22nd Feb 2014, 07:16
I was once told the story about a bored Greek conscript who was guarding a line of F100 Super-Sabres one night... to relieve the tedium he started doing pull-ups on the pitot tube on the nose of one of the aircraft but unfortunately it broke and bent downwards. To cover up his crime he then went down the entire line and bent all of the pitot tubes down to the same angle so no-one would notice.....

BEagle
22nd Feb 2014, 07:33
Wensleydale, it is a true story. Except that the aircraft were Mirages on thir way from Bordeaux to Jordan.

pohm1
22nd Feb 2014, 07:53
Wensleydale, it is a true story. Except that the aircraft were Starfighters on the line in Deci, and the conscript was Italian.

;)

P1

goudie
22nd Feb 2014, 07:56
There was a sqdn of Belgian Sabres detached to Wahn. At night they provided their own armed guard. One night a guard riddled a sabre from nose to tail. He said he saw someone climbing in to the cockpit, though it was probably the cockpit cover flapping in the wind! During this detachment another Sabre landed wheels up, skidded along the runway on it's underwing tanks but managed to take off again. It landed safely at the next attempt.

Wensleydale
22nd Feb 2014, 09:16
Going off at a Tangent as usual - I always thought how silly it was to have an airman guarding critical points during the Cold War while armed with an SLR that he had perhaps fired 5 times during the previous 12 months. We were always told how this weapon could kill at well over a mile and yet was being used for short range point protection against a well trained potential enemy armed with a very effective assault rifle. I always thought that a multi-round shotgun would have better stopping and deterrent power and run less risk of hitting friendly targets at the other side of the airfield - especially when fired by a guard who had probably not seen a target range for nearly a year.

beardy
22nd Feb 2014, 09:33
Ah Middy on 228 OCU, that brings back memories.
Middy sitting in the crew room in front of the fish tank, recounting tales of daring do from his long and illustrious career. A young pilot, entranced by the tales asks Middy when these deeds took place. Middy gives a date. Said young pilot reflects for an instant and says "my mum was 11 then."

goudie
22nd Feb 2014, 09:36
I always thought how silly it was to have an airman guarding critical points during the Cold War while armed with an SLR that he had perhaps fired 5 times during the previous 12 months.

All I was ever issued with was an Enfield rifle...sans ammo! Or a pick-axe handle.:(

NutLoose
22nd Feb 2014, 10:02
Ahh but Goudie, our 100 rounds were in mags that were sealed in plastic bags with nothing to cut it with, such was the sense, and you signed for those 100 rounds.
However when going on the range they would use up the near life ex stuff, trying to get into it was a nightmare even with scissors and when we finally did they would often be rounds short, the armour I knew telling me that it was normal as whoever got the fun job of filling them would often skimp on it.

I had visions of if the Ruskies ever invaded, there would be loads of dead RAF blokes with semi unwrapped magazines in hand lying about the Squadron sites.

Tashengurt
22nd Feb 2014, 10:04
Wensleydale,
I wouldn't worry. In my experience we rarely had any rounds in them!


Posted from Pprune.org App for Android

Haraka
22nd Feb 2014, 10:34
Re: the F100 pull-ups. The version I heard was that they were Turkish ( the Greeks not operating the type) . The guard then bent the probe back up: afterwards going down the line and repeating the process so that they all looked the same
I think it was F-100's originally and also that it is an old wife's tale. The F-100 had an upwards folding nose pitot probe that was often elevated when the aircraft was parked, to keep it out of harm's ( and presumably bored Turkish Guards ) way.
I have seen a row of F-100s parked up like that and it does indeed look very odd and would likely generate comment, with the usual smart-arse answer.

NutLoose
22nd Feb 2014, 10:41
Sure it was mirages in the news article.. Or jags

Haraka
22nd Feb 2014, 10:52
Good try Nutters , but the original story was going around long before the Jag came in! . :D

Saintsman
22nd Feb 2014, 12:00
I wouldn't worry. In my experience we rarely had any rounds in them!


It was fairly obvious that we had no bullets in the SLRs because we had to use them without magazines. So we were then issued with a magazine. Still no bullets, but nobody would know that...

Wander00
22nd Feb 2014, 12:15
ISTR that Black Mac, SATCO at Binbrook, used to have a shotgun in the tower during station exercises, on the grounds that in an emergency it would be more use than a rifle or SLP

Pontius Navigator
22nd Feb 2014, 14:06
an airman guarding critical points during the Cold War while armed with an SLR that he had perhaps fired 5 times during the previous 12 months. . . . especially when fired by a guard who had probably not seen a target range for nearly a year.

Sheesh, where did he fire the other 4 times?

Pontius Navigator
22nd Feb 2014, 14:09
I had visions of if the Ruskies ever invaded, there would be loads of dead RAF blokes with semi unwrapped magazines in hand lying about the Squadron sites.

And packs of double wrapped NBC kit too.

Still, aircrew were OK, until they took away the point on the knife.

thing
22nd Feb 2014, 14:21
Ah Middy on 228 OCU, that brings back memories.

His four daughters do the same for me.

Wander00
22nd Feb 2014, 14:28
Mind you, watching The Bridge the other week, when they set up a decontam area with plastic sheets and bodge tape, brought back some memories

Wander00
22nd Feb 2014, 14:28
ISTR Black Mac had a vey attractive daughter too

BEagle
22nd Feb 2014, 14:45
And packs of double wrapped NBC kit too.


Indeed. Despite Unit Orders concerning NBC readiness states, during the prelude to GW1 on the day Saddam fired 3 Scuds across Iraq, some of those who'd been at Muharraq for months could be seen frantically trying to open double-sealed NBC kit - which we'd been ordered to have broken out and kept close to hand....:rolleyes:

But that was the attitude amongst the "It'll never happen" brigade.

KG86
22nd Feb 2014, 16:20
Back to apocryphal tales:

The true bit: A Chinook, on ops, lands to emplane the troops. Ramp goes down, platoon (of Paras) run aboard. One individual trips and, as he falls forward, looses off a burst into the Chinook floor (luckily, not much under the floor).

The apocryphal bit: The soldier was said to be berated by his RSM for poor grouping!

BEagle
22nd Feb 2014, 16:41
Brit Chinook in some desert area comes under fire from some of Uncle Spam's trigger happy grunts...

Whereupon the helicopter lands, a crewman gets out, storms over and asks "How many f*****g Iraqi helicopters have you seen with two rotors?". Then thumps the idiot behind the gun, gets back on board and they depart on their way.

Later some VSO states "Probably true - those chaps don't suffer fools gladly!".

NutLoose
22nd Feb 2014, 17:11
NI troops emplaning the mighty Wessex, Pongo carrying a compressed Bull worker in his backpack jumps in or out and boing, his compressed Bull worker shoots up into the rotors, scratch one Bull worker and it didn't do the rotors a whole lot of good either.

Neptunus Rex
22nd Feb 2014, 17:29
ORAC
The 'Twinkle Roll' is a formation manoeuvre, so needs at least two aircraft.
The Reds have done it with nine jets, which is really impressive. I have also seen 'Simon's Circus' perform it wth five Sea Vixens - no less impressive, as the Sea Vixen is quite a large ship.

goudie
22nd Feb 2014, 18:57
Black Mac had a very attractive daughter too

We had a WO known as Black Mac at Melksham, and he also had a daughter. I would love to relate that I had my wicked way with her, but alas it would certainly be an apocryphal tale:sad:

Fox3WheresMyBanana
22nd Feb 2014, 19:23
Pongo carrying a compressed Bull worker

That one's true; I recall reading the incident report, but ISTR it was a Booty not a Pongo.

Shackman
23rd Feb 2014, 11:56
Wessex v Bullworker certainly true (believe also written up in Airclues).

Elsewhere new CO at Sennybridge thinks good idea to warn troops about the dangers of the HLS there, so has big wooden sign saying 'Beware Helicopter Downwash' or something similar produced and posted just outside the circle. First Wessex in proves him right - lifted straight up, over and through the blades. Scratch three more blades!

The Helpful Stacker
23rd Feb 2014, 13:26
The Wessex/Bullworker incident took place at Bessbrook and it was, as stated, a booty not a pongo.

Deepest Norfolk
23rd Feb 2014, 15:02
I remember at Eastern Radar shortly after the Phantom/Jag shoot down, a controller with an Irish sounding name (ex Nav) calls a Jag entering at MC6 with avoiding action and sets him off in a new direction. On the jag pilot making enquiries as the the whereabouts of the traffic, controller replies that there's an F4 following and he thought the Jag might want to get out of the way.

Same guy told a particularly unresponsive Alcobury F-4 to assume the callsign "Stupid One".

Those familiar with Eastern will remember the Alconbury/Wyton CAC being controlled by console 5B with the upper air console 3A being up a level, behind and slightly right of 5B. Our erstwhile controller is on 3A blythely driving traffic through the active Wyton fix. 5B controller stands, turns, shouts "Get out of my fu***ng fix P***y, co-ordination agreed", turns and sits back down again.

DN