Ned Gerblansky
10th Sep 2013, 06:54
I'm sure Captain Sully would love this discourse, but it deals not with airborne geese, only people who "act the goose".
First of all you must identify the goose, and the best way I've found is in the call. It is usually a generalization of either a self-evident truth or a complete failure to comprehend anything remotely relevant. Some examples:
When discussing the drawbacks and costs of long driving commuting, the goose will always cry, "Plus the wear and tear on your car." ... and my all time favourite -
When looking to economize seemingly trivial costs, the goose will cry, "It all adds up!" No bonehead, what you missed when you wagged 3rd grade arithmetic was the principle of multiplication. Take an insignificant number and multiply it by something huge and the result is quantifyable. For example, does your employer pay you 1 cent per heartbeat? Say an average of 85 beats per minute in a 38 hour week, yields an annual income of $100,776. Multiplication - Elvis put out a song about it.
The goose will also attempt to use statistics to influence an argument, fuel carriage is a good one. The goose will argue "Our figures show that the annual cost of diversions is less than the cost of carrying extra fuel." Why do you suppose that is? Because the PIC is bound by law to carry sufficient fuel, and most of them (having been trained in Meteorology, and having years of experience under their collective belts) will carry extra fuel. The goose will point out that, e.g. an Airbus might use 30 kg extra to carry a tonne (30 minutes of life) of fuel. That is a jerrican! Half a teacup of kerosene per passenger, 10 cents worth! If you airline is going to break for the price of a jerrican of fuel - you need to sell a crapload more muffins! In fact why not just go into the muffin business? Less overheads...
You save fuel by not burning it - not by leaving it in the bowser.
A goose can also be spotted by the unsubstantiated aviation promises, of which I'm sure we are all familiar. Such as:
"We'll be operating jets in the near future! HONK HONK HONK"
"If you work for less now, it will get better, and your reward will be in the future. HONK HONK HONK <nose grow>"
"We will not use Direct Entry Captains. HONK HONK HONK"
Finally I will end this diatribe by quoting Steve Creedy, a well respected aviation journalist for "The Australian", who twice has reported on the decision by JQ to use iPads to store the 20kg of FCOM and associated manuals and says that this will save "hundreds of thousands of dollars per year." (I suspect he is quoting a press release from the flock.) 20 kg less per flight is hardly a thimble-full. I realise how they have perverted the principles of logic to get to this conclusion - 100 aircraft doing 8 sectors per day by 20 Kg = over 8 million tonnes per year. It all adds up, I suppose HONK HONK. I am all pro the use of technology, and well done to the person who convinced the bean-counters, yah!
Every time you go to work, say a little mantra - "I will survive this flight, and conduct it to the best of my abilities." Do whatever it takes - your loved ones will appreciate it, so will your pax. GFZ!
Aviation is, after all, incredibly unforgiving.
Ned
First of all you must identify the goose, and the best way I've found is in the call. It is usually a generalization of either a self-evident truth or a complete failure to comprehend anything remotely relevant. Some examples:
When discussing the drawbacks and costs of long driving commuting, the goose will always cry, "Plus the wear and tear on your car." ... and my all time favourite -
When looking to economize seemingly trivial costs, the goose will cry, "It all adds up!" No bonehead, what you missed when you wagged 3rd grade arithmetic was the principle of multiplication. Take an insignificant number and multiply it by something huge and the result is quantifyable. For example, does your employer pay you 1 cent per heartbeat? Say an average of 85 beats per minute in a 38 hour week, yields an annual income of $100,776. Multiplication - Elvis put out a song about it.
The goose will also attempt to use statistics to influence an argument, fuel carriage is a good one. The goose will argue "Our figures show that the annual cost of diversions is less than the cost of carrying extra fuel." Why do you suppose that is? Because the PIC is bound by law to carry sufficient fuel, and most of them (having been trained in Meteorology, and having years of experience under their collective belts) will carry extra fuel. The goose will point out that, e.g. an Airbus might use 30 kg extra to carry a tonne (30 minutes of life) of fuel. That is a jerrican! Half a teacup of kerosene per passenger, 10 cents worth! If you airline is going to break for the price of a jerrican of fuel - you need to sell a crapload more muffins! In fact why not just go into the muffin business? Less overheads...
You save fuel by not burning it - not by leaving it in the bowser.
A goose can also be spotted by the unsubstantiated aviation promises, of which I'm sure we are all familiar. Such as:
"We'll be operating jets in the near future! HONK HONK HONK"
"If you work for less now, it will get better, and your reward will be in the future. HONK HONK HONK <nose grow>"
"We will not use Direct Entry Captains. HONK HONK HONK"
Finally I will end this diatribe by quoting Steve Creedy, a well respected aviation journalist for "The Australian", who twice has reported on the decision by JQ to use iPads to store the 20kg of FCOM and associated manuals and says that this will save "hundreds of thousands of dollars per year." (I suspect he is quoting a press release from the flock.) 20 kg less per flight is hardly a thimble-full. I realise how they have perverted the principles of logic to get to this conclusion - 100 aircraft doing 8 sectors per day by 20 Kg = over 8 million tonnes per year. It all adds up, I suppose HONK HONK. I am all pro the use of technology, and well done to the person who convinced the bean-counters, yah!
Every time you go to work, say a little mantra - "I will survive this flight, and conduct it to the best of my abilities." Do whatever it takes - your loved ones will appreciate it, so will your pax. GFZ!
Aviation is, after all, incredibly unforgiving.
Ned