Management-speak

[ACW599]

Some of these sound horribly familiar:

BBC NEWS | UK | Magazine | 50 office-speak phrases you love to hate (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/7457287.stm)

[The English Passenger]

Yep, they all go to the same place to do their pointless MBAs..... Can someone tell me why a "leader" in a military organisation needs a masters in business administration anyway... What is the business? I certainly don't sell stuff. It just turns them all into David Brent.

[Rob Courtney]

We get a lot of this, one of my favorites was "The tyres haven't touched the tarmac yet" meaning (I think) the project has been delayed

Bulls*it bingo was the only way we got through some meetings :ok:

[AGS Man]

A certain very large British Defence Company brought out a programme some years ago called MIDAS. It was full of management speak and sent most of the workforce to sleep. I can't even remember what MIDAS stood for except Management In Distress Anticipating Sackings!

[Pontius Navigator]

There was a thread about these e here on pprune but I can't find it. One that appeared in the accident report was risk appetite quoi?

[Basil]

I must be really old; no-one mentioned the 'IBM in the sixties': "At this moment in time." Was there any other kind* of moment?
* or should that be 'genre' ?

[Ian Corrigible]

"Morning talent base! Are the afterburners on full thrust? You bet!"...and other Gusisms (Drop the Dead Donkey) (http://www.toodlepip.co.uk/tags/gusisms)

I/C

[Roland Pulfrew]

Good news though. The revolution begins (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-23462394), and it's lead by the Govt (https://www.gov.uk/designprinciples/styleguide)!! :}

[TomJoad]

As a young Sqn Ldr only just arrived at HQ Logs I was asked in passing by a PSO where I was on the "transformational staircase" - the glint in my eye gave it away that I had not a clue to what he was referring to; it also prevented me giving a smart arsed comment :}

[Wensleydale]

I was asked in passing by a PSO where I was on the "transformational
staircase"


Were you humming "Lola" at the time?

[Roadster280]

Living in the past chaps. Even the BBC article is 5 years old. I'm sure that list of bull**** bingo is no longer current.

Unfortunately, the greasy pole gets ever greasier. I do understand the motivation; the MOD has been a pot in which an awful lot has been pissed away by serving officers and SCS that industry has run rings round.

One has to play by industry's rules; or lose. It's as simple as that. The MOD could of course say "No, we'll play by our rules, here's how it's going to work". At which point, the globalized conglomerates simply say "no, thanks" and take their bat & ball to somewhere warmer. Thousands of jobs are lost; the MOD ends up with second-tier kit that it hasn't had a hand in specifying or designing, and it all goes for a ball of chalk.

Of course some of the words & phrases are simply ridiculous, but are frankly in line with "wanque", "wanquerre" or "bolleaux".

[Jumping_Jack]

TomJoad

Oh yes I remember that one. At Wyton we we asked whether we were 'ascending the Transformational staircase from our silos of independence'! :bored:

J_J

[Heathrow Harry]

"the MOD ends up with second-tier kit that it hasn't had a hand in specifying"

such as?

most people outside think the problem is MOD specs TBH that lead to late and vastly over estimate kit that seriously impairs our armed forces efficiency

[Roadster280]

Good point HH, but the job losses would still happen if the MOD tried to dictate terms. TBH, they're just too small these days. The pole-climbers within want to try and get on, and they are outsmarted by industry at every turn, it seems.

No amount of management-speak will give a starred officer the experience he needs to negotiate with someone who's been doing it for 30 years.

[Ali Barber]

It's like the list of impossible acronyms (anyone flown a supplier's ILS?). I once phoned a guy up because I had no idea what he was on about in his letter; turned out, neither did he - he was just passing on an unintelligible message. Speak plain English or shut up! However, if you're drafting a letter for a 2-star or higher, never miss up on the opportunity to drop an "onageristic estimate" into the text. I've had 3 of them sign it off!

[Pontius Navigator]

Roadster, quite right, 50 years ago, when the Services were a significant size and employer they had proper purchasing power. It was perceived that they had the best and any other similar product was not as good.

To some extent that attitude still persists in the eBay scally market as practically anything ex-military or surplus will sell.

[dragartist]

I had to get off the transformation staircase before we got too close to contracting for availability. I kept falling off these pillars and was often too drunk to walk along the Lines of Development!

HH - I can't honestly think of any project I was involved in that the MoD, including Serving officers did not have a hand in writing the specification for.

We had some great acronyms to confuse each other.

[Laarbruch72]

One that appeared in the accident report was risk appetite quoi?


That's a perfectly good phrase that has been in RAF speak for at least a decade and in industry for far longer, it's nothing magical, simply how much risk an individual or an entity / organisation will face before they feel discomfort with what they're doing.

Some will have less room for risk and therefore they have a low risk appetite, for example a major airline with a high public profile choosing not to do an ad-hoc single flight into Tripoli, and some will have (to use recent PPRuNe Military speak) "Cojones" and will have a larger risk appetite, such as a CAS authorising a squadron to attempt to land a very old VC10 at a short runway such as Cosford. That's risk appetite.

As Roadster says, the current use of something as straightforward and modern day as "Risk Appetite" is no worse than the rather silly and puerile use of old non-words like "Wanque" or "Bolleaux" on this forum.

[dervish]

The point of the thread is to poke fun at people who assess competence by how many times these phrases are used. I was unfortunate enough to do my tour in Abbey Wood when a "synergy" or "synergistic" in every other sentence was a prerequisite to approval. It may be a perfectly good word, but demanding its use is bolleaux and the act of a wanquer.

[ACW599]

>a "synergy" or "synergistic" in every other sentence was a prerequisite to approval.<

Slightly off-topic but did anyone else hear the new CEO of Barclays talking about "synergies going forward" in his interview with Robert Peston on BBC News yesterday?

No wonder shares fell 8% :ugh:.

[Wensleydale]

Slightly off-topic but did anyone else hear the new CEO of Barclays talking
about "synergies going forward" in his interview with Robert Peston on BBC News
yesterday?



Banqueur!!!

[Pontius Navigator]

That's a perfectly good phrase that has been in RAF speak for at least a decade and in industry for far longer,

I never suggested it was a new phrase but your post proves the point in industry for far longer


It is a phrase taken up from trade. If you Google appetite almost all definitions are in the context 'appetite for'. Then the definitions all include the word desire. The Desire for food, the Desire for Power, the [I]Desire for Risk.

Really, you desire for risk?

My point is that it is a perfectly defined word used, and abused, out of context as much business speak is.

[teeteringhead]

Loved the Gus-isms from DTDD linked at post #7 - must dig out the DVDs again.

I often use a Gus-ism not quoted there (but with my tongue firmly in my cheek).

"We don't have problems, we have Management Challenges!" ;)

[Flash2001]

Some of this swill was amusing and perhaps even useful the first time it appeared, a bit like a condiment sprinkled on otherwise bland and pointless prose. It is the continuous repetition that numbs the mind and stimulates the upper digestive tract to reversion.

After an excellent landing etc...

[MightyGem]

Try this lot for size:
I think we need to hit the ground running, keep our eye on the ball, and make sure that we are all singing off the same song sheet. At the end of the day it is not a level playing field and the goal posts may move; if they do, someone else may have to pick it up and run with it. We therefore must have a golf bag of options hot-to-trot from the word 'go'. It is your train set but we cannot afford to leave it on the back burner; we've got a lot of irons in the fire, right now.

We will need to un-stick a few potential poo traps but it all depends on the flash-to-bang time and fudge factor allowed. Things may end up slipping to the left and, if they do, we will need to run a tight ship. I don't want to re-invent the wheel but we must get right into the weeds on this one. If push comes to shove, we may have to up stumps and then we'll be in a whole new ball game.

I suggest we test the water with a few warmers into the bank. If we can produce the goods then we are cooking with gas. If not, then we are in a world of hurt. I don't want to die in a ditch over this, but we could easily end up in a flat spin if people start getting twitchy. To that end, I want you to get round the bazaars and make sure the movers and the shakers are on-side from day one. If you can hit me with your shopping list I can take it to the head honchos and start the ball rolling.

There is light at the end of the tunnel and I think we have backed a winner here. If it gets blown out the water, however, I will be throwing a track. So get your feet into my in-tray and give me chapter and verse as to how you see things panning out. As long as our ducks are in a row I think the ball will stay in play and we can come up smelling of roses.

Before you bomb burst and throw smoke, it is imperative we nail our colours very firmly on the mast and look at the big picture. We've got to march to the beat of the drum. We are on a sticky wicket. we'll need to play with a straight bat and watch out for fast balls.

I've been on permanent send for long enough and I've had my ten pence worth. I don't want to rock the boat or teach anyone to suck eggs, but we must keep this firmly in our sight picture or it will fall between the cracks. If the cap fits, wear it, but it may seem like pushing fog up a hill with a sharp stick.

[PPRuNeUser0139]

Solid gold link here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capability_management).:zzz:

[Laarbruch72]

Really, you desire for risk?

No one desires risk but aviation is inherently risky, so some level of risk always exists. The pertinent question in Risk Management is "how much risk are you prepared to accept?" or in other words "What's your appetite for risk?"

Ergo, "Risk Appetite". Not a daft management speak phrase at all, just new(ish) to the military and probably why it's derided. I remember that many laughed at "Air Power" in about 1995! But even the RAF has to catch up with the real world sometimes.

[ACW599]

>Solid gold link here.<

Anyone else just lost the will to live? :ugh:

[tucumseh]

If I were a Risk Manager on a programme, I most certainly WOULD "desire risk", because being notified of a risk would demonstrate the system is working, at least up to a point. I would also desire that the probability of occurrence was low and time, cost and performance impact negligible.

Far better this than the situation I experienced some years ago when my non-technical boss issued an instruction that under no circumstances would anyone notify the Risk Manager of any risks - then proudly reported to our 3 Star that the programme was risk free.

That 3 Star was General Sam Cowan, unfairly maligned by Haddon-Cave. He was too wise and knew he was being lied to. But it illustrated how the system conspires to deceive even the most senior. We had a shared 2 Star with Nimrod, so one assumes he was lied to on that programme as well........