ACRs, be they 1369s or something else

[Canadian Break]

Chaps, I thought it would be mildly amusing to start a thread about comments you have had written in your ACRs. We have all heard the (apocryphal?) stories about " I wouldn't breed from this man" etc so let's give it a punt for the Summer season. I'll start us off; "this man in mildly eccentric" was once written about me. I was slightly miffed on two counts: one - only MILDLY! Secondly, the bloke that wrote it was a complete fruit cake! Sqn Ldr P.B - you know who you are!!!

[MG]

When the narrative used to start with a word picture, I was once described as 'cherubic'!!

[CoffmanStarter]

My late Dad told me this one from his Army days ...

Trust this man with a gun ... no... if you gave him a water pistol he'd wet himself

[Courtney Mil]

"Flt Lt Riley has naturally long hair"

[Courtney Mil]

One from my Father when he caommanded the Joint Anti-Submarine School at HMS Sea Eagle in Londonderry.

"Lt XXXX has been known to come aboard drunk."

Lt XXXX complained that the statement made him look bad. So it was changed to,

"Lt XXXX has been known to come aboard sober."

[Whenurhappy]

I sat on a Promotions Board at Inssworth a few years back looking at wiggly amp Cpls to Sgts (L Tech Av or some-such) and of the 1000 (yes, 1000) F6442s (as was) that we read, there were two comments that stuck in my mind:

'Cpl Bloggs has an uncanny resemblance to Saddam Hussein'

'Cpl Jones maintains his healthy interest in tropical fish at work by introducing an aquarium to the crew room'

Mind you, a still-serving officer put this on my F1369:

'WPs desk resembles the first day of the Somme'

[Courtney Mil]

If there were scores for energy in the bar, Fg Off Courtnage would score a 5"

True.

[CoffmanStarter]

What's the scoring range there Courtney :E

[Just This Once...]

5" in the bar - as in 5 inches??

Tad harsh I think.

[Cows getting bigger]

"I fail to see why I should write about an officer I feel should not be in the Servic."

"As an air traffic controller, Bloggs has demonstrated some natural aptitude in preparing summer ball decorations."

[Courtney Mil]

As on all 1369s, 1 to 5. Obviously.

5". It was a cold day.

[Courtney Mil]

And, of course, someone has the post the famous, unattributed,

"Flt Lt Jones has all the attributes of a dog, except loyalty."

[Herod]

hey CB, that's two of us who are "Mildly Eccentric", hence the handle. Mind you, mine was in civil airline days.

[Melchett01]

"Based on his performance as a Weapons Controller, all the indications are that that Bloggs will go a long way as an Air Traffic Controller"

[CoffmanStarter]

It was the " that confused :ooh:

[smujsmith]

An excerpt from one of my 6442 interviews circa 1982. The warrant Officer (Armourer) who wrote it had been posted to Machrihanish, after causing the courts Marshall of around a dozen RAFP for the theft of a "two finger bar of KitKat" from a certain units Armoury tea bar ( the KitKat court martial, all the cops got off. The Warrant Officer had a nervous breakdown and a posting out of the way).

"Sgt Smith displays all of the immaturity, lack of integrity and low character I would associate with "lower ranks" of aircrew. Indeed he would fit rather well in the world of our "winged wearing hierarchy"."

This so intrigued me ( I'd never thought of employment in a job I could enjoy) I followed his recommendation, and, not being young enough to go aircrew, I applied for and became a C130 GE. Best tour I ever did (6 years). Made some great mates and still remember the wretched old @rse for what he was, absolutely correct.:ok:

[Wensleydale]

I didn't get a 1369 - I got was a 1366 as all the scores were three less than they should have been.

[BEagle]

At the UAS, we had to write 'Progress, Attitude, Technique' comments on our students.

For one of my little cherubs, I simply wrote "Who??".

"Now come on, BEagle. you'll have to write more than that!", said the CFI.

"OK Sir...."

Who is APO ******? As his QFI, I have yet to meet him; he has failed to attend a single training night this term although his course does not involve any field trips or other diversions. His progress over the last term has been zero, his attitude frankly questionable and his techinque clearly unassessable.

"Ah, see what you mean BEagle. Time to chop the lazy little sod!"

And lo, it came to pass.....:\

[ricardian]

During my time in the civil service one of the experimental techniques was "360 degree reporting" in which you reported on those below you and on those above you. It was very revealing but short-lived!

[Courtney Mil]

Ah yes. 360 degree reporting. I had to "report" on my 1 Star at HQ 1 Gp. Fortunately, it was Garfield, with whom I got on quite well, so I could just put the usual bollocks about what a great guy he was. That was the idea, wasn't it? It must have been because it came immediately before my OJAR was due. Coincidence, I'm sure. :}

[dkh51250]

Written about me. "DKH lacks the gravitas for promotion to the next rank". As part of resettlement I did one of those blobs and dots tests. Apparently I would have been eminently suitable for employment as an undertaker. So much for lacking gravitas.

[SirToppamHat]

Written About Me:

"Toppam would make an excellent ADC - if only he were tall and slim!"

by Gp Capt Mxxx Gxxx. I hadn't even volunteered to be an ADC - otherwise fair comment!

STH

[oxenos]

" is in danger of becoming a character"

[Canadian Break]

Gp Capt M*** G***. Later known as the sock testing Air Cdre (in his own words - more or less).

[CoffmanStarter]

CB ... Great thread ... I thought some Reporting Officers might like some examples to help with future appraisals :E

"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom.....and has started to dig."

"I would not allow this employee to breed."

"This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a definite 'won't be'."

"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

"When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

"This employee should go far...and the sooner he starts, the better."

"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."

"A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

"He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."

"He's been working with glue too much."

"He would argue with a signpost."

"He has a knack for making strangers immediately."

"He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

"When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

"If you see two people talking and one looks bored...he's the other one."

"A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

"A prime candidate for natural deselection."

"Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

"Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

"If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans."

"It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg."

"One neuron short of a synapse."

"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

"Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."

"The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

:ok:

PS. On one notable upward 360' Feedback I once (correctly) wrote ... "so and so is incapable of leading himself out of a paper bag"

[obnoxio f*ckwit]

"Flt Lt F*ckwit is of medium height, and with a non-athletic build.."

[Jumping_Jack]

When the narrative used to sart with a word picture, I was once described as 'cherubic'!!


Those pen pictures, eh? I was once described as 'Pixie like' by my first RO. WTF!
My first Stn Cdr wrote on my first 1369 (as 2nd RO) 'Fg Off J_J is confident bordering on arrogant. This should not hold him back!' ....but I think it may have! :}

[Courtney Mil]

Pixie-like? I think someone had a bit of a crush on you!

[Sandy Parts]

Pen pictures - already alluded to but I believe the full quote was "xxxx would have a full head of blonde hair, were he not bald" Reports definitely became blander once the subject was allowed free access!

[soddim]

This officer is a very good pilot but despite that, if we went to war, he might be shot down and, if he was, he would make life hell for the commandant. I object to the fact that in the meantime he is practising on me.

[Wander00]

Not an ACR but an Exercise Report (cannot remember if that was a "Sheet 3" or a "Sheet 9") in the 80s, on a student - picture a bright hard clear morning on Salisbury Plain. Eight studes in a merry chatting group striding across the frosty grass: several yards behind is on droop shouldered stude carrying 4 pine poles and some rope - you guessed - he was "leader". Report started along the lines of "Officer Cadet Bloggs is wholly unable to impress his meagre personality on his fellows." It went on in similar vein. Ultimately Bloggs was chopped, and went to work in the Health Service......................

Also had one stude who on being asked to comment in leadership terms on the exercise he had just led, responded with "It went very well, Sir, except where it went wrong". Which it had, spectacularly.

[BEagle]

One somewhat oikish first RO, who fancied his use of English, once wrote about some hooting, roaring rip$hit singly, who chased every female with a pulse - describing him as 'Fg Off Bloggs is clearly one of nature's bachelors'....'.

Which is actually an obsolete euphemism, meaning (in the words of the time) 'Fg Off Bloggs is clearly a poof'....:ooh:

Fortunately the second RO realised that his underling was something of a wanquerre, so was able to clarify that Fg Off Bloggs was actually a hard-working, hard-flying rogue with an eye for the girls...:hmm:

[Duncan D'Sorderlee]

A colleague of mine indicated that his report usually described him as 'prematurely grey'; he was disappointed they year that 'prematurely' was removed!

Not actually reported on, but HTS once commented that I was fortunate that a score for 'tact' was no longer in the 1369!

Duncs:ok:

[BANANASBANANAS]

I would trust Flt Lt Bloggs with my life, my wife, my cricket bat but never my daughter.

[Old-Duffer]

My first confidential report – RAF Form 1369 was written about me in 1965 at Tern Hill.

As a callow youth, reports of this sort didn’t mean too much to me and I had no delusions that I would ever really hit the heights. I held the naïve view that I would be fairly judged on my efforts and with this in mind I tried my best.

I completed the first couple of sections but didn’t much bother about anything else and the form went forward up the reporting chain.

Some weeks later, I was summoned to see my master – and this before debriefs were the norm - who briefly said; ‘Ah Young Duffer, regarding your 1369, I’ve given you a starred mark for Tact’. ‘Thank you Sir’ says I and departs feeling pretty smug!

It was not until a year later, when my next 1369 appeared for completion, that I realised that for certain qualities, if you were awarded a score of ‘3’ or lower, this was a starred item and you had to be interviewed and informed of this failing.

Old Duffer

[ACW599]

At a certain VGS in the Midlands, the CFI and CO were often at loggerheads. On one memorable occasion the former was heard to observe to the latter that if his brain consisted of dynamite, there wouldn't be enough to blow his hat off.

[More lookout]

One I remember written by a STn Cdr on a colleague

"Every station needs someone like £&@!)&@, but only one!"

[Canadian Break]

You haven't been reading my 1369's perchance? That was written in one of mine about 2 years after the "mildly eccentric" comment! Thunder - Stolen! :ok:

[smujsmith]

OK here's the standard old nutmeg;

"Cpl Smith strives hard to achieve the highest levels at all times, and consistently fails to achieve them.":oh:

Smudge

[charliegolf]

"When Bloggs switches on the the battery master switch, he starts a chain of events over which he has no further control".

Apochryphal, I assume.

CG

[More lookout]

Canadian Break, appeared about 1992ish at a base in the sun

[It's Not Working]

INW is a Yorkshireman with the bluntness of character associated with that ilk.

[ksimboy]

Not ACR but log book annual summary comments, for 3 years I received "thanks" for all my hard work on the squadron, unfortunately because his writing wasn't the easiest to decipher , for 3 years it appears I was being thanked for a year of "hand w**k".

[Rosevidney1]

In the mists of time, so very long ago, my CO unkindly remarked that Rosevidney1 should realise that the Army neither wants nor needs another Richtofen.

[Dunhovrin]

"Flt Lt McX is a hard working AEO spoilt only by a ruddy complexion."

CFI Cranditz Bar 1986: "Mickey Mouse wears a [Dunhovrin] watch". The night before he flew my re-test BHT.

[Pontius Navigator]

I can't remember the detail but one year my report stated that I was simply coasting in my job.

The next year my debrief again said exactly the same thing.

I told my 1st RO that he was obviously a good judge of character that his predecessor had used exactly the same words. He went white :E

[Courtney Mil]

...what, so they equally good judges of character?

[charliegolf]

Is it true you can get hold of this stuff about you from somewhere? Only your own, obviously!

I seem to remember that officers had 1369s? What were airman aircrew reports called. And yes I am ready for incoming!

CG

[Tankertrashnav]

Boss "I'm only giving you a 5 (out of 9) for physical fitness, TTN"

TTN "But I'm never off sick and always fit to fly"

Boss "Yes, but you're pretty inactive and don't play any sport"

TTN "You mean like Flt Lt Sportyboy?"

Boss "Precisely, that's the sort of thing that'll get you 8s and 9s"

TTN "I mean the Flt Lt Sportyboy who's been unfit to fly for the last 3 months because of a rugby injury"

Boss - "Moving on!"

[StopStart]

"It would be fair to say that Fg Off StopStart is a funny man. Indeed, he has the comic wit and timing that any stand up comedian would be proud of. Sadly for Fg Off StopStart, being a comedian is not a prerequisite for being a good co-pilot".

[Wensleydale]

INW is a Yorkshireman with the bluntness of character associated with that
ilk.


My post OCTU report was also somewhat "racist" in that it described me as having .... "a ready Yorkshire wit which could prove abrasive at times". At the debrief I told the RO that at least I wasn't a southern "softy" (or words to that effect).

[smujsmith]

Good for you Wensleydale, of course any such comment nowadays would bring the "equality squad" into immediate action. Like your Yorkshire wit ( an absolute keystone of all that is British), I had comments around my "Brummie" accent applied to my 6442 to try and be lighthearted, when the guy doing the assessment couldn't justify his "numbers" any other way ( a Pilot Officer, first tour engineer about 6 years younger than me !). I have to say I was lucky that a more enlightened attitude prevailed at the time it mattered. I can only suggest that you acquaint yourself with the "Gaining a Pilots Brevet ......"thread(if not already) and then see that since those times things have improved. Not trying to come across heavy etc, I just think there's lots of funny points being made on this thread, and maybe we should enjoy it in that spirit. Of course, anyone who eats cheese with his Christmas cake needs serious consideration.:ok:

[Yellow Sun]

I had the opportunity to play back a few comments made by a young "thruster" of a 1st RO when I did his LPC\OPC debrief over a decade later. At least he had the decency to look slightly embarrassed.

YS