Grounded due to stress, anxiety

[thats life]

Hello everybody,

(english is my second language)

I was young Fo in another country (expat) on shiny jet. My first job. How lucky I was huh ?
Day after day, i worked a lot, hit the books, to learn all things, rules etc
It was a LCC.

After some weeks, i became tired...I could not stand the schedule. 3 days to finsh late, and one day to start very early to wake up.

So after few weeks, I could not sleep well during night.... I went to fly one day, really tired and was very stress.
Day after day, I could not sleep at all... I was so stressed that when I had to connect internet to check my schedule, I started to breath bad, and having an anxiety :(
when i was Off, I was relieved.

Since that i noticed "something is wrong with me". I mean, I was happy to be off. That is a thing has never happened to me before. I was ALWAYS happy to fly. And now feel good, when I was off.

Then, when i came back to my home again after a day off, I needed to check again my schedule...heat was coming, could not breath normally. And when I saw my name on the list. I was in bad state... I tried to sleep, but i just cried alone, in another place, in another country.
I was yelling alone "what the hell is happening to me !!" :( and crying, could not breath...
My belly hurted so much, my muscles were very tensed.
So I cancelled my flights as it was not safe at all, and came back to my hometown.

I followed therapy in hurry.

After long therapy (4 months), we concluded that many things happened to me. Many stress.
-environment
-flying (i need to be creative and think a lot, and flying became rapidly a routine job, do'nt get me wrong i love it, but mostly in small plane i guess)
-leaving my family
-culture shock
-hard working (i worked a lot until late nights)
-plus my education etc

now im better but since that, I am quite in schock. I don't recognise myself.

For exemple i was very passionnate about aviation. Too much. I read all the time my lessons, and my life was aviation. Nothing else could make me happier than aviation.
Today i realised that there is life beside aviation. Yes it could be funny to read that, but I lived in a "bubble". And suddenly this bubble burst...

Today, I can not even open an aviation book :( I don't even talk about it to my family or friends. As if I have been become sick of it or disgusted.
Since I came back, I just want new things. I am not the same as I used to be and I felt really scared of that.

Fortunately my therapist just told me that what happened to me is good. It had to happen and will make me progress in my life.

And effectively, I feel better, and I just need time for me.

Will I go back to fly ? I don't even know... sure I will keep my licence, but I don't know when I am ready.

Im still young so, I am not so worried.

I would like to know if any of you knew that.

I felt a lot guilty, because as I read from long time forums and knew about the job, being an expat should be normal in this job.
and i have to admit that I could not stand it...(depends on country maybe too).
So I felt weak and not brave. :(

I was wondering if some people lived quite a similar story. Or if I am alone ?

Thank you for reading and your sympathy.

[gingernut]

Crikey, you have been "through the mill."

It sounds like you've had a reaction to the intense pressures you've recently been under. I suspect that in the aviation world, you're not alone. What's reassuring is that you've recognised your limitations, and have reacted, and sought help, accordingly, and it's great to hear that you are making a good recovery. All credit to you.:)

It's difficult to give you advice regarding your career. Only you will know when the time to return is right.

Some may say "get straight back on the horse."

I'd be wondering if a year out would help ?

[thats life]

Thank you for your reply Gingernut :)

Yes, sure, it depends on me.
I think I have to be out a while... effectively...

The thing is, at this moment, i can not read an aviation book. Maybe my brain "asks me a break".

I plan to study another field and get another skill. And maybe, one day, I will miss flying (as career) and will go back.
For sure, i keep my licence so, it's not totally a lost.
A year out ? I suppose at least. But it depends on the carier too. I was thinking that it had been in a major, maybe things would have been different too.

As you said, I recognised all the signs, fortunately. Actually it was very difficult to go out, to buy a ticket etc; Because I could not even go out. Just stayed at my home. I had suddenly an agoraphobia symptoms and felt stressed to go out. I could not even eat...
Fortunately I forced myself a lot to do the first step.

Sometimes i have up and down but, things go better step by step.

Thanks again :)

[gingernut]

No worries, have only got 180 hrs below my belt, most in a clapped out Cessna, spent half my time completely exhilarated, the other half sh*tting myself.

You probably need more advice from a proper pilot now though:)

[Thomas coupling]

It took a brave man to admit you have a problem. Well done. Can you imagine what would have happened if you tried to hide it at work??
You've done the right thing by seeking help.
Now it is time to accept that and enjoy the fact that you have "come out of the woods - back into bright sunshine" again :ok:

Enjoy those things you hold closest to your heart and if they are human beings - tell them!

You live to fight another day - well done.

When the moment is right (and you will know when that is)....think about flying again. It's out there waiting for you :)

[thats life]

Thank you Thomas.
Yes I did think to continue and hiding it...seems to be impossible or very difficult.
I read one day, the FAA allowing some anti depress medecine, and to be honest i was indeed thinking "and if I take some..." just some crazy thoughts when we want to find a solution. (im under jaa rules, but wanted to take medecines by internet)
Fortunately, i prefer to have support from friends, family and to talk to a professional than taking chemicals things...
But that's a good point you made... sometimes some thoughts cross our mind, to recover rapidly.
But, yes, we have to accept it, and not doing worse things (especially in this industry).
The most important thing i learn is to listen to body's signs. Seems easy but actually not at all... it could be very inscidious.

[The Range]

I'm really sorry to learn about your situation. May be airline flying it's not for you, specially at a LCC. You don't have to feel bad about it. Airline flying it's for not for everyone. It's a way of life that can be very difficult to cope with. Sometimes it can be very stressfull and unpleasant, many times can be boring. The pilot profession it's not what it used to be, and it's getting worse, even at the legacy major airlines. Flying for pleasure is another story. I think that a lot of times airline flying it's not worth the effort anymore. I think you should find a job that you enjoy doing, because you don't enjoy airline flying. You can still fly for pleasure on your time off. You can even work as a flight instructor on the weekends, if you enjoy it. Find what you want and what you like. Good luck.

[The Range]

You can try seaplane flying. It's a lot of fun.

[Anssel]

Hi Crikey,
Hope things will get normal in your life again and I hope sharing your sorrows with us makes you feel better as sharing your problems with someone helps in losing depression. Workout regularly to lose weight and manage stress and have a balanced diet meal plan. Avoid alcohol, smoking and caffeine and avoid eating late.

[Pace]

I think you have to look at your motivations for going into flying in the first place?
Was it a love of flying where you could not wait to be at the controls of an aircraft and begged stole or borrowed flight time?
Was it like a friend of mine who liked the glamour and status of being a pilot but not actually flying?
He seemed to enjoy walking around airports wearing his bars and getting the adulation of travelers more than using his savings to buy an hours flight in a PA28.
Was it a family thing where maybe your father flew and you went into flying to please him?
I was in a family business for years before going into flying because it was expected of me and I struggled in that family business looking forward to the end of the day because it was not me.
If you do something you do not really want it causes stress so you really have to examine your motivations for becoming a pilot and whether that is really the career for you?
It is important to have a job which you love and look forward to! I remember talking to an Airline Captain and asked him what he did for a hobby! He pulled out a picture of a pitts special aerobatic aircraft which he competed in in his time off.
Extreme maybe but you must love flying to put up with all the stresses of the job.

Only you have the answers and only you can be honest with yourself

[mikedreamer787]

Physical stress and anxiety isn't new in our line of work and manifests itself in many
ways - some like what the OP has, others in emotional and a lot has to do with what
sort of mob you work for too - LCCs being the most notorious.

[Vortex_Ringpiece]

Try not to go down the line of anti-depressents. They aren't amazing - a lot of people get stuck on them for life.

You need to sort the root cause and tackle it that way. Taking some time off away from aviation all together might help. Make sure you eat a good, healthy diet and can sleep well. Talking is also good. Have you gone back home to your family/friends? I know how hard it is to be alone during difficult times. I am lucky I have some friends here but I have an ongoing medical battle and wish I was on the same continent as my family, no one can replace family.

[odyssey2013]

Can someone help me on this pls, I am wondering if any aviation company absorb a pilot who has a history of bipolar disorder on medication though? please enlighten me on this matter especially those on north American companies and south east. thank you.

[LTCTerry]

Can someone help me on this pls, I am wondering if any aviation company absorb a pilot who has a history of bipolar disorder on medication though? please enlighten me on this matter especially those on north American companies and south east. thank you.

I believe the bipolar disease is disqualifying with the FAA. It sticks with me because I had a brother who suffered from it.

Good luck!

Terry

[jetjockey696]

Sounds like Lion air syndrome.. A few expats had the same symptoms as That's life...

[TOGA 10]

Hello Thats life,

what you describe is more common than you might think. At least 50% of people might develop fear disorders or panic attacks due to excessive exposure to stress for a long period of time during life. Some will develop agarophbia (fear of places) or even fear of fear. It's not a sign of mental disorder. Don't forget that in our profession we are continuously exposed to stress. Add to that more stress from family, personal life situation and the chance of developing a temporary psychological disorder is pretty high.

All that is curable.

The first step is to recognize and admit the problem. Seek for help, don't hide it. Your health is more important than any other thing. To you and your family.

Why do I write all this? I just went trough the same.

I tried to carry on for a few weeks. Up to the point I taught I was getting crazy.
I called up my CAA which temporarily grounded me. I went trough psychotherapy and got my medical back after 6 weeks!

I think you are doing the right thing, and I'm sure (if you really want to) you will go back flying.

All the best to you and all our fellow colleagues being in this situation. Be positive, admit the problem and tackle it:ok:

[KNIEVEL77]

Guys,

I have been reading this thread with interest and empathize with Thats Life.

I am in a slightly different place where as soon as I get 2,500 ft up in a tiny little R22, I get very anxious and simply cannot relax which is hindering my training.

I swapped aircraft to the more stable Schweizer 300 but still get that tense feeling every now and again.

Could this this be down to stress in everyday life or simply just being put into an environment i'm not used to?

Having said all of that, quite recently I felt the same way in my job as Thats Life, I took a long break from it, distancing myself from anything to do with work, came back and now things are much better.

Hope all works out well.

[blind pew]

That's life

There might be another cause.
I went through a lot of health problems in the 70s..liver pain, bowels..aches and pains..a lot of stress..at one time diagnosed as cancer and given a week...
Had a similar thing in the late 80s and was schooled back onto short range.
Lost my license two years later after a head injury and a breakdown.
Several times was told that I was too nervous and shouldn't be flying.
Bit of a laugh really as then spent the next twenty years flying gliders in the alps, instructing aerobatics and now paraglide.
You can't get into the air in a more dangerous way bar base jumping..so much for nervous.
With hindsight I am sure it was Aerotoxic syndrome.
iMHO there is a cover up..could quote you on some sudden deaths and suicides.
Trouble is some of my doctors couldn't fathom it out and used the insanity card.
Stopping flying airliners my health improved no end but I also did a NLP course which helped my neurrological problems.
Good luck

[Jagdfalke]

thats life,

What you are experiencing is perfectly normal. Most of the working population on this little blue pearl experience stress every day, in one form or another. What matters is how you deal with it, and yes, some people are more susceptible to it than others. Seeking help and talking to people about it is the best thing you could have done.

Take the time to learn about stress. Learn about anxiety. Understanding your problem will help you manage it.

I've had my own battles with stress and anxiety in the past, and it took me a long time to shake off those shackles. Over-thinking and dwelling on your problems will only make them worse. Again, over-thinking and dwelling on your problems will only make them worse. For me it was just a case of letting go. What worked for me? Not giving a f*ck. I let go of my problems before they consumed me, and i've never felt better.

It gets us all, my friend; stress is a perfectly normal part of being human - just don't let it control you.

All the best.