The reason I ask, is that I was shopping in a Supermarket tonight, and I saw just what I needed - packs of rechargeable "AAA" high capacity batteries.

They are just suited to my PMR walky talkies, (invaluable for keeping in touch with family on holiday, winding up the bouncers in Newquay, and ordering non existent food from the satellite bar at the campsite.)

Anyway, they were £4.99 for a pack of four, (I need two packs), and I got an irrestible urge to nick 'em. (I didn't, could you imagine the shame of being done for nickin' from Aldi?)

Any way, didn't nick it, never have, but was tempted:*

Not since I was about fourteen, unless you count roadsigns, flashing roadwork marker lights and so on picked up on the way home from drunken nights out, mid-twenties.

Nothing of note after that.

flashing roadwork marker lights .....picked up on the way home from drunken nights out

A friend and I nicked a couple of those and couldn't work out how to switch them off (there's a little hole in the side into which you poke a matchstick) until we got home, so we drove home with them at night flashing in his Triumph Spitfire under our coats and he was a bit paranoid, or had watched too many police movies, and thought we might be spotted by a police helicopter - this was in the 70's.

Next day I went round and there was a police car parked at the end of his road. Of course it was a coincidence but I cr*pped myself and have been too scared to nick anything else ever since! We even considered going to the police and giving ourselves up.

a few mens wives, though maybe "temporarily borrowed without consent" may be a better description

Who? Me? No! Nothing! Ever.

I was just reading this thread for something to do... Cripes! Is that the time!

There's stealing and there's "stealing"...

Prior to 18 I stole a lot of things... Shoplifting financed many a Xmas...

After that, "Stealing" became the result of boisterous fun fueled by alcohol.... Nothing terrible - the usual road signs, Xmas trees etc.

I do have a confession about a certain, small sheath knife I nicked from a surplus store near Hullavington and made a sheath for after I was 18...I still have and use both almost weekly...

As George Washington said, " I cannot tell a lie, it was I that......"

In my youth, and, well , beyond .............good thing , the statute of limitations :E

Stolen through the years -

Mum's money from her purse to buy lollys
Candy from a baby (literally) and didn't care about the slobber
Thunderbird 1 model from kid next door (folks was too poor to afford one for me)
ME109 model from school (project about "Flight")
Spitfire Mk IV model from same place
Various rulers, pens, fountain pens, ink bottles etc from school
Money lying around unattended
Chocolate from local delis
Food in various forms
Packs of smokes
Socks on occasion
Handful of virginities
Other blokes wives (but always returned 'em once I was done)
Petrol
Chewy gum, condoms and other trinkets from shopping stores

Last thing ever stolen - my wife's heart! :)


Don't nick stuff anymore except anything not nailed down in hotel rooms. :E

gingernut, ask the same question of the UK's elected MPs and the civil servants first.

Depending on their replies, I might consider replying in more detail concerning my own past.

In the interim however, I do admit having stolen from PPRUNE.ORG in the past. I realise that posting here is theoretically free. In the sense that I sometimes posted stuff which required moderation (from real people), and I realise that has a real cost. So abusing posting privileges here is somewhat like theft...

You've admitted to nothing serious: Anyway, they were £4.99 for a pack of four, (I need two packs), and I got an irrestible urge to nick 'em. (I didn't, could you imagine the shame of being done for nickin' from Aldi?). WTF are you trying to do here?!

Yeah, I "almost" once stole a jumbo jet parked outside the terminal. I could see that the cockpit was empty. Of course I realised immediately the folly of my thinking. Knowing my seat allocation, I should have just descended into the vacant airplane and shoved as many of the peanut packs etc. into the seat-back in front of my own seat...?! :confused:

gingernut, admit to something more serious, and I at least will take you more seriously, instead of "the frivilous entity" you come across as here...?! :ok:

Haven't nicked anything since I was about 11, prior to that went through a stage for about six months, where it all seemed like good fun!

Never anything serious though.

Poaching when I was young and scrumping apples etc never went in for shop lifting though, later in life things like plugs, transistors etc would come out of the companies spares stock that I carried in the company car, oh and a lot of the private miles done in the company car were put down as work mileage.

Yep did the flashing beacon thing, then stuffed it up my great coat and tried to get it back on board HMS Illustrious.. Got stopped at the main gangway by the QM who enquired "Oi, E.T. where the fcuk are you going?"

Other items nicked..

7 Btn REME Battle Honours.. They had a complete sense of humour failure over that one.
27 Squadron Crest from main HQ Building.. in broad daylight.
Sidewinder Missile (Drill Round) Thanks to the RAF for that momento.
A JCB Swing Shovel Digger.. couldn't find a taxi.
A boat in Kristiansand Norway
A bike when above mentioned boat sank.. Realised my limited maritime skills and reverted to roads.
Safety pins from the ejection seat of an RAF Tornado.. Oh how we laughed at the potential consequences.
a VW Transporter van from the Danish Air Force
The dignity and chastity of AAC Wattisham WO and Sgts Mess Manageress.. What a woman.
Rental cars misc (as in rented, abused and failed to return before the ship set sail)

And more alcohol than you can shake a big stick at from various establishments / peoples homes / replenishment stocks and depots.

To name but a few... :O

Last thing I stole was a carrier bag from WH Smith's when I lied at the "self service" checkout about not needing one and helped myself anyway; 1p saved!

And more alcohol than you can shake a big stick at from..../ peoples homes /....

Hmm....now that's not a very akbar thing to do Mr Alloa - dunno if you'll
be invited to the annual Slasher Hooters & Boozefest 2012...you might
nick some tits too! :suspect:

I recently ordered something from Amazon to the value of £36. Paid for it with the balance of a gift voucher, worth £30. I expected it to ask me for a credit card for the balance of £6 but it said 'your order is complete and will be despatched shortly'. I've been waiting for the email requesting the balance, but the goods arrived this morning.
Profit : £6. That's not theft is it?

A few years ago SAA screwed up some bookings I made on the internet. Their website rejected my credit cards one after the other due to a fault on their side. I ended up having the three international tickets issued manually but was never charged for them.
That's not theft, is it?

As a kid, scrumping was a way of life, also nicked the odd Mars bar from the Newsagent, where I did my paper round.
As a young airman in Germany I owned a battered old ('37) Opel Cadet. With no money to spare and anxious to impress a young WRAF, with whom I had a date, I decided to nick some petrol from the Sqdn petrol store (for which I had a key) situated just outside the hangar. As I was pouring my ill-gotten gains into the tank a police landrover drove through the airfield gates and the headlights swept right across me. How they missed spotting me redhanded I'll never know but I was gone in a flash! Stealing petrol was/is a hanging offence and would certainly have ended my career. Haven't stolen anything since!

A friend and I nicked a couple of those and couldn't work out how to switch them off (there's a little hole in the side into which you poke a matchstick)

We "borrowed" some from outside our school when of course they weren't flashing as it was during the day. We left them on the window sill of our 6th Form common room.

The next day the year group was admonished by the head master. Apparently the police had seen a flashing light in the school. The head had been phoned up at 2am as they thought there were intruders in the school and the alarms had been going off. After the 30 min drive to the school to find the road works lights he wasn't best pleased... The teacher responsible for our year group saw the funny side though!

Ah Slasher, I only ever raided the booze stash of those who were unlikely or unwilling ever to drink it themselves.. Sort of did them a favour if you will.. :ok: Also in my defence, stealing would infer that the said booze was removed from the premises.. not so, we were kind enough to consume said booze on site.. best mate even pissed the bed and I threw up in 3 bathrooms, so we never really stole anything at all, we sort of gave it back in the end.

Not Guilty your Honour.
(At least that's MY story!)

Do "Found" things count?

Many years ago, after a few beers, me and a friend decided to go for a drive in his car. After a while friend spotted a car parked in front of a house with some really cool chrome wheels which friend decided would look better on his car. :sad: We parked behind the car and proceeded to jack up the car and remove the wheels. We were nearly done when a guy came out of the house and asked what the f*ck we were doing. We replied that we had just came from the local bar (pub) where we talked to a guy who said he had some chrome wheels for sale, and we paid him for the wheels and he gave us this address and told us to come and take them off the car. The guy from the house said the wheels were his and not for sale. We apologised and said the guy from the bar must have given us the wrong address and that we would put the wheels back on his car. The guy thanked us for putting his wheels back on his car and went back inside. After he went back inside, we finished removing the chrome wheels and left with the wheels in the back of friends car. :E

I threw up in 3 bathrooms
I wanna have a drink with Akbar sometime :ok:

Self and chum once, at night, 'repositioned ' a Danger Men at Work sign from a road project and placed it at the front door of a local Nunnery.
Happy student days.:D

Having owned a shop for 30 years I have long realised that for a large percentage of the population shop lifting seems to be regarded in a different league when compared to other forms of theft. On one occasion the police sergeant who came to take a statement after I reported the theft of an £80 coin came out with the sarcastic remark - "How much did you pay for it then - a fiver?" indicating how seriously he took the offence. If his fat salary had been £80 short that month you can imagine the fuss he'd make then. On another occasion the father of one of two boys "convicted" of stealing goods worth £300 from me (they got a caution) flatly refused to come up with a penny compensation. I was sorely tempted to do £150 worth of damage to his front window with a brick, but realised that in that case the police would all of a sudden wake up and take interest - in me, not the thief.

I'm sorry to piss on everyone's parade on here - but theft is theft - it's not a "tee hee, naughty me" matter - it's just contemptible and shameful.

TTN - You are indeed correct and do feel dreadfully guilty for all the inconvenience I have cause various armed forces throughout the world and in particular our own dear RAF who have provided the basis for many of my jolly little wheeze thefts.. (God that missile was heavy even for two of us!!)

All piss taking aside (Which I hope you will excuse) I am against acts which inflict financial pain on my fellow citizens.. apart from the booze..

Flynverted - The conversation next day was;

Unimpressed host: Have you thrown up?
AA: Yeah...
Unimpressed: How many times?
AA: Don't know.. how bathrooms do you have?
Unimpressed: 3.
AA: 4 then cos I threw up in the shower and the toilet in one of them...

I recently ordered something from Amazon to the value of £36. Paid for it with the balance of a gift voucher, worth £30. I expected it to ask me for a credit card for the balance of £6 but it said 'your order is complete and will be despatched shortly'. I've been waiting for the email requesting the balance, but the goods arrived this morning.
Profit : £6. That's not theft is it?

A few years ago SAA screwed up some bookings I made on the internet. Their website rejected my credit cards one after the other due to a fault on their side. I ended up having the three international tickets issued manually but was never charged for them.
That's not theft, is it?

If you are aware that something hasn't been paid for and have made no attempt to rectify the mistake then yes it is theft so you have stolen something in both of your examples.

On another occasion the father of one of two boys "convicted" of stealing goods worth £300 from me (they got a caution) flatly refused to come up with a penny compensation. I was sorely tempted to do £150 worth of damage to his front window with a brick, but realised that in that case the police would all of a sudden wake up and take interest - in me, not the thief.

Unfortunately TTN if the lads were no trace and had no history of offending then they were fully entitled to a caution, however the police could have dealt with the matter in a different way by restorative justice and come up with an agreement with the lads and family to pay for the goods. This could be backed up by the threat of a summons to court, although if it went to court you'd probably be back to square one albeit with the lads ending with a recordable criminal conviction.

If you had then gone on to smash one of their windows you would also have been dealt with and if you had no criminal history and admitted the offence, you would also have been eligible for a caution. The major unfairness of that situation would be that you would have felt provoked into taking your action, however two wrongs don't make a right. In private though as a police constable I'd have every sympathy for you and your action. I get to deal with scrotes on a daily basis who, even when charged and go to court, seem to get off with a tiny fine and slap on the wrist.

Does shoplifting lite at the self service checkout count?

lite at the self service checkout

You mean only putting half of the box of expensive rasberries or cherries on the scale.

I stole an AK-47 one time. Off a Cuban. But he was dead. So does that really count as stealing if one takes something from another who is dead? One of life's many conundrums.

Or pushing the picture of a carrot...mistaken identity.

Alloa Akbar

Surely you’ve missed out oxygen from your list.

In my student days we left Colonel Sanders (cardboard life size cut out) waiting for a bus.

Once upon a time I had an enormous collection of pub ash trays. The best was one with a bust of Shakespere holding a book; it was about ten inches across the tray and I sneaked it out under a jersey. I regarded circulating them around as part of their advertising campaign.

From Guido...

From: Government Whips Admin Unit (HOC)
Sent: 18 July 2012 15:28
Subject: Message from the Whips Office

Dear Colleagues,
Further to my original message last week, I would like to give another appeal to any colleague who may have accidentally taken a gents black umbrella from No 10 after the PM’s drinks reception.
It would be greatly appreciated if you could please return it to the Government Whips Admin Unit or call on ext: 4333 in the House.

Many thanks
Claire

Claire Scott
Head of Parliamentary Support
Government Whips Office
House of Commons
You can't trust anyone these days! :rolleyes:

Some naughty youngsters and I from our "local", (which was miles away from where any of us lived, and was therefore only a local in a way in which Brits would understand), hired a Transit people mover and went off to Devon and Cornwall to help a few virgins change their status. We had some success in this, but modest given our obvious talent for the job.

A few obvious things such as ashtrays appeared in our Transit, but our real challenges were things that were carefully bolted down. As youngsters all with cars that needed maintenance, we had a full tool kit on board. More than enough skill to re-build the Transit should it need it.

I'm afraid that I still have one roadsign from a village in Cornwall which had a very very unusual name. I wonder how many signs they lose each year?

PS - as a rugby player on the North west circuit, borrowing things from the other clubs was a matter of pride. However, I will forever hold in great esteem the team that nicked our huge tv from the bar while we were all in the bar. I still do not know how they did it.

Last thing I stole was a carrier bag from WH Smith's

Funnily enough I picked up a magazine at W H Smith's at a London train station when I had very little time: got round the corner (it was a large one) to see that of the five checkouts two were staffed three not. There were about 30 people waiting, all like me short of time. I thought "b*gger it, if WH Smith's can't be bothered to staff all their tills at 5 p.m. when we're all rushing for trains., I can't be bothered to stand in a line and pay".

Dear WH Smith, some advice:

- rearrange your shops so the cash tills are at the exit, not buried deep within the shop;

- Have one cash till for men clutching the exact change in their hands;

- realise that at certain times of the day you will have more customers than at others, and staff accordingly;

- take a lesson from the UK Border Agency. (Er no, not this last, it just slipped in there).

I pinched a living for over 40 years, but the bosses and managers never bothered - they where too damn busy stealing a lot more !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lid

Xenolith - Naughty Naughty.. Rules of Engagement and all that.. No personal attacks.. now stop being a cnut and fcuk off.

Being an Orstralian, my shackle-dragging ancestors have passed down their thieving genes. Over the years, I have liberated my fair share of miniatures from the galley using a method inspired by the large marsupial that adorns the tail of our national flag carrier. The record for me is 10 bottles of vodka which ensures that the downroute party goes with a swing, especially when I nip into the loo and come back brandishing the booty. Some of our junior stewards have not worked out how it's done...... bless them. Many years in this job have reduced my muscle control to the weakness and capacity of an EasyJet seat back pocket but with all of the booze within reach, it does have advantages. The record breaking event nearly ended up with me being caught as it was back in the days of glass bottles. The muffled clinking sound sounded just like a Hare Krishna recruitment drive.

My skullduggery has not always gone to plan. I stopped smuggling minatures of Baileys after one bottle become uncorked and the resulting mess reminded me of the time I accepted an invitation to an Aerosmith back stage party. :ooh:

Be careful out there

your loving auntie Edna

x

In my younger days. Cat food

Used to take great pleasure in re-arranging 'Road Closed' and diversion signs, usually on way way systems which would leave clueless female drivers going around in circles for hours :E

These days I'm pretty good for recycling items from the galley on flights :\ (excluding the expensive bits that is :eek:)

"You get yourself off to bed captain, I'll finish off and lock up the aircraft :ok:".

Our office is the most well stocked one in the airport... :}

PS - Ironically sat here typing this in airline pyjamas drinking out of a first glass class :}

Years back, when I was an apprentice for the MOD, we were in a hostel in Chislehurst. After spending an evening drinking in the club in Bromley we walked back past a branch of Barclays. outside this bank hung a large brass looking eagle. Of course we liberated it. A few days later a notice appeared on the board in the hostel requesting the return of said eagle. It was solid brass apparently. Thought about how to do this and decided to put it outside the wardens flat door late at night/early hours. Plan worked a treat but for one thing. The flat door was about six feet from the stairs. Warden came out tripped over eagle and launched head first down the stairs. Ended up in a plaster cast for a few months after. Mind you, couldnt have happened to a nicer guy!:E

You could always consider confessing all, or almost all, in your obituary:

US cancer victim uses obituary to confess sins - Telegraph (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/9409486/US-cancer-victim-uses-obituary-to-confess-sins.html)

Alloa Akbar

Rules of Engagement and all that.. No personal attacks

Surely a moot point in the case of a self confessed thief!

Perhaps you should have stopped being a thieving cnut and fcuked off a long time ago!

As a minor, from sweet shops, of course. Got caught, of course. Got a hiding, of course. That led me to believe a life of crime might not not be best for me...

When I left BA (then it was BEA) as an ex-apprentice, I kept their lovely greatcoat worn when working on the apron. Alas 18 months later they wrote to ask me to return it, and I did. So technically I borrowed it!

a few mens wives, though maybe "temporarily borrowed without consent" may be a better description

Yes - that figures.

About 1992 or so, I stayed in a hotel in France on business, and paid with a credit card. The CC company never billed me: I checked with the hotel and they had been paid, and the CC company couldn't find the bill at all. My employer said I would have to pay if the CC found the bill, so I should keep the expense refund from them.

It must be past the Statute of Limitations by now - and the CC company parent bank has gone bust anyway.

This is Lytham St Anne's bandstand

http://www.lancashireimages.co.uk/v/tp/304/140/6328123202_4_lytham-st-annes-paddling-pool.jpg

Don't you think it looks nicer without a Dragon on top? :E

a few mens wives, though maybe "temporarily borrowed without consent" may be a better description One of the 3 conditions necessary to qualify as theft is the intent to permanently deprive. :cool:

Adultery is not a crime.

..and in my experience, sex has been initiated by the married woman on every occasion.

It simply suits them to portray the image that they are a victim of their passions and lascivious males.

Xen - You aren't ex RAF or REME by any chance are you??

Worse still, the love of your life didn't run off with a sailor did she? In which case I will apologise for my insensitivity.. :p

I stole a Jeep once. A 3.8L V6 petrol engine short-base, 4 wheel drive. Dad once had a motel, lots of keys left behind. Out of the 50+ keys on the 1st keyring - one of the 1st 1/2 dozen opened the driver's door. Out of the 50+ keys on the 2nd keyring - one of the 1st 1/2 dozen worked in the ignition...?!

I didn't mean to steal it. I mean't to return it after an hour or so (dad knew the owner). I was 14, it was one of those terribly lonely and depressing nights at 6,000ft. Fog everywhere, I couldn't breathe. Had to go higher ground, escape the cloud base. I only mean't to borrow it.

Drove it around for an hour (couldn't get the hang of the clutch / gears - so when it stalled, just restarted it "in gear", Jeeps were built to take it back then...?!), finally driving upto Tiger Hill and picking up a couple of hitch-hickers on the way up to watch the sunrise over Mt. Everest. It was on the way down, that I heard the remaining fuel sloshing about in the fuel tank and worried about that, so did what I saw all the taxi-drivers do there - when going downhill, put gear into neutral and coast. Well, I rapidly lost control, the Jeep ended up in a ditch (on the right-side of the hill, the otherside was a 2-300ft drop) and where I abandonned it at about 5.30am. At about 10.30am the same morning, having walked 3-4 hours to regain my abode," the friendly neighbourhood policeman" telephoned the office below where I lived, "someone saw you", blah blah, present yourself immediately at the police station...!?!

After an hour or so, being interrogated by the police inspector, threatened with 5 years minimum imprisonment and immediate detention without bail etc. (my parents didn't feel any need to turn up), the police inspector (together with the Jeep's owner who didn't wish to press any charges - his Jeep was undamaged, 10 people sufficed to pull it out of the ditch back onto the road) agreed that I was a completely irresponsible teenager, having spent too much time in the UK (where I obviously learned how to commit these heinous crimes in the 1st place) but since there was no damage, no injuries etc., in this exceptional case, I would be allowed to walk free...?! I guess that was my 1st (and only joyride anywhere, passed my driving test 1st time in UK 1979 and never looked back since) - how many here could say that their 1st joyride (or any other) allowed them to see the sunrise over Mt. Everest...?! Of course, back in those days, police inspectors and Jeep owners were normal people, capable of much empathy and understanding, which may not be possible or permitted these days. Hmmmm, having said that, the most powerful car I've driven since then is a 2.5L diesel. Gimme a V8, preferably one in a Maserati Gran Turismo - I know how to use the clutch now...?! Just for the day or weekend - if you've got a big villa down here in south of France, you might have this or other similar cars. These cars must be driven occassionally...PM me (Gulp?!);)

..and in my experience, sex has been initiated by the married woman on every occasion.

So we've both been to places like this eh Fox3? ;)


dbtUupl2jFw

OK chaps, turn out your pockets. Somebody has stolen Xenolith's sense of humour. :rolleyes:

Weren't me guv!

On the rare occasion that I get caught by the nasty little tricks that supermarkets play ( e.g. stuff on offer mixed in with similar stuff that isn't), I feel like nicking something just to get revenge.

Somebody stole my virginity in an Austin-Healey Sprite. I remember where, I remember with whom, can't remember how the heck I got into position, I know I couldn't today. (And if I did I couldn't back out of it. Oh that gear stick !)

B Fraser

What sense of humour?:confused:

"Somebody stole my virginity in an Austin-Healey Sprite."

How the heck did you manage that? You must be a pygmy.
I tried it once in an MG Midget and try as I might the gearstick got in the way.

'twas easier on the back of a nearby Bonnevile with her head on the speedo. Until the centre stand collapsed. Luckily it wasn't my bike

No, 5' 10", But hey, we were all agile when young and way-back-when. Doubt if today's overfed youth could manage it.

..and in my experience, sex has been initiated by the married woman on every occasion.
Interesting, Fox3.
In my experience it's the married men that embarrass one with their devouring eyes and body language even when they're with their wife, or surprise you when you're least interested in them.
So? :rolleyes:

..and in my experience, sex has been initiated by the married woman on every occasion.


Yes, always pestering me they were. Only the other night I was sitting in bed and there was a scrabbling at the windowsill. Bloody Greta Garbo!

Apologies to Dud and Pete.

You too eh Rivets. That woman got everywhere, why just last night........:E

"No, 5' 10", But hey, we were all agile when young"

I'll bet the contortions you had to do made you frog-eyed for a while