I am slowly coming to the conclusion that slow closing toilet seats are actually a curse.

I wouldn't instal anything else at home but I have become so used to them that every where else I go I forget that if I just tip the seat forward after use it will slam.

Now I am followed around every where I go, restaurants, bars, friends' houses by the sound of slamming toilet seats. It is particularly embarrassing in restaurants here where they do not have the rule that there must be a hallway between a restaurant and a washroom so many washrooms are directly accessible from the dining area (piss poor arrangement anyway,) Loud slam followed by walk of shame across the room.

Maybe the answer is a law making all toilet seat non slam or just don't bother putting them down at all. (But I were a nicely dragged up kid.)

We (my other half) installed a new bathroom last year, and we chose one of those seats. They're grrreat, as Tony used to say.

Don't ever let a woman choose or fit a toilet seat. They don't seem to understand the need for the seat to stay up when lifted, so when a woman does the job you always end up with a British Rail -style falling knobchopper that simply will not stay up.
The alternative is to use one hand to hold the seat up, but I need both hands to properly hold and guide things correctly

.....but I need both hands to properly hold and guide things correctly

I'm told that one of these will help pound out that pesky kink. :p

http://firesafetyplus.com/ProductImages/flamefighter/Rubber%20Mallet.jpg

" The Curse of the Slow Seat"...sounds like an ancient Chinese torture method...:}:}:}

Just leave the thing down then.Get a lot of wittering,but what is new!Or let it dangle in the bowl.;)

I don't know about you crippen, but once mine hits cold water.....

he's in Thailand - they use squats. If he can hit cold water there he must have donkey blood in him

1cUNNKzj_Nc

Should be mandatory in every en-suite :ok:

SWMBO was all for them when she first saw them, wanted them everywhere. UFO being careful with his beer tokens didn't install them. Just as well. After a weekend at friends who had them she now insists we will never have them in our house. Reason - takes too long for it to go down when you are busting for a pee, and you ain't supposed to shove 'em down quicker as it breaks them.

UFO

Milo

Don't ever let a woman choose or fit a toilet seat. They don't seem to understand the need for the seat to stay up when lifted, so when a woman does the job you always end up with a British Rail -style falling knobchopper that simply will not stay up.
The alternative is to use one hand to hold the seat up, but I need both hands to properly hold and guide things correctly

No worries leaving the seat down. A couple of drops on the seat focuses their minds very well on the need to remove any obstacle to it being up.

Sis in law a case in point. Fluffy crap all over the bog which prevented the seat staying up, requiring single handed tackle juggle to achieve anything. Just left it down with obligatory two drops on top surface when departing. Bro was told to give me the good word and I explained it all to him, whereupon he discussed it with her and the frilly stuff was ditched in favour of a less boudoir de tart like setting.

I've never heard of them! Do both seat and lid close slowly? Surely just letting the hinges get really grungy would achieve the same thing far more cheaply.

My New Slow Closing Toilet Seat - YouTube

Man up!

Leave it up
I had one, more trouble tjhan it was worth. It had to be held up and came down with ever increasing speed until it still landed with a crash - bit like my landings

My missus reckons they are a good thing. She says it encourages men to use them because we are intrigued by the smooth action. She also feels the designers got it wrong, they should have created a mechanism that automatically lowers the lid after one minute. Maybe one exists?
Short of tearing one apart, how do they work anyway?

I have had several of these of varying prices and they all stopped working properly after a couple of weeks. Yes, they don't quite crash down like an ordinary seat but they still make quite a lot of noise. Last one cost me over £40 and still packed up after 2 weeks.

The old wooden seats on the toilets that my Grandma's both had
were never any problem. Anything spilt on them had usually frozen
by the time the next person went out there.

Heated ones seem to be a better idea.

It would be better to have a spring that holds the seat up. If you want to sit on it, your weight would hold it down. If SWMBO complains, tell her its progress. If she say its needs a lid because of what she might see down there, tell her she ought to learn to clean it properly after use, then it won't be a problem... :}

With the normal lids we used to have, I just pressed my leg against the outside of the bowl, and flipped the lid down - it would catch the leg just before hitting the porcelain, leaving no noise.

Now, with the slow close lid we have, it's a pain if you want to close the (solid) lid before flushing it, (http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1317/does-flushing-the-toilet-cause-dirty-water-to-be-spewed-around-the-bathroom) as you have to wait ... and wait ... and wait...

One has one's own bathroom. I have recently updated the gentlemen's loo with a slow-close seat.

I look after the cleaning of the whole room and it's cleaner than the ladies loo next door. The women of the house (MemShyT and MissShyT) are always blaming each other about the state of theirs. I keep well out of that argument. :ok:

Was in a customers house the other day that had his'n'hers toilets.
Due to a problem with rotten floorboards I had to use "hers".
Rather amused to see a "stiff" bristled toothbrush sitting in the bidet....

Rotten floorboards?? :ooh: Sounds like "his" has terrible aim! :uhoh: ;)

I am slowly coming to the conclusion that slow closing toilet seats are actually a curse.


In this as in so much I am no expert. May I venture, though, to suggest this: Even worse in the moment of crisis than a slow closing toilet seat is the slow-opening-lid toilet seat.

The old wooden seats on the toilets

Ah! Fragrant memories!

In 1940 we moved to a huge Victorian mansion that preserved many miseries of its age: cold, damp, etc. (in 1943 we had thirteen burst pipes at once). At the back there were stone "outhouses" that had been used by the "staff" in more spacious times, but not by us. Progress had brought the "w/c" within the Schloss itself.

The "amenities" at the back still retained the fittings of solid oak seats with solid oak covers. "Heart of oak are our ships". These had been built when oak was plentiful.

My late father assessed the situation and removed the covers or lids, trimmed one to suitable dimensions, sanded off the eighty-year paint to a light oak sheen, ruled it into sixty-four squares, painted them alternately in light and dark tones, surrounded all with a frame; and there he had the elegant chess board I still use. This is what the antique dealers call "provenance".

I think that was the time he quoted the deathless rhyme:

"Ra nicht we'll raid ra cludgie;
Ra morra we'll share ra plunder.
When Ah wull ha'e ra widden sate,
An' you wull ha'e whit's under!"

Magic moments!

"Need a spring to make them go up"

Fifty years ago at school our (open) bogs had heavy wooden seats with huge counterweights so they were always up unless sat upon. (Crinkly paper too, but that is another thread.)

Sis in law a case in point. Fluffy crap all over the bog
Good heavens, Mr Twotter, What on earth do your s-i-l's family eat?

Crinkly paper too, but that is another thread.)

Perhaps a not unworthy thread at that. The crinkly was better than the glossy provided by the Lords Commissioners.

There's the occasional slamming sound here, when I find the seat's been left up and crash it down just to let everyone in the house know. I've explained the reason for keeping it down when not in use: above and behind the toilet are shelves with lots of loose items on them and, occasionally, when reaching for a razor, one dislodges a tube of toothpaste. If lid up, "plop".

We refurbished the pool bathroom and changing rooms recently and I thought I'd ordered a slow closing lid for the new toilet. But no, what came was the loose type, and no amount of fiddling with the bolts prevents it from suddenly descending in the midst of a long pee, with the attendant lunge to stop it and equally attendant, err, upset.

The school that I attended in 1949 had fixed wooden sections at each side of the porcelain - therefore no lid to lift or drop (so nothing to break).
As there was a gap at the front it presented no problem to little boys (although there were also concrete urinals).

It was the custom to see whether you could raise the stream over the top of the urinal wall (and thereby present a shower for those entering behind the wall).

There was no door to open/close/break on the entrance to the urinal - just a passageway that ran behind the urinal.

The great aunt that took my father's place after the war ran a millinery business. We not only had an inexhaustible supply of tissue paper, but tissue paper of the finest kind. Soft, and very, very strong. One was however, informed that I may not exceed three pieces per poo, not because of failing supplies, but its very strength might block the loo irreversibly.

Which reminds me. Poor old Dynarod man worked for 4 hours before giving up. He went home with 10/6, which I gave out of the kindness of my heart. Next day I smashed open the cast iron pipe near to ground level, and having released 431 nappy liners, pulled from the ground a root the size of a horse's tail. Jig-sawed the bits into approximate position, and set the lot in concrete. Job done.

Which reminds me. A tree near the adjacent manhole, had the most extraordinary flavored apples. Didn't put two and two together for many years. :yuk:

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Badly phrased, Yer Revship. SiL is one of those women devoted to frippery who regards layers of frills on everything as the epitome of taste and refinement. One has long toyed with the idea of scraping off a nard using some of the frillier stuff found lurking around the bog, then chucking it down the cludgie to do as much damage to the plumbing as possible.

Does thinking that make me a bad person?:E

We not only had an inexhaustible supply of tissue paper, but tissue paper of
the finest kind. Soft, and very, very strong. One was however, informed that I
may not exceed three pieces per poo


My dad used to say of his days in the Army (1940's) that three pieces were required. One up, one down and one to polish.

It was the custom to see whether you could raise the stream over the top of the urinal wall

Testing, I suppose, the old Scottish personality assessment: "He's a guid lad, but he cannae pee faur".

One has long toyed with the idea of scraping off a nard using some of the frillier stuff found lurking around the bog, then chucking it down the cludgie to do as much damage to the plumbing as possible.

Does thinking that make me a bad person?:E

Au contraire; I would put that more in the line of imaginative vandalism, and wholly to be praised.

But that's just me, I expect.

"scraping off a nard using some of the frillier stuff"

I thought thats what white poodles and tibetan terriers are for.
They have the advantage of being self-cleaning aftrwards. Never need loo paper again. Don't flush them though - the RSPCA might get upset

I'll give it a go with your blessing then, Mr Rev.:ok:


Problem using houndkind to wipe one's bottom is that we blokes have dangly bits that could receive some attention from the sharp end of said hound. Safer to find a spare politician doing nothing (no shortage of those) and use that.

Use a politician, Rusty, and you end up putting sh*t on, not taking it off!