View Full Version : 30 ReasonsForBeingA..... Man!!
2nd Apr 2002, 01:43
*~*~*~* 30 REASONS FOR BEING A MAN *~*~*~*
2. Understanding football (any football!)
3. A five-day holiday requires one overnight bag.
4. You can open all your own jars.
5. You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around.
6. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
7. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
8. Nobody wonders if you swallow.
9. You never have to clean a toilet.
10. You save time and money by washing up in bulk every third week.
11. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
12. You don't have to shave below your neck.
13. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.
14. If you're 35 and single, nobody even notices.
15. You can write your name in the snow.
16. Biological clock? What's that?
17. Chocolate is just another snack.
18. Flowers fix everything.
19. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
20. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
21. Window-shopping is what you do when you buy windows.
22. You don't have to clean your house if the meter reader's coming by.
23. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid. (In fact you encourage them!!)
24. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
25. You don't give a rat's ass if no one notices your new haircut.
26. Same work, More pay!
27. The remote control is yours and yours alone.
28. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
29. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
30. Someday you'll be a dirty old man. And you're looking forward to it.
Grrrrrrr..... and they think they got it bad!!!!!!!!! :mad:
IT'S GREAT TO BE A BLOKE BECAUSE:
My arse is never a factor in a job interview.
My orgasms are real. Always.
My last name stays put.
The garage is all mine.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
I never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
Car mechanics tell me the truth.
I don't give a rat's arse if someone notices my new haircut.
Hot wax never comes near my pubic area.
Wrinkles add character.
A few well placed one night stands add credibility, not leave me tarnished.
I don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
People never glance at my chest when I'm talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle my feet.
Porn movies are designed with me in mind.
Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
My pals can be trusted never to trap me with "So, notice anything different?"
I can appreciate great sport.
I can throw a ball more than 5 feet.
One mood, ALL the damn time.
A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
I can open all my own jars.
Dry cleaners and hairdressers don't rob me blind.
I can go to a public toilet without a support group.
I can leave a hotel bed unmade.
I can kill my own food.
I get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite me to something, he or she can still be my friend.
If I'm 30 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on my face stays its original colour.
I can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
I don't have to clean my flat if the meter reader is coming.
I can sit in silence watching a footy game with my mate for hours
without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."
I don't mooch off other's desserts.
I can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, we just might
become lifelong friends.
I am not expected to know the names of more than five colours.
I don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
I am unable to see wrinkles in my clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
I don't have to shave below my neck.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.
I can "do" my nails with a pocket-knife.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December
24th, in 45 minutes.
The world is my urinal.
Or perhaps these B&B?
100 Good reasons to be a man:
1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. You know stuff about tanks.
4. A weekís holiday requires only one suitcase.
5. Match of the Day.
6. You donít have to monitor your friendsí sex lives.
7. Queues for the toilet are 90% shorter.
8. You can open all your own jars.
9. Old friends donít give you crap if youíve lost or gained weight.
10. Dry cleaners and haircutterís donít rob you blind.
11. When channel surfing, you donít have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
12. Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.
13. All your orgasms are real.
14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
15. Guys in hockey masks donít attack you.
16. You donít have to lug a bag of useless stuff around everywhere you go.
17. People expect you to masturbate.
18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
19. Your last name stays put.
20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
21. When your work is criticised, you donít have to panic that everyone
secretly hates you.
22. You can kill your own food.
23. The garage is all yours.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25. You can fart with impunity.
26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
27. You never have to clean the toilet. Or oven.
28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be
32. Your underwear is L5 for a three pack.
33. You understand why Beavis and Butthead is funny.
34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
35. You donít have to shave below your neck.
36. You donít have to curl up next to a hairy arse every night.
37. If youíre 34 and single nobody gives a ****.
38. You can write your name in the snow.
39. You donít have to bother having a proper conversation with your mates down the pub.
40. Everything on your face stays its original colour.
41. Chocolate is just another snack.
42. You can understand the offside rule in football.
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
44. Flowers fix everything.
45. You never have to worry about other peopleís feelings.
46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
47. You can wear a white shirt in the rain.
48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough for most of your life.
49. You can boast about the number of people youíve slept with.
50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
51. Foreplay is optional.
52. Michael Bolton doesnít live in your universe.
53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55. You donít have to clean your flat if the metre reader is coming by.
56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58. You donít give a toss if no one notices your new haircut.
59. You can watch a game in silence with your mate for hours without even thinking ďHe must be mad at meĒ
60. The world is your urinal.
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
62. You can play and enjoy computer games other than Tetris.
63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
64. One mood, all the time.
65. You can admire Tim Roth without starving yourself to look like him.
66. You can remember the punchlines to jokes.
67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
69. Same work....more pay.
70. Grey hair and wrinkles add character.
71. You donít have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch
72. Wedding Dress 1000; Morning suit hire 50.
73. You donít care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earthís
population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
75. You donít mooch off othersí desserts.
76. If you retain water, itís in a canteen.
77. The remote is yours and yours alone.
78. People never glance at your chest when youíre talking to them.
79. You can sit in a pub on your own without plonkers trying to cop off
80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
81. Stag nights are much more fun than Hen nights.
82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
84. You neednít pretend youíre ďfreshening upĒ to go to the bathroom.
85. If you donít call your buddy when you say you will, he wonít tell your
friends youíve changed.
86. Someday youíll be a dirty old man.
87. You can rationalise any behaviour with the handy phrase ď**** it!Ē
88. If another bloke shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might
become lifelong buddies.
89. You can teach your friendís children swear words.
90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because youíre not in the mood.
92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
93. If something mechanical didnít work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
94. New shoes donít cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
96. You donít have to remember everyoneís birthdays and anniversaries.
97. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: ďSo... notice
100. You canít get pregnant.
2nd Apr 2002, 01:56
:rolleyes: Hmmmmmmm....... MEN!!!!!!!! :rolleyes:
PS: Hey Scran,...... great quiz this week!! ;)
I have to disagree with the "flowers fix everything"
my radiator still isn't working no matter how many flowers I dangle in front of it ;)
Try No 93 then!!!!:rolleyes:
that's better, I'm still looking for my regular "heavy book" to bash it with :)
2nd Apr 2002, 11:00
Hmmmmmm Dkosky,..... ya not 'thinkin' straight'!!!!!! :rolleyes:
What you do is.........
...buy the most beautiful flowers you can.... pop along to the local garage.... find out which mechanic is errrrrrm.... 'on the other bus' (so to speak ;) ) ..............
... 'HEY PRESTO'..... ya radiator's fixed!!!!!! :p
FLOWERS 'DO' FIX EVERYTHING!!!! :D
2nd Apr 2002, 15:26
Ah yes fellas,
This sex thing? All we got to do is say yes. If we are good, we'll have made sure you paid for dinner and drinks too. :p
PMT is the best excuse for any thing. We can get away with literally murder...... :D