Offer Of Employment

[TAC Queen]

REQUIREMENT:
We are a small but globally exclusive company looking for high quality and experienced aircrew. Willing to work 26 hours a day for 6 hours actual pay.

Individuals must be willing to ignore safety standards for the good of the company.
Forgo risk and personal injury to complete task whilst receiving less industry basic salary.
Must also be willing to up route family and move to a location that is affordable to the company, with no regard to individuals needs and of best practice standards.
Personal must be recruited and promoted in line with company policy of “He is my mate and he always dresses smartly.
No CV’s shall be read which include the word:
Ability
Understanding
Natural Leader
Firm Grip
Ability to think without moving lips
Natural leader.


Note:
laundry of clothes is a personal choice and not subject to company payment.

Meals must be approved within 7 days notice and must fall inline with (it doesn’t make any sense but I hate aircrew and you cant claim for eating and any food whilst I work here.)
Also any cost savings must be ignored to prove a point.
Before the company will make any payment it must be confirm.
Proof of operating must be include; The following are not excepted
Photographs, log books and Auth sheets are not accepted as proof.

The company will not accept tasking sheets. Log books, personal litters by OC Admin, photographs, or any other proof of participation, including death certificate.

The company requires all employees to look to the stars and praise the Chairman for the air they breath.

[salad-dodger]

It would have been so much funnier if you could:

spell
use punctuation
string a sentence together


salad-dodger

[NutLoose]

Really good read, damn, we have a new two post grammar policeman.... Zzzzzzzzzzzzz you need to get out more.

[audioaviator]

Brilliant! And ditto the above comment.

[occhips]

here-hear Nutloosee :-)

[Scuttled]

Dear Sir,

Whilst your terms do indeed sound attractive, I'm terribly sorry, but there is absolutely no chance of my applying for such a position. I may change my mind if you could also guarantee dashing my hopes and dreams on a regular basis and gradually eroding the stated poor conditions even more so with every year that passes.

I'd also like to see an additional clause in there to state that you will make every effort to put unnecessary strain on my marriage. Diluting my pension terms after 25 years of service would be the clincher.

I look forward to your reply in my JPA inbox, with an interview date I can't hope to make and some form of disciplinary action to come when I can't comply with your impossible request.

Yours etc,

Any Serviceman

[Pontius Navigator]

Can you promise that I won't become bored and that the company will provide additional fill-in training to comply with Government directives whenever I have any time off due to sickness or other company down time?

[charliegolf]

Whilst your terms do indeed sound attractive, I'm terribly sorry, but there is absolutely no chance of my applying for such a position. I may change my mind if you could also guarantee dashing my hopes and dreams on a regular basis and gradually eroding the stated poor conditions even more so with every year that passes.



There will be no shortage of civilians however, who will jump at the chance, on those terms. For a while.

CG

Notwithstanding the loss of expertise, slow training pipline etc arguments.

[Sandy Parts]

Made me smile anyway - and re the spelling/grammar - pretty similar to on-line job advets these day! (I know, I've been applying for them!)
However, those of us who are 'jaded / faded aviators' need only remember back to our AFCO Day 1 - I'll bet most of us would have signed anyway even if the job description was written as above! Who cares about pension / allowances when I'll get to fly / operate cool aircraft / equipment? What, they are paying me as well? Bonus!!!
To those coming in as we go out, enjoy it (just don't volunteer for anything until you know what it is!):ok:

[Melchett01]

and re the spelling/grammar - pretty similar to on-line job advets these day!

Advets ... are they a bit like adverts only for a proper organisation?

Sorry, couldn't resists :E