My mate Fred the Nutter
Was a quite rapid rutter

In Oxfordshire, a bang supersonique
Made me mindful of something quite comic,
My mate Fred the Nutter
Was a quite rapid rutter
building up to explosions, atomic.


The fallout could be very messy

The fallout could be very messy
Said Phillip at the Battle of Cressy
These damned English bowmen

The fallout could be very messy
Said Phillip at the Battle of Cressy
These damned English bowmen
Don't half build crap snowmen,

Have we time for a quickie now Bessy?


--------------


All's fair, they say, in love and war

All's fair, they say, in love and war
But there are some things we all deplore.
For instance, one should never

All's fair, they say, in love and war
But there are some things we all deplore.
For instance, one should never,
Go with a girl, once named Trevor,

All's fair, they say, in love and war
But there are some things we all deplore.
For instance, one should never
wear pants made of leather
As they may leave you feeling quite sore.








A door to door salesman from Stroud

Instead, best show him/her the door


-------------


To be honest, she looked an old hag

more like a fella in drag

To be honest, she looked an old hag
[She was] more like a fella in drag,
But I took her to task,
O'er an old oaken cask,

Though I'm afraid she continued to nag


-------------------


I did have one conversation stopper

- I just flashed everyone my whopper.

Then goudie flashed his
Which was really the biz

And was called the 'Old Warden Big Bopper'.

===================================

With Raff roundels tatooed on each side,

With Raff roundels tatooed on each side,
He'd give the ladies a mach one ride




'Old Warden Big Bopper'.
You heard about that then, Hobo:ok:

With Raff roundels tatooed on each side,
He'd give the ladies a mach one ride
They'd squeal in delight

And then, as they might



You heard about that then, Hobohttp://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/src:www.pprune.org/get/images/smilies/thumbs.gif

He is an awful fantasist, G!

With Raff roundels tatooed on each side,
He'd give the ladies a mach one ride
They'd squeal in delight
And then, as they might
Want a change, he'd switch off and glide.
=========================
Sometimes he'd perform aerobatics

Above Britain's whore-laden geographics.
Sluts would observe from the ground
As he aero'd around
While watching his iPad pornographics.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When he looped he felt some disdain
As his iPad fell out of his plane.

When he looped he felt some disdain
As his iPad fell out of his plane.
It was playing hard rock,


'Old Warden Big Bopper'. You heard about that then, Hobo :ok:

He is an awful fantasist, G!

Actually treads, here in North Surrey, we talk of little else!

When he looped he felt some disdain
As his iPad fell out of his plane.
It was playing hard rock,
And he'd stripped off his frock
Methinks he may have to explain.
========================
They met at a fancy dress ball

And Sid's first thought was, "He is too tall",

And the five-o'clock-shadow
Just froze his bone marrow

And certainly failed to enthrall
--------------------------------------
In passing I just happened to mention

In passing I just happened to mention
Charles Atlas's 'Dynamic Tension'

And I sure know my place,
With sand kicked in my face,
And only a hint of dissention.

=========================

I was driving my refuelling tanker,

I was driving my refuelling tanker,
With retreads which were made in Sri Lanka
Just awful old tat
They keep going flat
And everyone calls me a w@<hidden>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was making a telephone call
When she started to cry and bawl

I was making a telephone call
When she started to cry and bawl
I told her, 'Stop bitchin',
Get back in yer kitchen
You'll wake up the baby an' all.'

I've always treated women well

I've always treated women well
When they see me they can always tell

By my general demeanor,
And my 5 Series Beemer,

That my shagging will no doubt be swell.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As we were driving, one day, through Cheshunt
She noticed I was extremely tumescent

While she had a quick feel,
I lost hold of the wheel,
And knocked down a resplendant cock pheasant.

================================

She said, "What we need now, is plucking.",

But I mis-heard and commenced to get stuck in

She said, "What we need now, is plucking.",
But I mis-heard and commenced to get stuck in
She said "My dear, they're not feathers"
"That are inside my leathers"

So let's pull over here and get trucking.

============================

She slid back my convertible's hood,

She slid back my convertible's hood,
and said "This nude driving feels good!"

She slid back my convertible's hood,
and said "This nude driving feels good!"
The engine vibration
Is a lovely sensation

She slid back my convertible's hood,
and said "This nude driving feels good!
The engine vibration
Is a lovely sensation
And I see that you've made wood''

------------------------------------------
Although upper class cousin Gertie
Loves nothing more than talking dirty
She makes no conditions
About all the positions
Which she loves trying with men under thirty
---------------------------------
Do women like sex more than men?

Asked Virginia Bottomley, then,

Said she "I love my Peter"

Do women like sex more than men?
Asked Virginia Bottomley, then,
Said she "I love my Peter"
"Though he's hung like a mosquiter"

And would be at home copulating with a hen

________________________

Women find it a treat
Cycling along a cobbled street

Women find it a treat
Cycling along a cobbled street
On a racing saddle
Which they like to straddle

Women find it a treat
Cycling along a cobbled street
On a racing saddle
Which they like to straddle
They say the feeling's hard to beat

But a 50cc moped with fouled plug
Makes a feminine rider exclaim "ugh"
The eccentric vibration

Caused sexual elation

But a 50cc moped with fouled plug
Makes a feminine rider exclaim "ugh"
The eccentric vibration
Caused sexual elation
which inspired her to give me a tug.

At the station, watching carriages shunt

At the station, watching carriages shunt
A young lady with quite a big front
Said "If that little loco"

"Looks like Quasimodo"

At the station, watching carriages shunt
A young lady with quite a big front
Said "If that little loco
Looks like Quasimodo,
then he sure was an ugly old c__t!"


Then Thomas puffed into the station

With Annie for mutual masturbation.
Sat watching was Clarabel
Who chewed on a caramel
As Percy rubbed her with indignation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Fat Controller was shocked

When he felt he'd just been cock'd.
Behind him was Gordon
Who'd broke through the cordon
And was fair up his arse well docked.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Some women like to annoy
By using their favourite ploy

They claim their head's belting,

Some women like to annoy
By using their favourite ploy
They claim their head's belting,
But if their resistance is melting
You just could be a lucky boy.
=====================
She claimed that she had a headache
And that she was barely awake.

She claimed that she had a headache
And that she was barely awake.
But when I said you can choose
A new pair of shoes

There was more than my sex life at stake! :uhoh:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She slipped on a modest nice dress
Which showed off her boobs I must 'fess.

There was no sign
Of a panty line

Which I confirmed with a gentle caress



-------------



The caress turned into a bit of a fondle

The caress turned into a bit of a fondle
Like the use of a pole on a Venezian gondle
Which with a tiny push
Can excite your tush

The caress turned into a bit of a fondle
Like the use of a pole on a Venezian gondle
Which with a tiny push
Can excite your tush
And tighten up your gronicle.
=======================
She offered to teach me new positions

She offered to teach me new positions
Which if fumbled would lead to eternal perditions
In a pentacle of chalk
I could hear the dam-ned talk*




*Possibly Slash and Treaders ?

And she said she would take all emissions. :E
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Emissons nocturnal are all the rage
When dozing after reading an erotic page

A damp sticky patch

Lay at the base of her thatch

I thought that I'd better
Let her get wetter

It was raining sat sea so I opened the hatch :p

A pressure tank environment on the surface
Was called for by a lady name of Curtis
For when under the covers
We became two SAT lovers

and what we didn't know wouldn't hurt us.


But little did either of us know,

But little did either of us know,
That in a couple of months it would show

But little did either of us know,
That in a couple of months it would show
First the blood drinking
Then from the light shrinking

But then that's yer Reality Show


----------


In the dim light of the early dawn

In the dim light of the early dawn
we ran through the crops of tall corn

In the dim light of the early dawn
we ran through the crops of tall corn
What she thought was a cob

In the dim light of the early dawn
we ran through the crops of tall corn
What she thought was a cob
Was the end of me knob

In the dim light of the early dawn
we ran through the crops of tall corn
What she thought was a cob
Was the end of me knob
Which cast a fifteen foot shadow in the morn

I said in me defence at the trial
I found that it made a great sundial

When putting a gerbil in strange places

(see Friday Jokes thread !)

I said in me defence at the trial
I found that it made a great sundial
When putting a gerbil in strange places
Don't go on candle-light chases

I said in me defence at the trial
I found that it made a great sundial
When putting a gerbil in strange places
Don't go on candle-light chases;
It shows a certain lack of style

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I felt like the fox in a hunt

They'd singled me out as a runt
Short arsed and puny

I felt like the fox in a hunt,
They'd singled me out as a runt,
Short arsed and puny,
Not quite like George Clooney,

I felt like the fox in a hunt,
They'd singled me out as a runt,
Short arsed and puny,
Not quite like George Clooney;
No-one said, 'What a handsome ----'

Some say front-wheel drive is best

But your turn circle is wider than the rest.
Not the preference for louts
When doing burnouts

At the local petrol-head fest

In the back of an old Chevrolet

In the back of an old Chevrolet
Was conceived French author, Pierre Boulle

Was a good place to get it away,
It was good for a norty,
Unlike Austin A40,

In the back of an old Chevrolet
Was a good place to get it away,
It was good for a norty,
Unlike Austin A40,
Or a Mini, back in my day.
=================
In the back of an old Chevrolet
Was conceived French author, Pierre Boulle
'Neath the Arc de Triomphe

In the back of an old Chevrolet
Was conceived French author, Pierre Boulle
'Neath the Arc de Triomphe

I hate to give up, but if you can rhyme 'Triomphe', Hydromet, you're a better man than I.

It's important to be in first gear
For in car entertainment with your dear

Sorry, didn't mean to be a b....., just didn't think. I couldn't get a rhyme either. Unless someone else can take up the challenge, perhaps we should move to the Eiffel Tower.

It's important to be in first gear
For in car entertainment with your dear
Just don't go in reverse
Unless you're perverse

It's important to be in first gear
For in car entertainment with your dear
Just don't go in reverse
Unless you're perverse
but you might think it's great if you're queer.


In the back of an old Chevrolet
Was conceived French author, Pierre Boulle
'Neath the Arc de Triomphe
in a wild naked romp, for
fun, in the time-honoured way.

(Best I could do under the circumstances, that's a bloody hard rhyme...)

Hard at work on the banks of the Seine,

Nicely done, AOTW


Hard at work on the banks of the Seine,
I had to try to explain

Thanks mate, that's used up all my brain cells for the day!

Hard at work on the banks of the Seine,
I had to try to explain
why the nudes I was painting

Hard at work on the banks of the Seine,
I had to try to explain
why the nudes I was painting
Said they're tits I was tainting
And when pubes dried up there was pain.

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTnhMk_XQTi3x6zJXiwhRhLL28sFe3MIV3esbEuHLHF71O2aaSD
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She asked me next, could she trifle
Avec mon petit Tour Eiffle?



That's a nice pear, Slash...

She asked me next, could she trifle
Avec mon petit Tour Eiffle?
I said "Of course, ma'moiselle"
So she went like hell
And it was bloody delightful.
====================
I went out with a girl from Montmartre

Who had scored 'a ton eighty' at datre,

When I went for the bull,

She gave me a pull

And I emitted a dirty great fartre

She said they called her 'Naughty Lola'

She said they called her 'Naughty Lola'
and she was riddled with ebola

She said they called her 'Naughty Lola'
and she was riddled with ebola
So somewhat squishy
and smelling fishy

She said they called her 'Naughty Lola'
and she was riddled with ebola
So somewhat squishy
and smelling fishy
I therefore declined to roll 'er.
=======================
So I tried my luck at Moulin Rouge

And challenged as to incisor and molar



------------



She could charm the birds out of the trees

She could charm the birds out of the trees
And charged exorbitant fees

She could charm the birds out of the trees
And charged exorbitant fees
But an HBC loan
Would just make her moan

Some folk are so jolly hard to please


----------------



So I tried my luck at Moulin Rouge
Riding the sails like a centrifuge

But I underestimated the force,

Which equalled ma of course
And was, proportionately, huge


-------------------

I damned old Newton as I let go
Zooming over the streets below

The old squadron gang
Thought "Oh wizard prang!'



Im not doing the hard ones, brain hurty

Would you believe it, no one posts for hours, then me and Tinny receive devine inspiration at precisely the same time and 12000 miles...


Applauding as I landed on Joe



------------------


Her knickers, I noticed, were threadbare

Exposing a big bush of blonde hair

"Is that for real?"

Her knickers, I noticed, were threadbare
Exposing a big bush of blonde hair
"Is that for real?"
"What's it trying to conceal?"
"And really, why should I care?"
=========================
She told me that she wore a merkin

And showed it after drinking a ferkin,
Of Natchbulls strong beer,
She was tipped on her ear,
And doing something bizarre with a gherkin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was like a McDonalds pickle

It was like a McDonalds pickle
and she said that it didn't half tickle

It was like a McDonalds pickle
and she said that it didn't half tickle
Then she did pause
And pulled up her drawers
Just like that. Aren't women fickle.

She said she was vego and started to nibble

With sheep you can't really quibble,

She said she was vego and started to nibble
With sheep you can't really quibble,
But if they're good looking,

Fooking sure beats cooking, http://www.katzy.dsl.pipex.com/Smileys/sheephuh.gif


Darwhine is sheepless

But keep an eye out for Officer Dibble


--------------


"I fancy Ewe", he said in Alice

who thought his poor tact was quite callous

With a bit of romance
He'd be in with a chance

This all said, with an absence of malice.

===============================

Flattery always works wonders

Flattery always works wonders
Covering all sorts of blunders

Flattery always works wonders
Covering all sorts of blunders
If you tell her she's lovely
She'll come across, doubly

Flattery always works wonders
Covering all sorts of blunders
If you tell her she's lovely
She'll come across, doubly
And even empty the gazundas



'I grew these myself', she said with a grin

'I grew these myself', she said with a grin
"Big and perky and a nice shelf for my chin"

'I grew these myself', she said with a grin
"Big and perky and a nice shelf for my chin"
Would you like a quick feel
down there, while you kneel

And don't ferget two bob for the tin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

At two bob I think Tinny's quite cheap
Better value, I'd say, than a sheep

At two bob I think Tinny's quite cheap
Better value, I'd say, than a sheep
if it's Fosters or Harp
It'll make you go "barp"

At two bob I think Tinny's quite cheap
Better value, I'd say, than a sheep
if it's Fosters or Harp
It'll make you go "barp"
Drunk legs and fall in a heap.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
I borrowed a mates starting handle.

And along with a fifteen inch candle,

Some Aussie Fourex
and set off to have sex

And started a nice juicy scandal

The girlfriend has turned rather cool
On account of the size of me tool

The girlfriend has turned rather cool
On account of the size of me tool
But it's won certain prizes,

The girlfriend has turned rather cool
On account of the size of me tool
But it's won certain prizes,
and it promptly arises

The girlfriend has turned rather cool
On account of the size of me tool
But it's won certain prizes,
and it promptly arises
But it needs a blue pill for fuel.
====================
She said she'd never seen one so thick
And asked if I knew the trick

She said she'd never seen one so thick
And asked if I knew the trick
As to how it got girth
To be the thickest on Earth,
Though its length is quite small for a dick.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've given her some chocolates and roses
To watch her w@<hidden> in various poses.

She's a bit of a bimbo,
But with legs held akimbo,

She rubs clit till her beef curtain closes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd love to see Paris in the Spring

I'd love to see Paris in the Spring.
Will she send an invitation, or ring?
She's not just any old heiress

And though her pussy is hairless
It fcuks any rich cnut for a fling.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her demonstration was a masterclass

Her demonstration was a masterclass
on watching the growing of grass.
But in her prone position,

Her demonstration was a masterclass
on watching the growing of grass.
But in her prone position,
There was a nasty emission

Of purple-coloured gasses, and flames, from her @<hidden>

___________________


In my dreams she was nagging
For ever more shagging

But I was woke with a start
By an explosive fart

In my dreams she was nagging
For ever more shagging
But I was woke with a start
By an explosive fart
which gave me a bad case of sagging.

About two a.m. I awoke,

And rolled over to give her a poke.

About two a.m. I awoke
And rolled over to give her a poke
She said 'What a surprise!
'You've managed to rise'

Though frankly that's a bit of a joke

-----------------


Well, OK then, but please make it quick

'Cos my headache's come back, I feel sick,

and the dog is asleep
(It's a yappy litle Peke)

Oooh! That's nice you're as hard as a brick
--------------------------------------------

When yer wake up with a 'piss proud' erection

When yer wake up with a 'piss proud' erection
She might say: "return to section,
dont get out,
your old water spout,
that needs inspection".

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
During my afternoon stroll.

I had a wee chat with a mole

During my afternoon stroll
I decided I fancied a roll
In the hay, with a young miss

During my afternoon stroll
I decided I fancied a roll
In the hay, with a young miss
Which would be absolute bliss
And would ease my tormented soul
----------------------------------
To sit by a chuckling stream
Doing nothing but just daydream

To sit by a chuckling stream
Doing nothing but just daydream
Is a dream I once had
- was it really so bad ?

To sit by a chuckling stream
Doing nothing but just daydream
Is a dream I once had
- was it really so bad :
In her underground weem? [ dwelling ]
-----------------------------------------------------------------

For one it wasn't too light.

For one it wasn't too light
And somehow, just didn't feel right
There was something there
For which I don't care

For one it wasn't too light
And somehow, just didn't feel right
There was something there
For which I don't care
And ran off into the night
---------------------------------------

My situation was ineluctible

My situation was ineluctible
But expenses were quite tax deductable,


.....'ineluctible'...that's a hard one for a Sunday morning gouds....oooer missus!

And as part of my claim

My situation was ineluctible
But expenses were quite tax deductable,
And as part of my claim
I must live with the shame

My situation was ineluctible
But expenses were quite tax deductable,
And as part of my claim
I must live with the shame,
that as a young farm boy I fuctabull.

It's something I'm loath to admit,

My situation was ineluctible
But expenses were quite tax deductable,
And as part of my claim
I must live with the shame
And hope it's not self-destructable
------------------------------------------
...that's a hard one for a Sunday morning gouds.... years since I've been told that Hobo:{

Hobo, I was being a smart-arse
And thought I would set a hard task

But Hobo's response

But Hobo's response
Was merely nuanced…
…and that bull was never reputable

--------------------------

My neighbour's wife knocked at my door,




....actually, my son's neighbour's wife, and his door...but I was in the house alone on a refurb job this a.m. ...and she is very tasty...but about 20 years younger..

My neighbour's wife knocked at my door,
And my first reaction was...cor!!
It would be really good fun
To give her one

Or two or three - could I do four?

=============================

She took one of my tea time cream crackers,

She took one of my tea time cream crackers,
Crushed it and said 'This is your knackers
If you ever again

She took one of my tea time cream crackers,
Crushed it and said 'This is your knackers
If you ever again
Cry out 'Please don't stop Jane',

She took one of my tea time cream crackers,
Crushed it and said 'This is your knackers
If you ever again
Cry out 'Please don't stop Jane',
I'll squeeze your willy between my maracas'

She told me she could go on for hours

She told me she could go on for hours
Just one of her mysterious powers

She told me she could go on for hours
Just one of her mysterious powers
But then she'd keep her light on
and read from Enid Blyton

She told me she could go on for hours
Just one of her mysterious powers
But then she'd keep her light on
and read from Enid Blyton
As she drank very large brandy sours

---------------------------------------
I could tell she was on the brink
Of becoming addicted to drink

So welcome aboard

And you'll be assured
That it's not as bad as you think
----------------------------
I say, all things in moderation
Unless, it's shagging and libation

Then hang it all out

I say, all things in moderation
Unless, it's shagging and libation
Then hang it all out:
Laws you will flout.
We abandoned transportation.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
An elegant dancer on skates

An elegant dancer on skates
Liked to entertain her mates
With twists, jumps and splits
And by flashing her t!ts

An elegant dancer on skates
Liked to entertain her mates
With twists, jumps and splits
And by flashing her t!ts
while juggling a stack of five plates.

They gave me a job in the circus

And the 3-titted lady cried "ferk us!"
The moustached girl
Also wanted a twirl
But the clowns simply said "just jerk us!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With his moustaches a-twirl, the Ring Master

With his moustaches a-twirl, the Ring Master
Tried to screw her, which was a disaster.
They were on the high wire

And jugggling with fire


(and pulling 3G at the time according to my fingers)

But she still cried ''faster, faster''

------------------------------
Some ladies can't get enough

And some prefer it quite rough,

Delicate flowers
Have amazing powers

And can loosen morals, quite tough

_______________________________


Today's the day when one gives a rose
(although being St Jordi one pays through the nose)
For these flowers of red

There's a session in bed
And another if you are good with your prose


-------------


A silver-tongued smoothie from Beccles

A silver-tongued smoothie from Beccles
Could - when pissed - sound rather like Eccles
But Neddy Seagoon

After only one PPRuNe

Came out in a rash of freckles

We're off to sunnier climes tomorrow
To the Pacific island of Oahu
To see no. 2 daughter
So just thought I oughta
Say, I leave you with feelings of sorrow:rolleyes:

Oh what shall we do without Goudie ?
Will the limerick thread get too rowdy ?
With entendres double

That can only mean trouble


Have a wonderful time, but don't buy yourself a grass skirt

And without him we'll be rather moody. :{

I'm sure he'll show them the biggest coconuts ever seen in the Pacific.

===================================

Don't get 'booked for three counts - murder one',



Danno!

But try and have genteel fun
Cucumber sandwiches

Don't get 'booked for three counts - murder one',
But try and have genteel fun
Cucumber sandwiches
and don't say 'Yo bitches'

Where the Humuhumu, Nukunuku a puaa are on the run
very tasty is yer Humuhumu Nukunuku a puaa
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tin had a favourite shirt (http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y150/tinpis/family/picture.jpg) :\

Don't get 'booked for three counts - murder one',
But try and have genteel fun
Cucumber sandwiches
and don't say 'Yo bitches'
And don't forget to wear protection....in the sun.
==============================
When Captain Cook sailed the Pacific

The Islands were ethno-specific
Auckland hadnt been overun
Rooting was still all good fun

When Captain Cook sailed the Pacific
The Islands were ethno-specific
Auckland hadnt been overun
Rooting was still all good fun
watched by Banks, on his quest scientific.


In fact he was really a perve

And had been known to swerve,
he was a bit of a Queeny
Got known as Fa'afafine,
At Luau he got a right Royal serve.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

His Public school had come in handy

His Public school had come in handy
'Twas the reason he walked a bit bandy

His Public school had come in handy
'Twas the reason he walked a bit bandy
But he'd not met Jack Lord 'n',
PPrune's Gouds from Old Warden,
'Twas all down to a strumpet - 'Big Mandy'.


================================

She ate public school boys for dinner,
There were few that had not been right in 'er,
She popped cherries all morning,
Then without any warning,

The headmaster asked her to dinner


--------------


"A matron is what we'll be needing"

"A matron is what we'll be needing,
to deal with these boys' errant seeding

"A matron is what we'll be needing,
to deal with these boys' errant seeding
Those nasty little wankers
Now all have chancres

"A matron is what we'll be needing,
to deal with these boys' errant seeding
Those nasty little wankers
Now all have chancres
Not to mention the bits that are bleeding.

==================================

"Save all that 'til you're married," she said,

"Then we'll both do it in me bed.
After you've taken a lovely wife
And your marriage's withered to total strife
I'll give you some very pleasurable head."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The vicar said "you can give her one now"
So the groom did, at the altar and how!

The vicar said "you can give her one now"
So the groom did, at the altar and how!
The bride's mother swooned,

While her father P-PRuNed

Seeking another bride from Slough.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A passionate kiss when your're wed
is not as good as taking the bridesmaid to bed
round the back of the church

Where a fundamental search,

A passionate kiss when your're wed
is not as good as taking the bridesmaid to bed
round the back of the church
Where a fundamental search
May reveal she's the bridesman, instead.
=========================
While searching around 'neath her petticoats

I was minded of girls with deep throats,

While searching around 'neath her petticoats
Her knickers did picture many boats.
Perhaps she's a sailors delight
Down the docks late at night?
There's no doubt she'd get many tar votes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While searching around 'neath her petticoats
I was minded of girls with deep throats,

She then swallowed my sword
Which is frankly quite broad

And thereafter, on which, she oft' dotes.

=================================


A plumber from just South of Chobham,

Liked women and thought he would job 'em.
When he said he's from Woking
They thought he was joking.....
Was he here to fcuk snatch or just rob 'em?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A plumber from just South of Chobham,
Had plenty of customers and knew how to rob 'em

A plumber from just South of Chobham,
Had plenty of customers and knew how to rob 'em
He'd syphon their money
While fixing their dunny

And whatever ther age he'd then knob 'em


------------


His pipebender was brought into play

To straighten his tool for the day.

No joint needed lagging
When that plumber was shagging

And his rectum emitted gamma rays, so they say

________________________________