Customs & Excise

[Hipper]

I'm just reading a book called 'To the Victor the Spoils - Soldier's Lives from D-Day to VE-Day' by Sean Longden. Our boys attempted to bring home some of the stuff they had 'liberated'. Naturally, Customs & Excise took an interest in this but of course much got through.


From my dad's flying log post WW2 to 1960 I see that after he'd flown abroad he would have to return via stations where Customs & Excise operated. St Mawgan was one I think, at least when he was flying Lancasters. Marham was another when he was flying in Valiants, both from trips to the U.S. and Europe.


I'd be interested in stories from these eras, and others, of the goings on there and the attempts to bring material home.

[Wrathmonk]

Might want to start here (http://www.pprune.org/military-aircrew/441729-raf-movers-jailed-2.html)...:hmm:

[Wander00]

In between RAF careers I was a RCT (TA) Mover. Had some interesting experiences dock side with C&E. Their power is just about absolute. Looks of horror when a gunner regiment about to leave the dock asked ever so nicely to lower the gun barrels to full down elevation and "no cushions, gentlemenn". Lost count of the number of smashed spirits bottles. FS of an RAF unit started to argue, and they ended up with three land rovers reduced to very small component parts. Always knew that something was up when my WO or Staff Sgt suggested we went for a cup of tea!

[philrigger]

;)

Way back in June 1966 I was an SAC returning from Singapore and I had arranged to spend 2 weeks leave with my mother and father at Akrotiri before indulging back to UK. When the day came I boarded a Hastings bound for UK via Malta along with about a dozen others. We overnighted at Luqa and next day we set off with a couple of wives now added to the pax list going back to UK (On a shopping jolly, I heard them mention) arriving at Colerne in the early evening. The CE had a hut with a long, brown lino covered counter (Think of bedding stores and you get the picture) and the CE men standing behind. The crew were waved through. All the passengers lined up (In order of seniority or was it superiority - probably both), with me of course, as last in the line. I noticed one of the passengers, who was wearing s very smart suit and tie, sidle up to the CE man and whisper something in his ear, I know not what but all the other passengers were given a very fast-track to the outside and on to a bus to take them to the railway station in Bath. The bus would not wait for me as one of the passengers had, for some reason, to be in London that night. Back in the customs hut I had to empty the entire contents of my bulging RAF holdall and hand baggage and spread it over the counter while the CE men rummaged around in my belongings asking where I bought this and where I bought that and where were the receipts. You get the picture. They found nothing but my legal 200 cigs and a bottle. They spent about 25 minutes untidying my clothes then harassing me to hurry up and repack as they wanted to get home. Once repacked they sent me on my way. Because I had missed the bus into Bath I then had to find a bed somewhere for the night. Luckily for me my brother was stationed on 24 Squadron at Colerne at the time, although he was on leave that week. I found his bed in the barrack block and after a few beers in the NAAFI, crashed out on his bed for the night . Anyway to get back to the CE, they did not find anything in my luggage but they did not look in the clothes I was wearing, thankfully !!!


Phil.

[cliver029]

Two stories both true

Lyneham 1963, Saturday morning, couple of Brit's bring back a bunch of brown jobs from Thailand after a SEATO(?) exercise. two hairy old customs officers both staunch supporters of Swindon town who happened to be playing at home that day and so they wanted to get finished as soon as possible!

Front of the queue for checking through, as was his right the senior(est) NCO in the regiment with roll of "cloth" under his arm, customs man number one turns to the other and says "nice bit of cotton there", RSM interrupts, Thai silk sez he!, customs man number one, what do you think Fred, cotton sez Fred!

RSM not used to being argued with said it is Thai silk! please stand to one side says "Fred", they then processed all the junior ranks through and when finished then said nice roll of cotton you have there, yes he says and away he went very embarrassed by the whole event!

Story No 2, fast forward 3 years
For those of you who know, the runway at Colerne is/was on a hill and when landing up hill the Hastings would disappear for a short while alongside the main road, handy when coming back from El Adem with lots of cheap cig's, doors would open and a landrover which just happened to be passing would gather sacks of these cigarettes and disappear.

Customs knew it happened and so every so often would position a landrover up there and nothing would be dropped off, when that happened they never searched the aircraft, well they did sometimes:{

All they were doing was telling people not to take the p**s:=

I am sure people will have bad stories but in my time at Lyneham and Colerne all they wanted was for people to understand that they would play fair with people as long as they got cooperation when they asked for it.

[Airborne Aircrew]

Not from that era but amusing...

In the early 80's II Sqn. RAF Regiment did an exercise in Germany where we did things the wrong way around. We usually jumped into Stapel DZ on Sennelager or somewhere similar and drove back in convoy. On this particular exercise we drove there and were being dropped back onto the Yorkshire moors near Catterick...

It didn't take us long to realize that we would avoid customs. Everyone packed as much kit as they could into the vehicles that would be driven back and spent every penny on booze and fags. Our containers were full of contraband when we left the aircraft. We hit the ground and it took just a couple of minutes before a message came along the squadron... "F$C*^g Customs are here"... :eek: They turned up on a rocky drop zone in the middle of nowhere on the Yorkshire moors. There was so much stuff dumped on the DZ under little "cairns" it was unbelievable... Equally funny was the convoy of cars that left camp that night hoping to find the contraband left behind... Very little of which was recovered...:uhoh:

[Trim Stab]

That happened to us too! We'd just finished an exercise in Denmark, which ended with a very late night in Copenhagen red light district. Now this was the days before w*nktube or whatever it is called was invented, and "Gentlemen's videos" were greatly sought after.

Normally after an exercise we would troop back via Brize or Lyneham, but this time some keen headhoncho arranged for us to jump back into WOG, as some of us were short on currency. Thinking that C&E would never pitch up at a DZ, some decided to covertly take advantage of Denmark's very liberal pornography laws, and "popped out to ring the missus" while we were in some drinking den in down town Copenhagen.

Unfortunately the next morning the C&E turned out en masse at WOG and herded us up as we came off the DZ - there were some very embarassing interviews for some in front of the CO later that week..

[diginagain]

A formation of Lynx and Gazelle, en-route from BAOR to UK to take part in the Op Granby flypast were crossing the Channel inbound to Manston, lead by our hugely popular US Army exchange officer. Despite the valiant efforts of a number of his colleagues, he accepted Manston Radar's offer of a scenic tour, taking in the White Cliffs, and the hole in the ground where the Channel Tunnel appears, Dover harbour's ship-handling facilities, Deal and Ramsgate, thereby giving sufficient time for the Revenue Man to jump in his van and race up from Dover to meet us.

[McGoonagall]

In the late 70s the retard leave party were making their way ashore after a miserable three weeks under the assumed command of a two ringer (SD) gunner. Crimbo and New Year did not happen, off watch leave was cancelled, rounds at 1900 on Xmas Day and many other instances of plain bloody-mindedness.

Happy to be approaching Vicky Gate, the plan was a couple in Ruby's and then away to Gatwick and a week in Tenerife. Waved through the gate I caught sight of the gunner stood in the MOD Plod hut with the best part of 20 sleeves of DFs on the floor beside an empty Pussers grip. He never did return to the ship and funnily enough the stewards mess didn't buy a tot for a long time.

:ouch:

[Pontius Navigator]

All they were doing was telling people not to take the p**s

I think that is the size of the matter.

Now we used to have two customs forms completed. One, for when we were no met by customs had a few bits and pieces. The other declared lots more.

Now on this trip we were met, as usual, by Mr Bailey. I took the proper forms down the back and started to flannel him. I thought I had succeeded when he appeared to say OK and we could then disembark.

He then said he would look at one of two cases just to check. Several crew filed off and one or two cases were opened and reconcilled with the declaration. Then came the AEO.

Right at the top was a non-declared but dutiable item. He moved that to one side, rummaged further and found more, finally he finished, said OK, and cleared the case.

Message received and understood.

Another time, during an exercise, I was detailed to escort Mr Bailey and sidekick to ensure there were no issues at the barriers. They cleared a couple of flights then we got notification of a delay. The young sprog then volunteered to hang around a few hours to let the old man go home.

Metaphorically Mr B beat him round the ears and sent him packing. I think one motive was overtime but I think Mr B's was to ensure that the rules were applied exactly as Mr B wished. :)

[A2QFI]

In the early 60s I was flying recce sorties, North out of Bahrain, to places where we weren't meant to be. The resulting film was regarded as too sensitive to be processed in Bahrain and was sent back to Akrotiri in a suitably marked large film tin.

On arrival the photo section opened it in broad daylight as they thought it contained a consignment of duty free Seiko watches which they were expecting. It didn't and the exposed but undeveloped film was wrecked.

ISTR that it was Xmas and the poo was deep and crisp and even!

More recently I think a military band was found with loads of stuff in their instruments after a foreign tour

[Pontius Navigator]

after a foreign tour

After a Nimrod Det to Jackson C&E discovered a very large bottle of spirits in one of the Lacons. Things got a bit fraught and no one 'fessed up.

They were not prepared to let it lie and a full blown investigation was launched. Everyone was finger printed and not one matched the prints on the bottle. :confused:

Eventually the investigation went Stateside and the USN guys admitted putting the bottle there as a genuinely innocent present.

Another time, up north, the deep sea kit for an ex-8 Sqn exchange O was flown from Tinker to Geilenkirchen and thence to ISL. I was detailed to be the observer while the box was opened and cleared. This was post Mr Bailey, RIP.

Things didn't go well. Right on top was a small, very small, knitted willy warmer in stars and stripes. Then some soft porn and further embarassing implements and impedimenta. The more he dug the worse it got.

Allegedly the crate had been tampered with after he had left the States and repacked by his mates. :}

I met him professionally a few years later. On an SoH scale he was under 5. :)

[Whenurhappy]

More recently,

I returned from Afghan with one of HM's finest muskets, unaccountably left behind by the quaintly (and unambigously) named 'British Army of Retribution' on 1878. I had purchased my P-56 MkII* Snider Enfield from an old rogue near Kandahar, and went through the hoops of getting it certified by the ATO being FFE and having J1 raise the necessary paper work.

On arrival at BZZ at about 0600 I dutifully called HMRC and received a largely unprintable reply along the lines of 'Why the **** are you calling me about some old trophy? Speak to one of the RAF Coppers'. Which I did - showed them the necessary paper work (they didn't have a clue whjat to do) and then after gettign rid of my personal weapons (less an imaginary bayonet) left on my transport to London Euston for a long, long train journey home, with the 54" barrelled Musket thinly disguised in sandbags on a First Class Virgin Train (this was 3 years ago, just before the embargo on seniors travel in style).

As an aside...as I was waiting to pass through ATSy at Kandahar NATO Operating Base (KNOB) - to use its correct name - an Army SNCO, on seeing the musket - leant over and wryly quipped 'You've been in a while, Sir.' Made my day, that did!

[sitigeltfel]

My dad had 'liberated' a very nice Beretta automatic while in North Africa during WWII and when he passed away in 1976 I did the right thing (or so I thought) and took it to the police for disposal. This caused no end of hassle with me being fingerprinted, interviewed twice and warned that I would be in deep doo-doo if ballistics tests showed it had been used in a crime.

I should have just chucked the thing off the nearest high bridge!