Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes [Archive]

Ken Scott

7th Oct 2011, 14:45

You could try the 'Hercules shower' story:

A famous (at EGDL) MALM strips off & wearing a towel round his waist walks past all the Pongo pax to the toilet, pulls the curtain around & wets his hair using the emergency water flasks. Emerges a few mins later toweling off & returns to flightdeck to get dressed. Pongo Officer appears & 'as the Colonel is rather sweaty might he use the shower?' to which he is emphatically told 'it's for aircrew only'. MALM makes a big fuss about no one else using it whilst the Pongo also gets more heated. On arriving at destination the Colonel makes a formal complaint about the obtuse behaviour of the C130 crew in not allowing him to use the shower and it gets all the way to MOD before it's pointed out that the C130 doesn't have one!

sangiovese.

7th Oct 2011, 15:01

Difference in accommodation on deployments

You can dig in..

or check in?

foldingwings

7th Oct 2011, 15:09

There was the RAF Canberra pilot on detachment as liaison during a land/air exercise at Sennelager in the 60s who, at breakfast in the tent, fell foul of an old (supposed) Army tradition.

Being ignored by the only other person at the table when he asked for the marmalade to be passed, he repeated his request louder. Still ignored, he asked again LOUDER!

The Army officer, now clearly irritated, then responded with: 'Don't you know that when an Army officer wears his hat to breakfast he does not wish to be spoken to!

The RAF Officer, somewhat taken aback, raised his Size 10 Flying boots from the floor, planted one of them firmly in the Army chap's Corn Flakes and said: 'And when a Canberra pilot puts his boot in your Corn Flakes it means PASS THE F*CKING MARMALADE!

Apochryphal - Probably!

Worth telling - Perhaps!

Foldie;)

Rallyepilot

7th Oct 2011, 15:17

Situation: Army Colonel flying on a jolly in the Nimrod.
While watching an NCO operator performing his magic he keeps refering to the FS operator as "Staff". Operator informs the Colonel that he is a Flight Sergeant not a Staff Sergeant. Colonel informs the operator that if he was serving in the army he would be a Staff Sergeant. Operator corrects the colonel by stating that if he was serving in the army he would be a Brigadier! :D

fantom

7th Oct 2011, 15:42

1. RAF officer and pongo officer having a pee at interval one dining-in night. The former finishes and turns to leave. Pongo says: 'when I was at Sandhurst I was taught to wash my hands'. RAF replies: 'when I was at Cranwell I was taught not to p*** on my fingers'.

2. The exchange major at BAH 1970 was briefing us about his role as FAC instructor. He told us of a pongo who was so thick, even the other pongoes noticed.
He also mentioned that we (Hunter pilots) were so accurate we had to stir the stick to avoid making only one hole in the target.

Old-Duffer

7th Oct 2011, 15:53

Reading the previous posts, I fear that you might find things could fall rather flat, given the audience you have indicated.

Perhaps rather than try to do the Army down, you might score the odd brownie point by praising them up with a joke in which they come off best, rather than end up sucking the RAF 'hind tit' so the speak.

I shall adopt an army staff college story for your consideration and post it later.

Old Duffer

A2QFI

7th Oct 2011, 15:57

You might be able to make something of an alleged event when an Army Major was being briefed on the capability and armament of the new in service Hawker Hunter. He was briefed on the weaponry and, having glanced at the single seat, inquired where the Chap who fired guns sat. He was appalled to hear that they were fired by an officer.

That said you might do well to follow the wise words of Old Duffer!

jamesman

7th Oct 2011, 16:05

Thanks folks, I guess the problem is it is such a target rich environment! Looking forward to Old Duffers post though!

Folding winsg story is also great, I have heard it told as a RM officer back in the day....however the ladies might raise eyes!!!

Keep them coming if only to read some good laughs!!

Thanks again:)

Old-Duffer

7th Oct 2011, 16:10

An aircraft was carrying the Army Staff College course, comprising officers of many nations, on a tour and staff ride. An hour into the trip the pilot comes into the cabin and says that the aircraft is losing height and all loose articles etc must be thrown overboard.

This is accomplished with great gusto but the pilot returns and says that an engine has failed and somebody will have to make the ultimate sacrifice to save the others.

A German officer stands up, marches to the door, turns and says: “God save the Fatherland”, salutes and jumps out. The aircraft is still losing height so the pilot calls for another volunteer. A French officer goes to the door and says: “Vive La Fifth Republic”, salutes and jumps out. Still the aircraft is losing height and a Para Regt officer gets up next, goes to the rear door, salutes and says: “Remember Goose Green” and throws out the Argie.

Wwyvern

7th Oct 2011, 16:18

A2QFI

Not so much alleged. I was showing some pongo officers around a Hunter whilst on an FAC course, early 60s. One pongo was reluctant to go into the cockpit, but peered over the edge. He asked, "Where does your NCO sit?"

Herc-u-lease

7th Oct 2011, 16:31

if you want to do some RAF slating, you could try the following:

How do you know if there's a fast jet pilot (or insert RAF officer) at your party....he'll tell you

What's the difference between a Harrier pilot and God...God knows he's not a harrier pilot (God also doesn't have his P45 - too soon?:eek:)

H

ex-fast-jets

7th Oct 2011, 17:05

Perhaps safer to make jokes about the Navy - uniting effect for your audience, and I feel sure that this forum can provide you with plenty of ammunition!!

Cornerstone958

7th Oct 2011, 17:09

OD
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
CS

Wholigan

7th Oct 2011, 17:27

BomberH

Like the fact that the Navy hates to have meetings on Wednesdays because it interrupts both weekends. That sort of thing?

ex-fast-jets

7th Oct 2011, 17:29

That's not a joke - that's serious!!!

A2QFI

7th Oct 2011, 17:36

Thanks for your post Wyvern. I guessed it had happened but equally thought it might be an urban/military myth. Your confirmation is welcome!

Wander00

7th Oct 2011, 18:04

Post 9 alegedly involved a former "A" Sqn SUO at Sleaford Tech.

Union Jack

7th Oct 2011, 18:34

Apocrypha is clearly alive and on this thread!

Thanks for your post Wyvern. I guessed it had happened but equally thought it might be an urban/military myth.

Regarding Wwyvern and A2QFI's tale, they may not be aware that an even earlier version of that type of "story" actually goes back to the First World War and a Punch cartoon. It shows a very large bearded, seaboot-stockinged, and submarine-sweatered submarine officer standing in the control room of his command alongside a rather puny looking chinless wonder of a rupert (in current parlance), complete with riding breeches and swagger stick, looking at at the myriad of piping, dials and controls, and saying words to the effect of, "I suppose you've got some sort of sergeant johnny who knows how all this works"!:uhoh:

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose ....

Good luck to Jamesman next week - BomberH could be on the right track!

Jack

lsh

7th Oct 2011, 20:53

Well (as always!) I shall be no help whatsoever but.......

Legend has it that "PC" (38 Gp EU Odiham) was on exchange with the RN.
When asked to speak at Taranto Night he stood up and said:
"Only the Royal Navy could celebrate a victory against the Italians"
He left via the nearest window so, as has been said, I suggest you try to find a joke that lets the Army come out tops - but never let your own service suffer.

Suggestions, none!
lsh
:E

Melchett01

7th Oct 2011, 21:27

If you are looking not to antagonise the Pongos too much, you could always talk about the Army having a fine regimental history, whilst the Air Force still only has habits. Or maybe pander to the various stereotypes they have of us as being gong hunting hotel inspectors. And then remind them they could have been one if they had paid more attention at school :ok:

Airborne Aircrew

7th Oct 2011, 21:33

You want banter?

Tell them the RAF Regiment are one of the "Big Three"... You'll have them rolling in the aisles... :ok:

NutLoose

7th Oct 2011, 21:52

Simply google the topic of the thread.... to get the likes of these, then adapt them to suit.....

British Red Coats

A long time ago, Britain and France were at war.

During one battle, the French captured an English major. Taking the major to their headquarters, the French general began to question him.
The French general asked, "Why do you English officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?"
In his bland English way, the major informed the general that the reason English officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot, the blood won't show and the men they are leading won't panic.
And that is why from that day to now all French Army officers wear brown pants.

Military Humor - Jokes and Sayings (http://www.taphilo.com/history/humor.shtml)

or

Telling Time

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.
One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If you’re an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If you’re an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If you’re a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If you’re a Marine Corps aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. But if you’re an Army aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour!!!".

I quite liked this, but erm wouldn't be what you are after...

The value of an Officer VS a NCO
A 2LT was walking home from work one day, when he noticed a little boy sitting on the sidewalk.
The little boy was playing with a pile of sh*t. Curious, the 2LT walked over to the little boy and asked him "Why are you playing with a pile of sh*t?" The little boy replied "I'm building an NCO". The 2LT, amused by this, ran back to the company to get his captain. Upon returning to the little boy, who was still playing with the pile of sh*t, the Captain asked "Son, what are you doing?" The little boy looked up at him and said " I'm building an NCO". The captain being equally amused insisted that they return and get the 1SG. When the three returned the little boy, still playing with his pile of sh*t, was asked by the 1SG "Son, what are you doing?" The little boy again replied "I'm building and NCO". "Why are you building an NCO?" asked the 1SG. The little boy paused and responded "Because I don't have enough sh*t to build an officer"

Military jokes. Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines jokes (http://www.military-quotes.com/jokes/)

charliegolf

7th Oct 2011, 22:13

Or, you could describe your long and deliberate research into rumours of allegedly aristocratic RAF NCO aircrew serving on Nimrods.

And that you eventually uncovered evidence of 2 such (wet) men who could indeed trace their lineage all the way back to their father!:ok:

CG

AGS Man

8th Oct 2011, 07:45

Young Pilot Officer at Akrotiri approached 48 Command Workshops with a Lance Corporal on Guard. Said Guard just waved him through. Pilot Officer says Aren't you going to pay me a compliment. Lance Corporal replies your aftershave smells lovely Sir!

BANANASBANANAS

8th Oct 2011, 08:00

Non specific service joke which you might be able to adapt, as told live on Capital Radio by DJ (and ex Stoker) Mike Osmond.

'Coming to work at Leicester Square at 5.00am yesterday morning, pitch black, cold and raining. A beggar is on the pavement outside the entrance to Capital Radio, sat on his piece of damp cardboard, only got one arm, begging bowl out in front of him and a sign which reads "I lost my arm in the South Atlantic serving my country in 1982." I thought, poor chap, put my hand in my pocket and deposited a crisp 20 pound note into his begging bowl. With tears in his eyes, the ex serviceman picks up the twenty pound note and gives me a heartfelt

"Muchos Gracios Senor":ok:

Old-Duffer

8th Oct 2011, 08:45

A retired and well to do colonel was in the city when he noticed a down and out begging. The colonel recognised the man as his former batman and he approached the ex-soldier, who poured out a sorry story of bad luck and mistakes.

“Now look here, old chap” said the colonel “I’ve a decent country pile and need some help around the house and that sort of stuff. We’ll get you cleaned up and you can start right away”.

The old soldier was duly grateful but asked how might serve his old colonel. “You can start off as though you were my batman as in the old days and just do exactly as you did then” replied the colonel.

The following morning at 0700 sharp, there was a tap on the colonel’s bedroom door, in came the old soldier with a cup of tea. He opened the curtains, placed the tea beside the colonel and wished him a good morning, with a brief word about the weather. He then went to the other side of the bed, pulled back the covers, smacked the colonel’s wife smartly across the bottom and said: “It’s back to the village with you my girl”!

Dengue_Dude

8th Oct 2011, 08:49

Are 'brownie' points and Army tradition too? Or is that a different sort of brown?

Love the flying boot story - I've known some Canberra pilots that would fill THAT boot!

What a fun thread . . .

Bruiser Loose

8th Oct 2011, 09:51

There is a book called 'Laugh with the RAF' by Jim Swift, which is jammed packed with witty jokes and anecdotes from the RAF's history. You may get some inspiration from that.

BL

parabellum

8th Oct 2011, 10:05

2. The exchange major at BAH 1970 was briefing us about his role as FAC instructor. He told us of a pongo who was so thick, even the other pongoes noticed.
He also mentioned that we (Hunter pilots) were so accurate we had to stir the stick to avoid making only one hole in the target.

Probably hard to find a bigger load of tosh than the above. As an ex Army trained FAC I can assure you that if you want the job done properly you call on the Royal Navy, most times the RAF didn't even turn up!

Seldomfitforpurpose

8th Oct 2011, 10:12

Probably hard to find a bigger load of tosh than the above. As an ex Army trained FAC I can assure you that if you want the job done properly you call on the Royal Navy, most times the RAF didn't even turn up!

Got to page 2 before the first one takes the hook, must be a record for this sort of thread :ok:

Boslandew

8th Oct 2011, 10:15

Reminds me of the story I heard from Brunei. The army wanted an RAF Wessex to carry 18 troops for an op. The RAF pilot said, "can't be done, too heavy". An RN Wessex pilot said he'd give it a go, loaded 18, pulled to the hover, re-landed. "See," said the RAF, "can't be done" The RN pilot radio'd, "I'll take three more but thats your lot!!"

Brian 48nav

8th Oct 2011, 10:18

I'm loving this thread, although I've heard a lot of the jokes before; better than the bunfights and slagging-off that seem to be the norm these days!

Wwyvern

8th Oct 2011, 12:06

Wander00

Post 9 - Only ONE out there?

Finningley Boy

8th Oct 2011, 12:31

A variation on Wwyvern's "Where does your NCO sit" Army General being shown around a Phantom at Bruggen evidently asked what typical rank flew this thing, when told typically a Flight Leiutenant, equivelant rank Captain. He then asked what sort of chap sat behind him, when told a Navigator of similar rank, he said "you mean to say you allow little more than junior officers up in these things without a responsible NCO!?"

FB:O

Fareastdriver

8th Oct 2011, 13:14

from Brunei. The army wanted an RAF Wessex to carry 18 troops for an op

Nice piece of FAA b@llsh@t. The RAF never ever ever flew the Wessex in Brunei or Borneo.

Basil

8th Oct 2011, 13:17

After I related tale of, whilst RAF officer cadet, climbing Pen-y-Fan laden with bergens and numerous other heavy items, an Army officer friend remarked "That's an odd way to go looking for an hotel!"

dazjs

8th Oct 2011, 13:48

I am in the army and my sergeant said to me, "I didn't see you at camouflage training this morning!"
To which I replied, "Oh, thank you very much, sir!"

Bruiser Loose

8th Oct 2011, 14:05

Why would you call your sergeant 'Sir?'

Backwards PLT

8th Oct 2011, 14:09

The army can't spell. They spell Joint: A-R-M-Y.

sad but true.

Wizzard

8th Oct 2011, 14:21

Why would you call your sergeant 'Sir?'

First time I heard that one it was the Sergeant Major - hence the 'Sir'

fantom

8th Oct 2011, 15:01

Probably hard to find a bigger load of tosh than the above. As an ex Army trained FAC...

Hmm...I bet you have a 'bushy-topped tree' in your garden.

gijoe

8th Oct 2011, 15:03

BL beat me to it - a fine publication to while away those hours at the Gateway:

LAUGH WITH THE AIR FORCE £1.50 book (http://www.navybooks.com/showdetails.asp?id=537)

G:ok:

langleybaston

8th Oct 2011, 15:23

"Sir" to sergeants?

Foot Guards colour-sergeants are thus addressed by their juniors.

Boslandew

8th Oct 2011, 17:18

The RAF never ever ever flew the Wessex in Brunei or Borneo.??

Perhaps it was Hong Kong? Or was it Singapore? No, I got it it was Cyprus? Or was it, let me think....

If we're taking this seriously, I'm outa here.

Before I go, All the people telling pompous army officer stories? Is all your experience from 1950's war films.....

NutLoose

8th Oct 2011, 17:52

I seem to remember a RAF Wessex tasked to lift a Portacabin up a hill in Ireland for the Army, having worked it all out they figured with a reduced fuel load the lift was on, just.
Portacabin was all rigged and ready to go, on the day off the lift they tried and couldn't shift it, landing on they found the RSM or whatever, had thought.... hmmm if the RAF are shifting this for us, they could also take this this and this, so had filled the said Portacabin to the roof with furniture....

Remember the 72 Sqn Christmas Tree incident?

Boslandew ignore it...

airborne_artist

8th Oct 2011, 17:58

Pere Artist was at the time of this story working in the dark blue bit of MoD with the rank of Commander. He went to a meeting with some green jobs in the green bit and left behind his fountain pen at the end of the meeting.

A day or so later a green job WO rang him. "You left your pen behind after your meeting with Colonel Green, Sir, so I brought it to your office earlier today. You were out, so I left it with your assistant Captain Smith."

fabs

8th Oct 2011, 18:07

Mate of mine (pilot in the AAC) attended our Summer Ball, he was spotted by harry stash who bounded over and bantered 'if you wanted to be a proper pilot you should've joined the RAF'
Quick as a flash he replied 'you're right sir but I'd rather be a proper officer'.

BEagle

8th Oct 2011, 18:27

Taking the piss out of pongoes is like taking sweets from a child. Very easy but rather cruel.....

Pontius Navigator

8th Oct 2011, 19:10

Given the French joke above here is a variation:

An aircraft was carrying three golfers, comprising an Englishman, a Frenchman, and an Algerian. An hour into the trip the pilot comes into the cabin and says that the aircraft is losing height and all loose articles etc must be thrown overboard.

After a moment the Englishman opens the door and throws out his golf clubs and says God Save the Queen. but the pilot returns and says that an engine has failed and somebody will have to make the ultimate sacrifice the Algerian opens the door, throws out his clubs and says Allah be praised.

but the pilot returns and says the aircraft is still descending and more weight must be saved. The Frenchman stands up, goes to the door, turns and says: “Viva La France”, and throws the Algerian out.

Spartacan

8th Oct 2011, 19:25

I have a copy of 'LAUGH WITH THE AIR FORCE' which I purchased at the Fleet Air Arm Museum . . .

Hers is a true Army story with an aeronautical bent

An Uncle of mine was CO of the 9th Bn The Parachute Regiment sometime in the 1950's. At that time the Regimental Mascot was a Chimpanzee. Some bright spark decided that, being the Parachute Regiment, the Ape has best earn his Red Beret by joining the troops on a jump.

The plan duly agreed said ape was trussed into a parachute harness and taken airborne in (I think) a Dakota. The ape was duly thrown out on a static line - followed by his keeper. The assembled audience on the landing ground watch expectantly as the parachute deployed and the ape assumed the perfect position - legs astride and arms holding the rigging whilst he scanned around. Problem solved! Down came the ape with all going very well until . . .

Said ape looked down and saw the ground rising up to meet him . . . Clearly thinking with the most basic parts of the monkey brain said ape chose the obvious way out of the situation - and climbed back up the rigging !

Roadster280

8th Oct 2011, 21:06

The army can't spell. They spell Joint: A-R-M-Y.

sad but true.

This thread's a bit like planning the invasion of Europe with an army of 5 blokes. Lots of grand plans and back-slapping, but sod all relation to reality.

Meanwhile the other services continue to snigger at you.

Do carry on chaps...

Backwards PLT

8th Oct 2011, 21:32

Touched a nerve? :E

Roadster280

8th Oct 2011, 22:16

Not at all.

I'm sitting on a balcony overlooking the Gulf of Mexico reading this thread, beer in hand, reflecting on life in general, and the choices I made ealier in life (ie Army, paid attention at school).

Banter's all well and good, but there seems to be some line of thought here that the RAF has some kind of intellectual superiority, if I can call it that. Granted there's some real thick t**ts in the Army, and some prize d**ks in the officer corps, but it's the same in the air force, and probably worse in the Navy.

The fact is though, the RAF's been sold down the river by its frankly naive leadership and know-nothing politicians. It's now merely a third of the size of the Army, has a handful of bases and sod all equipment. Worse, over the years, lots of RAF airfields are now, or will be, Army barracks. Abingdon, Wattisham, Dishforth, Colerne, Waterbeach, Woodbridge, Leconfield, Brueggen, Gutersloh, Tern Hill, St Athan, Topcliffe, Leuchars, Kinloss, North Luffenham etc.

I'm just not seeing the intellectual superiority. No big deal, no nerve hit, but just a bit puzzling.

Back to the beer :ok:

mini

8th Oct 2011, 22:52

This is going to be good :E

*sits back with his popcorn*

diginagain

8th Oct 2011, 23:31

This is going to be good
Not really. All of the obvious ones have been done. I suppose the OP might open with an apology, for the date of formation, habits versus traditions, polycotton trousers/white socks combo etc.

500N

8th Oct 2011, 23:48

"All of the obvious ones have been done."

Are you sure ?

Haven't seen any yet mentioning Navigation and missing drop zones:O

jamesdevice

9th Oct 2011, 01:01

"An Uncle of mine was CO of the 9th Bn The Parachute Regiment sometime in the 1950'"
From Wikidpaedia:
"The 9th (Eastern and Home Counties) Parachute Battalion was an airborne infantry battalion of the Parachute Regiment, raised by the British Army during the Second World War. Formed by the conversion of the 10th Battalion, Essex Regiment to parachute duties.....
"After the war the battalion was sent to Palestine on internal security operations with the 6th Airborne Division. Post-war army reductions in 1948 saw the battalion being amalgamated with the 8th Parachute Battalion as the 8th/9th Parachute Battalion, but by the end of the year the new battalion had been disbanded"

Story sounds like Horlicks

Aileron Roll

9th Oct 2011, 03:01

If Army are attending, will they be using knives and forks?

Seldomfitforpurpose

9th Oct 2011, 03:04

Old-Duffer

9th Oct 2011, 06:00

British officer and Gurhka soldier are attacked by Jap patrol and have no time to fire their weapons. Gurhka soldier rushes forwards and whirl of movement, draws his Kukri and quickly decapitates most of the enemy, leaving one standing stock still.

"I say Rambahadur, that's pretty impressive stuff but you've missed one" says Brit officer.

"No sahab, just wait 'till he shakes his head".

parabellum

9th Oct 2011, 06:51

Hmm...I bet you have a 'bushy-topped tree' in your garden.

Many! It is just one hectare, some spectacular gums among them too!

(Beagle - Given that the paint is only just dry on the very first ever sign that said "Royal Air Force" and the colours of some of our most famous regiments are several hundred years old, hanging in cathedrals throughout the land, you should appreciate that when the RAF try, "Taking the piss out of pongoes" it is exactly like a very precocious, bad tempered brat answering back to it's parents!;))

Vortex_Generator

9th Oct 2011, 07:28

You could make something of the fact that whilst some Corps and Regiments enjoy the "Royal" prefix, the army as a whole, unlike the other 2 services, has distinctly republican roots!

Pontius Navigator

9th Oct 2011, 07:33

The General told the assembly, go and secure three hotels in town.

The Army duly formed up an assault team and cordon party, sealed off the hotel, blew the doors in and cleared each floor room by room.

The Navy sent a shore patrol in a tilly, they entered the hotel, shut all the windows, turned off the lights and locked the doors.

The RAF sent an officer and accountant and booked all the rooms for a month with an option to purchase.

J.A.F.O.

9th Oct 2011, 07:52

Brueggen?

Post edited due to my own apparent ignorance of alternative spellings of German place names.

Exascot

9th Oct 2011, 08:28

Given that the paint is only just dry on the very first ever sign that said "Royal Air Force" and the colours of some of our most famous regiments are several hundred years old, hanging in cathedrals throughout the land, you should appreciate that when the RAF try, "Taking the piss out of pongoes" it is exactly like a very precocious, bad tempered brat answering back to it's parents!

And, I can't think of an original one :{

However, fact: I had to divert going into Calgary and had two options, guess Edmonton was one, can't remember the other. It made no difference to me. I called the Capt in charge of the detachment on board forward and asked him which he preferred operationally. He had to send for his Sgt Major :hmm:

goudie

9th Oct 2011, 08:36

Whilst serving in Borneo a young private, supplemented his personal items of toiletries, by writing to various manufacturers of said products, praising their durability and usefulness etc. in the hot, humid climate of the jungle.
Invariably he would receive a reply and a small parcel containing samples of the product, which he used or sold to his mates.
A junior RAF officer heard of this wheeze and decided to try it. He wrote to Gillette, telling them that he'd been using the same blade, in the jungle, for a year and it was as good as the day he bought it. Gillette replied, thanking him, saying they had great pleasure in enclosing another year's supply!

Clockwork Mouse

9th Oct 2011, 09:09

He had to send for his Sgt Major.
Sounds like a good officer and sound leader to consult someone with considerable wisdom and experience before he makes a significant decision.

drustsonoferp

9th Oct 2011, 10:49

JAFO,

I fear you are showing your ignorance wrt Germany. Perhaps you ought to have paid a little more attention at school?

k3k3

9th Oct 2011, 11:32

JAFO,

With umlaut: Brüggen.
Without umlaut: Brueggen.

airborne_artist

9th Oct 2011, 12:36

However, fact: I had to divert going into Calgary and had two options, guess Edmonton was one, can't remember the other. It made no difference to me. I called the Capt in charge of the detachment on board forward and asked him which he preferred operationally. He had to send for his Sgt Major

But if the aircraft captain had included the loadmaster it would have been called CRM, or working as a team ;)

ShyTorque

9th Oct 2011, 13:05

Two true stories:

1) I landed my Puma at Holdfast Camp, Belize and was awaiting the arrival of the CO. I don't remember his name but he always said "Don't call me Major *****, call me Rocky".

Rocky had only been in theatre a couple of weeks. Whilst at Airport Camp, after his arrival on the VC10 and a few welcome drinks he had pronounced a morbid fear of snakes. He had announced that he intended to collect some "jungle specimens" so he could get over his fear.

Anyway, while we waited, at the back of the OM at Holdfast were a number of newly constructed wood and glass cages, all containing snakes, obviously very recently put there by "Rocky". As I used to look after our squadron mascot, a python, I was was well used to snakes so I went over to have a closer look. I decided to see if a three foot long Boa in one of them would allow me to handle it. I opened the lid and carefully put my hand in the cage. The snake immediately tensed up and recoiled into a strike position. I relaxed my hand and arm and waited there for it to calm down.

Just as I did so, "Rocky" appeared behind me shouting "Don't do that - I'm the only person who can handle that snake"!

He immediately put his hand right in front of mine, whereupon the snake took exception, struck hard and sunk its fangs right into him.

I can still see the look of horror on his face as he recoiled backwards with a snake impaled on his hand :E

2). We were flying the Grenadier Guards (who were the "Berlin" regiment at the time), during their annual exercise in Northern Germany. The exercise went on all week. On the final day, the "Mad Major" (a nickname given by his own men) briefed us about the final battle of the exercise. He wanted to stay behind until the last minute to watch his men depart. My final sortie was to fly him, so he could "leapfrog" ahead to observe "coup de grace" from close quarters.

No problem so far. He then said he would be actually sitting in his "Land. Rover", which he wanted underslinging, so he could point the way!

I told him I couldn't allow that as it was unsafe.

His answer: "That's quite alright. I'll put my seatbelt on and wear goggles"!

I then respectfully pointed out three things. Firstly, from experience, that type of "Land. Rover" spun round and round in flight. He would get very dizzy. Secondly, pointing the way for us wasn't required and in any event we couldn't see him under the aircraft. Thirdly, in the event of a load malfunction or engine failure, the first thing I would do was to jettison the load. How his NCOs sniggered.

He drove. :ok:

J.A.F.O.

9th Oct 2011, 13:52

Re: Brüggen

Always happy to learn. So, why not use the umlaut? That's how it always appeared during my time there.

I have little doubt that I ought to have paid more attention, not only at school but in many other areas of my life, too.

Dominoe

9th Oct 2011, 14:15

Check audience first!

Q. Whats the differance between a Marine and a piece of toast?
A. You can make a Soldier out of a piece of toast.

Q. Whats the differance between a Royal Marine and an endowment policy
A. An endowment policy usually matures after 25 years!

SOSL

9th Oct 2011, 14:52

Q. What's the difference between a pilot and a jet engine?

A. The jet engine stops whining at the end of the sorty.

langleybaston

9th Oct 2011, 15:16

Stop me if I have told you this true tale before.

Met. men in BFG had a strange status: civilians, subject to Air Force Law, with a Dormant RAFVR commission all made out, and a variety of uniforms held in store ...... this against the day WW III cracked off.

However, some Met. men also had exercise deployment duties with HQ 1BR Corps or the Harrier Force, or indeed NATO.

It was deemed inappropriate to wear the RAFVR uniform, and equally inappropriate to wear a pair of jeans and a Hawaii shirt, so we were officially to be kitted in DPMs by the ARMY, and wearing a natty little Met. Office badge on the shoulders.

The army does have a sense of humour.

I went to see a QM or his WO at Bielefeld to draw my kit: all above board, ID, Pass, Chit.

Not a single pair of trousers was anywhere near short enough [I am vertically challended, as also intellectualy].

"Is there nobody in the army my size"

"Yessir ........ he popped in for the trousers only yesterday!"

The off-cuts from the legs made rotten camo. handkerchiefs.

Pontius Navigator

9th Oct 2011, 16:30

"All of the obvious ones have been done."

Are you sure ?

Haven't seen any yet mentioning Navigation and missing drop zones:O

Well there was this navigator:

In a bar in Nairobi a bunch of drunks decided it was a good idea to duff up this chap, black eyes, bloody nose, the lot. Made a real mess of him.

A short while later, the same bunch, now more or less sober, embark on Albert en route to a drop zone somewhere near the coast.

Revenge was sweet. The nav dropped them near the coast but the wrong side of the beach :)

parabellum

10th Oct 2011, 01:20

Pontius - You didn't tell us what the Nav said or did that would warrant his being duffed up in the first place?

Ogre

10th Oct 2011, 02:02

Going back to the original question, was there not some famous quote about an RAF officer at some tri-service function being introduced as
"a member of the Cinderella of the armed forces", to which the reply was "I don't know much about Cinderella, other than the fact that she had two ugly sisters...."

Exascot

10th Oct 2011, 08:38

But if the aircraft captain had included the loadmaster it would have been called CRM, or working as a team

She was sitting on my knee at the time surely that is what is meant by CRM ;)

charliegolf

10th Oct 2011, 08:51

Pontius - You didn't tell us what the Nav said or did that would warrant his being duffed up in the first place?

Well he was a Nav, wasn't he?:E

CG

Pontius Navigator

10th Oct 2011, 09:11

CG, that indeed was no doubt the crime except that I don't think the squaddies knew that at the time.

It might have been like at the Lazy Leopard Lounge, tiered seating and everyone singing like a Glee Club. Naturally we did not know the words and thought that Ilkley Moor was a better song. We were encouraged to give a rendition which, IMHO, despite the vast quantities of Storz already consummed was rendered well.

However this Brit Nav down the front took exception and tried to get us to shut up until in turn he was told to be quiet by the Pianist :)

jamesman

10th Oct 2011, 09:11

Thank you Pruners for being so helpful!:O

Obviously some whilst great may go down better than others. Bearing in mind I am sitting next to my Brigadier through the whole evening, one hopes he has a sense of humour or its curtains for me!

I will have to brief my Gp Capt to ensure that he laughs loudly and encourages others to do so!! True jointery!

Jamesman

Occasional Aviator

10th Oct 2011, 19:01

Good luck James. My only advice would be not to go too far. The Army is much more tribal than the RAF and although I have some firm friends in the militia, they just don't have the same collective sense of humour the RAF does - not saying they don't have one, just that what makes a guards officer laugh might offend an LE AAC officer and vice versa.

dagenham

10th Oct 2011, 21:41

no wessex in brunei - check wiki

Wessex 54Military transport version of the HC.2 for the Brunei Air Wing, two built - granted RBR not RAF or FAA but they were there

probably mean whirlwind - then it would be true

orgASMic

11th Oct 2011, 14:02

Before being dined out of the Mess at Guetersloh as one of the token Crabs, it was pointed out to me by an AAC officer that 'Army Air Corps' is an anagram of 'Sorry, I am crap' which, of course, I subsequently used in my speech after dinner. Though I did qualify it by saying that I didn't think they were that crap and, even if they were, they would not apologise.:ok:

Roadster280

11th Oct 2011, 14:08

Anagrams are great, aren't they?

Q. Which organisation has an "oral fairy core"?

Fareastdriver

11th Oct 2011, 14:43

no wessex in brunei - check wiki

I have checked, two built. Brunei Air Wing - check Wiki -no trace.

Wiki is wrong about the Brunei Air Wing. I remember the first Wessex for Brunei transiting through RAF Changi in about 1970 because it overnighted in 110 Sqn's hanger.

Not that it matters. The only time that the RAF and Navy were out there together was during Confrontation and Brunei sub contracted Worldwide Helicopters then.

ex-fast-jets

11th Oct 2011, 15:08

Was "Confrontation" between the RAF and Navy, or were others involved?????

goudie

11th Oct 2011, 15:19

Was "Confrontation" between the RAF and Navy, or were others involved?????

As I vaguely recall, there was some confrontation between the RAF and the RNZAF rugby teams down Bugis St., with a honey melon substituting for the ball.
I believe the Navy was too busy chatting up the local 'talent' to participate!

Old-Duffer

11th Oct 2011, 15:27

Depending on the precise date, there were plenty of Wessex in Borneo 1965 onwards.

The RN operated 845 and 848 turn and turn about, orginally with the single engined Mk 1 and later the twin engined Mk 5.

To refer back to an earlier post the RAF had three guys with 845 (Harry, John and Al) so in a sense the RAF had Wessex in Borneo by proxy.

BomberH, the RAF and RN worked remarkably well together during Confrontation, particularly when the RN needed a Belvedere to lift a Wessex out of some remote place (except the occasion when the unslung Wessex started to swing and the Belvedere pilot stamped on the hook quick release, sending the Wessex to its unmarked final resting place somewhere under the trees).

Pontius Navigator

11th Oct 2011, 15:38

OD, a nav, whom I met years later, was on Gannets. They were flying a barrier patrol off Butterworth and he crashed out on a spare bed in our room a couple of times during the night. Come the dawn he had gone. It was 20 years later that I met him at Buchan.

hval

11th Oct 2011, 16:48

500N

Haven't seen anyone yet mentioning Navigation and missing drop zones

Funny you should say that.

I know a retired Army Warrant Officer (wasn't a Warrant Officer then) who was dropped in to Sweetwater canal during the Suez action. This was due to navigation error. He was not chuffed one iota. For those interested, his name is on a plaque in Leeming SHQ (or it was).

Old-Duffer

12th Oct 2011, 05:57

Story can be adapted to local situation.

Soldier in full combats, enters pub and says to barman: “Paddy (or whatever) give me a pie and pint and look sharp about it”.

The barman replies that he can’ serve the soldier ‘cause there’s an IRA man (or whatever) sitting in the corner and if the barman serves the soldier, the IRA man (or whatever) will blow up the pub.

The soldier crosses over to the man in the corner and asks if he’s the ‘whatever’ and gets a response in the affirmative – explain to Army audience that this means; YES. The soldier draws his bayonet and with two quick slashes he separates the ‘whatever’s’ ears from his head. He picks up the ears and returns to the bar where he says to the barman; “Now give me a pie and pint and no more of your lip”.

The pie and beer are produced in record time and the soldier slices the pie in half, puts the ears inside and starts to chomp away.

The barman (and most of you prunners) are aghast at this and he says to the soldier; “You’re the roughest, toughest British soldier I’ve ever seen; are you SAS, Parachute Regt or Commandos?”.

“None of those” says the soldier “I’m Pioneer Corps”

jamesman

12th Oct 2011, 11:54

Thank you all again. Tomorrow night will be filled with regailed stories! Hopefully there will be no sense of humour failures!!

Writing the speech as I type (multi tasking!!):D

jamesman

sitigeltfel

12th Oct 2011, 12:51

One of my NCO's went on a course at a large Army base. On his return I asked him how things went. He said the course was fine, but the NAAFI was a bit rough. When he went in, they Army types would be sitting with their feet up on the tables, quaffing and spilling their pints, spitting, swearing and scratching their parts while flicking fag ends at him.

"And you know sir" he said, "the blokes were just as bad!"

EODFelix

12th Oct 2011, 13:00

Could recount this story:

How The Military Deal With Snakes

Infantry
Tracks snake through jungle. Snake smells them and quickly leaves area, travelling upwind.

Parachute Regiment
Lands on and kills snake.

Armour
Runs over snake, laughs and looks for more snakes.

Cavalry
Treats snake with haughty disdain as having no impact on primary objective - to hold London against Roundheads at all costs.

Royal Marine Commando
Plays with snake, gets smashed with snake. Eats snake.

Combat Engineer
Studies snake. Prepares tactical plan for fixing snake using counter-mobility assets and defeating snake using mobility assets. Chain of command pay no attention. Snake falls into hole dug by infantry and drowns.

Artillery
Fires 3 hour concentrated barrage. Misses snake. Tree blown up by stray round falls on snake and kills it. Mission declared successful and all participants awarded gallantry medals.

Special Forces
Makes contact with snake and, ignoring Foreign Office directives, builds rapport with snake and starts winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files massive expenses claim. Writes best-seller "Python Two Zero".

Army Medical Services
Snake dies by mistake on operating table. Dissects snake.

Royal Navy
Fires 183 missiles from 17 ships. Estimates 60% of snake killed. Makes PowerPoint presentation to MoD Select Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost effective means of conducting anti-snake operations.

TA
Kills snake by accident on weekend camp. Keeps quiet about it.

RAF
Obtains geo-co-ordinates for snake. Alerts 40 Tornadoes, 20 Typhoons, RAF Regiment. Loads laser-guided bombs by mistake. Flies in at 20,000 feet. Can't find snake. Drops bombs in sea on way home. Returns to base for crew rest, dry-cleaning collection, facial and manicure.

Intelligence Corps
Snake? What snake? Only 4 of 35 indicators of snake presence currently active. Assesses potential for snake activity as low. Dies of snake-bite.

Defence Logistics Organisation
Orders 2 year study by Anderson Consultants at cost of £1.5M, generating massive workload at Grade 1 staff level. Report finds that killing snake may contribute to 20% output costing savings by inclusion of snake meat in tri-Service messing. Snake Meat Implementation Team formed, with 2-star tri-Service steering group. Aim to introduce snake meat into all messes and ration packs by 2004. Snake experts from Special Forces and Gurkhas say they do not know what they are talking about. High profile £2M PR campaign launched featuring celebrity chef Ainsley Harriott and retired 4-star officers keen to supplement their excessive pensions. Snake meat launched in Service messes and restaurants to resounding clamour of apathy. Desperate to recoup lost money, Army demolishes 300 married quarters and sells snake meat holdings to Indian and Canadian Armed Forces.

Defence Procurement Agency
Decide they want to buy a Snake. Offer ambiguous contract out for tender. Contract states that an eel will be supplied as Government Furnished Equipment and must be modified to meet the performance characteristics of a snake as laid out in the aforementioned ambiguous contract. 6 years late and 3 billion pounds over budget, the project is scrapped and a COTS snake is bought from the USA for $10 billion.

Adjutant General
Respects and values the snake's unique contribution, irrespective of its race, ethnic origin, religion or gender and without reference to social background or sexual orientation. Loses interest.

Wander00

12th Oct 2011, 13:03

As an RAF sqn ldr I was on a long course at a then almost entirely army-manned base near Winchester. On the occasions that I had to mention to soldiers the normal courtesy of saluting officers, the usual response was "Sorry, Sir. Thought you were MOD Guard Force". A quiet word with the RSM soon sorted things out - anyway, not many of the guard force were entlted to a flying badge on the woolly-pully.

EODFelix

12th Oct 2011, 13:09

The SAS, the army and the RAF police decide to go on a survival weekend together to see who comes out top. After some basic exercises, the trainer tells them their next objective is to go down into the woods and come back with a rabbit for tea.

First up are the SAS. They don their infra red goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by a loud bang and a single muffled shot. They emerge with a rabbit, shot cleanly through the forehead.

"Excellent" says the trainer.

Next up are the Army. They finish their cans of lager, cover themselves in camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of machine gun fire, mortar bombs, hand grenades and blood-curdling war cries. Eventually, they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.

"A bit messy, but you got a result. Well done" says the trainer.

Lastly, in go the coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs, whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by the occasional crackle of a walkie talkie: "sierra oscar one, suspect headed straight for you" etc. After what seems an eternity, they emerge, escorting a squirrel in handcuffs.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" asks the incredulous trainer. "Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit, like I asked you 5 hours ago!"

So back they go. Minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours, day turns to night. The next morning the trainer and the rest of the crew are awakened by the RAF police, holding the squirrel, now covered in bruises.

"Are you taking the piss?" asks the seriously irate trainer.

The RAF police team leader shoots a glance at the squirrel, who squeaks: "Alright, alright, I'm a ***king rabbit..."

EODFelix

12th Oct 2011, 13:10

General
Faster than a speeding bullet.
More powerful than a locomotive.
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound.
Walks on water.
Lunches with God, but must pick up tab.
Colonel
Almost as fast as a speeding bullet.
More powerful than a shunting engine on a steep incline.
Leaps short buildings with a single bound.
Walks on water if sea is calm.
Talks to God.
Lieutenant-Colonel
Faster than an energetically thrown rock.
Almost as powerful as a speeding bullet.
Leaps short buildings with a running start in favourable winds.
Walks on water of indoor swimming pools if lifeguard is present.
May be granted audience with God if special request is approved at least 3 days in advance.
Major
Can fire a speeding bullet with tolerable accuracy.
Loses tug-of-war against anything mechanical.
Makes impressively high marks when trying to leap tall buildings.
Swims well.
Is occasionally addressed by God, in passing.
Captain
Can sometimes handle firearm without shooting self.
Is run over by trains.
Barely clears outhouse.
Doggy paddles.
Mumbles to self.
Lieutenant
Is dangerous to self and comrades if armed and unsupervised.
Recognises trains two out of three times.
Runs into tall buildings.
Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of life jacket and water wings.
Talks to walls.
2nd Lieutenant
Can be trusted with either gun or ammunition, but never both.
Must have train ticket pinned to jacket and mittens tied to sleeves.
Falls over doorsteps while trying to enter tall buildings.
Plays in mud puddles.
Stutters.
Officer Cadet
Under no circumstances to be issued with gun or ammunition, and must even be closely
supervised when handling sharp pieces of paper - staples are right out.
Says: "Look at choo choo!"
Not allowed inside buildings of any size.
Makes good boat anchor.
Mere existence makes God shudder.
Sergeant-Major
Catches hypersonic APFSD sabot depleted uranium long rod penetrators in his teeth and eats them.
Kicks bullet trains off their tracks.
Uproots tall buildings and walks under them.
Freezes water with a single glance; parts it with trifling gesture.
IS God..

Old-Duffer

12th Oct 2011, 16:47

National Service Story:

A group of friends meet in a pub after one of them has been for his National Service medical.

He recounts that towards the end of the examination, the doctor asks him to drop his trousers and then enquires how long he has been wearing a truss. The boy says he told the doctor about six years and the doctor then writes; “MU” in large red letters on the youth’s file.

The boy asks the doctor what this means and the doctor explains that ‘MU’ stands for ‘medically unfit’ because he has been wearing a truss for so long.

Another youth, who is having his medical in a few days, asks his friend if he can borrow a truss in order to be declared unfit for military service when the doctor sees him wearing it.

The same process is followed and when the second youth drops his trousers, the medic asks how long the boy has been wearing a truss. “About five or six years” comes the reply, at which point the doctor writes “ME” on the candidate’s file in large blue letters.

“Excuse me Sir, but shouldn’t that be ‘MU’ for medically unfit because I wear a truss?” asks the boy.

“No” replies the doctor, “ME stands for Middle East. If you can wear a truss back to front for six years, you’re fit enough to ride a camel”

Old Duffer

Old-Duffer

13th Oct 2011, 05:53

Well Jamesman,

You've benefitted from the collective humour of ppruners everywhere - heaven help you!

As an aside, you could weave into your speech how you sought illumination and inspiration from this site and you could even hint at some of the more unsuitable suggestions.

As I think I mentioned early on in this Thread; Good taste is everything!

Please report back.

Old Duffer

WS-G

13th Oct 2011, 22:45

(from Old Duffer)

...Still the aircraft is losing height and a Para Regt officer gets up next, goes to the rear door, salutes and says: “Remember Goose Green” and throws out the Argie.

Maybe the Argie was a Fuerza Aerea loadmaster back in the '70s?

Gulfstreamaviator

14th Oct 2011, 09:04

if this thread is not running, then my legs are too short.

glf

jamesman

14th Oct 2011, 11:34

All,

Thank you again for all your anecdotes. As I sit at my desk, nursing a ravaged body and head, I managed to spin a number of your stories into the dinner night last night, all very well received!

Interestingly, as I used the post #8 from fantom as a prelude to the comfort break, I was then picked up on that fact that I as the RAF officer was the only person who did actually wash ones hands after using the facilities. The dirty beggars!!!!

And OD, used your 'off to the village with you dear' story to round off the dinner.

However, turns out that the RE 1* down thoroughly enjoyed the Army put downs! They do have a sense of humour!!

Thanks again.......off to die in the corner somewhere again!

As a final request, .................any good advice on hangovers??? Sadly no oxygen available.:sad:

Jamesman

diginagain

14th Oct 2011, 11:51

Pleased to hear it went well.
As a final request, .................any good advice on hangovers???
Get back on the horse.

NutLoose

14th Oct 2011, 12:01

As I think I mentioned early on in this Thread; Good taste is everything!

Please report back.

Old Duffer

So the

Army officer posted to some desert backwater miles from anywhere arrives and looking around the motley collection of tents in the middle of nowhere turns to the Sgt and says, "Sgt, what do you guys do for entertainment, I mean there is nothing" the Sgt point over to a camel tied to a post sitting out in the sun and replies, "when we get desperate we use old Mildred over there"...
Months go by and finally the officer can stand it any more, he rushes past the Sgt out to Mildred saying " I can't stand it any longer", drops his trousers and go's at it....... Sgt looks on as the Officer turns and says "God this is awful, how can you do this Sgt?" to which he replies "We don't, we all ride old mildred into the local town where there are plenty of women"

Wouldn't go down well then :p

rolling20

17th Dec 2017, 19:00

Thought I would revive this little forum :) I was told this joke many moons ago, made me laugh at the time. Colonel Farquhar has a Batman called Wibble. It is Wibble this and Wibble that all day long. 'Tea Wibble'. 'My boots Wibble'. 'My pressed uniform Wibble'. One day the Colonel tells Wibble to run him a bath and to make it very soapy. The Colonel is relaxing in the bath and has the urge to pass wind and does so, somewhat loudly, bubbles popping all over. Five minutes later Wibble appears and says, 'Here is your water bottle sir!'. The old boy is somewhat miffed and says , 'I didn't order a water bottle Wibble!'. Wibble replies, yes you did sir, 'I distinctly heard you say, WHATABOUTAWATERBOTTLEWIBBLE......

Bigbux

17th Dec 2017, 21:34

You want banter?

Tell them the RAF Regiment are one of the "Big Three"... You'll have them rolling in the aisles... :ok:

You don't get banter, do you.:ugh:

Old-Duffer

18th Dec 2017, 16:15

Well here's a quip to start with.

The Royal Navy has traditions
The Army has customs
The Royal Air Force has habits

O-D

Herod

18th Dec 2017, 16:20

The RAF is the "Cinderella Service", being the youngest. Of course, that means there are two ugly sisters!

Sloppy Link

18th Dec 2017, 16:36

I thought the RAF were the joke, the funniest bit being they don't realise it!

handysnaks

18th Dec 2017, 17:08

From the 669 Sqn AAC Line Book at RAF Wildenrath (Callsigns, Altitudes, Headings and distances may not be accurate, it was some time ago now)

Beaver Pilot "Gutersloh Radar, Army Air xxx Level FL 60 Heading 255"

Passing Lightning "Gutersloh Radar, any chance of vectors to the Beaver for a practice intercept?"

Gutersloh Radar " Roger Turn Left Heading 225, 20 miles

Lightning "Left 225, not visual"

Gutersloh Radar "Maintain Heading 225, 15 miles'

Lightning "Roger, not visual"

Gutersloh Radar " Right 230, 10 miles

Lightning "Right 230, not visual

Gutersloh Radar " Maintain 230, 5 miles

Lightning Roger "Not visual"

Gutersloh Radar " 230, 3 miles"

Lightning "Roger, No contact"

Beaver " Would you like me to switch my lights on to make things easier?"

Well, it was funny when I read it :)

goudie

18th Dec 2017, 17:30

My ex-matelot chum attributed the 'RAF has habits' to an Admiral and apparently I was ' bad habits!'

mgahan

18th Dec 2017, 19:18

Always thought this was appropriate

MJG
WGCDR (Retd)

bspatz

18th Dec 2017, 19:22

I was sitting next to an Army captain in a Herc as we crossed the French coast heading for Lyneham when the Nav announced over the intercom that our position was west of the Cherbourg Peninsular. Looking out of the window and cross checking with his Letts pocket diary map, the Captain became rather concerned that this was inaccurate and that we were actually east of the peninsular rather nearer Le Havre than Cherbourg. I suggested that he inform the loady who invited him up to the flight deck where a short conversation with the Nav which revealed that he was indeed right and it would seem that his trusty Letts pocket diary map was more accurate than the Herc’s nav aids. (I think the Nav was navigating between beacons and was being a bit lazy and had not bothered to look out the window)