Apocryphal SWO stories out there.......

[Dundiggin']

There must be some classic stories about SWOs you have met, out there..........;)

[air pig]

Sgts mess at Waddington in early 80s, unkempt ATC CI sat in foyer, in chair usually reserved for Senior NCOs and the SWOs 'friends'

SWO 'who are you'

CI 'Pratt Sir'

SWO 'I asked who you are not what you are'

Other ATC staff disappear into distance at great speed and laughing.

[Airborne Aircrew]

I'm wondering how this thread will have even the tiniest chance of being what it could be with the new crack down on naughty words... :ugh:

[acmech1954]

Many stories and legends about one incredible SWO - Bernie Lawton - enough said :D

[minigundiplomat]

Back on 2001, I used to get on alright with our SWO, and was having a coffee with him in the mess one lunchtime, when he told me he was posted. Very quietly, he added that we were soon to have a female SWO.

There is a brief interlude, whilst I spent 3 months at sea, a little time at Bagram, and then about 6 weeks leave. I then return to the mess, sporting lengthy sideburns.

Having a beer with a friend, I am approached by a short serious looking bloke, who tells me my sideburns are outrageous.

'I know - there 'frickin' cool aren't they'

'They need a good couple of inches taken off them'

'Chill out, who do you think you are, the 'frickin' SWO or someone?'

'I am the Station Warrant Officer, and I'm telling you those sideburns need a trim'

Lengthy swig of lager by both parties......

'Look mate, I don't know who you are but your beginning to get on my nerves now. Why don't you just 'frick' off?'

Notice drinking partner turning blue behind him......

'I beg your pardon....'

'Look mate, everyone knows the SWO is a bird. Now do one!'

Glint of a smile by short serious looking individual, more vivid colours coming from drinking partner....

'Ah, allow me to introduce myself, WO [female sounding first name], the Station Warrant Officer'.

'Ah....'

'Ah...indeed Sarge. Sideburns, razor... go. I'll see you in the morning'

To be fair, I trimmed my sidies [he did check], he saw the funny side of it and was posted within 3 months, only for the old SWO to return. When I related the story to the old SWO he laughed for days.

[Melchett01]

Not quite a SWO, but on recollection, I think the SWO took his lead from our formidable Irish Wg WO on our rather small but very select unit.

At said WO's top table after a particularly turbulent tour which had seen 3 OCs in the space of 5 years, all of them thrusters, but the middle on in particular being a pain and causing no end of problems with his thrusting. After the usual nods of thanks and tall tails, he proceeded to get a pace up as he headed to the punchline of his retirement speech. Now bearing in mind that 2 of those 3 OCs were in the audience, the entire room was initially stunned before then giving him a standing ovation after his statement of:

"Sirs, I think its fair to say we all know it has been a hard few years for the unit with constant deployments. As far as I'm concerned (now looking directly at both ex-OCs) you are both responsible for that.

Gp Capt X. You left 18 months too early. Wg Cdr Z. You arrived 18 months too late. And because of your collective inability to sort yourselves out on the posting plot, we had to put up with that absolute shower of sht running the place for 18 months in the middle."

Now how's that for a shot across the bows. The privileges of being a retiring WO!

[Lima Juliet]

Most SWOs are egotistical bullies who rhyme with "clucking anchor". An outdated concept for when we had conscripts from National Service, but these days just an uneccesary annoyance for the volunteers that make up a professional service. Let's face it, any senior NCO or officer can tell a subordinate to "get a hair cut" or "trim sideburns". Sounds like a defence saving to me...:ok:

LJ

[parabellum]

Not sure what the SWO mans job is in wartime, (remember, what we train for?), but an RSM in the Army is responsible for distribution of ammunition and rations, (and discipline), for that you need someone who has A). the 'big picture' and B). the necessary authority, not a job for "any old SNCO".

[BANANASBANANAS]

Apocryphal maybe but here goes anyway.

Airman taking short cut back to work after lunch is walking over the grass outside handbrake house. SWO's window flies open and airman is treated to:

"Airman, only 2 people get to walk on that grass. Dogs and God - and even he asks my permission first."

[Herc-u-lease]

MGD,
i'm sure you remember the infamous SWO with a glass eye, Mr Terry B*****l. He was the epitome of a SWO and the trick was to get on the side of his glass eye as he couldn't always make out if you had long burners or not. the day he caught me most by surprise was when i strolled into MT in coveralls, hands in pockets and long burners - the shock on my face said it all when i realized he wasn't the usual MT chap. swift dressing down commenced. believe he went for the WO commissioning scheme.

SWOs are worth their weight in gold and the mere threat of being seen by the SWO keeps standards higher IMO. and who the hell would sort out Battle of Britain reception blah funerals and parades if they weren't around?

[500N]

"Not sure what the SWO mans job is in wartime, (remember, what we train for?), but an RSM in the Army is responsible for distribution of ammunition and rations, (and discipline), for that you need someone who has A). the 'big picture' and B). the necessary authority, not a job for "any old SNCO"."

Wounded Soldiers
KIA arrangements
Prisoners of War

[back end o' the bus]

I know a loadie that did the SWO's job at BZN!!!!:D:=

[Old-Duffer]

My experience is that there are as many variations of SWO as there are of any rank and trade. The difference is that the SWO is in a unique position to 'set the trend' at a unit.

If the SWO is a bad un, it permeates through the entire unit but a good un is a godsend and can make a unit 'zing'.

When the current Mrs O-D was somebody in authority at a place not far from Oakham, the SWO was a top notch guy who was a character in every sense of the word and participated in most aspects of the social life of the station, casting off the SWO 'mantle' when appropriate (ie on the football pitch) and wearing it to full effect when necessary (Prisoner and escort, quick march!!).

Several days before the QBH List was published, the dear lady visited the unit and at the end, as her carriage taxyed for take-off, the stash turned to said SWO and said something along the lines of: "It's a couple of days early but Mr ????, you're to be awarded the MBE in the next honours list, come and have a pint!

O-D

[Wander00]

Anyone else remember the SWO's immortal words about 1230 pm (ie DAYTIME) on a June lunchtimeas we w atched a fleet of black cars sweep up the main drag towards Binbrook SHQ - (In an Irish acent). "Didn't know there was a (adjecive) funeral today. Oh, sh1t - it's (adjective) Taceval". Well at 3 in the morning people are either at work or at home (well someone's home, middle of the day, the off duty shift is spread across N Lincolnshire, and this was pre mobile phones!

[taxydual]

Wyton, early '80's.

In a room in the Guardroom is the ancient Fire Alarm System. A huge piece of kit, covered in bells, whistles, lights, levers and cranks.

Newly promoted Cpl (Gerry) posted in to the Guardroom. Gerrys' never seen the kit before.

Lunchtime, regular staff off for scran, SWO in his office, Gerry 'in charge'.

'BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ'

Fire Alarm goes off.

Gerry dashes to Alarm Room to be confronted by flashing lights and loud buzzing.

Gerry frantically pulling levers, pushing buttons, no joy, buzzer still sounding.

"Turn the f***ing thing off" comes a low growl from the SWO's office.

Gerry continues pulling levers, pushing buttons. Still no joy, buzzer getting louder.

"Turn the f***ing thing off" comes a louder growl from the SWO's office.

Gerry, defeated by the 1940's technology of the Fire Alarm, picks up the Tannoy Microphone, switches it on, but instead of the the immortal words "FIRE, FIRE, FIRE, THERE IS A FIRE etc"

RAF Wyton was bombarded through every Tannoy speaker with an irate SWO voice shouting "TURN THE F***ING THING OFF".

[bakseetblatherer]

Not quite a SWO but WOGI, which is close enough, at BRNC.

1/2 term Flight joins BRNC (weird RN system of having cadet aircrew turning up half way through the term) and, as is the norm, not enough kit to give them all uniforms- no one expects new entrants to turn up half way through the term. So their first go on the parade ground has the majority wearing uniform but a few stuck in their civvie suits. As said (short and angry) WOGI prowls down the Flt inspecting turn out he gets to one of the civvied cadets. The said cadet is wearing a lime green suit with suede shoes.

WOGI stops, stunned.

'What is the matter with your shoes, they have gone all furry" sotto voce + extra sarcasm.

'They're suede, Sir' cheerful graduate with degree in basket weaving or some such.

'Suede? SUUUUEEEEEDDDDEEE!!!' In a voice that cracked the steps and conveyed a good 32+ years of disgust. Turning to the PO in charge of Flt

'GET JOHN TRAVOLTA AND HIS MERRY BAND OF POOFTERS OFF MY PARADE GROUND!'

Lucky FLt missed out a couple of weeks of 'square bashing' until the uniforms all turned up.

[c130jbloke]

Flt Sgt Jake McQueen of AAITC fame in the late 80s !

IIRC, he went on to be the SWO at Leeming then was "services no longer required" for something or other.

Will never forget having to cart his dog (scamp ?) around Otterburn for the leads and then having to look after it for the weekend whilst Jake went out on the sauce.

Happy days:8

[taxydual]

JM was declared 'persona non grata' after taking drink and using his SWO's voice (and language) on children playing on the grass at XI Sqn's Families Day.

[Pontius]

Walking across the grass one day in mid-80s Linton, there came a cry from the SWO (maybe more of a scream), asking us what the young officers were doing walking over his grass, since this was the sea and, as we weren't called Jesus, he failed to see how we could walk on water. My smart-arsed reply that it was okay because some of us were Royal Navy and could rescue our Junior Service colleagues was met with an apoplectic SWO ensuring Midshipmen (one in particular) became more accustomed the RAF's habits, in the guise of SDO for longer than normal :hmm:

[taxydual]

Leeming, 1980. Airmens Living In Christmas Bash.

Self all togged up to help serve my guys Turkey etc.

After suitable interval, decide to depart before Airmens high jinx commences.

SWO, in uniform, hovering in Airmens Mess Foyer, leaves with me.

SWO offers me a fag, bit stunned I take it. Pair of us walking, chatting and smoking towards respective messes. SWO dumps his fag down a drain and then bolloxs me for smoking in uniform!!

[Mr C Hinecap]

SWOs have a part to play as they always have. A good SWO has the right persona and understands when to 'play the part' of SWO and when not to. A good bench mark for any RAF Station is whether the WOs have a good network established amongst themselves.

Mr Munro, the College Warrant Officer:

"Bend and drive, laddie - bend and drive"
"Is your name Head? Richard Head? Dick Head? Is that you? There's always one!"

The SWO at Brize, late 90s. In the Station Barbers telling a couple of oiks that 'if their hair was that long, it had been too long for a month!' and to report to his office after a hair cut! He was the same one who invited a couple of us very Junior Officer types to the Sgt's Mess after exchange drinks in the Officers' Mess. We were well briefed by our own SNCOs as to the honour this was and that we should be on best behaviour. That night saw an understanding of a working relationship established with WOs that has seen me right to this day.

We need good SWOs more now than ever before.

[Lightning5]

1976 Binbrook squadrons (5 and 11) went to Leconfield while the Binbrook runways were being refurbed. Two lots of engineering arrived to make his life miserable. He really gave us a hard time (I was the advanced Snco to sort things out and had all my lot on 252's within the wek !!) This was tolerated for 4 months then AVPIN took over ! Avpin and lawn do not go together and the SWO had a lovely manicured lawn front of his office. I appears that some individuals had written across his pride and joy 185 in large numbers with Avpin. He never "cottoned on" that 185 represented "I hate five". :D

[Halton Brat]

Best SWO ever: Danny McCarthy (Valley early 80's, Gutersloh late 80's).
If I get time later I shall elaborate (you have been warned).

[Tankertrashnav]

Does anyone remember the great Danny Gourd, SWO at the RAF Regiment Depot, Catterick, in the late 60's? Al R does, he came up with this photo on another thread.

http://www.pprune.org/military-aircrew/381385-wearing-uniform-public-7.html#post5078928

One apocryphal tale is that after inspecting himself in his mirror before going on duty he placed himself on a charge for his unsatisfactory turnout.

Not apocryphal was his habit of saluting junior officers (self included) at a range of around 100 yards and then bellowing "I'm saluting you sir!" if the salute was not promptly returned.

[Pontius Navigator]

Does anyone remember the great Danny Gourd, SWO at the RAF Regiment Depot, Catterick, in the late 60's? Al R does, he came up with this photo on another thread.

Not apocryphal was his habit of saluting junior officers (self included) at a range of around 100 yards and then bellowing "I'm saluting you sir!" if the salute was not promptly returned.


bellowing "I'm saluting you sir!" "yes sir, YOU sir."

was the full phrase.

[teeteringhead]

Let's face it, any senior NCO or officer can tell a subordinate to "get a hair cut" .. and not just subordinates.

In the 1970s, a young Fg Off Teeters was lurking in Staish's outer office (dunno why - chatting up PA?), when the famously awesome (and awesomely famous) SWO Jack Holt marches past us into the Staish's office.

SWO: "Sir, I have checked your diary with the PA and you are free at 1500. I have accordingly arranged for the Station Barber to come to your office!" :ok:

[Wander00]

College Warrant Officer (Early 60s) - "Parade, Attention". Roman Catholics and other non-Christians, fall out". The "Fall out" came very quietly, as he realised what he had actually said.

[Finningley Boy]

The only story, which springs to mind, is an urban myth from long ago.

Many may have heard it, its the one about the young airman on the morning of the AOC's AFI, The SWO calls him over and orders him to go to the main gate and watch for the AOC arriving and to let him know as soon as he turns up. The young lad waits at the main gate and eventually a couple of cars pull round the corner, the young man instinctively walks to the right vehicle and wraps on the window. The window is wound down and he asks, excuse me sir, are you the AOC, the officer in the front passenger seat says; no young chap, he's sat behind me. The AOC already leaning forward, interrupts, yes young man I'm the AOC what's the problem? The young airman sucks in through his teeth and says; watch it mate the SWO's after you and 'e aint 'appy.

Best I can do for now!:ok:

Oh by the way Leon; What did they need SWOs for before the days of Natioal Service then.

FB:)

[BDiONU]

Very young BD in ATC Operations at Akrotiri in 1977. Staishs inspection and not a lot going on (as usual) so BD decides to look busy doing some practice typing on the RAFAN machine. BD can (and still does) only use one finger which staish picks up on and comments. He wanders on and SWO whispers in my shell like "The station barber uses both hands!"

Lossie in 87, large grassed area between the guradroom and the officers mess with SWOs office window looking out that side. He would watch young officers wander across and when nearly off the grass bellow at them "Sir! Sir! Come here!" Once they got all the way back to the guardroom and into his office he would say "Sir, you're walking on my grass!"

[Wwyvern]

The correct reply to hearing the words, "I'm saluting you, sir" is "And so you should Mr ..."

[Basil]

The correct reply to hearing the words, "I'm saluting you, sir" is "And so you should Mr ..."
Alas, such presence of mind deserted FO Basil as, shambling in the general direction of his parked Argosy, the morning following a serious night in the mess bar, "I am saluting YOU, sir!" rang across the the Muharraq parade ground. :O

Anyone know if the aforementioned SWO Gourd was there late sixties?

[EyesFront]

Late seventies on an ATC Squadron near Bristol, we were honoured by a visit from a lovely old gentleman who had been SWO at RAF Manston during the Battle of Britain, then went on to QCS. He was one of those rare chaps whose quiet charisma preceded him into the room. We got him to take the cadets for some drill, and they performed as never before or since.

What I particularly remember is his proud claim that he had never had to use foul language with any squad.

They dont make 'em like that any more....

[charliegolf]

RSM story (2)

Went, 1 pilot, 1 me to do trooping at some place with lots of brown jobs- Junior Leaders base, I think....

Went to the Sgt's Mess, booked in, abluted etc, then down to the bar. As counselled by old gits (I was 22), I sought out the senior member, introduced myself, and asked if I could jion them. Bloggs introduces me to the RSM propping up the bar. He says hello, then without hesitation, orders Bloggs to buy me a pint. He did, without hesitation too! Got leathered!

After a while he's in story mode. "Well see, 'ad to sort the barstwewards out only last week. I come striding onto the parade ground with me gravell crunchers on, swish to a really smart halt only to fall on me arse! Well the buggers laughed- can you believe it? I 'ad 'em though, marched 'em 9 miles in their no 2's, straight into a lake and then 9 miles straight back. Who's grinning now, says I? You gotta keep on 'em see."

[air pig]

Story from a friend at Valley in the early 80s. Parade practice for BoB parade in Bangor. Airman can't really get into the rhythm of marching. Furious SWO stops flight and marched up to offending airman stating 'theres a fool on the end of my stick' Reply by airman, 'not this end Sir'

Did not have a lot of free tme after that.

Remember Mr Holt at Linton as a young aircadet in the 70s, magnificently awsome man.

Regards

Air pig

[Tankertrashnav]

One for Beagle:

"Don't you yell at me, Mr Warrick!"

(Now count the posts before the inevitable picture appears ;))

[pmills575]

I was sent to do a job at Avro Langar and me and the MT driver were billeted overnight at RAF Newton, a training station. Arrived at the guardroom in the late afternoon and was met by SWO who had an apolectic fit at both of us, finally dismissed us with the final words "I know the SWO at St Mawgan, report to him when you get back". A day or so later I went to see the the man. He was just leaving his office and as soon as I started to expalin he said "I know why you're here. Don't argue with SWOs, they're thick as ****!", and just walked off.

Great man Mr McNaught, seldom told you to get a hair cut but had many ways of saying so. Always used to look quizically at me and say "Lost your violin case son".

When he retired he promptly started work as a clerk in SHQ, I was surpised to see him but he dealt with my query quietly and efficiently. As I went to leave I said " Thank you sir". he smiled slightly and said "You don't call me sir any more son". To which I repied "The RAF may require me to call certain people sir, but I can still choose to use the term to those I respect, sir". Most have to push to get things done, the best few simply lead.

pm575

[Startrek3]

Recall a story regarding a group of nav studes walking back to Filton Block with one hapless chap trying to hide in the group because someone had liberated his hat from the Nav block. SWO spots him from a 100yds, opens his window and bellows 'You sir, where's your hat'. Quick as a flash comes the reply, 'If I knew that Mr ***** I'd be wearing it!' :D

[BEagle]

Tankertrashnav, your wish is my command:

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a341/nw969/MrW.jpg

The late Michael Bates. In addition to his role as W/O Warwick, he also played Monty in Patton: Lust for Glory and, of course, Bearer Rangi Ram in It Ain't Half Hot, Mum when he was always being yelled at by the battery Sergeant Major, played by Windsor Davies - and commenting about "We British....."
















































Oh, all right then:

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a341/nw969/SOH.jpg

:ok:

[Roadster280]

Not surprised he shouted at her. What the blazes is that thing on her head?

[dkh51250]

At Rock Central in the late 70s working alongside them. Yet another parade had been organised, this time however we did not have the SWO. Instead we had a WO from Training Wing who's drinking exploits were legendary.

Cpl DKH was summoned to the front of the flight during one of the parade rehearsals. Said WO addressed me personally at 500 decibel level and in the spittle zone. "Cpl DKH there are those who can and those who can't. You are a can't, what are you"?

" I am a can't sir"

"Cpl DKH you are not even pronouncing it properly"

Another of his favourite lines, "When I gives you the eyes front, I wants to see them eyes come round like a pair of racing dogs b*ll*cks at White City Stadium"

[Pontius Navigator]

Whenever I think of the SWO at Finningley around 1990 I still come out with palpitations.

She used to stand there outside the guardroom, legs well apart, at 0745 as the troops went to work from the mess and blocks across the road.

I still wonder if she knew that the white painted planters behind her we old Red Beard gauntlet containers.:}

[jindabyne]

The best SWO (Sqn WO) I came across was Mr Milner of 12 Sqn. Perhaps Foldie will recall?

[Skeleton]

Two spring to mind.

SWO "There is a piece of sh** at the end of my stick"

Airman "Not at my end Sir"!!

This one i know to be true, Lossie about 83, I heard every word. I was duty something in the Guardroom. SWO is outside berating some poor unfortunate about his standard of dress. SWO marches said miscreant into guardroom and demands an explanation. Airman whips out a packet of fags, flips lid open and says into packet -

"FFS Scotty I said beam me up"!!


:D:D:D

[Tourist]

"Not apocryphal was his habit of saluting junior officers (self included) at a range of around 100 yards and then bellowing "I'm saluting you sir!" if the salute was not promptly returned."

I was on the receiving end of a variation of this many moons ago at Yeovilton from a similar playground bully.

Whilst walking from the tower across dispersal to the JOAC building, I was aware of some guys practising drill in the far distance off to my left, but ignored it as you do. Eventually became aware that someone was trying to get my attention. I stopped and turned to hear the WO leading the drill practice shout "Sir!! you have just received a general salute present arms! It is the first and probably last one you will receive for a very long time if ever by the look of you, so do us the courtesy of acknowledging it!"

Obviously, the guard were in stiches, but it just so happened that I was not really in a very receptive mood for junior officer baiting due to the fact I had just discovered that I would be completing a third year as a midshipman, having already completed 2 as a Pilot Officer. The joke was starting to wear thin.

I pointed at the ground in front of me, and in a very loud voice I ordered the WO to double the 100yds over to me.

There was a moment of stunned silence from everybody concerned, so I asked if he understood the direct order.

He started to amble over, so I again asked if he understood the direct order. He duly doubled over with the guard now laughing at him.

When he arrived, I said something along the lines of "f### you for trying to bully and humilliate me in front of junior rates, you should know better, now p### off"
I then walked, slightly shakey, to my boss and told him that he would be getting a very irate WO calling him any time soon, but the c##t had it coming.

Luckily, he agreed.

SWOs and the like, bunch of bullying gits the lot of them.
As you can see, I was an obnoxious little git even then.
Still proud of myself.:}

[Ascot 5999]

When in early commissioned life I was a flt cdr at Cranditz I used to tell my cadets that the SWO can be your ally during your first stn tours. I always made a point of paying a call on the SWO asap to introduce myself. I suggested they did the same thing.

I also slauted him/her as a mark of respect. This made my early tours much easier as I would receive a call saying "you might want to chat to me about Bloggs, Sir, before the stn cdr sends for you".

I carried on doing this for many years, until the SWO role became almost redundant and the the man/woman was no longer the spit and polished luker around the hangers looking for recalcitrant airmen (or I suppose theses days, airpersons).

Ascot

[taxydual]

Further to J McQ

Just had a beer with an old Leeming mate. I mentioned this thread.

His story.

Jake had a habit (daily - from Day 1) of lurking in the bushes at the entrance to the Airmens Mess at lunchtime.

Many of the guys had to have lunch with their ears still ringing from a SWO diatribe.

So much so that the guys decided to boycott the mess at lunchtime.

Word soon reached OC Admin, OC XI, OC 23, OC 25, OC Eng and OC Ops.

A plan was hatched. Jake didn't last long.

[Corporal Clott]

Who cares what she's wearing on her head?

http://georgesjournal.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/susannah_york_battle_of_britain.jpg

Sad to hear of SY's passing. My other favourite of hers was Gold with the uber wooden Sir Roger Moore.

Cpl Clott

PS. BEagle, the "calm me down pills" are in the left hand kitchen drawer...

[Spam_UK]

I witnessed a recent exchange between the SWO (now retired) at Shawbury and a S/Lt Pilot under training.

As he was leaving the coffee shop the SWO notices said officer cycling past and gave a perfect parade ground salute, the young officer, not wanting to offend the SWO thanked him, but in doing so accidentally began cycling the wrong way around the one way system. This was promptly followed by

"That is a one way system..........Sir!"

The officer, now in a bit of a fluff immediately began a 360 which unfortunately in his haste took him onto the grass. Cue an immediate

"GET OFF MY GRASS..............SIR!"

Pure class.

[Tankertrashnav]

Thats the one, Corporal Clott :ok:We know Beagle was only teasing us with the other pics!

[obnoxio f*ckwit]

A few years ago now on the other secret Oxonian aerodrome, was a SWO who was, if I am honest, a bit of a cock. He was strutting (he didn't walk, he strutted) past our Sqn hangar one very warm day when he spies 2 of our airmen with their coveralls wrapped round their waists while they carried out whatever physical job they had been tasked with in the heat. As he struts into the hangar to administer the blocking he thought necessary, the Sqn 2ic (himself an ex-airman) also comes into the hangar. The cry of "you there that man, stand still!" echoes round the hangar. The SWO carries on, clearly thinking that it couldn't possibly mean him. "you there, that man in your clippy cloppy shoes, stand still!" Realisation dawns. "What are you doing in my hangar?!!! Etc etc". "Sir these airman are..". Cut very short with "you do not ever come into my hangar with metal tipped shoes on, are you mad?" "But Sir...." Get out, NOW!" SWO realises he is onto a loser, salutes and turns to march out. "On your tiptoes Mr R********, on your tiptoes!". Airmen still got bollocked though, but only once the SWO was out of earshot.

[lsh]

RSM story (2)

Went, 1 pilot, 1 me to do trooping at some place with lots of brown jobs- Junior Leaders base, I think....

Went to the Sgt's Mess, booked in, abluted etc, then down to the bar. As counselled by old gits (I was 22), I sought out the senior member, introduced myself, and asked if I could jion them. Bloggs introduces me to the RSM propping up the bar. He says hello, then without hesitation, orders Bloggs to buy me a pint. He did, without hesitation too! Got leathered!

After a while he's in story mode. "Well see, 'ad to sort the barstwewards out only last week. I come striding onto the parade ground with me gravell crunchers on, swish to a really smart halt only to fall on me arse! Well the buggers laughed- can you believe it? I 'ad 'em though, marched 'em 9 miles in their no 2's, straight into a lake and then 9 miles straight back. Who's grinning now, says I? You gotta keep on 'em see."

Vogelsang ?

lsh
:E

PS You may like to ask "Messtin" & "Wodin" about the RSM's pacestick at Putloss, there again......

[Pontius Navigator]

But they do know the drill manual backwards and can organise a first class send off if required, a job that has been more frequent of late.

[iss]

A FJ Stn up North with the standard SWO issued to the Stn - 5 foot nothing, big moustache:

Quote 1: "An excellent decision Sir, would you now wish to make an informed decision." Ouch!

Quote 2: After the Padre was walking on the Grass - "Padreeeeeeeee. I don't care if you are God's F'ing emissary on earth on not. It's my grass. Get off my F'ing grass".

SRO Entry no 2

Grass

2. There are two types of grass. recreational and ceremonial

2a. ceremonial. This is for looking at
2b. Recreational. this is for running on.

3. neither is for walking on.

That cost me a Stn Cdr's interview for allowing, but well worth it to get in the good books of the SWO.

[Airborne Aircrew]

Maybe that is not a bad thing as the RAF do have trouble marching in a forward direction with more than one person in step. They look pretty good to me... The band and two different weapons requiring two different sets of drill movements... for almost ten minutes.

YouTube - ‪Royal Air Force Drill Show‬‏

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Related to me by a Cavalwy Officer, who witnessed it.
Regimental Colonel visits Trooper's Mess

"Food good, RCM?"
"Yes, Sah!"
"Men happy, RCM?"
"Yes Sah!"
"Can't have that... dick them about a bit"
"5am drill, Sah!"
"Excellent, carry on"

[Tourist]

YouTube - ‪US Army Drill Team‬‏

If we are digressing, here is some guys doing it properly!

[Seldomfitforpurpose]

37 years in and I have never ever been a SWO fan but Mr Dale at Lyneham is about as top a bloke as a man could ever hope to meet.

We are not friends and apart from the odd hello our paths never cross but what he does and how he does it....... Just wish I had that technique :ok:

[Rogue Trooper5]

On guard duty at LYE in 94....very bored in sangar at 0800 watching married guys/girls stream in for the day with SWO positioned 300m behind the gate in order to catch itinerants leaving airmen's mess as well as those entering camp.

JT on racing bike steams in sans-beret....SWO eyeballs said speedy cyclist, raised pace stick towards and bellowed "AIRMAAAAAAAAAANNN"

miscreant nonchalantly raised right arm and whilst cycling past replied "SWOOOOOOOOW"

carried on and never looked back.

Made my week to see his head almost explode in anger - he never did catch up with him but for 3 weeks after the hangars at Lyenham received daily "undue" attention from a very cross WO!!:D

[sisemen]

here is some guys doing it properly!

Tourist - I guess in your social circle your nickname is "Billy No Mates". Is it that difficult to give even grudging admiration for a skill/routine that you would have extreme problems in doing yourself??

[phil9560]

Raf Valley 1985

I was an ATC cadet on a summer camp and was lucky enough to be there for the airshow.Plodding around we got chatting to the pilot of the static Tornado Gr1.He let us under the barrier and began a complete tour of the aircraft.Utter heaven to a pair of keen lads like us.And as if by magic a WO appears-' Sir nobody behind the barrier.You know that'.Pilot looks sheepish and at his feet then replies 'er yeah.ok'.As soon as WO is out of sight he called us back under the barrier and said 'right he's f %&cked off now we'll carry on '.

What a miserable git-the WO !

[Airborne Aircrew]

If we are digressing, here is some guys doing it properly! No... They are cheerleaders in military uniform. Drill is about moving a body of men from a point on the battlefield to another point and having them appropriately oriented at the end of the movement. While I will freely admit that such movements as the high port and such are barely relevant the spinning of weapons as demonstrated in the video you provided is simply showmanship and would never have taken place on a battlefield.

I'll freely admit that your boys look pretty - But they are really only circus clowns. :E

[Airborne Aircrew]

What a miserable git-the WO ! I'll double post because I can and because there are really two different issues.

There is a WO for a reason. He's the top NCO on the unit. When you have a group of units on a station there needs to be a Senior WO... He is the Station WO. His job is the general discipline of the entire station. If you were such a miserable git that you couldn't accept the discipline he might bring upon you then you might have been better off joining the Navy or the Army where you might have been given some "tough love" when you broke the most basic of rules... :ugh:

I await the incoming from the shambling bunch of long haired poofs that will try to tell me what a nasty person their SWO was... :rolleyes:

[SASless]

Drill is about moving a body of men from a point on the battlefield to another point and having them appropriately oriented at the end of the movement.

In Wellington's time perhaps.....

:rolleyes:

[longer ron]

LOL at seeing Jack Holt mentioned...he was SWO at Cottesmore approx 73-74,he was one of those guys that seemed to remember your name even if he had not seen you for 6 months :hmm: But I think he was basically a very fair chap (or so the jankers guys said - after doing swo's working parties etc).
The SWO that Jack replaced was totally different - he was a Polish ex Air Gunner,a really nice guy and doubt he ever barked at anybody !He could usually be seen walking his Afghan Hounds when off duty

[Belle and Sebastian]

The scene is a base near Weston-S-Mare in the mid 80s and young Belle is duty trainee in the guardroom. In walks SWO and goes into his office and sits down. After a minute SWO shouts "what's the number for clothing stores?" Dunno, Sir says me. "Get me the number" he bellows again. I search for the phone book and discover that the phone book is on his desk and I tell him that from the safety of the door. "AND" he says.

Bleedin' SWO expected me to go into his office, pick up the phone book and look for the number and then dial the number and hand the handset over to him.......................and that's exactly what I did!

[Tankertrashnav]

I'll freely admit that your boys look pretty - But they are really only circus clowns


Airborne Aircrew, the point about Queens Colour Squadron is they are a bunch of blokes who can do their main job (as RAF Regiment gunners) and do drill. Watching people doing anything well, from playing football, flying aerobatics or marching is always a good experience. Never had the figure for QCS myself :(, but certainly don't like to hear them described as circus clowns.

[Basil]

longer ron,
The SWO that Jack replaced was totally different - he was a Polish ex Air Gunner
Did he live in Greetham village?

[Waddo Plumber]

The SWO at Waddington in the mid 70's was, if I recall correctly, Larry Higgins, and I was one of many, many flt lts. In the late 70's I was posted to Wittering, followed some time later by Mr Higgins. On meeting him for the first time there, after the customary "Morning Sah" etc, I said, "Good morning Mr Higgins. Perhaps you don't remember me, because there were many junior officers at Waddington, and only one SWO, but we were there at the same time." He said, "Sir, you are correct, I don't remember you, but then I never was the SWO at Waddington" I looked bemused so he continued "No sir, I was the Station Warrant Officer", saluted, and marched off.

[longer ron]

Did he live in Greetham village?

Not sure - when he was the SWO - I am pretty sure he lived on MQ's but perhaps he could have retired to Greetham ??
He was slim built with dark hair in 72/73

[Brian 48nav]

Couple of my favourite lines were:-

SWO to airman on parade,' Laddie am I hurting you?
'No Sir' came the reply.
SWO ' I should be, I'm standing on your HAIRRRRRRR!'

Similarly, 'Have you shaved this morning laddie',
'Yes Sir''
'
Try standing closer to the RAZORRRR!'

At South Cerney during drill instruction,
Sgt Greenop, 'Stand at ease! -- Mr Ross your feet should be 12" apart! You're a big lad, you know what 12" is!'

At Gaydon, Nav School '66, the SWO was a 'Continental Irishman' Master Pilot,no one on parade could understand a word he was saying.

SWO, almost the best thing about the military and the portrayal by Windsor Davies in 'Ain't half hot Mum' was priceless!

[phil9560]

There is a WO for a reason. He's the top NCO on the unit. When you have a group of units on a station there needs to be a Senior WO... He is the Station WO. His job is the general discipline of the entire station. If you were such a miserable git that you couldn't accept the discipline he might bring upon you then you might have been better off joining the Navy or the Army where you might have been given some "tough love" when you broke the most basic of rules... :ugh:



Please don't misunderstand me-I'm a big fan of discipline.In fact I agree there isn't enough in todays world.

But come on we were two 15 year olds who thought all our Christmases had come at once .You must concede he was just a tiny bit miserable ??:)

[SASless]

they are really only circus clowns

Proud of yer service are ya mate?

[davejb]

TTN,
I rather think the 'circus clowns' remark by AA is reference the US army drill team video that follows the QCS one, rather than the QCS one - where 1903 Springfield rifles with chromed bayonets are twirled and thrown about the place. The display exhibits a lot of skill, but it can in no way be confused with rifle drill and is clearly aimed purely at entertainment.... this is not intended as offensive, the skill is pronounced, but it resembles a majorette display most of all, with rather more dire consequences should a twirl go amiss.

Having said that, 'circus clowns' was not a very polite metaphor to use about serving members of the US Army!

I will never forget the SWO at Kinloss who pulled me up as I walked through the main gate enroute SAR standby one morning in the 80's with my holdall over my shoulder.

"Sergeants do not carry holdalls over their shoulders, if it's too heavy for you to carry in your hand then detail an airman to carry it for you!"

Somewhat bemused I agreed with him (he seemed the sort of chap who required a lot of agreement), whilst mentally imagining how well things might go if I were to stop a passing sooty and instruct him to carry my bag to ops for me as it was a bit heavy....
Dave

[SASless]

We know he was not referring to the RAF lads.....else this forum would be out to Tar and Feather him. Yank bashing on the other hand.....well it is all banter now iddnit?

What had him with his knickers in a wad was the US Army display was much more impressive due to the whirling bayonets as compared to the RAF precision display which was extremely good but was not very exciting to watch. Nothing like the spectacle of a bit of home made Shish-kabob to perk up an audience.

I would suggest both were grand....and each worthy of admiration for a lot of hard work and teamwork by all involved.

I was suitably impressed by both....the image of WWII tin hats and bolt action rifles mixed with modern day RAF dress and weaponry.

[Seldomfitforpurpose]

Could also be that the "Circus Clowns" remark, in company with that smiley was nothing more than a little bait cast out to try and snag one of the usual suspects :p

[Neptunus Rex]

Please don't let this Troll hijack our most entertaining thread. Just ignore him. Diverting attention is an age-old RN ploy.

Back to the main plot.
At Linton in the mid '70s, I was discussing arrangements for the guard of honour for the impending AOC's inspection, with the inimitable Jack Holt. I told him that I knew said AOC of old, and that he had a fearsome reputation.

"Don't you worry, Sir" replied Mr Holt, "Air Officers don't frighten me!"

[Really annoyed]

I would remind him how the rank system works pretty bloody quickly

How is that exactly.

The RAF gives its senior rates

The RAF don't have senior rates. You are thinking of the Navy.

[Tankertrashnav]

At Gaydon, Nav School '66, the SWO was a 'Continental Irishman' Master Pilot,no one on parade could understand a word he was saying.



That bloke flogged me a moped - bloody thing never worked! Still, in a deal between a hairy old Master Pilot with a load of WW2 ribbons up and a u/t nav there was never any doubt about who'd come off best!

Wotsit - looking at some of the sacks of manure tied up in the middle strolling around Helston in scruffy Navy rig, I reckon Culdrose could do with a SWO (or whatever you call them in the grey funnel line).

(Sorry NR, but some troll-feeding is irresistible ;))

[Cornish Jack]

The last of the 'old style' SWOs I remember was Joe Coley - SWO at Khormaksar in the mid '50s and the epitome of the breed - near naked skull, 'razored' cap peak, boots that would dazzle you at 80 paces, pace stick ever 'at the ready' - frightening for we young aircrew NCOs.
The classic talent of verbal abuse was, for me, however, best shown by an RSM at the Cheltenham Tattoo in the 60s. We had done a winching demo in the Tattoo arena and had to be Land Rover-ed back from our Landing Site for the Final Parade. Our driver was a young Army lad and rather overdid the speed as we turned into the arena, which was spotted by the Parade RSM (all gold and glitter with ENORMOUS 'Tate and Lyles'). Once the parade was complete, he bellowed for the young driver's Sgt to present himself and proceeded with a bollocking which contained no repetitions, deviations etc. and pointed out the deficiencies in this NCO's supervision of his driver's training!!:eek: A privilege to see and hear!!:ooh:

[P6 Driver]

RAF Manston in the early 1990's. Winter dress in force. Walking near Station Headquarters, I saw the SWO (a FS holding the post) approach the late Sqn Ldr Peter Stonham MBE and say a few words. Sqn Ldr Stonham was in blues, with his shirt sleeves rolled up above his elbows.

I didn't hear the intial exchange, but I did hear from about 100 yards away, Sqn Ldr Stonham shout at him "I'm big enough and ugly enough to know when to wear a f***ing jumper!"

[Pontius Navigator]

TTN, talking of SWO during initial training reminds me:

I did something wrong one night but he gave me some officer hints and let me off. Never forgotten that lenience is also a useful tool.

He also used to march alongside the entire contingent of the school as we marched - he would start at the back and march, in-step, until he reached the front of the contingent. All this while marching backwards!

I borrowed some kit after graduation and returned it a couple of weeks later before the nav school started.

I was in civvies, IIRC, and he was drilling a course. He brought them all to attention, announced in a loud voice, officer present, and threw up an immaculate salute. One brand new APO duly doffed his hat!

Style.

[J.A.F.O.]

I seem to recall a church parade for laying up of the old squadron standard and our co-pilot got about half a pace inside the church with his headgear still in place. The SWO bawled from the other side of the church:

"Mr XXXXXX, get yer feckin hat off in the House of the Lord, Sir."

[BEagle]

Out of interest, is a SWO still a SWO in the horrid biz-speak of today? Or is he/she now the Base Human Resources Co-ordinator or something equally repellent?

[WarmandDry]

A crew turned up at FJ station to collect a large 4 jet that had diverted to it. Unfortunately, FJ station had called an exercise just before they arrived and the large crew were treated with great suspicion. Their entry to the FJ station was greatly delayed by the SWO running the main gate. He would not even phone Ops for confirmation of their mission and they were all lined up as suspected intruders for a long time until their home station started to make noises to FJ station hierarchy about their take-off time.
It was a mission in support of the civil power and the large crew included several very hairy members of another civilian force but wearing standard flying suits. Group was very irate at delay in launch, the FJ SWO was spoken to at length by higher paid help. In retaliation he reported on the scruffy and deplorable state of NCO members of the crew to their home station SWO. Home station SWO did not check the facts, the NCO’s had been on AOCs parade 3 days earlier, and he dully spoke at length and in derogatory terms to the 4 jet crew NCOs about their standards etc etc
I will never forget the Sqn Cdrs face when a very irate NZ captain asked loudly how he could charge the SWO. It was eventually all resolved amicably, but I have always wondered what damage it did to the SWO mafia.

[sisemen]

I had a SWO at a secret Oxon base that really went off the rails. His son was having an 18th birthday bash in the NAAFI, all arranged by the SWO. Unfortunately it all went pear shaped with comotose drunks, drug taking, smashed furniture, naked shagging in the surrounds etc etc. As the SWO was in attendance at his son's party he had to appear before me the following morning (allowing sufficient time for sobering up).

Not a pleasant experience - either for him or me.

[Pontius Navigator]

RAF Manston in the early 1990's. Winter dress in force.

IIRC by the 90s most dress orders became optional and you could, if hardy enough, wear shirt sleeve order when you chose and not by the date on the calendar.

Obviously in places like Akrotiri they needed a date to avoid a mix of blue and browns. I was surprised though to see they allow KD and DPM even when the DPM wallahs are working in an office and simply want a free uniform.

We couldn't wait to get in to shorts come summer. Now many seem happier wandering around in trousers all the time. Now a RAF (F) in a brown tent, bare legs and sandals :)

[P6 Driver]

It wasn't optional at Manston around 1991/2!

[scarecrow450]

It was'nt optional in the rest of the RAF in the early 90's either ! Sure we still had shirt sleeve order mid 1997.

[Wander00]

At school the PSI of the CCF was a chap called Johnny Carr. RSM Carr, formerly, IIRC, of the Irish Guards, was great preparation for the DIs and SWOs I came across in the RAF.

[PPRuNeUser0139]

We had one of those in the CCF at school too.. 'Tug' Wilson.. Ramrod straight, he could put the fear of God into you.. think he was an ex-Guardsman RSM. No DI or SWO I ever encountered in the RAF had his persona.

[Q-RTF-X]

I joined the Air Force early 1958 as a Boy Entrant (33rd Entry) at Cosford. After initial training I was moved to the “wings” under the very watchful eye of a Flight Sergeant Norris, normally a fairly quiet spoken man who always seemed reasonable though certainly could draw lines in the sand and woe betide those who crossed them. Some months later I had decided I was not cut-out for the trade I joined and applied to re-muster into a trade that had their Boy Entrant training at St. Athan. My request was granted and I was graded CT (Ceased Training) while the administration side of things caught up with the needs. I was placed in the wing general office as a general run-around which included making tea for the SNCO’s, including FS Norris. At home I had been taught to add about half a teaspoon of sugar into the pot before pouring in the boiling water, a process I repeated. On being observed by the good FS he bellowed out that I was not to add sugar into the tea pot. I explained what I had done was a process that was believed to help the tea brew and not for sweetening and the intervention of an elderly Sergeant who was familiar with what I had done mollified him somewhat. I went on to St. Athan and my new trade, a tour in Akrotiri, a fitters course and then later, towards the end of 1966 as a Junior Tech was posted to Masirah, which involved a transit stop at Khormaksar. On arrival in Aden we were instructed to report to the SWO’s office the following day for a briefing on the local security situation and duly reported the following morning. On being wheeled in I immediately recognised the SWO as the former FS Norris. He looked us all up and down, spoke individually to those he identified from a cheat sheet as former Boy Entrants, then handed us over to a Sergeant for the actual briefing but just as I was leaving his office, he briefly glanced at me and told me to report back to him after the briefing. After an hour or so of unsuccessfully wracking my brains as to what the implication behind the summons was I returned as instructed.
WO Norris – Richards, I seem to remember years ago at Cosford you told me half a teaspoon of sugar in the pot helped the tea to brew.
Me (standing at ramrod attention) – Yes Sir, I did Sir.
WO Norris – And, may I ask, what was the source of that little gem ?
Me – My Mother Sir, My Mum taught me that.
WO Norris (Looking up at me and slowly nodding his head) – Well, in that case lad, it’s most likely correct; I had occasionally wondered about that. Off you go and have a good tour at Masirah. Oh, I suggest you go shopping this afternoon and get some decent KD, that issue stuff looks awful. If you need some money give me your pay book and I'll arrange it.
Me - (Silent sigh of relief) Thank you SIR.
What amazed me was his recall, some eight years on, of such a minor event. I understand he was decorated for his service at Khormaksar. Could be a pretty tough individual when required but very fair and a top guy.

[mrmrsmith2]

I remember a day at Rhien'd 89-90, pissing it outside so in the NAFFI doing rifle drill for some up and coming parade. I had a bit to much the night before, very unusual in RAFG I know.... SWO was female, more man than I'll ever be. So mid drill pratice my stomach decides it time for me to throw up, SWO right in the way for me making a bee line for the toilets, never seen a SWO move so quick out the way of a SAC. No I made it to the toilet sorry... Oh she didn't like her SWO stick getting taken apart at the xmas mess bash either, dep CnC RAFG did like having to jummsing though as we had an extra glass at the table SWO was fuming he he ... Great memories....

[84nomore]

I remember turning up at HQ STC in about mid-93, where the SWO had gone walkabout south of the equator for a few months. In his place was a cardboard cut out of the man positioned at the gate to remind everyone that even if he wasn't there in body, his presence could still be felt!

[4mastacker]

I remember turning up at HQ STC in about mid-93, where the SWO had gone walkabout south of the equator for a few months. In his place was a cardboard cut out of the man positioned at the gate to remind everyone that even if he wasn't there in body, his presence could still be felt! Whilst he was on that walkabout, during a morning melee at 12 Facility entrance as the light blue set off for their daily toil, that very same man challenged a young man wearing DPM, but no hat and no rank tabs, and bellowed at him "And what (insert banned expletive) rank are you today young man?" "Private, Sir" replied the young man from the Sherwood Forresters.

[Old-Duffer]

Whilst helping a station, which had formerly not been too troubled by TACEVAL, drag itself into the (then) real world, I watched some control of entry work being undertaken.

The SWO was also on hand and after an officer had been cleared through, the guard was given a major bl*&king for: 'not saluting the officer'.

As we walked away I gently reminded said SWO that in the First World War, it became very obvious, very quickly, who the officers were 'cause they wore ties, carried pistols on a lanyard, and sometimes even brandished a sword. The only thing they did not do was wear a sign saying 'I am an officer, please shoot me first'. Very soon officers in the trenches dressed as their troops and carried rifles.

When I suggested that an airman saluting an officer at a checkpoint was an open invitation to any sniper nearby to put the officer's 'lights out' fairly swiftly, the SWO got the point. He had the good grace to return to the checkpoint and tell the airman that he had made a mistake and - of course - it was unwise to draw attention towards any potential hi-valu target and saluting was off!

Old Duffer

[dkh51250]

Airpolice
The SWO at Boulmer had been my Drill Sgt at Swinderby, a smashing bloke, Jack Shiel where are you now?


I believe Jack (not that I ever called him that) passed away some years ago. My first acquaintance with him was when he was at RAF Hereford in 1966. He did produce a very pretty daughter though :-))


With regard to Larry Higgins (not that I ever called him that) I last saw him in South Luffenham where he was landlord of a pub, can't recall which one. He had been at Waddo during one of my tours there, apparently returning there after a Masirah tour.

[WorkingHard]

These posts bring back lovely memories from long ago so please keep them coming. The most notable SWO for me was Guthrie late of Brampton in about 1968. A most commanding prescence and a true gentleman (as long as one did not incur his wrath) with an absolutely delightful command of the English language!

[Waddo Plumber]

"With regard to Larry Higgins (not that I ever called him that) I last saw him in South Luffenham where he was landlord of a pub, can't recall which one. He had been at Waddo during one of my tours there, apparently returning there after a Masirah tour."

I remember him as being absolutely correct on duty, and a mainstay of the Horse and Jockey in Waddo village in the evenings

[Halton Brat]

Having spent 24yrs (now retired) at Her Majesty's Pleasure in The World's Finest Air Force, I had ample opportunity to incur the wrath of some notable holders of the Royal Warrant.

My earliest memory is of WO Fred Cattle, Wing WO of 2 Apprentice Wing at Halton in the early 70's. This gleaming example of his craft was able to induce abject terror in his youthful charges with a mere glance. Fred would add a high-volume order to "STAND STILL!" after (almost) every drill command, as the testosterone-laden spotty boys arrayed before him fidgeted & twitched. Our morning parade to Schools/Workshops featured c2,500 Apprentices marching across Main Point (deep joy for local motorists) behind one of our 3 Bands. The Brass Band would often play 'Liberty Bell' by JP Sousa (Monty Python theme), which has an ascending note section. On the highest of these notes, we would all rise on the toes of one foot whilst on the march. WO Cattle would invariably be marching (immaculately) alongside we horrible youths, and would be driven insane by this.

More to follow.

[SASless]

Some questions are begged as these accounts are rendered.....RAF....discipline....marching....we are talking about the Royal Air Force....the British RAF....the off-blue clothed group of folks that are sometimes seen hanging about places where aircraft are seen? Pace Sticks....puhlees....pull the other one won't you!

[Wholigan]

Not a SWO, but a flight sergeant at South Cerney in 1964.

"Mr V*****l, I'm not going to complain that you haven't shaved this morning, because I can tell you have by all the powdered beard on your f*****g shirt collar. GO AND CHANGE IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

[minigundiplomat]

SWO at Shawbury, doing an inspection of No 1's prior to the freedom of Market Drayton, walks down a line of aircrew/ATC some of whom had a fairly impressive haul of medals.

He then gets to a PTI, with no medals.

SWO: No medals son?

PTI: No, Sir.

SWO: That's right, my mistake, I forgot you lot have to go to the f****g Olympics to get a medal don't you?

PTI: Yes Sir.

SWO: You can't be any good at running and jumping then.... [walks off]

[Whenurhappy]

OP AGRICOLA (Kosovo, 1999). One of my drivers and a medic got involved in a scrap with some Macedonians and an 'ethnic Armed Group' that held several injured allied personnel (Norwegians), after the field ambulance responded to an RTA.

In a very gutsy move, after loading the injured Norwegians into the FA, the driver hotwired the vehicle (keys having been nicked by local 'police') and rammed several cars mounting an illegal roadblock. A local thug jumped on board the ambulance and proceeded to hold a gun to the driver's head but he managed to get back to our base and wait for the delayed IRT Puma. A major incident was developing but these guys perserved and eventually the Norwegians got to hospital, not before more weapons were brandished and lots of threats were made. (incident heavily abridged for those familiar with it)

I wrote both guys up for their courage, but the first official communication I recevied was from the Master Driver (army WO) at HQ BRITFOR demanding the driver's Charge Sheet for damage to the FA, when escaping from the illegal road block.

Somehow, I forgot to send off that charge sheet to the Master Driver....tosser!.

[Wander00]

A SWO-ish story - At B******k in 81 I commanded the GoH. Practice parade for then AOC 11Gp, tall guy, became CDS and got to know an actress. (Is that covered by a super-injunction). Stn Cdr had already annoyed me a tadge by telling me that "In his day GoH Commander was always an Old Cranwellian". "It is now, Sir, I retorted" I was a re-entant, and he clearly had not read my file.

Main parade with Staish in charge on taxiway: I am a couple of hundred yards up in the pan where the AOC's aircraft will arrive on the day. breathless. SWO's runner arrives at the trot and breathless. "Station Commander's compliments Sir. Would you mind moderating your word of command. The main parade is following your orders, not his". Later in the day SWO called in to my office - winked, "Nice one, Sorr" in his Irish lilt.

That night entered bar to a round of applause and a few free beers.

[84nomore]

At Halton in around '85, a wannabe SWO (discip Cpl previously Cpl SWO at a small comms unit somewhere) newly arrived stood in front of his apprentice entry for the first time. Trying to sound hard and SWO-like in front of the boys, he announced "I am a w****r, and a w****r is what I am". Cue 80 odd appos collapsed in laughter. He didn't last long!

About 18 months later after his transfer to the other side of the parade square, I had just graduated as a JT. "You're looking very proud of yourself today son" said the wannabe. "I am Cpl" replied I, " and now I'm earning considerably more than you!" Not to be outdone, the w****r wannabe replied "Ah yes you are, but I am living in a substandard married quarter for which I pay very little, so there!" Logic?????

God bless Cpl Hylton Foster, wherever you are now!

[Brian 48nav]

Wander00 - your tall guy still to be seen in Waitrose in Gillingham doing the shopping!

[Wander00]

B48 - Wonder what happened to the actress? Just did some mental arithmetic - he must be getting on bit too.

[Halton Brat]

During the early '80s, I had the pleasure of attending the School of Education Training Support (SOETS) at Newton for several courses. At the time, the SWO was a chap whose name was another term for a vacation. This charmer had had a totally successful personality by-pass operation, and had been fired from the SS for cruelty in a previous incarnation. His lady wife was also not above rollicking the troops, she having studied the art closely under the wing of Himself. As you can imagine, study sojourns amongst the Dreaming Spires of Newton were, therefore, a delight.

The quadruple-daily trek between the Sgt's Mess (Halls of Residence) & SOETS provided a useful refresher for student groups to sharpen their tactical bounding techniques in order to avoid the attentions of the SWO, who had clearly lived with the Lakota Sioux in order to absorb their tracking & ambush skills. However, one morning he simply appeared before me, as if by some teleporter device. As I observed the other chaps make a break for freedom, I knew I must Take One for The Team. Having enquired about my origins, wellbeing & happiness, the SWO became transfixed by the (non-issue) blue woolen scarf that I was wearing, & asked where he could obtain same. I advised him that Mrs HB would be happy to knit him one if he popped a couple of balls of wool in the mail. There then followed an emotional one-way discourse on the subject of wearing non-issue items. During this most unfortunate episode, I felt it prudent to keep my hands clasped behind my back, as I was sporting a rather nice pair of brown suede gloves from a charity shop (always a natty dresser).

One morning, I witnessed the SWO greeting the Chief Tech-Pipe Major of the Kinloss Pipe Band, who had arrived for a SOETS course. The Pipe Major (a large Scot) was blessed with a moustache of truly Biblical proportions, in keeping with his secondary role of frightening sundry sassenachs. The SWO demanded a reduction in the scale of this prodigious growth; the Pipe Major declined. However, after a flurry of 'phone calls at Senior Officer level between Kinloss & Newton, a much-shorn Pipe Major Lite appeared at breakfast next morn. SWO 1 - Moustache 0.

I always regret not getting to know this chap & his wife socially.........

HB

[Fortissimo]

Waddington, late 90s, CO's inspection gate-crashes a class in the Sentry Maintenance School. SWO (WO Dave R***n, top man) spies very young LAC Hardly-Shaving earnestly soaking up Sentry groundschool stuff...

SWO (in quiet and friendly mode): Enjoying it, lad?
LAC: Oh yes, Sir.
SWO: Looking after you OK are they? Plenty of coffee breaks and so on?
LAC: Yes Sir, it's pretty good...
SWO: What time do you get for lunch?
LAC: 12 til one Sir...
SWO: So where will you be at 1245?
LAC (looking confused): Er, having my lunch Sir...
SWO (selecting full parade volume): No you f****ng won't! You'll be in my f****ng office in properly pressed trousers, and I want to see your shoes with some f****ng polish on them!! AND, lad, if you're still wearing those grey socks, you'll be back every lunchtime until Christmas...!!!

[goudie]

RAF Wahn circa '56. A 3 tonner carrying airmen in the back, overturned on it's way to the mess. A dozen or so guys are lying on the grass verge waiting for ambulances. The SWO is there directing operations when he notices that several of the injured are wearing civvy socks. ''Corporal'' he yells to one of the SP's, ''take the name of all airmen who're improperly dressed.''

[Dominoe]

Apologies for being a drill instructor and not a SWO story. But I’ll tell it anyway. Arriving at Newark and boarding the bus for the drive to Swinderby to start basic recruit training mid 70's. Lots of nervous young recruits load baggage and climb onto bus. Slowly the recruits start a conversation and somebody offers somebody a cigarette (remember when you could smoke on the bus?) The evil eyed short and nasty looking Drill Instructor slowly gets to his feet and screams out “I don’t remember telling anybody they could effing well smoke on my bus”. All the cigarettes are immediately extinguished and a silence descends over the bus. Drill instructor gives a sly smile and then declares “now you may smoke” and then sat down.
Later during recruit training came the big day when we were allowed to go into Lincoln. Everybody is poncing themselves up with aftershave and such. Dressed immaculately in No 1 Uniform and awaiting inspection to see if we were smart enough to be released, in walks the same evil eyed drill instructor. “It smells like a French Brothel in here” he declared. “And how would you know that Corporal” I asked. Titters all over billet. He marches over to me. Stands one inch from me and spits out “Because I was Fxxxxng born in one Laddie”.

[Union Jack]

“It smells like a French Brothel in here” he declared. “And how would you know that Corporal” I asked. Titters all over billet. He marches over to me. Stands one inch from me and spits out “Because I was Fxxxxng born in one Laddie”.

Maybe the DI and the Squadron Leader at Post 4 in http://www.pprune.org/jet-blast/11952-barber.html were related!:E

Jack

[c130jbloke]

WO Dave R###n.

Did not happen to be an SE Fitt by trade and an ex Swinderby DS per chance ?

Pretty sure I am correct, was a good guy but did truely scare the crap out of me during my 6 weeks of hell there.

[Old Photo.Fanatic]

I cant remember his name but the one SWO I remember with distaste
had a nasty way of getting recruits for his SWO's army.

Anyone coming off leave was seconded the next working day into the SWOs army of erks.

I was in a Technical section short of bods so restrictions on taking "Leave", BUT you still had to join up for the first day back after "Leave".

It still grips me to this day feeling the humiliation of having to sweep the gutters of the main Camp roads on one occasion.

The only real "funny at the time" situation with a SWO was in the late Fifties at RAF Bawdsey.
Camp was in the wooded grounds of Bawdsey manor, some trees had been indentified for "Felling" marked with white paint .
Overnight someone got some white paint and marked the majority of the remaining healthy trees.

The SWO went ballistic, try as he could no one owned up.
If I remember it, all the trees were saved.

OPF

[SOSL]

Mid 1970's I arrived at a large RAF station in Scotland, as a newly promoted Flying Officer. Collected blue arrival chit from SHQ and proceeded to visit the many offices and sections around the camp for the essential arrival signatures. Eventually reached the SWO's office and knocked on the door, entered and tripped over the carpet. SWO looks up and sees young Flying Officer on his knees in front of his desk, holding up a blue arrival chit. SWO looked at me and said "You know sir, I think you and I are going to get on rather well.

[henry crun]

4 TTS St. Athan late 50's, winter, about 1500 boy entrants on parade awaiting pre-AOC's inspection.

Sgt DI notices a boy in the rear rank in front of him is wearing only one glove.
Not wishing to cop the flak which would come his way if it was noticed by the inspecting officer, without moving his feet he leaned forward to a near impossible angle and growled in the boy entrants ear, "faint boy".

Lad whispered back "but I'm alright sergeant".
"Faint when you are f******well told to, and you two on either side of him, carry him off".

[WarmandDry]

Not a SWO story but a discip Cpl who I am sure one day made it to that exalted position. At a station with a small RAF jail the said Cpl was marching a squad of offenders to a work area. Whilst passing an officer he ordered eyes right but then realised that the officer was on the squads left. A smart salute in the correct direction was accompanied by “not good enough to set eyes on an officer, Sir”

[laterron]

"Dangerous Doug" RAAF Wagga WOD early 70's.

He had a bad habit of leaping out of his married quarter which was located beside the main road to the guard room. This allowed him to chase down those nasty apprentices and trainees who weren't marching to Doug's high standards. Only problem, its 6am and Doug is still in in his PJ's when they were spotted by this eagle eyed hunter,so there he was in full flight in his PJ's running full pelt through the dewy grass giving the apprentices the full spray. Talk about scarring for life.

[herkman]

Reminds me of the time, when as a LAC we had a new WOD posted in. In our airforce was the same as a SWO.

Very British by older gentlemen with both WW1 and WW2 medals. His hat old as it was, was better than my three year old one. Patent leather brim with green material on the underneath. Must have gone back to the thirties.

Me thinking would not be a good idea to get off side with him brought up the subject of vintage cars which he owned one. We had a interesting conversation on the problem he was having problems with, agreed that I could come round to his married patch and look closer.

Mrs Hayes ever the english lady made tea and scones and then we looked at and resolved the chain drive problem.

I was just about to leave when I said I believe Sir that you used to be in the Indian army. His dignified replay reply showed his true mettle.

Never laddie was I in the Indian army, but I was in the British army and stationed in India.

I never forgot the important of saying the correct thing, rather than just pushing words out.

The last of our veteran WOD's but he ran the depot like it was his own, which I suppose it really was.

Rest in peace WO Hayes you taught me much about dignity

Regards

Col

[Finningley Boy]

As S/J NCOs of a GD/Guardroom back ground are being included, I feel I can comfortably regale one and all of a story involving SNCO i/c Guardroom at R.A.F. Boulmer in 1978/79. Sergeant R.M. Smith, a sandy haired (with rather tight and severe trim) stocky Scotsman (think Taggert with thick lens specs) with ruddish complexion and shouty intemperate manner, he had the lot. Furthermore, drill and unforgiving enforcement of QRs was not so much his preoccupation as his hobby. On one occasion I had been detailed, along with others, to form the GoH for a young airman who had been killed in a car accident. Smithy was to be the our Drill Instructor, surprise surprise, for the 3 or 4 days rehearsals, including the day of the funeral.

One young lad from the General Office, who I just remember being called Larry, seemed to be constantly attracting Smithy's attention, no matter what, there was always something, which started out as banter and got to the point where the good Sarge was ready to commit murder, hari kari or both. On the dress rehearsal at the end of the day on the eve of the funeral, he told us that we were going to go through the entire process, start to finish, and we had better pray to God for our own sakes that it was a faultless run through. So it was, apart from the command to fix Bayonets; "Fix... Bayonets" then clank as Larry's flew off the end of his SLR muzzle and struck terra firma. Silence reigned and Larry awaiting a dreadful explosion, realised it wasn't forthcoming so gingerly stooped to pick up his Bayonet and fit it properly. Everything carried on, again faultlessly. At the end, Smithy heaped praise on one and all and without pausing for breath... "Larry, see if you dae that in church the morrow I'll grab that rifle aff ye, jam the barrel up yer backside and squeeze the trigger!!:uhoh:

FB:)

[pamac51]

I had the 'pleasure' of knowing this loon at Innsworth and Brawdy - he was the FS IC RSDR prior to his promotion to WO and posting to Brawdy as SWO in 1976/77. Prior to his posting he made me an offer of spending 28 days in his cells but 'as he was due at Brawdy on Monday he didn't have time for it'!!! My oppo lived next to him in MQs and it would appear that his family (wife + 2 daughters) had to live with the square bashing shouting that went on all the time in his 'leisure hours'. I was more than delighted to see him promoted and posted - he really would have had me enjoying his hospitality in the RSDR had he stayed at Inns.

Three months later I was called in to the Sqn Cdr's office and told I was promoted and posted to .....Brawdy! My initial thoughts were to turn it down but promotion in my trade was few and far between in those days so I kept my counsel and trusted that he would have forgotten about me in the intervening 4 months. Unfortunately this was not the case and he made my life somewhat uncomfortable for the next 12 months - eg on CO's Inspection when CO was doing his rounds the SWO would sidle up to me and whisper lovingly in my ear 'I remember you' which of course made me so happy that I had made such an imprint on his mind!!

He impressed the Stn exec so much at Brawdy that they moved him out of the Guardroom in the centre of the Station and put him and his equally obnoxious Cpl GD in an old disused Barrack Block away from the main areas of human habitation.

I have got to say that a small frisson of joy crossed my mind when I heard that he had popped his clogs at Newton - most SWOs in those days were old wartime aircrew - he was not - just a bully and an eejit.

His Cpl - with a name that had a connection with old sheep meat - was a dithering fool when the SWO was not around - but if he had the SWO by his side he was just as bad.

[Roadster280]

During my time at Upavon, (as an Army bloke, and while it was a RAF station), one of our number had committed a crime. He was detached from our troop at the parent squadron in BZZ. He'd take a Land Rover (EDIT - This should read L_and Rover) (ohne works ticket or permission), and go and visit his girlfriend of an evening. Next morning, the Rover would be back where it was supposed to be, but a few extra miles on the clock. Well, eventually he gets caught and goes on orders. Gets a 7-day detention sentence.

He's sent back to UPN to collect his kit from his room, and then off to pokey. Well the cells at UPN had (and I still cannot believe this) FIRE EXITS in them. So chappy needs to go and serve his sentence in an Army nick, nearest being 94 Loc Regt RA in Larkhill. We cart him over there, and entering the guardroom, which is surrounded by enormous (and enormously shiny) shell cases, we're greeted by a bloke with two stripes. "Morning Corporal" says the hapless Billy. "I'MNOTAFCUKINGCORPORALI'MABOMBARFCUKINGDIER" came back the instant reply and set the tone for Billy's little sojourn. The provo Sgt comes out of his office, and says quietly, but ominously, "Ah, I've been expecting you. Let's check your documentation". He gets Billy to reel off his Regimental Number, checks his ID card to prove it really was him, checks his own paperwork, all very civilised. Turns to us, the escort, "I'm satisfied this is the prisoner, I've signed for his live body, you guys can go now". End of Mr Nice Provo Sgt (as if there ever was such a thing". Set volume to MAX, turns to his Bdr "RIGHT, FCUKING JAIL THE LITTLE SCROTE". Bdr's turn "PICK UP YOUR SHAGGING KIT YOU IDLE LITTLE ****, EFFRIGHTEFFRIGHTEFFRIGHT". "CLANG"!!!

Poor Billy was about 20lb lighter a week later, and traumatised.

[dkh51250]

Mention of a funeral by FB brought back another memory. Early 70s at an East Anglian airfield where we had lost a jet with both aircrew.

Four days of funeral rehearsals, as ever with a single man locker hidden in the hangar, out of sight.

Come the day of the funeral, and we are to depart from the bay alongside the Guardroom which had been in use as a disaster store. The coffin is to be loaded into the hearse prior to making the journey to the Station Church.

The SWO, J***K Y***g gathered us around the coffin in the bay and told us in hushed tones. "Gentlemen we might F**k this up, but we will f**k it up with dignity. Is this understood"?

Nodding of heads all round.

[airpolice]

A generation of airmen, after my time, but only just, were tortured by JC as a DI Corporal at Swinderby. Imagine the horror in the junior ranks at Boulmer when he turns up in 1977 as the GD Sgt.

MR. G tells a funny story of JC demonstrating the actions of returning your hand to the side of your body after a shoulder arms. This involves striking an imaginary insect off the end of your willy.

While at Swinderby he was famous for throwing bedpacks, and trainees, from upstairs windows.

I had missed his reign at Swinderby, having left therein January 1974, but on spending a week as Duty Prisoner at Boulmer in 1978 I soon got to know his capacity for berating the tardy and untidy. Imagine his consternation on hearing me address the SWO as Jack!

If ever a GD bloke was cut out to be a **** of a SWO it was JC.

However, off duty, he was actually an allright guy. One day while en route from the block to Alnmouth train station one day, JC is pasing in an MT wagon and on seeing me legging it along the road in civvies, he instructs the driver to about turn and collect me, taking me to the station. We shared a few beers on the train and he was just another bloke in the mob. Next week he's back in the Guardroom biting the heads off the long haired scopies!

One day I was driving past the Guardroom at 17:58 when he spots me and "asks" me to take the flag down. I protest that I'm late for going home fed and need to get a move on. In a very firm voice, JC says, "Take the flag down and then go home."

So I did. GD Brat hands me the whistle, I stand to attention, brat lowers the flag and I blow again. We fold the Flag I give him the whistle and put the flag in the car and go home. Apparently next morning was fun and games in the guardroom as they scouted around looking for the flag which by then was in Scotlandshire.

That flag was up our loft until it had to go in a purge on junk when we moved house in 1989.

Someone must know what became of JC, did he ever make it to SWO?

[Samuel]

Not exactly a SWO story, but similar! As a Flt Lt RNZAF in ANZUK from 1974-76,I frequently had occasion to visit Nee Soon Camp which at that time housed the 1st Battalion The Gordon Highlanders. I noted that every Monday morning, after being marched in front of the CO for various misdemeanours, one or two soldiers were marched down to the Guardroom, in full dress uniform, and clang, in they went for three days.

One particular guy was a regular offender apparently, and you could just about set your watch on Monday morning that he would be marched down the road; then all of a sudden his visits stopped. My WO was very friendly with the Gordons RSM, and he asked me if he could bring him to the Officers' Sgts Christmas drinks session in the Kiwi Mess and of course I was happy to agree.

The RSM turned out to be a very agreeable guy, but I had to ask, what had happened to his regular Monday morning offender? "Oh, him" he says, " well it was pretty obvious traditional discipline wasn't working, so we found another way to cure him. I took him behind the guardroom and thumped him".

[Secretsooty]

1985, at a fine apprentice training establishment near Wendover. Our entries Discip Sgt was one M****y R*******n, who we all knew was a decent enough bloke but not to get on the wrong side of him. One night we stole his old Austin Allegro that he'd left outside the block whilst partaking of a few shandies in the rugby club and hid it. Long story short, we were told that we had to return it to the mess the following day or suffer, and he took the spare keys away from his office, the very keys we'd used to move the car then put them back in the office! I hot-wired it, with the ignition switch dismantled from the steering column to get round the steering lock, and got caught driving it into the mess car park as he came out the other way in his little MGB!!!
Turn the clock forward to 1996(?) and a lot further north to a fishing village on the Moray coast with swing-wing death bombers. Sitting in the airman's mess one lunchtime, I witnessed the following......
SWO walks into the mess and approaches a table with only a single LAC sitting at it and holds out his pace stick in one hand, towards the young LAC who was minding his own business having his lunch.
SWO - Hold this laddie!
LAC - Sir?
SWO - Hold the end of my stick sonny boy, NOW!
LAC takes hold of the outstretched end of the pace stick, SWO starts to quiver the stick as he holds it and bellows........
FEEL THE POWER SONNY, FEEL THE POWER!
At this point I burst out laughing uncontrollably, SWO turns and spots me and bellows out.... "CPL ******, you still owe me an ignition switch!" then turns around and walks out the door, leaving me sitting with my jaw open catching flies!!!
What a man, I will never forget his face when he saw what some members of our apprentice entry painted on Henderson Mess roof one night.......

[Halton Brat]

Secretsooty, you are clearly a rook (1985?). Get some time in. While you were learning your sooty hobby at the College of Knowledge, some of we graduates of my beloved Alma Mater were manning the ramparts of The Free World in order to repel the onslaught of the Teeming Hordes of the Red Empire.

I bet you even had collar-attached shirts. Pah!

HB

[Halton Brat]

Airpolice, the amazingly versatile implement that you are struggling to describe was a button stick, not hook. This fundamental error leads me to suspect that either you are a poseur, or perhaps some intellectually challenged eejit such as a Sooty or Armourer. Take a week's Bedpacks.

HB

[AARON O'DICKYDIDO]

I'll see your collarless shirt and raise you a Buttonhook and a tin of Brasso.


Buttonhooks are for fastening buttons, usually on ladies boots but can also be used to fasten shirt buttons with one hand.



Brasso- Brasso !!! ???? We BEs could't afford Brasso. We used issue Blubell.

[Finningley Boy]

Duraglit was the preferred weapon of choice for polishing anything made of Brass as I recall and it was Brill. Of course such cards that we were, we changed one letter in the name to say something else! snigger!!!

Air Police,

You may have been at Boulmer when I arrived in August 1978. And indeed, JC was the said Sergeant Smith's nick name. He later went to Machrahanish where he got a bit part in the film White Nights. He's the Soviet Officer who marches up to the Aircraft stands to attention and salutes smartly when the side door opens.:ok:

Somebody told me he was just like Hitler! In that he had survived numerous attempts on his life.

FB:)

[Wizzard]

Sorry not a SWO story but an Army one

One day in sunny Aldershot LCPL Wizzard was sent to report to his Officer Commanding - can't remember why: on arrival at the company office the Sergeant Major was sitting at his desk and through the door I could see the OC wasn't around. Foolishly I asked the CSM if he knew where the OC was to which he replied "is my face red?" Confused, I just stared at him until he shouted "IS MY FACE RED?" No Sir! says I "THEN HE"S NOT UP MY F*@KING A@RSE THEN IS HE - GET OUT!"

I did get out, and fell down the stairs laughing.

[Blacksheep]

We three RAF Sergeants were attending a Demob course at Aldershot and were accomodated in the Garrison Sergeants Mess. On our first day, wearing civvies, we wandered in for luncheon and sat down in the dining room. The waitresses seemed a bit reluctant to attend to our needs so we called one over and ordered our meal. A minute or so later the Garrison Sergeant Major enters the dining room, followed by the SNCOs in rank order. GSM comes over to our table, "You chaps must be from the RAF, eh?" "Yes Sir!" we chorus. "Ah yes. I thought so!" he said and headed for his place at the big table down the far end, followed by the others. They all stood behind their chairs, the GSM sat down, they sat down and meal service commenced. Next day we waited in the lobby with all the others, until the GSM arrived. :)

Having a pint with the same GSM one evening and he tells what happened earlier when the Garrison Commander sent for him to discuss the impending visit of the Chaplain General. The CO is worried about getting a good attendance at the Aldershot church but it wouldn't be acceptable to order soldiers to attend. The GSM has the solution - he has promulgated an order saying "A full kit inspection will be conducted by the Garrison Sergeant Major at 0800 on Sunday the 5 June. All soldiers will lay out their kit and stand by their beds. Soldiers attending divine service are excused." On the following Sunday the church was packed and there were more soldiers in uniform standing outside.

[CADF]

That'll be a button stick then.

[Pontius Navigator]

Blanco - blue and white

[tyne]

Forgive the intrusion from a civvy but I have an army and RN anecdote to tell.

My late Dad just after the war, new to the army and in the DLI. A dark haired chap who although smartly turned out suffered badly from 5 o' clock shadow - with it coming through an hour after a shave.

There he is on parade - immaculate turn out. RSM pauses, looks him up and down then growls in his ear. !Ave we ad a shave today laddie?" Dad replies that he has. RSM gets closer to his ear and through gritted teeth growls even louder. "Next time, stand closer to the Effin razor then."

Then one from the modern Royal Navy. Mid 1990s I am at sea as a visitor in a RN warship. It is very, very rough and she is taking green water over her bow. We've all been sick, we've had a hell of a night. The Captain is gripping his chair having confessed to chucking his guts up.

In off the bridge wing arrives a soaking wet junior officer. He asks permission to come onto the bridge then as he disrobes announces "Jesus it's a sh***y old day out there." To which the EWO - (I think that was his title) standing immaculately turned out at the back of the bridge replies. "I think Sir meant to say, Golly chaps it's certainly bracing out there." The captain, looking green and still holding onto his chair buts in. "No it is a Sh***y day and anyone who thinks different is clearly a nutter." EWO and the rest of the bridge team burst into laughter.

[VP8]

Not SWO but RSM....more scarier!

RAF Topcliffe early eighties...

Young Veeps back from his 2nd det to the Sunny Malvinas drives across to the tower between the hangers to pick up some mail that had accumulated.

Passed some army bods and a couple of 150mm howitzers parked there, thinks thats unusual:suspect:

Called into Dsatco's office and told to go to The Army Adjies office in SHQ and was given the most almighty of rollickings by the RSM as I had driven through his handover parade in my little Fiat 126. Was then given the biggest brass shell and warhead I had ever seen and was doubled over to the guardroom (hard to do in Fliplops) and was promptly jailed! I was left to stew for 6hrs then released with no reason or charge.

Checked the gap everytime between the hangers since.....

[MReyn24050]

Back in the 1970s the RSM of the Aircraft Training Wing (AETW) at Middle Wallop is drilling a Squad of Trainee Technicians on the parade square. One lad is doing everything wrong, much to the annoyance of the RSM who finally has had enough he calls the Squad to attention, marches over to the offending technician and with his pace stick points it in the direction of some dustbins outside of one of the blocks awaiting collection.
RSM: “See that bin laddie?”
Technician: “Yes Sir” well you go and stand in it and if anyone asks what you are doing you tell them you are rubbish”
RSM: “What are you?”
Technician: “Rubbish, Sir”
RSM: “GO”
Technician doubles off the square and climbs in the bin.
RSM continues to drill the rest of the Squad.
20 minutes later who should come down the path? The CO of AETW, he spots the Technician standing in the bin and asks him what he is doing in the bin.
Technician replies “I am rubbish Sir”.
CO: “Who put you in there?”
Technician: “The RSM Sir”.
CO: “OK carry on”

[Wwyvern]

As we seem to have drifted seamlessly into Army territory, herewith my memory of a Sergeants' Mess whilst on exercise in winter Norway. Although the Squadon was camped under canvas, the Army Battalion had permanent accommodation. They were to be on exercise far longer than we. The Sergeants' Mess had invited the RAF officers and SNCOs to watch a film one evening. Several of us attended, including a few Acting Sergeant Air Loadmasters. You will know that it takes a long time for Army personnel to make sergeant, and there was some amusement amongst their old hairies at the expense of our hardly-yet-shaving loadies, who were made up almost as soon as they joined.

In those days, films came in reels, and during a change of reels, one of our loadies whispered to his companion that the film was good, but it was a pity that the roaring fire was flickering on the screen. The ever-present RSM heard this, looked around the Mess and addressed his oldest and most experienced Sergeant, "Sergeant MacDonald, go and stand in front of the fire, so that our guests can enjoy the film to the full." Our heroes didn't catch the end of the film but slunk off back to their tents.

[Krystal n chips]

Brawdy....and a certain aforementioned Cpl "dressed as lamb".

We were socially acquainted as they say by virtue of the little sabbaticals 71 MU undertook to the Station. He had, I suppose, what is now known as OCD with our troops (I suppose he had some justification with, ahem, the standard MU "dress code" )and thus was an easy target. He was though easily distracted in bedding stores and thus the plan was simple..one engaged in conversation whilst the others signed for the bedding..using but one name... consistently..thus after several months, he eventually got around to wondering why J/T Bloggs now had some 20 sets of bedding allocated to him...much ranting to the straight faced troops ensued of course...along with various threats etc.

However, one day we were returning to Abingdon and who did we see hitch-hiking..in No1's no less, than the above Cpl. You have to help a comrade now don't you?.

The van ( ironically, being driven by J/T Bloggs ) duly slowed, the rear doors opened, and the look of gratitude was so evident on his face...he got nearer and nearer...to the outstretched hands...until... with perfect timing, said J/T floors the pedal, exhaust covers our traveller...and the doors are slammed shut...you could hear, and see, the wails of despair and wrath being uttered....alas! :E

[PICKS135]

Finningley Boy Duraglit was the preferred weapon of choice for polishing anything made of Brass as I recall and it was Brill. Of course such cards that we were, we changed one letter in the name to say something else! snigger!!!

Air Police,

You may have been at Boulmer when I arrived in August 1978. And indeed, JC was the said Sergeant Smith's nick name. He later went to Machrahanish where he got a bit part in the film White Nights. He's the Soviet Officer who marches up to the Aircraft stands to attention and salutes smartly when the side door opens.

Somebody told me he was just like Hitler! In that he had survived numerous attempts on his life.

FB

JC was my DI in August 1975 at Swnderby. For some reason we only had him for 3 weeks, and then he was based in the guardroom.
Did enjoy throwing bedpacks about though;)

[pamac51]

Krystal - you have just reminded me of how a system set up to offer other airmen a lift eastwards from Brawdy at weekends came crashing down thanks to said cpl. The plan was for those with cars (mainly techies) to inform the Gen Offfice of proposed travel plans and a list was then displayed to allow the lowly paid mortals to hitch a lift and share petrol costs. It worked well until said cpl had the intricacies of the system explained to him and as soon as he started calling the would be drivers - surprise surprise - they all had to cancel their travel plans. System died within a week!

[langleybaston]

RAF Nicosia c. 1962 had Mr Smith as SWO ....... routinely changed complete kit lunch-time.

A gentleman, not one for shouting, but very effective.

A good friend of the Guide Captain [Mrs lb as above] and the Scoutmaster [lb the metman], and helped a great deal with essential camping infrastructure such as a daily bowser and a few jankers walahs to dig 'oles.

I learned then that the SWO and the MTO were key allies in the struggle for survival.

[goudie]

In those days, films came in reels, and during a change of reels, one of our loadies whispered to his companion that the film was good, but it was a pity that the roaring fire was flickering on the screen. The ever-present RSM heard this, looked around the Mess and addressed his oldest and most experienced Sergeant, "Sergeant MacDonald, go and stand in front of the fire, so that our guests can enjoy the film to the full." Our heroes didn't catch the end of the film but slunk off back to their tents.
Wwyvern I heard this story when I was in Norway recovering a Brit that had been involved with the trooping. I've recounted it several times, as a fine example of the power the RSM wealds. Strangely enough it came to mind, a few days ago, when reading through this thread

[hedgester]

Only two spring to mind.... :}

Late eighties at Lossie, while bimbling back onto camp I got to watch the SWO go to 80,000ft in no time as 8 Sqn towed a couple of safety raisers accross HIS grass and proceeded to rob the gate guard of its rudders as they had less life than any on the line! Something along the lines of "I don't car who authorised it!.... Did they give you permission to cross MY grass!" :sad:

And one I chortle about from time to time even now, Bruggen in the early nineties I came out of SHQ behind the SWO to see a scruffy airman in dirty overalls, and no beret, hands in pockets, merrily scuffing along the road. SWO bellows at 200db "AIRMAN"! Airman jumps, points at SWO, jaw drops, points at SWO and yells "SWOman!", then legs it of through the woods towards 17Sqn as fast as can be.... priceless! Never seen a human get as red faced without suffering heart failure! :\

[taxydual]

I've posted this one before, but I think it's worth a 2nd showing.

Finningley 1975.

100 Airmen, post breakfast, walking to work down the main drag.

1 LAC minus beret.

SWO 'Johnny' Walker appears on Guardroom verandah.

"STAND STILL". 100 Airmen freeze.

"YOU, AIRMAN. WHERE'S YOUR HEADDRESS?" 99 Airmen breathe a sigh of relief.

In a quavering voice the young LAC replies "I don't have to wear it Sir. I have a chit".

"THEN WEAR THE F***ING CHIT THEN" bellows the SWO.

99 Airmen fall about laughing.

[Halton Brat]

In my (probably) final offering on this thread, I would like to nominate WO Danny McCarthy (SWO Valley early 80's, Gutersloh late 80's) as the best I saw in my time.

This splendid Irishman had it all; style, panache, wit & fairness. His repartee & banter would make a Toledo rapier seem as sharp as a banana. With such attributes he was able to discipline the Licentious Soldiery in a firm but intelligent fashion, without indulging in the mindless tosh that some his bretheren did.

One day at Valley, I answered the 'phone only to instantly hear the old Irish song 'Oh Father O'F**** (my name) you've a wonderful way with ye". Now honestly, how many of you have been serenaded by the SWO?

HB

[endplay]

In Salalah, circa 1972, a DCI(?) came out authorising the use of black umbrellas in inclement weather. Can't recall the number now but could then and some of us bought them from the local souk in hope of inspiring rain. On repat to Wattisham I was arriving, in Best Blue as per, in pouring rain so I hoisted my brolly and soldiered on. The SWO, a WO Basten (surely a misspelling) went ballistic and demanded to know by whose authority I was carrying an umbrella in uniform. I answered "Sir, by the authority invested in me by DCI xxx." He said he had never heard of such an instruction and I told him that I could not be held responsible for his ignorance. Our relationship went downhill from that point although he did concede, later and with some grace, that I was correct.
I was a JT then and though a techie till demob I ended up as SWO on 2 of my last 3 postings by virtue of being the only WO on the units.

[Pontius Navigator]

endplay, did Gan have a SWO?

We arrived in a thundestorm, or rather as one approached. As our wg cdr descended the steps a WO greets him (what not the stn cdr? :)). The WO is attired in shirt and shorts with flip flops rather than shoes and is carrying an umbrella and no hat. (In those days we wore hats around aircraft).

The wg cdr duly b*ll*cks the WO for being improperly dressed and was highly irked not to have been met by an officer of similar rank. At that moment the storm broke.

The WO opened his umbrella and escorted the wg cdr to the crew bus. The apron was 2 inches deep in water which was bouncing to about knee height.

Not another word about dress was mentioned.

[NUFC1892]

Slightly off topic


The SWO, a WO Basten (surely a misspelling)


I recall the name as being the SWO at Benson in around 1977/8. He replaced or preceeded a WO Benstead (ex Lanc AG and very scary man) and I had the pleasure of his company every Thursday afternoon carrying an "ersatz" coffin from the back of a 4-tonner and placing it into the back of a bin wagon. At the time Benson was the nominated unit unit for the repatriation of any royals etc who died whilst overseas. I think it was called Op "Haze" or something similar, anyone else remember it?

Apochrypal SWO story no, good memories for a now aging WO; definitely.

[sisemen]

'Haze' is correct. The original was written for the occasion of the repatriation of the Duke of Windsor. I had to re-write it in 92 and it became Operation Overstudy because The Queen's Flight were operating 146s and we were all getting a little concerned about the Queen Mum. Little did I know that the next time it was to be used was for Princess Diana (TQF having moved in the meantime to Northolt); hence my claim to fame having been involved in Princess Diana's first military engagement as Parade Commander (Hon Air Cdre at Wittering) and her last (Op Overstudy author).

There was a suite maintained in the Officers' Mess at Benson for any of the Royal party who were likely to stay overnight and it was called the Haze Suite. Funnily enough they didn't change the name to the Overstudy Suite when the Op Order changed.

My last night in the RAF was spent in the Haze Suite before I buggered off to Oz.

[NUFC1892]

Sisemen,

Thankyou. Now you have mentioned it I do recall the Duke of Windsor's name and health being mentioned every now and again; usually in hushed tones by a VO who came along to inspect the "erks carrying a box" every once in a while.

[matkat]

HB, Danny McCarthy was my discip Sgt at Swinderby in 1976, I have to concur with what you say.

[Shack37]

A couple of examples from Ballykelly, late 60's

Practice AOC's parade a bit of a shambles and SWO screams at his runner who's directing operations "call out the time Sgt. *******". Said Sgt looks at watch and in best parade ground voice replies "0945 hours SAH" SWO terminates conversation with "get off my parade you thick Irish chap".

After a fun night in the Pig's Bar one was invited to enjoy the company of the duty RAFP until next morning. Coincidentally the SWO held a snap inspection of the troops as they waited to board transport to the tech site. Those who lacked the required standard were duly lined up in the guardroom to make their excuses. From the comfort and safety of my cell I witnessed the following exchange.
SWO...airman, your shoes are almost white, explain!
SAC....my feet sweat a lot sir which dyes the leather.
SWO...Very good and original excuse lad and I'd let you off if your hat badge wasn't such a dark green colour.

[sitigeltfel]

During the sweltering summer of '76 I was based at Bawtry. The AOC gave permission for dress rules to be relaxed and we were allowed to discard ties and roll up our shirt sleeves. One day I had to travel across to Finningley for some admin matter and on checking in at the guardroom I was approached by the SWO who took exception to my appearance. When I explained the AOC 1 Group's missive he reminded me in no uncertain terms that Finningley was not part of No.1 Group and I was sent packing to the mess to scrounge a tie before the CO spotted me.

[Wwyvern]

Goudie

Interesting to hear that the story has been repeated. It certainly is authentic - I was there. I can't confirm the name of the fireguard sergeant, but he certainly was ordered into position.

[Imac86]

I was at RAF Swinderby in Feb 1975 and had the pleasure of having JC as my DI he may have been a B*****d to all other flights but we had some great fun at all other flights expence. He just had to look at you and you could see everyone check their buttons ties etc. I now use a similar technique and it still works making the person feel they have done something wrong. As said previously JC and Sgt Petrie always wanted to win the flight challenge and thankfully for me 19 flight did. All the best to JC and I wonder if he did make SWO. JC's nickname for me was "Spewy" but that's another story for a 17 year old underage drinker.:= Went to RAF Spittlegate closing dance where Mud the pop group played long time ago but great memories until the next day and the rest of my time at Swinderby.:ok:

[lsh]

HB, Danny McCarthy was my discip Sgt at Swinderby in 1976, I have to concur with what you say.

Mine too (Discip SGT)!
I joined May 11th.
Were we same Flight??

lsh

[Mothballed]

I'm surprise nobody has mentioned Dave Lunnan. He was a DI at Halton for a while and identified from behind by a patch of white hair just above his collar. He became a proper 'old school' SWO who guarded His grass with a passion.

[4mastacker]

I'm surprise nobody has mentioned Dave Lunnan. He was a DI at Halton for a while and identified from behind by a patch of white hair just above his collar. He became a proper 'old school' SWO who guarded His grass with a passion. I think you will find posts #94 and #95 in this thread refer to the gentleman in question.

[NutLoose]

Was he a Yorkshire bod with a tash and ran the football or rugby bar at Halton??

[Tinribs]

Ben You wait here when the duke of edinburgh comes through tell me
Airman Yes sir
Car with flag, man leaps in front, car stops. man knocks on window
Airman Ere are you the dook of edinburg
Senior type No I am the AOC
Airman OK Mate you can go
Car with bigger flag and stars man leaps in front car stops man knocks on window
Airman Ere are you the dook of edinburg
Very senior type No I am the Cin C
Airman OK mate you can go
Bigger car with two flags and lots of stars, leaps in front, knocks on window
Airman Ere are you the dook of edinburg
Extremely senior royal gent Yes I am
Airman I should bugger of mate the SWO is after yer

[Blacksheep]

Chief Tech Watson walks out of breakfast and short cuts across the parade ground (which on an RAF Station would be the main car park). Unfortunately this station shares its domestic site with the Army.
The RSM bellows out “STAFF SERGEANT!” but Chiefy carries on, oblivious, reading a newspaper as he goes.
The RSM repeats the call “STAFF SERGEANT!!” and Chiefy carries on…
The RSM now double marches himself round the perimeter of the parade ground (knees up, Mother Brown…) and intercepts Chiefy Watson at the far side of the parade ground.
“When I call you, Staff Sergeant, you come to me, AT THE DOUBLE!” “UNDERSTAND?”
“I’m not a Staff Sergeant, Sir. I’m a Chief Technician.”
“If you was in the Army, you’d be a Staff Sergeant!!!”
“If I was in the Army, I’d be a bloody Colonel.” “Sir”.

[Roadster280]

Apocryphal indeed.

"Don't you salute RAF officers in the Army, Private?"
"No Sir, we don't have any".

Anyway, the RSM was doing the Chief a favour, promoting him like that to Staff Sergeant.

[chiglet]

Sgt Petrie always wanted to win the flight challenge

I knew him as Cpl [Jock] Petrie. He was my DI at R.A.F. Innsworth, Jan 1963. Great bloke.

[BATCO]

Scene AOC's Parade (remember them?)
Parade WO (formerly of The Queen's Colour Squadron) executes crisp but slightly eccentric drill manoeuvres.

AOC: That's not how we do that in the Royal Air Force.

WO: If it's good enough for Buckingham Palace, it's good enough for RAF Lossiemouth, Sir!


Batco
Who introduced his fiancée to parents whilst Captain of the Tower Guard.

[micknt8]

I believe the Polish SWO at Cottesmore in the early 70's was my father, Master Pilot B J (Bob) Adamek. Could be recognised by the mo and the big Afghan hound. He started in '44 flying Wimpeys and did his last flying tour in Sharjah in '71 I believe. Sadly passed away in '94.

[Canadian Break]

Not quite about SWOs (although one of the protagonists did act as the SWO on occasion). I had the dubious pleasure of being the OiC the Sgts Mess at one of the northern radar stations. The Rock Ape WO at the time was a charming Southern Irishman - charming but hard as nails. The other protagonist was the WO Officers Mess manager who was a nasty piece of work - employed his wife as one of the Batty's simply so she could tell him what was happening around the Mess and he would then use that information to his advantage. He and I never got on for reasons that were not apparent to me. Anyway, as OiC I was invited to the Sgt Mess Summer Ball - which I duly attended. The said Officers Mess WO was absolutely harry ****ers by about 1930 and placed himself in the foyer to the Mess to be rude and obnoxious to the late comers - especially any lady that appeared. Thinking that this was not on - I took him to one side whereupon he simply gave me a mouthfull and offered to take me outside and "sort me out". Discretion deserted me and I saw an opportunity to "teach this oaf" a lesson, so I was halfway out of my jacket when a hand appeared on my shoulder - said Rock Ape. "I'll sort this out Sir" - look, what's that over there"? I turned momentarily and heard the sound of a breaking nose. Imagine my surprise when I look back to see the inert form of the obnoxious WO being dragged through the doors into the kitchen, with his nose spread all over his face. "Shall we go for a beer Sir" says my new found hero! So PM, I suspect you are not reader of this august forum but, wherever you are - "God Bless You".

[MPN11]

I do recall the SWO at Waddington in the early 80s, although sadly not his name. I persuaded him that the Guardroom floor was shiny enough, and that perhaps a good use of defaulters would be to clear litter and other FOD out of the ankle wire surrounding the V-Force dispersals.

Tiptoeing between the wire, picking up cr@p by hand, in a Linconshire winter may have sorted out a few serial offenders. Anyway, there was always roadsweeping as the easy option, which was his preference ...
But Flight Safety prevailed. :ok:

[papa_sierra]

RAF Marham, mid seventies. It was decided from on high that the 55 Squadron SNCOs were to form a separate flight on the AOCs parade. Come practice day the SWO had chalked three sets of lines on the dispersal to make it obvious to us participants that on the ‘right dress’ we would be given a bit of help.
So on the order ‘right dress we all shuffled into position and got ourselves all lined up.
The SWO then wandered down the line to check on our dressing.
Stopping behind me he asked that I get my toes on the line to match everyone else.
When I pointed out to him that my feet were quite short and all around me had big feet and therefore it would be better if we all placed our heels on the line, the titters from the assembled caused him to have a hissy fit.
I missed the next practice parade by being on a standby duty, but the assembled did say that he spent a long time looking for me.

[matkat]

Lsh, no as I joined 29th June 1976.

[Wander00]

Binbrook Jun 81 -1215 (ie lunchtime). SWO, WO PSF and others looking down the road to the main gate as several black cars swept in, "Did not know there was a funeral today" says the SWO in his Irish lilt, with an edge because no one told him about the "funeral" - at which point the SWO suddenly got the picture "F//@@ing Hell - it's Part 1 Taceval". All hell breaks out.

Remember the day well as on going to the OM for a post taceval beer, I had a phone call to say my Mum was on her way out. Made Northwood in 3 hours, and with 10 minutes to spare. Interestingly we learned a casualty handling lesson - we practised getting messages "out", but not "in" - my brother had been trying to get me since 1400 but the system could not tell the operator where I as an individual was located so could not get the call to me. Hey, ho.

[NutLoose]

Jack Holt gets a mention in this months Flypast, apparently parts of the film High Flight was filmed in a hangar there, although no one can confirm it and Jack Holt was but a discip Flight Sergeant.
Anyway I digress, Jack was looking out of the window when he sees a slovenly airman ambling past, quick as a shot he opens the window an bellows out Aaaaaairrman, smarting yourself up... To which the reply comes I am an actor. Jack wasn't having any of it and replies that while he was wearing the uniform of the RAF and representing the Queen, he WILL smarten himself up and wear it with pride, which the unfortunate actor did.

[Tinribs]

Ben Harborne (SWO Hereford) holds pace stick 1 mm from mans nose and shouts "there is a bloody fool at the end of this stick"
Man replies "not this end Sir"
Exit stout party

[KPax]

Not too long ago at a Rotary Base in Shropshire, SWO see's a Cpl walking with an SAC, said Cpl did not have a Beret on. SWo to SAC young man what do you think the punishment should be for not wearing your beret', SAC 1000 lines by hand 'I must wear my Beret when leaving the Mess', SWO great idea Cpl have 1000 lines in my office tomorrow. It was a tense shift for the rest of the day, it was funny though.

[MPN11]

KPax ... my Boarding School had some nasty variations on Lines.

1. You had to purchase the special, yellow, lined paper from the Prefects' Common Room.
2. You were only allowed 7 words per line, so writing "I Must .. etc" 25 times down the page didn't work ... they made sure there was +/- 7 words in wot you rote!
3. Usually when you handed it in, the b****** just tore it up without checking ... buy who takes that chance?

[Wander00]

Contrary to expectation and the general impression I seek to create at every opportunity I am not in fact a bull elephant

The line usually set by my English master, Jim Golland, who went from being Head of English at Harrow County to ditto at Harrow School. A fine scholar, a great historian of Pinner and an absolute gentleman. Thanks Jim.


You might suppose that I remember it so well from 60 odd years ago because I wrote it so often. You might not be wrong!

[Pontius Navigator]

MPN11, in Latin :(

[TLDNMCL]

WO John Overall - I will say no more!

[Auster Fan]

In my time as an RAFVR(T) officer, one of the most efficient men I ever met was the Station FS at North Luffenham in 1991, a Northern Ireland gent whose name escapes me (Brian?) and who I believe may have gone to St Athan as SWO at a later point. If either the Annual Camp Commandant or I went to him with a problem, his immediate reply was "Sir, you do not have a problem; I have a problem". Always immaculate, legend had it that he had a different pair of shoes for each day of the week, more of which shortly. I have two overriding memories of him that week.

The Camp Comm and I were talking to him just inside a building entrance which overlooked the main drag to the JRM. An airman walked past with his hands in his pockets, not having seen said FS. "Excuse me sirs", said the FS at which point a roar was emitted at the unfortunate airman, who had no idea where the voice had come from. Cue arms and legs flying in all directions...

This FS had a distinct like for Asbach brandy and one of our "braver" instructors, an Adult Warrant Officer who was known for his ability to consume a few decided he was going to try to and out drink him. The next morning at 8.00am the FS appeared, not a hair out of place, shoes immaculate as always, ready for the day. Cue the appearance of a translucent AWO, barely in touch with reality, volunteering to do my turn as Duty Officer as he was on the fragile side of fragile. The Camp Comm, later to become OC Wing was less than impressed...

I've often wondered what happened to the FS as he was a top bloke.

[bobward]

Dead ant!;);)

[engineer(retard)]

WO John Overall - I will say no more!

Legendary....

[ricardian]

FS "Sid" Riley, SWO at Sharjah 1963. Great bloke who got on with everyone, Jamaican and very firm but fair. His successor was another FS whose name escapes me. It was his very first overseas tour in nearly 30 years of RAF service and at 7am (official start time) on his first day of duty he aimed to make an impression, strutting around in his starched KD shirt & shorts wearing his SD cap, reprimanding folk left right & centre. By mid-day he was in SSQ with heat stroke and severe sunburn. For the rest of his time he kept a low profile.

[dragartist]

A little off thread but certainly apocryphal.
Wondered what became of the Ex Squipper WO in the Support Authority at Wyton who took the SWO job at a certain fighter station in Scotland in around 2008/9. He had personal motives for doing so and I did not blame him for wanting to return home to his family. I think they may have been short of volunteers north of the border. He certainly lost a lot of friends amongst the Squipper JNCOs and SNCOs for having his Squipper WO post disestablished hence cut off their career progression. I guess this may have happened sooner or later anyway. It was a toss up between a few posts in the section during the proposed cuts but he really made the decision so easy.


Frankly he was a bully. I am not sure if he would have made a good SWO but I am not qualified to judge. He was not a very good squipper. He was a good beer drinker and fun to be around at times. I would not have taken him on detachment as he was so self centred.


Just wondered how it turned out for him. No names no pack drill.

[matkat]

JO Nothing more need be said!!!!

[Jayand]

SWO's from NCA a mistake IMO, a SWO needs to come from the lowest ranks, having worked his way up and experiencing the whole system.

[charliegolf]

SWO's from NCA a mistake IMO, a SWO needs to come from the lowest ranks, having worked his way up and experiencing the whole system.

Who or to which post are you referring to?

[Top Bunk Tester]

Jayand
Don't forget that not all NCA are DE's, some of us came up the long way.

[airpolice]

In my time, the SWO was a product of the GD trade group. They were the result of a great many shifts spent as Guardroom staff and Drill instructors.

Service knowledge, drill, dress and behaviour standards to be upheld, were the core of the job.

Mind you that was a long time ago, when Station Commanders had to be Pilots, except for OC Shawbury & JATCRU posts.

[Bladdered]

Apologies if he has already been referred to but one who stands out in my memory is WO Ireland who was CWO at Sleaford Tech in 1979 when I was on 36 IOT. Subsequently bumped into him again at Laarparts in 1981 - a rock and a tough one at that but was great fun to be with socially. Had his share of personal tragedies - son killed in NI on active duty.


We took the seniors out for drinks before graduation and he noticed my non regulationary neckline hair cut - he warned me that he would find me the next day. At the Sqn pre-grad phot and just as I thought I had got away with it, felt this pace stick going up the back of my neck: 'What do you think you are doing at dinner today Mr Bladdered' , 'not much Mr Ireland', 'well the station barber is expecting you Mr B and your f.....g late, move.......'.

[longer ron]

Airpolice

In my time, the SWO was a product of the GD trade group. They were the result of a great many shifts spent as Guardroom staff and Drill instructors.


The SWO at Cottesmore circa 1972 was an ex Air Gunner - very nice guy :)
and undoubtedly he had transferred to GD to remain in the RAF.

Replaced by Jack Holt LOL - a different sort of SWO (although he actually was quite a nice guy too )

[Brian 48nav]

Similarly I think the SWO at Gaydon 1966, when Nav' School was there, was a former pilot of "Continental Irish" extraction or Polish to younger readers.

[Danny42C]

My SWO must be nameless, but here is a tale of how I upset one:

" Danny goes against the flow".

The Station had got a new SWO. New brooms sweep clean: this chap was no exception. He thought that we needed sharpening-up (so we did, but that was the way we liked it). He and his side-kicks descended on the airmen's barrack block one morning; everyone who hadn't at least one leg on the ground at 0710 was "on a fizzer". All the Units and Sections were caught in this sweep, my share was two NS airmen.

Now Reveille (Tannoy) was at 0700. But (as in most places, I should imagine), if you were on parade (boots and buttons shining), or at your place of work at 0800, and your bedspace was tidy and bed properly made up, it was no business but your own if you'd skipped breakfast for the sake of an extra half-hour's "kip".

As they'd all been booked together, all the Orderly Rooms were held at the same time. Together with the other three Adjutants, I'd cleared my desk, put on my flat 'at and assumed an appropriately stern expression. Then I thought about the charges a little. Could Reveille really be construed as an order to leap out of bed before the last notes had died away ? How about 0705 (or 0702) ? Now if the Room Corporal (or the SWO for that matter) had ordered the chaps out of bed, and they had not complied, it would be open and shut. But as it was ?

I got the Room Corporal in. Had he given any such order ? No, sir, he had not. Sir came to the conclusion (rightly or wrongly) that no offence had been committed. I dismissed both charges, much to the amazement of everybody on the station. But of course, it didn't stop there.

The other three Adjs had followed habit and automatically dished out 3-7 days CB according to taste (and the crime sheets). It made them look fools, their airmen were justifiably aggrieved. The SWO was livid, went to the Station Commander and demanded my head on a platter. It was not long before the expected summons came.

By that time I'd prepared my defence. Pari passu, if this had been a Court Martial offence, and the Prosecution had gone to court on such slender evidence, the Prosecuting Officer would have been thrown out on his ear, with stinging comment from the Deputy Judge Advocate. Why should a lesser standard of justice prevail because it was a trivial offence and I was merely a Subordinate Commander ? This was unanswerable and Daw fell back on Kant's Categorical Imperative: "what would happen if everybody did it ?" Respectfully, I pointed out that everybody had been doing it, and the Station had been jogging along all right, as far as anyone could see.

We agreed to differ on that one; not for the first time I thanked the Lord that, in taking away my Career, the RAF had thrown away the only stick it had to beat me with. Daw reflected with bitter satisfaction that my Tour would end in a month or two. The SWO would have said "Amen" to that - it's amazing how much venom and dumb-insolence an experienced W.O. can put into a "Sir" (on the rare occasions when we subsequently met).

I became an overnight hero to my chaps. David had slain Goliath, St.George had speared the Dragon, I was Robin Hood to the SWO's Sheriff of Nottingham. David Brown (my Auxiliary CO, who'd backed me throughout) was quietly amused. My unit pay cheque fiasco (earlier in the year) was quite forgiven.

It only remains to wrap-up RAF Thornaby and the Auxiliaries.

Goodnight again, chaps

Danny42C


All good things come to an end.

[Jayand]

Who or to which post are you referring to?

Back end of the bus, post #12.

[charliegolf]

Cheers J

CG

[tremblerman]

A.O.C's parade, Waddington late 70's. 9 and 50 Sqdns form one rank due to lack of men. Tremblerman is standing next to a corporal from 50 who is renowned for marching everywhere in a number 1 converted to a number 2 and a chip bag hat. A.O.C. a South African gentleman ( Lagerfeldt I think) stops opposite said corporal and compliments him on his outstanding turnout and asks " And what is your ambition in this man's Airforce Corporal?".
Instant response " To roll a cigarette with one hand SIR!!! The last bawled at full volume straight into his Airships ear. The colour the SWO turned had to be seen.
A.O.C. to his credit, instantly responded, "Very good, carry on"

[salad-dodger]

A.O.C's parade, Waddington late 70's. 9 and 50 Sqdns form one rank due to lack of men. Tremblerman is standing next to a corporal from 50 who is renowned for marching everywhere in a number 1 converted to a number 2 and a chip bag hat. A.O.C. a South African gentleman ( Lagerfeldt I think) stops opposite said corporal and compliments him on his outstanding turnout and asks " And what is your ambition in this man's Airforce Corporal?".
Instant response " To roll a cigarette with one hand SIR!!! The last bawled at full volume straight into his Airships ear. The colour the SWO turned had to be seen.
A.O.C. to his credit, instantly responded, "Very good, carry on"

and that is why this thread is so damned good. Great original stories! Let's skip the Nutloose cliches and stick to the real funnies.

S-D

[wub]

RAF St Mawgan 1972. AOC's parade rehearsal.... SWO, forgotten his name, a real gentleman on the quiet, inspecting front rank, using SWO sixth sense asks an airman to lift his trousers. SWO; "Airman, why are you the only man in this Air Force to be issued with lime green socks?" Airman; "You know sir, that's a questions that's been bothering me too"

Off the parade, seven days Jankers.... Mission accomplished

[Fark'n'ell]

At an ANZAC parade about fifty years ago in my hometown,as the salute was about to be taken the area warrant officer was heard to bellow in his high pitched voice at the sea cadets at the rear of the parade.

Don't stand there like a bunch of slack penis's
Stiffen up.

There were probably 5000 people there but for some strange reason it did not make it into the local newspaper.

[MPN11]

Welcome, tremblerman, to the Crewroom. Your turn to make the brew, it would seem :)

Your AOC was then AVM P J (Philip) Lagesen ... later Air Mshl Sir Philip. >>> P J Lagesen (http://www.rafweb.org/Biographies/Lagesen.htm)

Not the Judge in this case, though >>> STATE v. SHUPE by LAGESEN, P.J. | Leagle.com (http://www.leagle.com/decision/In%20ORCO%2020160218675/STATE%20v.%20SHUPE)

[ricardian]

RAF Wittering - SWO retires (http://www.raf.mod.uk/rafwittering/newsweather/index.cfm?storyid=E24EAB4D-5056-A318-A88D070A75F38118&rss=true)

[johnboy357]

Who was his CPL at the time?

QUOTE=pamac51;6470636]I had the 'pleasure' of knowing this loon at Innsworth and Brawdy - he was the FS IC RSDR prior to his promotion to WO and posting to Brawdy as SWO in 1976/77. Prior to his posting he made me an offer of spending 28 days in his cells but 'as he was due at Brawdy on Monday he didn't have time for it'!!! My oppo lived next to him in MQs and it would appear that his family (wife + 2 daughters) had to live with the square bashing shouting that went on all the time in his 'leisure hours'. I was more than delighted to see him promoted and posted - he really would have had me enjoying his hospitality in the RSDR had he stayed at Inns.

Three months later I was called in to the Sqn Cdr's office and told I was promoted and posted to .....Brawdy! My initial thoughts were to turn it down but promotion in my trade was few and far between in those days so I kept my counsel and trusted that he would have forgotten about me in the intervening 4 months. Unfortunately this was not the case and he made my life somewhat uncomfortable for the next 12 months - eg on CO's Inspection when CO was doing his rounds the SWO would sidle up to me and whisper lovingly in my ear 'I remember you' which of course made me so happy that I had made such an imprint on his mind!!

He impressed the Stn exec so much at Brawdy that they moved him out of the Guardroom in the centre of the Station and put him and his equally obnoxious Cpl GD in an old disused Barrack Block away from the main areas of human habitation.

I have got to say that a small frisson of joy crossed my mind when I heard that he had popped his clogs at Newton - most SWOs in those days were old wartime aircrew - he was not - just a bully and an eejit.

His Cpl - with a name that had a connection with old sheep meat - was a dithering fool when the SWO was not around - but if he had the SWO by his side he was just as bad.[/QUOTE]

[Madbob]

I did my BFT at Linton in1980-81 when we were blessed by having a great SWO In the form of W/O Jack Holt who apart from being a big man physically had the bearing of a Guardsman andthe always bulled boot to match! As an. APO doing my first stint as Orderly Officer he gave my lots of advice and confidence I how to handle defaulters on parade in the guard room and who were people perhaps twice my age....
He featured quite prominently on “Fighter Pilot” when it was bing filmed a short time later to my arrivalmyast recollection of him before he sadly died whilst in post was a bollocking he gave me for not wearing a hat! He recognised me as I was walking to the Officer ‘s Mess after I had mad a weather diversion to Linton in a Jetstream from FY when the weather at FY closed in and I had no instrument rating ( and no hat!). I thereafter made sure I flew with at least a “chip bag”!
MB

[RedhillPhil]

RAF Wittering - SWO retires (http://www.raf.mod.uk/rafwittering/newsweather/index.cfm?storyid=E24EAB4D-5056-A318-A88D070A75F38118&rss=true)


The last photograph on that extract. That's an impressive set of medals the airman third from the right is wearing..........

[rolling20]

I think I have mentioned this before, not sure if on this thread.
One early summers afternoon in 1982, I was UWAS co pilot in an early 1960s Vauxhall Viva. The captain of said vehicle was one APO Martin, known to some later as PMAR.
We had just gone past the St Athan Officers Mess entrance, on our way to the car park or square behind, when we were spotted by the SWO, who was holding some kind of gardening/litter exercise with a couple of airmen.
The 'AHHHHHH....' that emitted from his mouth could be heard over the ancient engine even with the windows wound up. The 4 drum brakes bought us to a decent stop, so all he had to do was march quick time up to PMARs door. Slap bang outside the Ante room or there abouts.
Before PMAR had even wound the window down, we could hear..'WHAT ARE YOU A DOING, DRIVING PAST THE OFFICERS A MESS , YOU ORRIBLE.....'
As cool as a cucumber, PMAR wound down the old window, presented his 1250, on seeing which the SWO stopped his tirade, stepped back, gave an impressive salute..'SAH' and got on with whatever he was doing.
PMAR muttered something to me, I have long since forgotten, smiled and we drove off. I felt myself lucky to have been with an APO, as I am not sure the SWO would have taken so kindly to a UWAS Cadet Pilot!
There was also another PMAR incident, but I am not sure if the SWO was the individual concerned with this one. In Jan 82, St Athan was closed for 72 hours after the worst snow in living memory. PMAR decided it would be a good idea to build a ' giant snow phallus', bang outside the Ante room, so off we went. Now he modelled this around some sort of large stone ornament in the shape of a I believe a bird table. Phallus finished we retired to the mess. Some time in the afternoon as we contemplated another snow outing, a heavily clothed figure appeared outside and took a swift kick at the phallus. The kicker fell over and then hopped around in agony, then limped slowly away. The figure never entered the mess and we weren't sure if it was the SWO, but our belief then was that it was. We stood sniggering in the warmth of the Ante room like the schoolboys we had been some months previously.
PMAR,one of the best!

[Tankertrashnav]

Similarly I think the SWO at Gaydon 1966, when Nav' School was there, was a former pilot of "Continental Irish" extraction or Polish to younger readers.

Sorry for the rather slow response to your post Ian16th (18 months) but I have just been reading back through this revived thread.

His name was Mr Matusjek (sp?) - I remember him well because I bought a moped from off him for a tenner so that my wife wouldnt have to get the bus from Loxley to Stratford for her nursing job. She rode it up and down the road precisely once and said she would stick to the bus. Left it behind when I moved on to Strad, so that worked out about £1 a minute!

[Laarbruch72]

The last photograph on that extract. That's an impressive set of medals the airman third from the right is wearing..........

On the contrary, it's pretty common these days to have around 5, especially for anyone with around 15 years service or more. I think I see a diamond jubilee medal, the LS&GCM, a GSM, and the Iraq campaign medal. Not sure on the 5th, the close up is grainy. I'd guess it's probably the ACSM.
I left in 2012 and I have 6... army colleagues might scoff at being impressed with 5, it's extremely common for them to have 8 to 10 gongs after 15-20 years service.

[ian16th]

Sorry for the rather slow response to your post Ian16th (18 months) but I have just been reading back through this revived thread.

His name was Mr Matusjek (sp?) - I remember him well because I bought a moped from off him for a tenner so that my wife wouldnt have to get the bus from Loxley to Stratford for her nursing job. She rode it up and down the road precisely once and said she would stick to the bus. Left it behind when I moved on to Strad, so that worked out about £1 a minute!
TTN,
You now have me worried.
I have no memory of posting to this thread, nowadays I often wonder why I've entered a room, so I've re-read the whole thread.

Plenty of laughs, but nothing from me!

As a Boy Entrant, I learnt to avoid SWO's.
I succeeded for 13 years.

[langleybaston]

Never stop moving on the stairs, it causes all sorts of problems, greatest of which is "was I going up or down?".
To solve the problem, go either way until reaching a level. At this stage you will remember ........ but hurry, hurry if you need to retrace you steps because you could end up in the loop again.

Now, where was I?

[langleybaston]

Some time in the afternoon as we contemplated another snow outing, a heavily clothed figure appeared outside and took a swift kick at the phallus. The kicker fell over and then hopped around in agony, then limped slowly away.

You owe me one keyboard. Priceless!

[Wander00]

You just need a high speed Stannah stair lift, so you get upstairs whilst you can still remember....uh, uh... oh, yes, why you went

[charliegolf]

Hope I haven't already posted this...

Recruit training, Swinditz,1979. Aircrew Cadet Golf is senior man of number 8 flight. We're about 2 weeks in, everyone can march ish. Recruits were not allowed to march across the main road that cut the camp in half without their NCOs directing them.

Sgt Robertson: "You, Aerocrat, march the flight over to point x, where i will meet you in y minutes. Why are you still here?"

Sarge appears as arranged, and aks casually, "Any issues?"

Me: "No Sergeant, but I did get stopped by an old guy carrying a walking stick with a silver knob on the end. He wanted to know your name and where you were. Dunno why. But he just said carry on, so I did."

Sgt R, blanches visibly before tutoring me as to who and what a SWOman is!

CG

[rolling20]

Some time in the afternoon as we contemplated another snow outing, a heavily clothed figure appeared outside and took a swift kick at the phallus. The kicker fell over and then hopped around in agony, then limped slowly away.

You owe me one keyboard. Priceless!
Langley, being Xmas I am slightly short of funds, I do how ever have a slightly used one somewhere if needed:)

[Prangster]

'In charge of the dockyard visit report immediately to the station commander. The duty guardroom cpl hopped off the bus muttering, 'I wouldn't be in your shoes sir'

The day had begun so nicely. Quick bus trip from Thorney Island to Portsmouth, Wonderful morning bobbing about in one of the navy's little boats as they took us for a spin round their harbour thingy. Negative cadet sickness and suitable expressions of awe as we disembark. WO P (Ex Regiment) all slashed peak and gaiters forms 80 ATC cadets into ranks and begins to march them towards our next port of call which just happens to be HMS Victory.

Nearing the ship (upper decks packed with civilians on holiday) our little band is approached by a full RN Captain, and two Commanders.

WO P quite rightly gives compliments on the march.
They ignored us.

I winced and took a deep breath wondering what would happen next. WO P had 'Old School Regiment' tattooed on his arse.

What happened next was the Dougie about turned them, double marched the lads past the RN trio, about turned them again and planted himself in front of the brass

'I said compliments on the march, pause, pause SIRS'

Hurried flick of wrist from Captain.

By now Victory's holidaymakers are cheering us on.

PS I'd only been commissioned a week.
Staish was very kind, the epitome of senior officer trying to stifle a grin as I did this tale relate.

My daughter became the curator of Portsmouth City Museum and even now I can't walk past that bloody ship without cringing.

[FantomZorbin]

Pure magic, Prangster, pure magic!!!:D:D:D

[NutLoose]

Originally Posted by langleybaston https://www.pprune.org/images/buttons/viewpost.gif (https://www.pprune.org/military-aviation/452099-apocryphal-swo-stories-out-there-11.html#post9988903)
Some time in the afternoon as we contemplated another snow outing, a heavily clothed figure appeared outside and took a swift kick at the phallus. The kicker fell over and then hopped around in agony, then limped slowly away.

You owe me one keyboard. Priceless!


rolling20 (https://www.pprune.org/members/22981-rolling20)
Langley, being Xmas I am slightly short of funds, I do how ever have a slightly used one somewhere if needed:)Thats not an admission I would make, being in possession of a slighty used phallus.

[BossEyed]

Better than a unused one, at our age. :E

[4321NMC]

Best SWO:
Elaine Beesley at Lossie late 80s. Took us all down to wicked Glasgie for a Remembrance Day parade in the city centre. We were all billeted in a posh hotel just off George Sq. In the evening, we were all briefed that no alcohol must pass our lips that evening before the parade. Then she wisely repaired to her room while the party started, quietly at first, then riotously as inhibitions were cast aside. The next morning, I very nearly dropped my rifle as I felt a tad peely wellie, much to the amusement of an army bod nearby.
Good skills.

Worst SWO:
Some 'anytrade' buffoon about 20 years later at Kinloss. Tried to lecture me publicly and at high volume in front of guardroom staff on my responsibilities as SDO. Was a tad miffed as I had not done anything wrong, he just wanted to demo how important he was. Also, as a by now commissioned ex-WO myself, I was even more miffed. Terse conversation ensued and we parted on less than amicable terms. Obviously, I won.
Numpty.

[rolling20]

Thats not an admission I would make, being in possession of a slighty used phallus.

I was of course referring to the keyboard Nut :). As for the slightly used object, I believe it has one careful owner, never raced or rallied and v low mileage!;)

[langleybaston]

I was of course referring to the keyboard Nut :). As for the slightly used object, I believe it has one careful owner, never raced or rallied and v low mileage!;)

nor offered for hire of course.

[KenV]

This was an interesting read. As a USN guy, I might as well have been reading Latin. Didn't understand a bit of it.

[2 TWU]

Was it Churchill who said two nations divided by a common language?

[charliegolf]

Ken, do USAF bases not have an enlisted man who is the same rank as many others, but by his appointment/billet is the most senior non-officer there? He is essentially the 'standards' man/woman, and your standards are never good enough! All officers worth their salt give him/her respect, even though every single one of them outranks him/her.

Airmen go around the block rather than join his orbit!

CG

[langleybaston]

This was an interesting read. As a USN guy, I might as well have been reading Latin. Didn't understand a bit of it.

I assume you are comfortable with kicking a snow phallus on a stone matrix?

[Hydromet]

A mate of mine, retired RSM, (Army equivalent of SWO) suggested that part of his job was to tell Lieutenants, counsel Captains, advise Majors and discuss the options with Colonels.

[denachtenmai]

Mid 60's, the SWO at Wyton went hyper upon being told that I couldn't be in his office at 0800 the following day, with a haircut, because I would be about 2 hours out, in a Herk, by then.

[Slow Biker]

The rules for starting work, as told to me by an old and bold WO:
Airmen should arrive by 7.45, ready to start at 08.00.
SNCOs should arrive by 07.55 to ensure the airmen are ready for work.
Warrant Officers should arrive at about 08.20, when any local issues have been sorted by the SNCOs, and the department is running smoothly.
Officers may attend if they wish.

[Dan Gerous]

Warrant Officers should arrive at about 08.20, when any local issues have been sorted by the SNCOs, and the department is running smoothly.
Officers may attend if they wish.



Not only that, but anyone turning up after the WO, is obviously late, and can expect to be having a chat with said WO at some point.

[Wander00]

Slow Biker - sounds like the cavalry. After I rejoined and was posted to Binbrook as OC Accts (a bit older than the average first tourist), I was living in the Mess, and usually in work by 0730, which gave me the opportunity to go through OC PMS's tray in the registry so I knew what was coming my way. Only person generally in at that time apart from registry staff was the wily old OC Admin, who had done every job in the Branch from SAC to wg cdr. One day as I was taking my coat off my phone rang - no intro, no name, just a voice recognisable as Mike West - "If you come in early every day, people will realise and start ringing you early - don't do it EVERY day". great guy, great boss. His daughter gave him the old Athena Orang Utan poster, captioned, "Save time, see it my way".

[langleybaston]

My superb Met 1 at JHQ always checked in at 0730.

..................... this ensured his exclusive use of the Officers' Bog for his daily function.

[Crromwellman]

When 5 (AC) Squadron formed up with the Sentinel at Waddington the Squadron Warrant Officer post was Army (Jointery Rules OK) and the occupant was called the RSM 5(AC) Squadron.

One of the holders of the post was a somewhat formidable lady and when I visited the Squadron she took me to the Sgts Mess for lunch. As we approached the dining room, a group of Master Aircrew (not an uncommon sight at Waddington), exited and the following exchange took place: RSM 5 Sqn: "Good Afternoon, Gentlemen" Response: "Good Afternoon Ma'am." My only thought was that if she had got Master Aircrew calling her Ma'am she must have stamped her mark.

A little later the rrumour went round the station that as the SWOs post was to be gapped, she woul be the interim SWO. Mass outbreak of morale.

[YellowTom]

Ken, do USAF bases not have an enlisted man who is the same rank as many others, but by his appointment/billet is the most senior non-officer there? He is essentially the 'standards' man/woman, and your standards are never good enough! All officers worth their salt give him/her respect, even though every single one of them outranks him/her.

Airmen go around the block rather than join his orbit!

CG

They have a First Sergeant who is a Chief/Senior/regular Master Sergeant who reports directly to the Sqn/CC, it's a role not a rank. They have a similar remit as a SWO although these days they have a "working with you" rather than a "looking down and bellowing at you" relationship as they're responsible for the morale and welfare, as well as discipline of the enlisted officers. I'm not sure how a SWO would respond to a sexting crisis among a handful of 21 years etc. etc. - but that's the world we live in today.

[Danny42C]

Dan Gerous (#227),
...Not only that, but anyone turning up after the WO, is obviously late, and can expect to be having a chat with said WO at some point. ..
When I was a 16yr old Civil Service clerk before the war, we all had to sign a time book when we came in in the morning. At 0855 the Finance Officer came into the office: at 0900 he ruled a red line below the last entry. Anyone failing to "catch the line" was in deep trouble !

Danny.

[NutLoose]

431 MU Eng bay were trialling a factory time clock, and the F/Sgt used to hang around it, thank Gawd I only stayed there a couple of months, it was far to regimented an idea.

[Wander00]

Danny - I have a friend who many years ago was a Civil Servant in a department with a similar signing in book. One day she arrived after the red line had been drawn so filled the book in as required. Her boss spent most of the day trying to get her to change the "Reason for being late" - she had written "conjugal rights"!

[Danny42C]

Wander00,

Oh dear ! Had she not heard this bit of doggerel ? :

"Uncle Fred and Auntie Mabel
Fainted at the Breakfast Table...
Children, heed this Dreadful Warning...
Never Do It in the Morning !"

(Well, I thought it was funny when I first heard it).

Danny.

[ian16th]

This was an interesting read. As a USN guy, I might as well have been reading Latin. Didn't understand a bit of it.
Ken,

What is the job title of the senior Petty Officer on a USN ship?

In the RN he is the Master at Arms, on an RAF Station the, note 'station' not a 'base', Station Warrant Officer (SWO) fills a similar role.

[Hydromet]

In our office when I was very junior, the attendance book was ruled off by a clerical assistant (women weren't allowed to be clerks in those days) who ruled the place, including the technical staff, with a rod of iron. One day, she was a couple of minutes late, and there was almost a queue to rule off the book before she arrived.

Re RSMs shouting, most can and do when necessary, but beware when they engage negative shouting mode, i.e. they speak so softly that you can barely hear them. That's when you know they are really serious.

[ricardian]

After leaving the RAF I joined GCHQ as a trainee Radio Officer at Bletchley Park. The man in charge (PSRO or Principal Station Radio Officer, now Grade 7) stood by the signing-in book and watched as we all "signed in". One chap had a particularly florid signature and the PSRO remarked "I see that you are leaving us Mr X." When Mr X gave him puzzled look the PSRO said "You appear to have crossed out your name."
That particular PSRO had been at Bletchley Park for many years and insisted that typewriters should NOT be used when taking down Morse code. Came the day when he retired and on the following morning an HMSO lorry drew up with a cargo of Imperial typewriters...
A similar sort of chap was the Senior Technical Officer (STO, another grade 7) who had been in post for many, many years and was very critical of the students despite being somewhat out of touch. He was particularly scathing when one group had an exercise to create a requirement for a new oscilloscope; he said "You'll never get an instrument with such a short rise time, etc, etc." Fortunately one of the students had friends in the oscilloscope industry and next day produced publicity leaflets for the latest oscilloscope with parameters that far exceeded those in the requirement. STO retreated, mumbling, into his office.

[DON T]

Akrotiri 1975 walking across the bondu to the Airmen’s Mess, a figure leaps out from behind a bush and asks ‘Did you see me in there Cpl?’

I recognised him as the SWO, Jack Murray, who happened to be the brother of singer Ruby Murray of curry fame.

I replied ‘No Sir’ and he said good and got back behind the bush.

Those were the days. 😉

[Il Duce]

I recall a tale from the early 80's at West Drayton. In the days of no rank slides on the shoulders of the junior ranks (that bit's important). The SWO (possibly the first female one in the RAF) was in the guardroom one day when a young man walked in wearing a light blue shirt under a blue/grey jersey which bore no insignia. He politely asked the duty Cpl for a car pass. Spotting the hatless young man, the SWO erupted, and basically informed him that no car pass would be obtained until he was properly dressed i.e. hat on head. The young man apologized and returned to his vehicle to get his hat. He re-entered the guardroom a few minutes later wearing a hat which resembled the standard RAF SD cap however, the badge on the front of said cap bore the badge of the RAC. Red-faced, the SWO slinked away to the back of the guardroom muttering "Cpl, get this man a car pass."

[langleybaston]

There has been a little interest in Warrant Officers as a breed, so I post below, with diffidence, an offering I made on the Great War Forum yesterday.

The First Warrant Officers were not Conductors
Recent research on the Great War Forum has revealed that the oft-heard claim by Conductors that they were and are primus inter pares cannot be upheld. It is true that warrants were granted to some Conductors in 1879, some two years before a more general upgrading of status for other Staff-sergeants 1st class such as Sergeant-Majors.

It is also true that the Royal Navy had warranted officers in Nelson’s time and continuously thereafter, such as Sailing Master, Gunner, Carpenter, Boatswain.
There is now available at
Mysterious Schoolmasters 1st Class Warrant Officers. - Other Great War Chat - Great War Forum (http://1914-1918.invisionzone.com/forums/topic/256748-mysterious-schoolmasters-1st-class-warrant-officers/)

firm evidence that some Army Schoolmasters held warrant rank as early as 1854. They lost this status temporarily in 1863, and regained it in 1881, but they were not placed in the highest seniority sub-section of warrant officers, which included Conductors and Master Gunners 1st class. The Queen’s or King’s Regulations were at pains from time to time to point out that the members of all four groups were placed alphabetically, thus denying Conductors any primacy except alphabetical. Although the list contents have varied over the years, this top group always included titles such as:
Conductors
Master Gunners 1st Class
Staff sergeant-major 1st class.

When in 1899 a rank of Schoolmaster 1st Class Warrant Officer was introduced, it was added to this elite list, an indication of how far the army had progressed in attempting to improve and educate its soldiers. Schoolmaster Warrant Officers remained and were on an inferior list of course.

Among the Warrant Officers the Schoolmaster’s pay was usually at the top end of the scale which, together with his sometimes grand officer-style uniform, emphasised his status. This uniform and his rank badges varied greatly over the years.

Seniority within groups was ordered to be by date of promotion or appointment, although clearly in the exercise of their normal duties there would be no doubt who would command: nobody would dispute artillery with a Master-Gunner, or argue the toss with a Master-at-Arms RN at sea, or an RAF Station Warrant Officer on his station.

As with many other things, the Great War changed everything, and by 1923 Schoolmasters as such are missing from the precedence table of Warrant Officers, except as Warrant Officer Instructors, Class II [Education].

As a footnote, there was a brief flurry of order/ counter order in 1881 which did indeed place Conductors above all others [perhaps inspired by the Conductors themselves]!. This was very quickly rescinded, so that although they retained certain unique privileges, they were placed within a peer group which the schoolmasters eventually had climbed back up to after a lapse of many years.

[Basil]

langleybaston, noticed in your URL:
72523 Warrant Officer 1st Class, John Francis Eely, Corps of Army School Masters.
He attested as an Army Schoolmaster on 3rd January, 1883 and was promoted to Warrant Office on 3rd January, 1895.
WO Eely was discharged on 2nd January, 1913
Nicely timed - Phew! ;)

[Wander00]

LB - fascinating - thanks

[NutLoose]

Duke of York - Sergeant Schoolmasters (http://www.richardgilbert.ca/achart/public_html/articles/york/sergeant_schoolmasters.htm)

[langleybaston]

Nutloose, many thanks, that fills a few gaps for me.

[EngAl]

TT
Further to serial 205. I also remember the SWO at Gaydon . Mr Matusjek - well done for remembering his name, I could only remember that it sort of rhymed with matchstick. I remember him complaining: "There are too many damned foreigners in this air force!"

[ValMORNA]

I cannot vouch for the veracity of this recollection, but, in 1956-7 there was an incident at RAF Worksop when a brick was thrown through the SWO's office window. SWO insisted that the RAFP should test said brick for fingerprints.

[WOTME?]

Bernie,at RAF Marham in the late 70's.The man was a true legend and gentleman.

[Wander00]

NL - very interesting, and topic of which previously I knew nothing other than LB's original post above. many thanks

[MAc2591]

Evening all,

I've spent a great hour this evening reading these stories.

My my father was an Eng WO (lecky) serving from 1955 to 1997. To allow me to finish school he has a 2 year extension taking him to ‘97. For these 2 years he was the SWO at RAF Manston and pretty much closed down the RAF side.

Over many years I heard lots of stories relating to grass, standing on hair, **** on th end of a pace stick etc... love it.

Its a scary small world... I am now a serving WO2 in the Army. Only family member not to be RAF.... rebellious or stupid - you decide ��. Since joining I’ve served at Honington where both my Father (Buccaneers) and my Brother (TWCU) served. My MQ was next door to the MQ I spent 2 very young years in.

2 years ago, for my sins, I attended a Fire Safety Cse at Manston. Sad to see the old Sgts Mess in wreck n ruin. Many happy Sunday’s playing snooker with the old man. For the course we stayed in the old Officers, now combined, mess. Walking down the corridor and I find my old man staring at me in a photo.

All in all happy memories and the above thread warmed the cockles. If anyone has any stories, good or bad from Manston 1989-1997 to tell please do.

Thanks.