NutLoose
25th Feb 2011, 20:26
Lost the site, but they made me chuckle.
ROYAL AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, Crabby, swear to sign away four years of my useless
life to the Royal Air Force because I know I couldn't
hack it in the Army and because the Marines frighten
me. I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for
the work done by others more dedicated than me who
take their job seriously. I also swear not to do any
form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bleep
test as a valid form of exercise.
I swear to uphold and defend the Crown, even though I
believe myself to be above that. I promise to walk
around calling everyone by their first name because I
know I'm not really in the military and I find it
amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a
better quality of life than all those around me and
will at all times be sure to make them aware of that
fact.
After completion of my (he he) "basic training," I
will be a lean, mean, doughnut-eating, lazy-boy
sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Sick Bay
Ranger. I will believe that I am superior to all
others, and will make an effort to clean the knife
before stabbing the next person in the back with it. I
will do no work unless someone is watching me (and it
makes me look good), will annoy those around me, and
will go home early everyday.
I consent to never getting promoted -- EVER -- and
understand that all those whom I made fun of yesterday
probably will outrank me tomorrow.
So help me God.
Signature: ___________________ Date: _________________
BRITISH ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, Pongo, swear to sign away four years of my mediocre
life to the British Army because I couldn't score high
enough on the entrance test to get into the Air Force,
I'm not tough enough for the Royal Marines, and the
Royal Navy won't take me because I can't swim or read.
I will wear CS95's every day and tuck my trousers into
my boots because I can't figure out how to use
Twisters. I will promise to tell myself every day that
I am a fierce killing machine because the RSM told me
I am, despite the fact that the only action I ever
will see is a court martial for sexual harassment.
I acknowledge the fact that I will make L/Cpl in my
first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is
because I scored perfect on my PT test. After
completion of my sexual -- er -- I mean, BASIC
training, I will attend a different Army school once
every other month and return knowing less than I
did when I left.
On my first leave after basic, I will walk around like
I am cool and propose to my sixth form girlfriend. I
will make my wife stay home, because if I let her out
she might leave me for a smarter, better-looking Air
Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I will
continue to take her back.
While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge
while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will
arrive at work every day at 1000 hours because of
morning PT and leave every day at 1300 hours to report
back to the "section." I understand that I will
undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a
job in civi street, and will end up working in
security at Tesco with my friends from high school. I
will brag to everyone about the Army giving me £1500
for education, but will be unable to use it because I
can't pass a placement exam.
So help me God.
Signature:__________________ Date:_______________
ROYAL NAVY OATH OF ALLEGIANCE
I, Popeye, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign
away four years of my life to the Royal Navy because I
want to hang out with Marines without actually having
to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was
too gay and because I thought, "Hey, I like to
swim...Why not?"
I promise to wear clothing that went out of style in
1976 and to have my name stenciled on the arse of
every item of clothing I own. I understand that I will
be mistaken for the Good Humour man during the summer,
and for the Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive
to use a different language than the rest of the
English-speaking world, using words like "deck,
bulkhead, lid, and head," when I really mean "floor,
wall, hat, and toilet."
I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy
acronyms, ranks and insignia, and everything else for
that matter, are completely different from the other
services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever.
I will muster (whatever that is) at 0700 hours every
morning unless I am mates with the Chief, in which
case I will show up around 0930 hours. I vow to hone
my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can
stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon
and still not spill a drop.
I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at
least twice each fiscal year. I realize that, once
selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to
the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my
new-found "colleagues."
So help me Neptune.
Signature:__________________ Date:_______________
ROYAL MARINES OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, ________________ (state name here), swear...
uhhhh... hard-and-fast... grunt... Green Lid... ugh...
WRNS.... HOORAH!
So help me Corps.
Thumb Print:___________________ Date:______________
ROYAL AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, Crabby, swear to sign away four years of my useless
life to the Royal Air Force because I know I couldn't
hack it in the Army and because the Marines frighten
me. I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for
the work done by others more dedicated than me who
take their job seriously. I also swear not to do any
form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bleep
test as a valid form of exercise.
I swear to uphold and defend the Crown, even though I
believe myself to be above that. I promise to walk
around calling everyone by their first name because I
know I'm not really in the military and I find it
amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a
better quality of life than all those around me and
will at all times be sure to make them aware of that
fact.
After completion of my (he he) "basic training," I
will be a lean, mean, doughnut-eating, lazy-boy
sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Sick Bay
Ranger. I will believe that I am superior to all
others, and will make an effort to clean the knife
before stabbing the next person in the back with it. I
will do no work unless someone is watching me (and it
makes me look good), will annoy those around me, and
will go home early everyday.
I consent to never getting promoted -- EVER -- and
understand that all those whom I made fun of yesterday
probably will outrank me tomorrow.
So help me God.
Signature: ___________________ Date: _________________
BRITISH ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, Pongo, swear to sign away four years of my mediocre
life to the British Army because I couldn't score high
enough on the entrance test to get into the Air Force,
I'm not tough enough for the Royal Marines, and the
Royal Navy won't take me because I can't swim or read.
I will wear CS95's every day and tuck my trousers into
my boots because I can't figure out how to use
Twisters. I will promise to tell myself every day that
I am a fierce killing machine because the RSM told me
I am, despite the fact that the only action I ever
will see is a court martial for sexual harassment.
I acknowledge the fact that I will make L/Cpl in my
first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is
because I scored perfect on my PT test. After
completion of my sexual -- er -- I mean, BASIC
training, I will attend a different Army school once
every other month and return knowing less than I
did when I left.
On my first leave after basic, I will walk around like
I am cool and propose to my sixth form girlfriend. I
will make my wife stay home, because if I let her out
she might leave me for a smarter, better-looking Air
Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I will
continue to take her back.
While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge
while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will
arrive at work every day at 1000 hours because of
morning PT and leave every day at 1300 hours to report
back to the "section." I understand that I will
undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a
job in civi street, and will end up working in
security at Tesco with my friends from high school. I
will brag to everyone about the Army giving me £1500
for education, but will be unable to use it because I
can't pass a placement exam.
So help me God.
Signature:__________________ Date:_______________
ROYAL NAVY OATH OF ALLEGIANCE
I, Popeye, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign
away four years of my life to the Royal Navy because I
want to hang out with Marines without actually having
to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was
too gay and because I thought, "Hey, I like to
swim...Why not?"
I promise to wear clothing that went out of style in
1976 and to have my name stenciled on the arse of
every item of clothing I own. I understand that I will
be mistaken for the Good Humour man during the summer,
and for the Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive
to use a different language than the rest of the
English-speaking world, using words like "deck,
bulkhead, lid, and head," when I really mean "floor,
wall, hat, and toilet."
I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy
acronyms, ranks and insignia, and everything else for
that matter, are completely different from the other
services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever.
I will muster (whatever that is) at 0700 hours every
morning unless I am mates with the Chief, in which
case I will show up around 0930 hours. I vow to hone
my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can
stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon
and still not spill a drop.
I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at
least twice each fiscal year. I realize that, once
selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to
the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my
new-found "colleagues."
So help me Neptune.
Signature:__________________ Date:_______________
ROYAL MARINES OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, ________________ (state name here), swear...
uhhhh... hard-and-fast... grunt... Green Lid... ugh...
WRNS.... HOORAH!
So help me Corps.
Thumb Print:___________________ Date:______________