Being offered to buy my fathers and great uncles medals back.

[tonker]

I won't waste your time giving you the vial history of the woman my late father had the misfortune to meet, and share his final few years with but i need your help.

Said serial marriage breaker and taker has made an offer to us, as she is the beneficiary of my late fathers whole estate and chattels. The offer is to buy my late fathers long service medal and other medals belonging to my great uncle who was a pilot in the RFC, from her!!!!!!!

Is there anything you can think of that makes said medals etc the rightful inheritance of our "family" or are we simply sunk on this. All chattels were left to this witch. Part of Amy Johnsons tailplane(signed) was in the roof but has since disappeared!!!!

I know this seems like irrelevant niff naff to most considering what's going on in the world, but my dad spent nearly 40 years working for the RAF mostly at RAF Wroughton, some as a contractor and finished at RAF Headley Court.

Warrant Officer John Townsend RIP

Any help appreciated:(

[Lord Trenchards Brat]

What a shocking story - Sadly the help I could offer at the moment would be construed as slightly illegal!

It never ceases to amaze me the level some people stoop too - and although I don’t wish to start an argument but it is normally women who can be the cruellest in such matters either as ex wives or partners of family members in this case.
:mad::mad::mad:

[vecvechookattack]

Totally agree with LTB - Shocking story and a disgraceful woman.

Pass us her Name and address. I have a few friends who will be able to repatriate your goods.


Barring that then all I can suggest (http://www.ehow.com/how_5357799_contest-uk.html) is that you take a look here

[PURPLE PITOT]

Legally speaking, the gongs belong to the recipient. If they chose to give, sell, or bequeath, they change ownership.

Sorry for the bad news. I am having a similar problem with my ex witch. (and she obtained my family heirlooms by deception!)

PP

[tonker]

That link is fantastic thank you.

My suspicions were aroused when once walking her dog around Wroughton a man asked if the dog was called xxx. Yes i said, how did you know that. Turned out it was his dog which she took when she left him with nothing aswell(even took his B&O speakers)

Who would take someone's dog for gods sake?

[Shack37]

Any chance of hearing the lady's version of this sad tale?

[PURPLE PITOT]

If they think you want it, they will do their utmost to get hold of it. The kids and the dog ran off back to me.

I got to keep the dog.

[Tankertrashnav]

As someone who has been in the medal trade for 35 years I have seen many examples of families falling out over the disposal of medals after the recipient's death, and this one doesn't surprise me.

I think it's pretty clear that she has legal title to them, if not a moral claim, but the law unfortunately wont recognise the latter.

I recently sold a medal on ebay (bought from an antique dealer) The original recipient contacted me and asked me how I had come by it. To cut a long story short he had split from his wife, forgot all about his medal and the ex took it into a shop and sold it for £10 for scrap silver! This, by the way, was a medal which after passing through several hands eventually sold for £300!

My advice to you is to bite the bullet and buy the stuff back. If you wish to contact me by PM with details I will help you work out what is a fair price, so at least you wont give her the satisfaction of ripping you off.

TTN

[tonker]

Very generous, thank you very much.

[Gnd]

Tell the Sun and see what 'press pressure' does?

[tonker]

One of my first thoughts was to contact the Daily Mail and see what a bit of exposure would actually do. She reads it everyday without fail.:ok:

[Double Zero]

I have been on the wrong end of such a witch too, but managed to cotton on just in time to prevent her getting my most treasured posession, my boat ( I will never have medals ! )

Re. The medal-grabbing witch, I doubt any media coverage would be any more than a slight irritation, but you would have to be VERY careful not to give her a reason to screw you for slander and gain even more out of it.

I'm no legal expert, but sadly I think the advice to recover the medals at a fair price seems best, then commence on any revenge !

A properly worded article might give the satisfaction of at least warning others though.

There was an article recently re. a **** daughter sold her father's medals as tat; I'll leave you all to fill in the rest...

[Melchett01]

Afraid I can't help you out on the legal side - you could well have be totally stitched there unless you plan on contesting the will.

However, if you are looking for medal advice, guidance etc, you could do worse than have a look at the following medal site www.britishmedalforum.com (http://www.britishmedalforum.com/)

In typical RAF fashion, we would normally take the mickey for being such spotters, but frankly they are a cracking bunch, very friendly and always willing to help with advice or anything else that might be needed on all things medals. And what they don't know about medals between them probably isn't worth knowing. You could do worse than get a user name and drop them a line - they kindly pointed me in the right direction when I was trying to decide whether or not to get my grandfather's haul insured separately from the rest of my contents.

[Always a Sapper]

Okay, medals... There is one other place you will find some pretty sharp minds on the medal scene is over on ARRSE (http://www.arrse.co.uk/content/) ...

knock em you may (being of the light blue suit brigade) but the care of medals etc is a hot topic over there.

Oh and the famed 'arrse' outrage bus is known for going from vor to works ticket complete, first paraded and fuelled up rolling out the gate in nano-seconds :E

Ask around, theres more than one err 'professional' medal collector/dealer to give sensible advice as well.


As she was (by marriage only) his NoK, ownership sadly goes her way unless otherwise directed in the will.

Of course... should you be able to 'prove' one way or another that the medals had in fact been gifted to your good self some time ago (before he met her of course) and then left with him for sentimental reasons.... tradition in the male side of the family etc etc might be grounds for appeal. This course might work more better for the WW1 medal group which are most likely to be the set with a greater cash value.

My late fathers 2nd 'thing' (another serial widow) even ended up owning my families grave plot in the local Parish Church, (c/w 3 generations in it). To say that caused a wee family fall out would be an understatement.

[PURPLE PITOT]

Tonker,firstly how remiss of me, condolences on the loss of your father.

She has obtained these items legally. You could choose to contest the will, but as you probably know from the probate process, it would most probably be more cost effective to take the above advice and buy them back. (unless they are particularly rare and valuable decorations).

What do you call 1000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the sea?

A good start

PP (LLB (Hons))!

[bingofuel]

May be a long shot but if your Father altered his will before hs death there may be grounds to contest it, might be worth speaking to a lawyer, but as I say a long shot.

If not, I would buy them back, for your family .

[Tankertrashnav]

What do you call 1000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the sea?

A good start




You have 10 lawyers buried up to the neck in sand - what do you have?




Insufficient sand!


Sorry about thread hijack, tonker

[tonker]

Thanks again, everybody.

[Justanopinion]

Tonker hi,

Sorry for your recent loss - grief and anger are a potent mix and feelings are obviously running high at this very sad time for your family.

I am sure she (the vial lady) is aware of your apparent hatred towards her and that she has offered you the opportunity to buy your fathers and uncles medals gives me some hope that the situation may be recoverable.

You want the medals and feel you are entitled to them - i get that.

She has been bequeathed them legally by her husband - she is offering you an olive branch - please stay with me on this point.
She will have her own point of view on what has happened and maybe (just maybe) it may be worth taking the time out to meet her on neutral ground and LISTEN to what she has to say. Just listen - to all her pain and loss and grief - and no matter how hard it is to say nothing or argue or disagree - let her finish... and then try this.

I am sorry for all the pain you are - thank you for talking to me and offering us the opportunity to buy my fathers / uncles medals - I really appreciate that. Things are a little raw for every one at the moment and i do not want to fight with you any more -

And then walk away.
Human nature is such that the majority want to be liked/loved and understood and i am sure she has had her fair amount of pain over the years. Fighting with her will not achieve anything - she will dig in and lets face it she holds all the cards as you want was she has. I have no idea how she will react to this but if you speak to her face and face and just listen - you may be surprised at the result. Forgive her - stop the hatred and walk away - she may just start to look at your side of things and give them to you -

Good luck - my thoughts are with you.

[vecvechookattack]

And then walk away.
Human nature is such that the majority want to be liked/loved and understood and i am sure she has had her fair amount of pain over the years. Fighting with her will not achieve anything - she will dig in and lets face it she holds all the cards as you want was she has. I have no idea how she will react to this but if you speak to her face and face and just listen - you may be surprised at the result. Forgive her - stop the hatred and walk away - she may just start to look at your side of things and give them to you -


Crikey! Are you a Vicar?

[GreenKnight121]

Vile lady?

Or does she take vials of medications (legal or otherwise)?


My condolences on both the loss of your Father* and on your forced dealings with the... "person".


*having come near to losing my own Father in March (emergency quintuple-bypass heart surgery) I have a slight hint of part of what you feel.

[tonker]

They were never married and when reminded of this, as we were questioning parts of the will the solicitor went pale. It is my belief that they took it for granted they were married when the will was drawn up and that certain sections could never be legal.

When my brother went to collect my fathers ashes, said woman had already taken half of them and has already disposed of them. She will not disclose what she has done with my fathers ashes.

My father was a Catholic.

Where is a journalist when you need one?

[airborne_artist]

Is it worth getting a copy of the will and having it looked at by a specialist in the subject? Unlikely that it's been incorrectly executed, but it is possible.

[Justanopinion]

Vevechookattack

Nope - not a vicar - aircrew. Imagine that.

Quite a few are swift to condemn this woman, but it was tonker's father who made the choice to leave his family.... catholic or not.

[zedder]

If Justanopinion's approach does not produce the required result, then meet again, but this time somewhere nice and quiet. Let her walk away first and then as per your 'handle' just tonk (tonk {1} definition | English Definition Dictionary | Reverso (http://dictionary.reverso.net/english-definition/tonk%20%7B1%7D)) 'er. Don't forget to bring a shovel;)

[cargosales]

What a shocking story - my sincere sympathies to you Tonker, both for the loss of your father and for this horrible situation.

There have been some very sensible replies here, as well as some very good ideas.

The only thing I can suggest is to offer the woman a fair and reasonable price for the medals and to thus ensure that they come into your possession. Swallow your pride and the financial cost of such a tawdry act to ensure you get them. And insist on a written receipt.

then ...

When you have them, but only then!!, if you are of a certain mindset and disposition, then I'm sure that The Sun or whoever would simply love to run a story about how a son was forced to buy his own father's medals from a money grubbing witch :E

Hopefully you have a suitably unflattering picture of said harpie, ideally on her broomstick?, that you could lend them for 'identification purposes'. Along with a copy of the receipt, that they might just wish to reproduce !!

Very happy to help on that score if you'd like..

Kind regards

CS

[tonker]

Thanks again for all the responses:ok:

[Shack37]

Heartily agree with Justanopinions post for reaching a possible civilised outcome. Some of the replies on here are disgraceful. As wicked as this woman is painted, even if true she is not in the same league as some of the playground bullies posting here.

I wonder if these people would be willing to post such suggestions under their own names.

[Double Zero]

Tonka,

My condolences, I live in dread of being in your position, let alone with this added 'grief'.

I was going to respond to the last poster in a robust manner, but I doubt you wish this to become a slanging match; I can see points for the discussion, but they seem to forget your pain.

I hope A, you recover the medals, B, 'What goes around comes around'.

Good Luck,

DZ

[gileraguy]

after much experience with several lawyers, my advice is just pay her what she wants.

it will be far cheaper in the long run.

There is no morality in the legal fraternity.