Took the g/f to Hospital this morning, for some Physiotherapy. Walking down the "Therapy Corridor" I noticed a sign.......

"For blood tests, follow the Red Line"

Made me smile.

"For eye tests, follow the studded line"

"For urine tests, follow the yel.." - nah they wouldn't !

For Gynacology Follow The Slime Trail

For X-Ray and MRI Follow The Glowing Green Line

For Renal Unit Follow The Kidney Stones....


Ozzy

ISTR a pic of a sign for the Family Planning Unit at Northampton General - It encouraged patients to "Use rear entrance"...

In a neo-natal unit there was a sign reading "The first two minutes of life can be the most dangerous" to which some wag had added: "The last two can be pretty dodgy too"

While getting the exit plumbing checked by the Rotor Rooter Man.....the nurse, while preparing to insert the IV needle...says to Sasless....."Now Sir...you are going to feel a little prick." To which I replied...."Tell me Sweety....been doing that all my life!".....the two Nurses had to repair to the corridor to regain their professional demeanour. Gosh, but a bit of Valium makes you a sport!:ok:

I did the visit that SAS did recently and I happened to notice that the garden hose outside the Doctor's Office -which was present when I went in- was missing when I departed.

However, now when i urinate, I can adjust the flow.

Not the briefest of reads, but it did make me laugh:

Singletrack World The Picolax Thread Returns (http://www.singletrackworld.com/2009/02/the-picolax-thread-returns/)

A proctologist pulls out a thermometer from his shirt pocket. He looks at it
and says, "Shit, some asshole has my pen."

Forgot to mention - regarding the Picolax link in my posting above, the main tale is told by the poster "blu-tone".

The wife works in the local Infirmary and one of the Staff Nurses is a lovely young chap from the Phillipines. He is known as Winny.

The ward specialises in Stroke Rehab and so a large proportion of the patients are very elderly. It is not uncommon for the older men to refuse treatment from Winny because they think he is a 'Jap'.

Some of the older women who come in refer to him as the 'House Boy'.

He takes it all in good spirits whereas I would be tempted to use the pillow over the face treatment.

We, as a Nation, have not progressed very far at all over the last 50 odd years.

Shouldn't imagine Winny's grandfather was a great fan of the Japs either.

We, as a Nation, have not progressed very far at all over the last 50 odd years.

Wyler - I would like to think we have. It's just that those daft old fogies haven't.

It reminds of a tale my friend's father told. He fought in Normandy after D-Day and after one encounter with the Waffen SS they bought in a severely wounded German. The medics were about to give him blood when he demanded -- in good English -- a guarantee the blood had not come from a Jew.

Of course no-one could give this guarantee so the guy's bigotry killed him as he thereafter refused any transfusion.

Angels. Agreed. :)

Wyler

The grandfather of a 'young chap from the Philippines' was probably born in the '60s, prodigious little breeders that they are. More likely his great-great-grandfather who knew the Japs.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/gingernut123/3875390981_f3f3ae7f00_m.jpgSaw this in Newquay. Never quite sure if the humour was intentional.

Reminds me of the time a patient walked in and said he had a sore toe, "Gout?", I enquired,
"but I've only just come in.":E

One local hospital is known as "Stepping Hill," to which someone had replied, in marker pen "come out dead."

1.Wyler - I would like to think we have. It's just that those daft old fogies haven't.

2.It reminds of a tale my friend's father told. He fought in Normandy after D-Day and after one encounter with the Waffen SS they bought in a severely wounded German. The medics were about to give him blood when he demanded -- in good English -- a guarantee the blood had not come from a Jew.

3.Of course no-one could give this guarantee so the guy's bigotry killed him as he thereafter refused any transfusion.


1. A bit of a generalisation.
2. To be taken with a large pinch of salt.
3. Thread title.....Hospital Humour?

Wyler

The grandfather of a 'young chap from the Philippines' was probably born in the '60s, prodigious little breeders that they are. More likely his great-great-grandfather who knew the Japs.

Sir, I feel compelled to say that I find tyour post unamusing, lacking in social knowledge of the Philippines, prejudiced, a negative generalisation and a few other things.

Could you please remove it?

http://www.funmint.com/images/nurse-cuts-testicles.jpg

http://www.wolfescape.com/Humour/MedPicts/PrickHisBoil.jpg

Wish I could find the original postcard:-

Screaming red faced baby in cot.

Little girl standing alongside "But nurse, it can't be a whistle cos I blowed it"

Ward A were cheered up to hear a case of Gangrene had arrived - they were sick of Lucozade :eek:

White coat - 'scope - door

SGC

A chum of mine is a doc of some repute and he has loads of anecdotes. A proctologist (bum doctor) colleague of his often says "Looks like a clover..... operation is over, looks like a dahlia, operation is a failure"

One day, he was doing a prostate case with a student and the patient was asked by my mate if he minded the student doing the examination. The patient agreed so the student put his right hand on the patient's right shoulder and inserted his left index finger. My mate put his hand on the patient's left shoulder for a laugh. The patient didn't see the funny side.

Over a beer one day, I asked my mate how his day had gone. "I had a complete idiot come to see me" he said. "I classed him as pumpkin positive". I asked what he meant. "I shone a torch in his ear and his whole head lit up".

If a particularly fit young woman ever sees TUBE on her medical notes then she should be worried. Some doctors will send her along to a colleague for a Totally Unnecessary Breast Examination.

;)

NR,
I WAS going to say 'great grandfather' but, in these PC times, y'know :E