View Full Version : iPhone4 - It changes everything - AGAIN!
8th Jun 2010, 05:20
When sitting up last night watching the WWDC 2010 conference where the new Apple gadget was introduced, I was astounded at a single new feature of the iPhone4 that has the potential to improve the safety and enjoyment of flying aircraft, big and small.
The iPhone 4 add a three-axis gyroscope for measuring angular velocity. It can figure out pitch, roll, and yaw; and rotation about gravity. The gyroscope plus the accelerometer provide six-axis motion sensing, and remember it also has a built in compass and 12 channel GPS. Lo and behold - it can even make phone calls!!
Within weeks you will see the first apps appearing, transforming your iPhone4 to a complete fully functioning, highly reliable and accurate ND / Artificial Horizon, utilizing a WorldWide terrain database and using GPS positioning to give you complete Synthetic Vision with Terrain View and Obstacle Warning.
Blows my socks away:D
8th Jun 2010, 05:36
I can see CASA approving it as we speak!
Love the use of technology though. Pretty cool indeed.
8th Jun 2010, 05:49
We tested an iPhone recently with the iHud APP. If you do a nicely co-ordinated turn it will show wings level :}
So maybe now the new version will be your back up EFIS........I could do with a third one!:E
8th Jun 2010, 06:14
The existing iPhone (3, 3G & 3GS) uses accelerometer sensing only, and is therefore completely useless to measure anything other than what is up and down when attached to an object in a steady state. As you saw for yourself - completely useless for an aircraft in motion. The big news with the iPhone4 is that it has an ACTUAL 3-axis gyroscope (most probably a laser ring-giro, even though they are not saying yet) built in. A completely different beast altogether, and now completely useful as a device to measure attitude for an object in motion, such as an airplane in flight.
Trust me - this is a game changer.
8th Jun 2010, 06:22
when is it out? im getting one
8th Jun 2010, 06:24
If you are considering upgrading, the old 3g's are still bringing over $400 on eBay.
The iOS4 is released on June 21 for your existing 3G and 3Gs models.
8th Jun 2010, 06:41
What's an iphone?
8th Jun 2010, 07:07
You'd trust the compass in an iphone ??????????????
8th Jun 2010, 07:38
I understand completely...........like I said, it is just the thing I need...a third EFIS:ok:
I don't think it will be everyones primary flight display, but it would be a cool toy!
Bugger me if you can make a decent phone call on it, which the current one struggles with I might actually get one!
PS Forkie might actually get one to back up his dodgy Air driven units!:E
8th Jun 2010, 07:57
Hmm I can just see it now...
Get the latest app on your iPhone 7 now: AutoPilot™
The AH would be a pretty cool gadget but!
8th Jun 2010, 09:06
my old 3G battery now only lasts about 3 hrs.... time to upgrade.
I wonder if the cost of digital gyro instruments will come down now as a result? obviously the hardware is cheap enough now to put it into a phone and sell by the 10's of Millions..
8th Jun 2010, 10:07
Now, if they put that technology into the next generation I Pad, you would have the potential for just about a full function EFIS as an emergency back-up, or for Ultralights. It would also be great in a glider providing Vario/glide computer funtions, with the possibility of having a back-ap AH in case on "Inadvertent" cloud penertration.
8th Jun 2010, 10:13
Damn wiz, I was just about to say if it was in the iPad it could be the next generation "garmin 1000".
8th Jun 2010, 10:45
My son put this app on his Iphone and it works great!
iPhone Wind Meter (http://goingapps.com/default.aspx):ok:
most probably a l@<hidden> ring-giro, even though they are not saying yet
More likely a tuning fork type device (3 actually). They are made in the millions mainly for car use. Take your pick of model
and there are plenty of other makers - models
8th Jun 2010, 11:43
Hope they have improved the crap Assisted GPS. Pretty much useless unless you have 3g reception.
8th Jun 2010, 11:54
Bloggs, buy one and download the 'US NAS Explained' App
Don't worry Owen, even Steve Jobs couldn't make a program that would explain the airspace over AVV at the mo! :ouch:
8th Jun 2010, 12:06
Hope they have improved the crap Assisted GPS. Pretty much useless unless you have 3g reception.Actually, that is incorrect. Assisted GPS is in fact superior to regular GPS in that you will acquire a position quicker without the need to re-initialize the GPS if it has bee moved while turned off. The "assistance" in this context is that it uses Mobile network and selected WiFi transmissions to provide initial positioning.
If you have a device, such as a mobile phone - not functioning well in an environment where you do not receive 3G, such as on board an aircraft - you need to look at other explanations for why you do not receive a good GPS signal.
I have used mobile phones with Assisted GPS more than 2000 miles away from the nearest mobile phone tower, and provided you do not shield the GPS signal - they work like a treat, except you need to provide it with some initial co-ordinates to speed up acquisition if the phone has been moved while turned off.
And Gyro - thanks for the info More likely a tuning fork type deviceand that link. I am sure you are right - I pulled the laser giro thingamajig assertion out of my arse, in a fit of excitement:O. Very impressive functionality though, regardless of what makes it tick:ok:
8th Jun 2010, 12:17
The Droid has a Skype connection for free calls and video conference calling, Why fly at all?
8th Jun 2010, 14:08
Unlike Nokia, the GPS function in the iPhone is deactivated with flight mode selected. Maybe someone needs to tell Apple that GPS is a receiver and does not have to be deactivated in flight mode....!
FRQ Charlie Bravo
8th Jun 2010, 14:57
Maybe someone needs to tell Apple that GPS is a receiver
Being the centre of the universe and the thing relative to which all positions are based... Chuck Norris' GPS does transmit to tell the satellites where they are in relation to Chuck Norris. And no, he does not switch to flight mode.
Sorry to revive the Chuck Norris legend 5 years after it really should have died, I just couldn't help myself. (I'll probably delete this when the red wine has worn off).
8th Jun 2010, 17:28
Righto, I'm completly ignorant to these iPhone things - Someone please enlighten me. Should I throw away my 96C and by the damn iPhone instead?
If the iPhone mark IV or whatever their up to can do everything my GPS can, as well as make calls somebody tell me where and how much?
I'm sure in version V there will be an app that can mix you a not to sweet and not to sour long island ice tea too....
8th Jun 2010, 17:51
Given the nature of said gadget I'm pretty sure that would be a martini; shaken not stirred, if I'm not mistaken Mr Bumps?
8th Jun 2010, 22:17
I'm sold on the iphone. I'm never going back to the other phones....my current iphone model not only rings and farts (I got the app...), I can speak into it and it's also got a calculator and let me tell you, that'll do me.
8th Jun 2010, 22:38
Airbumps, don't throw away your 96 just yet. They are not an aviation GPS just yet.
8th Jun 2010, 22:46
I believe that you can now or very soon get an app that does the ERSA and AIP. Does an app like this download the ducument to the memory of the phone or do you have to be online to access it.
Im sold on the new gadget. Just wondering will stocks be limited on release, and prices high, or should I wait a couple of months for the rush to quieten down.
Still cant decide whether to get it on telstra (ripoff prices but better coverage) or Optus.
If you have an ERSA on your phone, would that cover the requirement to have the ERSA available in flight?
8th Jun 2010, 23:59
If you jailbreak your iPhone you can simply use it as a HTMl storage device and upload the ERSA to it. A little tricky for the non-techo's but it can be done.
Someone would need to release an ERSA app (it's on the way apparently) - you'll pay for it and it will be loaded on the phone (so no web access required to use it).
As for legality, not sure, but aren't Flight books / Computers legit for Jepps for IFR?
9th Jun 2010, 00:03
Airbumps, don't throw away your 96 just yet. They are not an aviation GPS just yet.
Although I don't know much about the iPhone I would have thought some creative bloke had worked out how to put aviation databases maps onto one of these things?
I'm assuming the basemap isn't an issue, but perhaps getting the airspace maps is a problem with copyright infringments??
Can it not be done, or is there just some issue with it being certified as an aviation gps?
9th Jun 2010, 02:14
You don't need to jailbreak to upload the ERSA VH-XXX.
There are plenty of PDF reader apps around (I use good reader) that even handle large docs like Airbus FCOMs, Flight Manuals etc, CAO48 exmptions etc. Yes, they are a bit clunky and text small, but better than nothing and useful to check a limitation etc.
The new iOS (4) coming out on 21st June has the iBookstore that will have pdf reader native to it and I believe you will be able to upload pdfs to that.
The new iPhone does look very nice with some long awaited changes. I'm stuck with the 3GS though for another year. Tho by then the iPhone 5 will be out :)
9th Jun 2010, 02:46
I'm stuck with the 3GS though for another year.Hey Stallie - you'll just have to do like some of us and adopt the well known "early innovator's" strategy of convincing your better half of the merits of owning your existing doodah, in order to gain her sanction to upgrade early;)
Just like sex really - just make sure it's good for her and she'll always let you have your wicked way:ok:
9th Jun 2010, 02:58
I can see it now "Pilot error blamed for crash - pilot did not trust iphone, overcome by vertigo".
or in the instructor room "his iscan is very slow"...:}
9th Jun 2010, 02:59
That reminds me - those photos. I will sort out asap. :ok:
9th Jun 2010, 03:25
Airbumps all I can say is that they are a fantastic bit of technology. My parents are pensioners and they have one. How easy must it be to use if people born in the 40's can understand them? Bloody amazing i say.
As for Telstra vs Optus and the rest. Telstra are rip off artists even the people in the store will admit that. Ultimately apart from Apps what is the iphone all about? Its about being able to access the web whilst in the cruise! Thats all about network strength which ultimately = Telstra hands down. Getting the ATIS when YOU want not just when you are in range.
The days of Nokia and Microsoft are so over. Incoming.
Will the iphone 4.0 have a stand alone GPS?
Once you've had a mac you'll never go back!
Once you've had a mac you'll never go back!
Always nice to know who the fellow zealouts are! :} :ok:
Always nice to know who the fellow zealouts are!
Zealot pretty well explains many iPhone owners. :}:ouch:
Apart from a very good GUI the iPhone is behind where many other phones are, with the iPhone4 they have only just got around to putting in a camera to allow video calling.
It's grossly over priced, you need cellphone coverage to use the maps app, you cannot use it as a mass storage device, it grossly over priced, the use of Skype is severely limited, unless it's jailbroken you are restricted to apps off the iTunes site, and Oh did I mention it is grossly over priced.
The days of Nokia and Microsoft are so over.
I don't think the guys in Helsinki or Redmond would agree.
There's phones out there that are the equal or better than the iPhone for less money, and not just from Helsinki or Redmond.
9th Jun 2010, 07:11
I disagree....whilst other phones have had lots of features....chances are they were all rubbish or were poorly implemented.
Apple have maintained strict control over the phone functions and apps. The result is a product which is incredibly reliable (yes its not perfect - it needs the odd reset, relies heavily on the net and i think the GPS is ordinary), and unlike nokias etc, actually works. My previous top end nokias were all heaps of *hit. So were the windows smartphones.
If you don't like it as a product, at least it has made the other manufacturers lift their game.
9th Jun 2010, 07:33
What a load of Bs. Mine crashed after 3 months, off to the shop, could not replicate the problem. Got it back, and it started doing it again after 3 days. 4 months later it has gone to sleep completely. Tomorrow its back to the shop again. Why cant we get these f...ers to honour their ratshit warranties? :ugh:
Rant over....new one sounds good but.
9th Jun 2010, 08:22
Well ozaggie..... sucks to be you then i guess.. :ok:
9th Jun 2010, 09:21
Need to dispell a couple of points above.
The GPS is "standalone" however if you are using google maps outside coverage areas it's not going to work well is it!
There are apps such as Tom Tom that don't need coverage to operate. If it's jailbroken you can steal these for $0.
The GPS does not need 3g coverage to operate!
Nothing wrong with apple warranty have had no issues getting my 2 replacement units :-)
Jailbreaking voids the warranty, your risk.
Don't get it wet, it has a moisture sensor in it and it's very sensitive. If you look in the ear plug socket and see red, you will shortly be seeing red after visiting the apple store! It should be white in there.
Skype calls - as of 2 weeks ago Skype allows calls over 3G data network, a former limitation mentioned above. Skype 3G calls are about to be charged or by the Skype people, I have no idea what the cost structure will be.
9th Jun 2010, 11:46
A bit interested to know where people who have had faulty iPhone's replaced under warranty bought them. From Telstra or Optus etc. under a plan, from an Apple shop, or outright from an electrical distributor such as Harvey Norman or Retravision as I did. Do Apple have their own repair facility or is it contracted to pricks in NSW who could not replicate the fault in my 3GS
9th Jun 2010, 13:16
The quickest method of repair is to go to an Apple store located generally in large shopping centres usually many miles from the nearest airport.
I got mine in a Telstra shop, had an issue, went into Apple store and it was replaced 5 mins later without receipt. (twice)
9th Jun 2010, 14:17
Bought mine direct from Apple on line. Outright, no contract. Five months later the touch screen started to be intermittent. Often the slider would not work at all and other touch screen functions intermittent.
Apple replaced it by post - two days drive to nearest Apple store that does replacements! - so that was not an option.:ok:
Would never never buy from Telco or sign up for contract when you can do as good or better elsewhere.
9th Jun 2010, 15:17
You can't yet (yet) navigate with the iphone http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/src:www.pprune.org/get/images/smilies/cool.gif It will handle all those pesky little maths problems you love to solve in your head though http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/src:www.pprune.org/get/images/smilies/badteeth.gif
There are a load of aviation apps available (young bloke here in oz is developing some stuff) naips on iphone has saved me a couple of times when away. What I want to see is command flight planner etc on it.
Roger. You know how I feel about those :mad: maths problems.
Could you point me in the direction of some of these aviation apps? I've got some money burning a hole in my pocket - perhaps I need an iPhone....or perhaps I should just by a new GPS.....
9th Jun 2010, 22:48
Many thread elsewhere on pprune about aviation apps.
Good Reader for FCOMs, FCTM, Flight manuals etc
Time Calc - a time calculator. Excellent for when deck logs are in minutes - significantly reduces calls to me from tech records :}
Aeroweather. TAFs METARs anywhere in the world
Notecards - great study app. create a csv with questions and answers columns.
sunrise sunset pro
Pocket universe. Amazing. Tells you where anything is in the sky
Stanza - pocket book e reader. Free for reading all the classics, although the new iphone OS has a native e reader
Worldview - latest webcam shots from whereever you have bookmarked.
REal Racing - the best car racing game. Definitely worth the $7 or whatever it is now.
Victoria's Secret all access. Need I say why? :)
That should get you started.
9th Jun 2010, 23:56
These are current iphone apps. There are some good links info in the computers forum. I'm buying the thing as soon as it hits the shelf.
As for Telstra.........BITE ME
Essential iPhone Applications for Pilots - Airline Pilot Apps (http://www.airlinepilotapps.com/)
InformIT: Reverse-Tethering the iPhone > Setting Up the Wi-Fi Link (http://www.informit.com/articles/article.aspx?p=1077907)
10th Jun 2010, 01:39
Some further Aviation Apps for your consideration:
Air Nav Pro - Full meal deal w/ moving maps, flight planning, airspace depictions and warnings etc.
Aviation ABB - Some individual enjoying his OCD to the max, has here compiled a staggering number of Aviation Abbreviations in a a searcheable format.
Cruise Rest - Brilliant (FREE) app for working out cruise rest (and wake you from your slumbers) in augmented crew, long-haul operation.
Delay Codes - all the IATA delay codes, quite handy, depending on how an@<hidden> your company is about these things.
Elevation Pro - taps in to USGS servers to give you elevation of any spot anywhere on the planet. Pretty mind boggling stuff.
FlightPlan - all that stuff you used to be able to do with your E6B (before you forgot it all;-))
FlyerStats - quickly work out the great circle distance between 2 airports.
Hold Calc - easy and very user friendly way to work out holding pattern entries.
iHUD - cool but useless for aircraft use, (until they rewrite the code for the new iPhone4 of course!)
Jet Fueling - great little app for fueling of aircraft
Longitude Clock, work out your local sidereal time
LiveATC - listen to ATC frequencies from all over the world, if that's your thing.....
LogTen - THE logbook app to get!!
myE6B - another E6B app.
MotionX GPS, possibly the best stand alone GPS app, Download maps ahead of time at your desired resolution to avoid having to pay the evil empire (TELSTRA) their rip-off data use rates.
NAIPS - the name says it all - MUST-HAVE utility for anyone defeating gravity in or around Australia (worldwide for that matter)
Notam Helper - another abbreviation app - ALL the abbreviation gobbledygook you will ever encounter in NOTAMS or TAF/METAR
OnTime - great basic flight planning app to quickly work out what-if / can-we-do-it? scenarios. Give it some basic info on your aircraft (Fuel burn 1st, 2nd, 3rd hour etc) and you can move a slider for headwind/tailwind component to quickly work it all out.
Plane Finder - plane spotter app telling you who that pesky airplane is, disturbing your afternoon barbie. Taps in to ADSB in REAL TIME, with all the information you could possible want.
SeatGuide - grab that good seat when you're paxing in the back!
SkyCharts - if you are planning on flying in the US - gives you moving map on their sectional charts, Approach Plates, SIDs/STARs TAFs/METARs etc. Very good!
Theodolite - are you going to clear that convective cloud up ahead or not? No more guesswork! Million other uses as well.
TimeScroller - the best multiple timezone App out there. Trust me on this - I've tried most of them!
US Radars - the name says it all
WindSpeed - Anemometer application, is there nothing the iPhone can't do?
WindAid - quickly work out the crosswind component.
WorldAvWX - save multiple TAF/METARs, access to historic METARS for the last 24 hours, graphical presentation of IMC, Marginal VMC, VMC etc.
WXPlanet - give a composite satellite picture over a spinning earth. Pretty cool (in a "The Great Dictator/ Charlie Chaplin kind of a way".
F-SIM-Shuttle - land the space shuttle, gorgeous little flight sim to prove to yourself that you COULD have done it too, if only the NASA selection panel had half a brain!
I would give X-plane for the iPhone a miss, but if you've splashed out on an iPad - TOTALLY different story! X-plane for iPad is sensational! Even more fun than RealRacing, and that says a lot!!
There are a number of good WX apps to give you live BOM WX-radars etc. Pocket Weather, Oz Weather, BOMRadar etc. Just get the lot of them and stick with your favorite.
Man, looking back at this list, it is pretty scary thinking about all the stuff you have time to play with when you're flying long-haul:ok:
10th Jun 2010, 01:55
Theodolite - are you going to clear that convective cloud up ahead or not? No more guesswork!
What no more 2L water bottles on their sides? :D
10th Jun 2010, 02:58
You must be in bad need of the os4 app folders... :p
10th Jun 2010, 03:13
compressor stall You must be in bad need of the os4 app folders...
You tell me you haven't jailbroken your iPhone? Folders is part of the jail brake experience. Come on over for a cuppa, and we'll get you sorted!
10th Jun 2010, 03:51
What no more 2L water bottles on their sides? :D
That works very well too! Seen it myself first hand.
From the front of a big Boeing its hard to tell without one.....no doubt you carry one all the time. Don't ask how I would know about that experience :}
11th Jun 2010, 00:33
There are quite a few YouTube videos of Aviation oriented Ipads.
try this from Avweb
YouTube - iPad Review (Warts and All) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUo0A8BeXmU&feature=player_embedded)
Good discussion especially about good apps and some not so good apps.
The commentator mentions the slipperyness of the Ipad, however there are some non slip sleeves available, as well as antiglare screen covers.
In Australia, Telstra has done a special deal for an Ipad NextG micro sim, just to help you get BoM or Weatherzone radar.
p.s. if you subscribe to Weatherzone as a silver member for $5 / month you can see live lightning display superimposed on any map.
Used this a few times on my NextG phone when approaching CB's and glad I did.
11th Jun 2010, 05:39
You seem to be well on top of all this stuff
Can you tell me whether the air nav pro has been something you can actually use in flight, and are there Australian Maps?I checked it a some time ago and Australasia wasn't available.
I was thinking about Jailbreaking, but was concerned about the loss of warranty..Is it pretty easy to do?
11th Jun 2010, 07:14
I posted how to jailbreak anger weeks ago but the thread got shut down.
It's easy to do.
Search for spiritjb on here and you will find it easily.
11th Jun 2010, 07:40
AirNavPro is certainly useable in flight in a light aircraft. Australian basemap is available and free. Airspace shows on the map and can be user configured. Just as good (or bad) as any handheld Garmin, Magellan etc.
Jailbraking - as XXX says, is very easy to do. Google SpiritJB, and you'll find the website hosting the executable file that you need to run with your iphone/ipad connected. It's a whole new world oit there, removed from the influence of Sreve Job's RDF (Reality Distortion Field). Wouldn't worry about warranty, as a reset (in iTunes) completely restores the unit and the Apple people would be none-the-wiser about your naughtiness when you handed the phone in.;)
Cheers - RJ
11th Jun 2010, 16:32
Broke the phone tonight..Took me a few hours to work out what the bloody hell was going on with words like "respring" certainly throwing me around for a minute, but Ive turned five pages of mess into one page of neatness(with the folder app), and now im just gonna have to go out there and find more apps to fill up the empty space:E and to decorate the smooooothe looking themes ive found......
Certainly is a bit of a lark,and im looking forward to really learning what's possible with all the jb apps..
Thanks for the heads up on how to get it done..
11th Jun 2010, 22:51
Now install appsync 3.1 and then do a search for .ipa files and all you do is double click on them to install into iTunes, then sync and your done.
Tom Tom and Sygic are navigating apps that you will find.
There was a full boot leg app store called installuous or similar but I'm not sure if it's still running, as it was getting a real hammering.
11th Jun 2010, 23:28
Google modmyi for all the guides, links and info on jailbreaking and unlocking.
12th Jun 2010, 04:26
Installous is going strong.
First add a repository to Cydia called:
Then do a search for "Installous"
Accept the caveat and install.
Works on both the iPhone and iPad.
As always with these things - treat it like a "trying before buying", and if you end up using an app downloaded from Installous - for goodness sake - buy it:= App developers need to eat too!
Anyway - let's get this thread back on track. It's all about drooling over the new iPhone 4!
12th Jun 2010, 09:03
So, will Optus let you upgrade from the 3GS to the 4?
12th Jun 2010, 13:47
''iPhone 5. Now TSO-146 approved''
14th Jun 2010, 00:41
i've got a question for all you iphone uesrs out there. can you play your music via bluetooth? I have a Lightspeed Zulu headset and currently listen to my music via bluetooth on my Nokia. Can the iphone do the same?
Wildduke .. Yep .. and sounds like it's stereo.
Also, have found the best planner/tracker to be Laurie Davis' CoPilot Aviation Flight Planning AU$23.99.
If you're feeling the pressure to upgrade to iPhone4, or guilty about not upgrading, the following article by comedian Dave O'Neil might make you feel a little better.....
Embrace me, I'm oh so 20th century (http://www.theage.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/embrace-me-im-oh-so-20th-century-20100612-y4ma.html)
Embrace me, I'm oh so 20th century
June 13, 2010
No iFool he, Dave O'Neil comes with wires attached and relishes his irredeemable retrospectivity.
I'M SICK to death of this constant pressure to upgrade. We've all been sucked into a consumer frenzy where we have to have the latest gadget with the latest apps. And then in about six months' time we get the new version of the latest electronic gizmo, throw the one aside we just bought, and line up somewhere to buy the next big thing.
Apple is the worst, with a constant stream of newfangled products to amaze and entice us. It seems a month hardly goes by without Steve Jobs standing in front of an audience of adoring geeks saying something like ''this will change the way we do things forever''. Yeah right, Jobs, you still can't believe that playing Pong on your Commodore 64 in 1979 led you to such greatness. It's like Revenge of the Nerds on a mass scale. Computers won't control the world, but the nerds who know how to work them will.
Oh no, don't bag Apple. Well, I'm writing this on an Apple powerbook and bag them I will. But they invented the iPod? Yeah and what is that? It's just an updated Sony Walkman, which I was quite happy with. But who would be seen with a Walkman these days? Maybe if you were going to a retro fancy dress party.
Even Apple itself is on to this constant pressure to upgrade. With the introduction of the iPhone 4 it said in a slogan ''This changes everything. Again.'' Yeah, again is right. I'm just getting used to my iPhone and I have to change again? Can't they just stop at one? Where were all these great ideas and cameras and crap in the original iPhone? Did the first batch leave the warehouse and the inventors say, ''Oh but we had so much more to add.'' Don't worry guys, you've got at least three more versions where you can add all the features you like. And there's millions of suckers out there who'll buy them.
Then there's the iPad. When I see grown men carrying one, it looks like a midget carrying an iPhone. Except the iPad can't make phone calls. So what does it do? Oh you don't understand, it's the connection between a laptop and a phone. No, that's called a wire.
Well, I for one am saying no more! Call me Amish, or a Luddite, but I am resisting the iPhone 4, the iPad, the iCar - don't worry, it's coming, along with the Googlemobile. In fact, anything with an ''i'' in front of it, I'm avoiding. Because I must admit I did once buy a vacuum cleaner called the iVac. No, this is true. I recently had to throw it out, cause it iSucked! And not in the way it was meant to.
You see, I've got a history of resisting. I've still got my big chunky TV I bought at the closing down sale of Brashes in 1996. You can jam your plasma flat screen that threatens to topple over and crush the kiddies, my TV works just fine, thank you. Which of course is wired up to my fabulous Beta video machine. And yes, that is my horse and cart out the front. It too works fine.
This whole upgrading thing is a sickness that affects all of society. No one is happy with their place in this world. In my parents' day, you married, bought a house and stayed in the same job and the same place for the next 50 years. And they were happy, I think. OK, a lot of them are divorced now, and have joined swingers' clubs, but that's my point exactly. Everyone is selling their suburban block, moving into apartments in Docklands, downsizing and upgrading at the same time.
And celebrities set a bad example. Like Tom Cruise, a man who has upgraded his wife several times, on each upgrade going to a younger woman. I fear for wife number four, who at this point is probably just finishing high school and not aware of Tom's affections. And then there's the constant upgrading of their faces - peels, nips, tucks and Botox. Demi Moore surely must be up to Demi 4.0 by now.
It's sad, because with all my resisting I fear my house and person are soon going to resemble an attraction at Sovereign Hill. People will come for miles to observe me doing ye olde things, like buying food with cash at the shop. They'll all snigger when I go to fax something and laugh out loud when I pick up my home phone to make a call. ''It's got a wire attached!'' someone will guffaw. I won't dare get out my hand mower for fear of heart attacks from my audience.
So maybe it is time to get with the 21st century and embrace all this new technology. So I'm now changing my name by deed poll, I'll now be known as iDave. Follow me on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube. I expect to be upgraded in about three weeks.
Dave O'Neil is a Melbourne comedian, broadcaster with Classic Rock 91.5FM, and a fan of the landline.